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Anyone have any tips for intrusive thought and ruminating. Hope everyone is doing good tonight. Keep fighting.

My compulsion is reassurance seeking and I seek it from my girlfriend. My intrusive thoughts are usually sexual and I can admit my ocd has latched on to her and came up with some pretty terrible things. It’s gotten to the point where she’s started to call me names when I’ve tried to seek reassurance. She gets angry that I’m even asking about certain things and calls me a “nasty person”. I don’t think she understands ocd but how could she if she’s never had to deal with it and my ocd is of the taboo nature? I just don’t know what to do. It’s ruining our relationship.

I’m deathly afraid of my SOOCD it has be frozen. I feel like I’m a fraud. Reading more about it it so scary but I identify if a lot of others who experience it. I’ve been in a spiral. The last few days have been so hard. I literally don’t know what to do. I’m so afraid to move forward with my life. It feels wrong when I’m so unsure / going through a terrible bout of OCD. I definitely have confession compulsions. I need to tell my husband every thought I have. I am afraid to talk to him about my SOOCD. I guess I’m afraid of rejection. He knows I struggle with OCD. But I don’t discuss content very much. I’m so afraid of him not loving me. I don’t want to lose us. I love us. I’m so afraid I’m in denial. I’ve been dealing with this for a few years. I don’t want to change my life 😭 I’m frozen. I know everything would turn out ok with whatever outcome but I’m so stuck in terror. I deeply don’t want this to be true. Please help. Ps I’m 27 and married to an amazing man. He’s my best friend. And I LOVE snuggling/kissing/cuddling with him. I’m so distraught.

i was wondering how long everyone has been experiencing ocd? lately i’ve been making myself believe that these thoughts and feelings should have gone away by now and because they’re not, there’s actually something wrong with me. like i feel like i can’t justify these thoughts as ocd anymore and really i’m just turning into a bad person.

How did others do after first getting diagnosed? Did the diagnosis cause you to spiral initially? It feels like all the symptoms have become so much worse since, maybe because I am noticing them and focusing on them. I have been stuck on looking back through my whole life but now through an OCD lens and it’s been incredibly overwhelming realizing how much OCD has impacted me my whole life. I had previously assumed all the symptoms were part of my having ADHD and Autism, but I am now realizing a lot of my struggling was actually OCD. I’m 45 and I was diagnosed with severe OCD a week ago. Tomorrow I start ERP and I’m quite anxious about it. I feel pretty unfixable at this point, but I’m trying to be hopeful. I have my doubts that I will be strong enough to do this.

How can you tell if a thought is ocd ??? What’s the difference

Hi guys, So my wife got mad at me today. She said all we ever talk about is my anxiety, and do not usually get to have regular conversations. Does anyone else have this problem with their wife/husband/partner? Right now my heart rate does feel comfortable, and readings to what I can view aren’t to my liking. My OCD had me doing a step just the right way type of thing, I was expecting a call from one of my bosses, and other than this have no idea what caused the anxiety. I seriously just give up anymore. I don’t feel strong enough anymore to go through my anxiety, OCD PTSD, and depression.

I’m so tired of constantly being in my own head. It’s so hard to explain to the people I love/ love me. I have pocd it started 2 years ago randomly when I was a live-in nanny. I literally got up and left one day. The person I worked for thought I was selfish for leaving but I couldn’t tell her I thought I was protecting her children. From then on I’ve had this parasite (aka ocd). I have hope that things will get better one day but it affects my everyday life and my relationships. I’m scared it’s going to be why me and my boyfriend break up. Which is terrifying because I love him. He knows about the pocd and still supports me. It’s hard to have intrusive sexual thoughts about kids. It gives me immense anxiety and depression. And now after 2 years of torture it’s starting to affect my relationship with my significant other. After 6 months of being with my boyfriend the thought “what if he reminds me of a young person and that’s why I like him?” popped up two days ago. Now I’ve been stressing ever since. I want to be free of this worry in my mind. I just want to feel free in general. I feel so awful everyday. Can anyone relate?

How can you do that with mental compulsions like arguing with yourself in your mind, trying to make it go away etc?

