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working to conquer OCD
Have doing exposures these few days as I need to go yo the university and I return home totally collapsing and crying, why my mind doesn’t want to release the thoughts?
I've been told before that I have a "victim mentality" due to the OCD. I disagree with that statement and here is why: • I still fight through my anxiety every single day. I fight OCD like my life depends on it. I do things & have learned how to function even though I'm in public or socializing & all I wanna do is go home & scream. But I can't do that. I have to fight to be healthy, as all of us do. • When I have TRULY been panicking or grieving (my dad passed almost 8 years ago, & it's been very hard for me to "get over"), I'm told I'm "living in the past". But...you don't just "get over" a loss like that. You don't. You just learn how to live around it. • I have placed myself in some bad situations because of my lack of self-love/self respect and THAT is my fault. What isn't my fault is how another person treats me. That is on them. Not on me. My responsibility is only how I choose to respond. But, in essence, I have been told numerous times that I have a "victim mentality" and I'm confused as to what people mean when they say that. Yes, I have put MYSELF through the ringer; but what the other person did to me was THEIR action. I didn't cause them to do what they did. • I live in poverty (as most of us do, especially in this economy) & everyone thinks everything is so simple. "Oh, just go trade your car in for something better!" "Oh, just pay off $2k for a government grant to go to college, then you can go!" No. That includes money I don't have. I don't HAVE $2k laying around to go and do whatever with. (I should have listened & saved my money when I turned 18, and that part IS my fault, but I digress). Has anyone else ever experienced shame or guilt related to their OCD & how, sometimes, it's hard to function? Or just be a typical "adult". Because we're not typical. It doesn't make us bad, or bad people, because we aren't. But as I'm growing older I'm finding that more and more often this world & the way it's run just isn't built for people with mental illnesses or OCD.
i just need words of encouragement. it’s been too much in my head today. i can’t ever be in the moment with family.
Am I the only one that feels immense guilt about my past? It makes me feel so alone and so lost. It always leads to me trying to com-pulse it which results in temporary relief, but it always comes back and is always in the back of my mind. It leads to me having suicidal thoughts because I can’t take the pain anymore. It feels like I’m trapped in my mind and in my thoughts and the only way to escape is through suicide. I really hate myself. I also cut myself because it relives the mental pain. I lift weights and put my body through hell running which ik isn’t healthy but it makes me feel better for some time. The thoughts tend to go away. Something about it is comforting? Idk how to explain it. I feel so messed up and alone. Just gotta keep trying and keep pushing.
Hi guys! I believe I have an OCD since I was around 12. I remember then I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about religious things and I had a counting compulsion (I thought that If I don't count to 8 in specific moments, someone gets hurt) During later years it was really changing - I stopped being religious, so the OCD theme also stopped. Then I had I reckon SOCD, harm OCD and many others. But for know my main topic is ROCD. But because of the fact that this is my main intrusive thoughts topic I start to have this awful thoughts that this is not OCD, I'm just with the wrong person and I need to accept this fact. This is really struggling for me, because i really love my bf and Im in the healthy realtionship but Im so tired of having this kind of thoughts, sometimes I cannot sleep because of them. Also the fact that I've never been diagnosed (I cannot go on theraphy right now unfortunately) is another trigger because I have thoughts that I dont really have OCD, I just making this up, because I cannot accept the truth. Is there someone with similar experiance? Or maybe someone who can have advice for me?
Does anyone have any advice for dealing with rumination? I’ve been ruminating on every possible thing I have done and have potentially done wrong but don’t have clear evidence or memory of for so long now and it’s so difficult to deal with. I’m hoping to get a therapist this year, it’s so hard feeling like a horrible person but not being able to do anything about it until I can seek help.
I feel like giving up. Idk what to do anymore. All of these intrusive thoughts idk if they are real or not. I wouldn’t ever hurt my daughter but I feel like I can’t be a father or am capable of it anymore. I’m so down and out of it.
