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I’m Moriah, I just downloaded this app and I’ve been experiencing some pretty intense feelings and I’ve created pretty bad habits. Not too long ago I was having a conversation with a friend and what we were talking about made me realized that when I was young I was touched by a close friend. It became a central thought and I fell into a deep depression because of it. I felt dirty, betrayed, confused, angry, and lost. I had told no one but the friend that I talked to about it. I had anxiety and depression diagnosed before this and was hospitalized at one point for an attempt before I even knew about the sa( around 6 or 7). I didn’t understand myself and who I was. I didn’t know who I wanted to be I was scared and lost. my dad and mom weren’t very helpful around this time because I would refuse the medication my doctor had prescribed. I didn’t know why I did but I hated my therapist and I hated my parents for the extra attention I was getting after the hospital. But at the same time I needed someone to try and help me understand what I was going through. They gave up giving me medication, my doctor never followed up and my therapist never asked for another appointment. Even though I was the one that rejected all of it I felt abandoned and forgot about. I did every now and then when it got bad ask my mom to schedule an appointment with my old therapist and she said she would, but she never did. A couple years go by and I give up. Around this time was when I found out about the sa. and I eventually told my dad. My moms getting me back into therapy and I think I understand myself a little better but I still can’t seem to grasp who I am and what my personality is. Everyone I tell looks at me like I’m genuinely insane. my parents don’t understand I even got bold enough to say something about it. nobody understands and I’m hopeful someone on here does. That someone else went through the same thing I did. And feels similar to how I do. It’s so hard to explain how I feel and this is my last resort. But I feel slow and stupid, that everyone knows something is wrong with my and my friends are only there out of pity. all because of how I think about myself. I started pulling at my hair. And I do when I get anxious or (now) when I focus, also sometimes subconsciously I’ll catch myself doing it. I don’t know how to stop and I need someone that understands.

I've been told before that I have a "victim mentality" due to the OCD. I disagree with that statement and here is why: • I still fight through my anxiety every single day. I fight OCD like my life depends on it. I do things & have learned how to function even though I'm in public or socializing & all I wanna do is go home & scream. But I can't do that. I have to fight to be healthy, as all of us do. • When I have TRULY been panicking or grieving (my dad passed almost 8 years ago, & it's been very hard for me to "get over"), I'm told I'm "living in the past". But...you don't just "get over" a loss like that. You don't. You just learn how to live around it. • I have placed myself in some bad situations because of my lack of self-love/self respect and THAT is my fault. What isn't my fault is how another person treats me. That is on them. Not on me. My responsibility is only how I choose to respond. But, in essence, I have been told numerous times that I have a "victim mentality" and I'm confused as to what people mean when they say that. Yes, I have put MYSELF through the ringer; but what the other person did to me was THEIR action. I didn't cause them to do what they did. • I live in poverty (as most of us do, especially in this economy) & everyone thinks everything is so simple. "Oh, just go trade your car in for something better!" "Oh, just pay off $2k for a government grant to go to college, then you can go!" No. That includes money I don't have. I don't HAVE $2k laying around to go and do whatever with. (I should have listened & saved my money when I turned 18, and that part IS my fault, but I digress). Has anyone else ever experienced shame or guilt related to their OCD & how, sometimes, it's hard to function? Or just be a typical "adult". Because we're not typical. It doesn't make us bad, or bad people, because we aren't. But as I'm growing older I'm finding that more and more often this world & the way it's run just isn't built for people with mental illnesses or OCD.

i just need words of encouragement. it’s been too much in my head today. i can’t ever be in the moment with family.

Hi guys :) I am new to NOCD after seeing an ad for it on tik tok and am really hoping this app helps me find ways to help my OCD thoughts. Growing up, I always thought OCD was limited to being overly neat and tidy but it turns out, after going undiagnosed for 25 years, I have been diagnosed with OCD based on my obsessive thoughts. It feels as though I am unable to turn my brain off when I’m obsessing about something - tonight I was that I realized I forgot my pair of my favorite leggings at my parents house and wanted to wear them to work tomorrow. My obsessive thoughts took me down the rabbit hole “what if the dog eats them” and other ridiculous thoughts. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I also exhibit relationship OCD, constantly thinking “am I with the right person”. This usually happens after me and my partner hang out. During the hangout, I feel fine but afterwards, I begin obsessing over every little detail from the hangout and it feels like I have no control over my thoughts. If you have any similar OCD qualities to the ones I described, feel free to comment and we can be in touch. I don’t know anyone who has OCD and am looking to find people who experience similar things to me and get through these thoughts together.

Am I the only one that feels immense guilt about my past? It makes me feel so alone and so lost. It always leads to me trying to com-pulse it which results in temporary relief, but it always comes back and is always in the back of my mind. It leads to me having suicidal thoughts because I can’t take the pain anymore. It feels like I’m trapped in my mind and in my thoughts and the only way to escape is through suicide. I really hate myself. I also cut myself because it relives the mental pain. I lift weights and put my body through hell running which ik isn’t healthy but it makes me feel better for some time. The thoughts tend to go away. Something about it is comforting? Idk how to explain it. I feel so messed up and alone. Just gotta keep trying and keep pushing.