Hey friends, I’m curious if anybody has this ongoing theme I’m struggling with which I don’t really know how to explain other than thinking phrases, and occasional profanity as unwanted thoughts. Almost like if you’re recalling something, somebody said but more vividly almost like if you’re hearing it externally, but you know it’s in your head.

I’m sure everyone reading can relate. I’m tired of over analyzing my memory. I’m tired of being convinced that my worst fears are true. I’m tired of faking every emotion to everyone. Tired of breaking down and sobbing and begging for this to get better. Tired of watching this disorder completely change me and deteriorate my relationships and my will to live and keep going. This episode has lasted since mid-November. It’s mid January. I am running out of options. You all are so beautiful and kind for being on this forum and offering each other support. I can’t keep living like this. Every single morning I cry, then cry throughout the day, and can’t really explain to my loved ones/friends what’s going on, because OCD is such a nuanced disease. False memory has completely taken what’s left of me. I legitimately just feel like there’s nothing left of the real me. All I see everyday is this anxious creature trying to survive and begging for the suffering to stop.

hey its been a while since ive last been on this app. tbh my health ocd has gotten a lot better since the last few posts (yay to that!!) but ive been struggling soo much with pocd. i used to struggle w/ intrusive, obsessive thoughts like these before but they werent common and they were bearable. not anymore apparently. im so scared and disgusted at even the idea of having these thoughts, i know i would never actually do something to anyone but i keep on ruminating and its been taking me into mental crisis. anyone that could help? ive been off therapy for 2 months so im thinking that maybe that caused the obsessions to get worse but idrk im 17, about to turn 18 this year. i feel gross

I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but I have been googling nonstop and can not find any reasonable answer. I’m worried I’m a hidden sociopath that is just really good at pretending to care about everything because it benefits me to make other people feel good? How can I ever know for sure? It just makes me want to lock myself up and stay away from everyone in case I am but that just makes the problem worse because I’m socially isolating myself. How do I know if I’m actually trying to listen to someone because I care about what they have to say or if I’m just pretending to try to because I know it’s important to them? I do care, of course I care but I just don’t know if it’s in the right way, especially being so depressed sometimes it’s hard to care about anything at all. I feel like if I’m kind or generous to people, even if I want to be, I worry that I’m just pretending. After having existential OCD, harm OCD and others, Major Depression and constant experiences with disassociation after being through constant panic for months (and years), I’m worried I may have accidentally unwillingly turned into a sociopath. I feel like I can’t accept the world at face value, and I have no idea how to just accept social norms anymore and have this compulsion to prove every part of existence before I can rely on it because of existential intrusive thoughts, but that seems like such a sociopathic way to interact with the world. Coupled with feeling completely numb and unable to love like I used to, I’m really freaking out. I would rather die that hurt anyone, but when I think about taking my own life just in case I am a sociopath or a potentially harmful person, I’m scared. I don’t want to say goodbye yet but what if I’m just destined to get worse, living already hurts so much every day. I feel like my soul switches on and off 5 - 10 times a day, I don’t want anyone to love me in case I’m a bad person and I also just can’t accept that I’m worth loving no matter how hard I try which is so toxic and it’s my responsibility to fix but it feels beyond me. I’m trying, but I’m so so tired. I’m sorry for being a bit negative but I just need to vent.

My ocd is in a spiral. My passed away on December 30th and it’s been taking a tole on me. She was sick for a year and half. Couple months before she was diagnosed with cancer I basically told my teachers a lie saying she was I’ll in order to take my exams early so I can go home early. She had diabetes at the time and she’s a single parent but my mind wasn’t solely set on her being sick from on it while I was sending out the emails. Even she was on board with me telling them that she’s basically sick because she gave me a document that shows she’s scheduled for a colonoscopy. But still it isn’t right.!I feel so bad because as soon as I said that a couple months later she gets diagnosed with colon cancer stage 3. There’s this spiritual saying that you’re tongue is powerful, and it truly is. Now I’m having a hard time sleeping. I can’t even grieve without my ocd having multiple episodes. Everyday it’s something new. My ocd is now saying I basically killed my mother and I wished sickness on her. Please help me I cannot go to this funeral nor live with this hanging on my shoulders.