I made a friend recently online and we get along great/talk everyday/etc. But today they told me they've got like an internet stalker who doxxed them and knows where they live and has threatened them and stuff and won't leave them alone. Anyway, not long after someone messaged me saying my friend is actually 12 and is super racist or something, and that they have proof and need me to believe them. I dont interact with minors, it triggers my POCD. Secondly, I'm anxious because I don't want to get involved in drama at ALL. and I'm scared of just blocking them because I'm afraid I'll get doxxed or harassed. My anxiety is really bad, I don't know. I compulsively want to just cut off this friend but they told me they don't have friends because of this so I feel bad. Besides, I do like them as my friend but. I dont know. I'm not built for this kind of thing I just want to be safe.
Hi, I need an advice, I can't trigger myself! I want to do ERP but Everytime I try to trigger myself I feel nothing so it won't work. On the other side OCD triggers me outside of my ERP and I react wrong to it. Has anyone an Idea how to trigger myself properly, or should I wait for OCD to come? But how can I be prepared for it?
Does anyone get unwanted sexual thoughts? I get them frequently and I didn’t know what subtype to add them into because it didn’t fit the “children” one they had as an option. I get these with family members and it makes me feel horrible and disgusted with myself. I used to get them when I was younger and I didn’t know what it was at the time, I just remember that I felt really icky and grossed out. I know these thoughts aren’t me but lately it’s been getting worse and I’m not sure how to stop them. I’ve never outwardly confessed this to anyone, but I know this isn’t me. And I want to stop these thoughts. If anyone has any suggestions on how please help.
Like I want to know this cause I have guilt, anxiety, sadness and all of these feelings more than the other feelings. So what is considered as happiness in this recovery process?
Hi. I get a lot of anxiety driving. My ocd likes to make me think certain things happen when they didn’t. I was driving home from work and just leaving the parking lot. Someone walked in front of my car and I didn’t see immediately but they were far enough away for me to break. Literally like 2-3 parking spots away from me. They crossed the street. I didn’t hit them. But my anxiety is making me believe that I did. I even looked in my rear view mirror and saw them walking into the store to show myself that I didn’t hit anyone. Yet I still have this anxious feeling. I know for a fact I didn’t hit anyone. It’s like I have to try to convince my brain that I didn’t. I probably sound stupid.
Today I met a good friend. I woke up with compulsive thoughts (suicidal, and I am NOT suicidal, so it's completely horrible; it takes over in every thought I am trying to think about my tasks- I am deeply sad and disturb about it, but ok- so used to it, so extremely used to it)- it's been happening every day for three decades as I at the same time been running a " normal life" so my friends find me entertaining, interesting, and they are all full of confidence in my plans, they take my sanity for granted - as I have trained myself to do- but after my cresendo in 2022 and finally breakdown January 2023 I been quite open about the diagnose I got from my doctor-I have OCD. Today I said honestly that my compulsive thoughts are more active again, and my friend, which I love and think she is wonderful- and then she suggest if I maybe have ADHD- and I answer that no, I have OCD, I have the correct diagnosis, and I an not doubting this. One of the good things in my life is that I am 100 prosent sure I have the right diagnosis- but- how to tell the truth?? My compulsions are internal ,and today I am struggling in every shift of the day, getting dresses triggers my compulsions, going to swim triggers, even if exercise helps after some minutes I have some good minutes in the water, then coming back home, starting to work on my projects that I am doing alone as I work alone, then getting dressed to meet my friend- all actions, getting dressed, getting a taxi,waiting at the restaurant, thinking about my future plans, every single thought triggers the compulsions ad if they where an Ecco, and then she arrives and I am enjoying it, but simultaneously my compulsions are Constantly in the background and they continue after we say goodbye. I go from the restaurant to my yoga studio- it's a 15 minute walk- each step I take comes with the suicidal thought: go shoot yourself, go hang yourself- arriving at the yoga- and it's so intense that I must stay flat on the floor the entire class and try to calm down my mind as I am feeling more and more afraid I will never get well, my life is over, it's getting worse and I am convinced my friend thinks I am making up my OCD. Now I came home and my significant other which I still hide 90 prosent from ask what's wrong and I start to cry, I can not tell, I feel certain he will think I am so nuts that it's not possible to live with me and as I write this I know how far fetched I am, and the fact that I write this and post it is my best moment today- because I am determined after I got my diagnosis: I want ro be completely OPEN- I refuse to drown in my shame and worry, I understand I can't help this, and I will do whatever it takes to become better abs better and rise awareness so it's possible for me to maintain my friendships, my relationship, my life. Thank you all for reading and sorry for my misspelling- I am just so greatful I came back to this app, to have somewhere to put this terrible life experiences is crucial now. Don't give up my friends with OCD! Keep going , we are getting there!