Hi guys! I believe I have an OCD since I was around 12. I remember then I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about religious things and I had a counting compulsion (I thought that If I don't count to 8 in specific moments, someone gets hurt) During later years it was really changing - I stopped being religious, so the OCD theme also stopped. Then I had I reckon SOCD, harm OCD and many others. But for know my main topic is ROCD. But because of the fact that this is my main intrusive thoughts topic I start to have this awful thoughts that this is not OCD, I'm just with the wrong person and I need to accept this fact. This is really struggling for me, because i really love my bf and Im in the healthy realtionship but Im so tired of having this kind of thoughts, sometimes I cannot sleep because of them. Also the fact that I've never been diagnosed (I cannot go on theraphy right now unfortunately) is another trigger because I have thoughts that I dont really have OCD, I just making this up, because I cannot accept the truth. Is there someone with similar experiance? Or maybe someone who can have advice for me?

Does anyone have any advice for dealing with rumination? I’ve been ruminating on every possible thing I have done and have potentially done wrong but don’t have clear evidence or memory of for so long now and it’s so difficult to deal with. I’m hoping to get a therapist this year, it’s so hard feeling like a horrible person but not being able to do anything about it until I can seek help.

TW for ppl with existential or moral ocd! 🙏 So about a month ago I got a random thought in my head, “what if morality is a made up concept? what if love, compassion, goodness, kindness are all made up concepts?” Dang, those were (and are) things that were very important to me and my biggest fear was to become someone amoral! So i got anxious, and i couldn’t shake the thoughts off and the more i fought them the louder they got. I cried at school bc i didn’t want to feel that way, i felt like everything was fake and that it was all made up which scared me to no end, and i also felt like this was the end of the world, i was losing my morals, etc. like i didn’t deserve anything and i was just wanting to go back to normal. And i always feel like i have to fight the thoughts, i need to prove them wrong right now or i will believe them! And now they are mixed in with harm thoughts, checking to see certain immoral scenarios and how i react to them.. if im not disgusted enough maybe i don’t believe in morality anymore or something and i will become a bad person! Doubts flood in all the time bro idk what to do anymore but im starting therapy tmr.. Does this seem like OCD or am i going crazy? 😭 Has anyone gone through this?

I feel like giving up. Idk what to do anymore. All of these intrusive thoughts idk if they are real or not. I wouldn’t ever hurt my daughter but I feel like I can’t be a father or am capable of it anymore. I’m so down and out of it.

I made a friend recently online and we get along great/talk everyday/etc. But today they told me they've got like an internet stalker who doxxed them and knows where they live and has threatened them and stuff and won't leave them alone. Anyway, not long after someone messaged me saying my friend is actually 12 and is super racist or something, and that they have proof and need me to believe them. I dont interact with minors, it triggers my POCD. Secondly, I'm anxious because I don't want to get involved in drama at ALL. and I'm scared of just blocking them because I'm afraid I'll get doxxed or harassed. My anxiety is really bad, I don't know. I compulsively want to just cut off this friend but they told me they don't have friends because of this so I feel bad. Besides, I do like them as my friend but. I dont know. I'm not built for this kind of thing I just want to be safe.

I’ve been having this thing going on where I can’t remember if I did something and I retrace every step and everything I did. And the something that I “did” is an intrusive thought. For example, last night my father in law was outside until the early am and I had an intrusive thought like what if I went out there with him and we did “stuff” and I just don’t remember. I don’t know why my ocd is obsessing over this, this isn’t the first time. I don’t know what to do ): I know I would never do something like that so why is this happening? I can’t stop rethinking everything to make sure nothing happened. Please leave your thoughts

anyone else just feel waves of anxiety even if they aren’t currently having an intrusive thought? like i had some thoughts last night and ever since ive just been getting really intense waves of physical anxiety feelings like in my chest and stomach is it like subconscious rumination about the thoughts?

Hi, I need an advice, I can't trigger myself! I want to do ERP but Everytime I try to trigger myself I feel nothing so it won't work. On the other side OCD triggers me outside of my ERP and I react wrong to it. Has anyone an Idea how to trigger myself properly, or should I wait for OCD to come? But how can I be prepared for it?

Does anyone get unwanted sexual thoughts? I get them frequently and I didn’t know what subtype to add them into because it didn’t fit the “children” one they had as an option. I get these with family members and it makes me feel horrible and disgusted with myself. I used to get them when I was younger and I didn’t know what it was at the time, I just remember that I felt really icky and grossed out. I know these thoughts aren’t me but lately it’s been getting worse and I’m not sure how to stop them. I’ve never outwardly confessed this to anyone, but I know this isn’t me. And I want to stop these thoughts. If anyone has any suggestions on how please help.

Like I want to know this cause I have guilt, anxiety, sadness and all of these feelings more than the other feelings. So what is considered as happiness in this recovery process?