I did compulsions again after quitting that for a few days. So sad. Now the cycle is going to start again

This is my first post here and I really enjoy this app, since downloading and just reading through it has helped me already. It really makes me feel like I am not alone, and I’m not a freak, and I have struggled with that specifically with OCD for a very long time. Today I had a spike in anxiety and I figured let’s try and utilize the app for its intended purpose. I’m struggling just a bit with doubting my relationship (just married in October) because of some lack of intimacy and feeling like I am not wanted all the time. Even tho we have talked it through multiple times I still find myself having the same thoughts on loop “am I still really in love with her” “did we jump too soon” “what if it isn’t right” when I know 100% that I am in love with her and I wouldn’t want anyone else my side ever and I look forward to growing old together with my best friend. My ocd has also taken a toll on us due to the fact that I go to her for reassurance with my intrusive thoughts, which is not fair to her at all. So here I am, trying this out to see if I can get some support and relief talking with people that struggle with OCD as well. Thanks for reading of you got this far ❤️

Moms who have pocd and groinals. Can anyone relate? Intimacy is a very hard thing for me because I'm always worried of intrusive and groinals. I actually was sort of contemplating with my husband later and I wanted to. Then we ate dinner and then my son sat on my lap and it's like I was waiting to feel any feeling in my body. And I kept feeling like I was feeling something. So now I feel like it will have to be another night since I don't want to do it just in case I had some sort of groinal response. I guess my question is has any other mom dealt with this exact thing and how did you escape from this? Ugh it's been years I've been tormented by this. But I can't just go do it anyways because I'm afraid the groinal could have been real and then I'm acting on it somehow. Ughhh

So I want to work in my OCD with ERP and I already have a therapist here on NOCD and stuff. The problem is, that: 1. When I want to trigger myself (in an exposure) it does nearly nothing, I don't feel it and I won't get triggered, also I have a hard time focusing on my ERP 2. When I am triggered in the wild, so by OCD in my daily life it's either so hard that I can't resist it and give in OR it's so overwhelming and chaotic that I can't see it clear and it's all messy, like I am walking in fog or try holding on to smoke I want to fix that with writing down the Situation and trigger Everytime I get triggered and then try to recreate that and trigger me, but I fear that it won't work. Plus the last days where so overwhelming. I want to focus on my ROCD right now, because that's most important to me but then I started and internship as a Smith yesterday and liked it and BOOM OCD came and lets me question my future plans. After that settles down I go to depressed desperate, where I feel unheard and hate and argue with my past therapist and friends in my mind which treated me wrong, or did something bad or whatever, I carry so much hate inside me. I litteraly can't fucking Stop imagining arguments and fights with them in my head. When I notice I am doing it and stop, I will start over again a few moments later. This is all so fucking much! PLEASE HELP ME. What can I do to still do ERP successfully while my mind is so polluted. It feels like I want to reach my car down the road. But the road is a fucking mountain range, it's foggy, with creatures keeping me from moving on and planes bombarding the area. What can I do please

Having ocd makes me always think the worst. I have had 2 incidents over the years that have made my life miserable. I guess they are real events. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I went about my morning tasks. When I went back upstairs to my room he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 so he could talk but not fully yet and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪The other was years later when my daughter was younger she used to crawl into bed with me at night alot. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy” and I was really tired so I just remember saying “sorry” and moving over and going back to sleep. I know it was probably nothing more than I just rolled over on her or something like that but my ocd keeps telling me I must have done something horrible. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something horrible. It has made my life so hard to live. Now all these years later since my memory has faded my ocd tells me maybe I was drinking and just don’t remember doing something horrible . People without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these situations and would just shrug them off as weird things kids do or say or that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes the worst possible scenario out of everything and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

Idk if this is reassurance seeking, but i really need some comfort right now because I don’t have e anyone to talk to about this 😭 Is it possible for intrusive thoughts to tell me that evil things aren’t evil and that “everybody is just being told that it’s evil but it’s really not” ?!? And then I tell myself all the reasons why that thing is wrong and why we shouldn’t do stuff like that but it keeps coming back and it feels so real like what if i’m losing my morals and I think that sh*t is okay to do? Wtf is happening, i’m scared and I don’t want to become a bad person who doesn’t think hurting others is bad. I’m so mad at my brain I just want this to stop right now and to be sure of my morals again..