Today I woke up with the intrusive thought „did I harm my dog sexually during the night?“. My brain is specifically relating to the time of 3:57 when I woke up once. From what I remember I only woke up and thought abt going to the toilet but being too lazy and scared of the night so I went back to sleep. But I keep being worried I might have actually been up before that time and done sth. Like I seriously have no Memoires of doing so. Only things that I know were produced by my imagination bc they’re not really possible. I’ve already asked my mother if she had heard me go downstairs at night (we have like some kind of door that keeps you from falling down the stairs which is quite loud to open) but she said she doesn’t know and she hadn’t heard anything and said she’s 100% sure nothing had happened due to how my dog doesn’t seem to care at all and seems to not be scared of me. I’ve also thought abt asking my father and sister but they can’t actually hear anything. Maybe at like 3 am they were up tho for a snack? I know my father often goes to the kitchen at night to eat sth and my sister too. I guess I’ll ask both of them tomorrow. And the thing is that we actually have a camera in our garden which captures a bit of the door where my dog always sleeps and we have a light there so I could’ve been able to check up for my dog in the cameras. Turned out that my parents had turned the camera off at some point. Seems like they only wanted to capture stupid animals hopping onto our car and watching our own family go into the house. Wonderful. I don’t know what to do. The only thing I could now do is either trust my memories and let it go or check for the logic. Last time I was scared I might’ve hurt my dog, I realised that it wasn’t possible for that to have happened and that all of my memories were false. But to be honest, I’m so tired I don’t want to fill 5 days of my life with checking the logic of my obsession. I’ve had multiple su!cide thoughts by now. I’ve spent almost half my day crying. This is my lowest point. I can’t accept the uncertainty. I’m so far in this rn I actually today decided to lock my room from now on and hide my key, take a picture of it to remember it’s exact position and then close the door of the wardrobe I’m hiding it in and putting tape around the openings of the doors from the wardrobe. I seriously don’t want to keep living if this is the life my brain chose to give me.
I know it is Christmas but my anxiety is about NYE. Every year my friends want to celebrate it together and for the last years we have done so. However this year, I have not been much in contact with them and some friends organized a night, excluding other common friends of ours because they are not “party animal” and they want to be arty animals. Now on one side, I am not a party animal at all (even though I have been invited) and the idea of being forced into party animals celebration is horrible to me. However, my OCD is triggered by the fact that there are some girls that I do not know and my brain is already in OCD mode, telling me “You are going to be attracted by one of these girls,cheat on your bf and lose him forever”. Of course, this causes me tons of anxiety even though I know I am in love with my boyfriend and it is OCD talking. On the other side, my family is reunited to celebrate nye at my grandma house (she passed away in May) and they are all celebrating there and I feel like I will be happier there with them. However, I don’t know if I prefer that because I am compulsively avoiding the plan with my friends and feel safe or because I am truly happier with my family. I don’t want to do a compulsion, but at the moment I am so into the OCD cycle that I cannot distinguish anything anymore.
Does anyone get into a state of dissociation from having so much mental compulsions? I’ve been in a dissociative state for 2 months now and I do not know how to get out of it😭😭
I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop ruminating. I can’t get over the false attraction. It is all so painful. I just want to feel like myself again. Are there any other lesbians on here who have ocd???
Does anyone else get intrusive thoughts that are commands? Like “you need to kill someone” or things like that. I feel crazy even typing that but sometimes mine are like that and I hate them
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