You know what I really hate about this stupid disorder? That up until my first stuck intrusive thought (when I was 26), I knew who I was. I was happy. I had goals. I had friends. I was the most confident I’d ever been. Then from that very moment, it’s been 10 years of me being anxious, losing my life, losing just about everything. Not even sure who I am anymore. Questions after questions after questions of wether I’m attracted to someone, sexuality, ROCD, SOOCD. And not once have I felt myself. How can a healthy, happy 26 year old man go from one day knowing themselves to the next, 10 devastating years of not being able to think about ANYTHING OR ANYONE else except my theme? How?! I hate it.

Why I wish I didn’t have ocd So it all started back in march 2023 where I was in a Minecraft server my ocd being itself nagged and nagged me about organizing the schematic files so I got angry at it and did something I would regret dearly I would spam rage type the keyboard and create a schematic group something that inst deletable so I asked the staff to delete it and they kept delaying it and banned me for it and they also said I was unfit to play on a public server because of my ocd this made me very angry so I reported the server to mojang several times and they did nothing about it now don’t get me wrong I don’t care about Minecraft or the builds my ocd only cares about the technical aspects of things I just know that if the roles we’re reversed I would not get away with it because I have bad luck I tried contacting them again but they pretty much said “it’s over with it’s done” which made me feel like I had to move on and more or less like a product And trust me I tried to keep it together and be this non ocd normal person but things didn’t work out Something needs to be done about this server Also other real event things causing me more stress like losing a wire and items in the past I can’t function I can’t sleep and I can’t eat How am I supposed to live like this I already have white hair at 17 because of the stress But those dipshits don’t see it that way they just see the worst moments not the good ones That why it’s so hard to compete with those without ocd and why I don’t want to live anymore

Today was a really bad day for intrusive thoughts. I had ones that felt really real and like I voluntarily thought them. I’m really bothered because for some reason I randomly out of the blue without any kind of trigger or anything had the intrusive thought that I could r a child in a second if I wanted to. It’s so disturbing. I was literally cleaning my bathroom. I wasn’t even thinking about children, I don’t ever sit around thinking of children. It was distressing but I rationalized that I don’t have any desire in the absolute slightest to harm a child and I never have and never will, it came out of nowhere. Then we just had dinner and at the table it happened again and then more thoughts to make it worse like “maybe I do want to.” I was at the table with my family so I was trying not to scrunch my face or show it in front of them. But I went upstairs and was really upset. But I’m worried because what if I’m not that upset and what if I voluntarily am thinking these things? I don’t feel that sinking feeling in my chest, but I’ve just told myself that I don’t have any desire in my head, heart or body to even go near a child period. I don’t want other people to. It’s literally so ridiculous that I’m even having these thoughts because it’s so inaccurate to how I feel. But why am I having these thoughts?? I feel like I’m just in denial. And I’m kind of worried that I just post on here to have people tell me what I want to hear and make me feel better. I do feel better after typing this out because I KNOW I don’t want to hurt a child. It’s so ridiculous but I feel like I’m not caring anymore. I’m hopefully getting a therapist soon, but it’s just really defeating and I feel like I’m numb to it sometimes. Literally all I do is fight these thoughts and worry if I’m just faking my emotions and faking feeling bad. I’m worried I’m just practicing feeling bad to get out of trouble when I get a therapist. But also, if that was the case, why would I have stopped doing everything in life except sitting and worrying all day? I don’t want to resume life because I’m scared to. And I don’t mean that to pity myself, I just don’t want to live with being evil and it’s so exhausting every day.

Is it possible to just basically instantly forget you’ve molested somebody? I’ve been dealing with a ton of false memories lately and suddenly I got an image of me molesting somebody. I can’t actually recall ever doing this, it’s the last thing I’d do. There’s a lot of proof as to why it doesn’t even make sense to have happened. I’ve always been 100% sure I had never molested anybody. Is it possible to just fully forget that in a really short amount of time?

For the next week I’m gonna ATTEMPT at not doing any compulsions (researching, posting on here, ruminating, etc) and just let things be til my next session. However, I give up. Everyone is so quick to tell me “oh don’t worry it’s just OCD that isn’t actually you!” It all feels like bullshit. Yeah, sure, this wasn’t who I was before and my main focus of attraction has always been men and I’ve always felt disturbed by SA and pedophilia as a whole. But what about now? What about all the thoughts I’ve had the last year? Why would they show up when I’m literally enjoying myself sexually ESPECIALLY as I finish? Why does it feel like I think it’s ok or it’s alright when I know and have always known it was never ok? Everything from before doesn’t really matter anymore. What about now? Yes, of course, I have no interest in actually acting on any of it. But that doesn’t mean that that isn’t who I am. I know how RIDICULOUS it all is but there’s a reason why it feels real. I’m tired, and over it. I see all of you post everyday about how much you’re suffering, and I’m sorry. I’m suffering to, but I’m starting to think it’s for different reasons. I’m done. If you wanna reassure me, go ahead. It’s pointless.