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Why is it that when I see, for example, a completely benign situation, with people who are not adapted to such things (pocd, zocd, socd) I see mimicry, movement, I see something sexual and I feel something😔

Okay... so im taking the NREMT-B exam next week in about 5 days... Im genuinely nervous... I want to succeed so badly but because my POCD says my worst fears have already, or will, come true, that I dont deserve this and it makes me feel guilty... I'm a horrible person... ive unintentionally hurt people... ive done genuinely horrible POCD-related things as a 13-14 year old that make me feel genuine guilt as an adult... and it should... why do i deserve to help people, when all Ive ever done is hurt people....? (Also, for context, my biggest fear is doing anything inappropriate with minors in any way... and whether or not it has already happened... thats my biggest fear...)

I’m worried it’s not because why did that happened? I was fantasizing about this marvel villain in a sexual way and then when I heard my brother breathe I got turn on more so now I feel like a p

So I was talking to myself in the living room right and then I hear my brother‘s iPad that his friend talking and I was like what the hell is that and I was like oh that’s his friend and then I crotch down and I try to like put in the password so I can turn it off and it’s like I don’t know if my face made a smile because I was like oh this is the opportunity to talk to his friendyou know and I’m just like I looked at myself in the mirror and I’m just like predator because it’s like why would I feel good about that about having the opportunity to talk to a kid?

Ill edit the post in... What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... im so triggered...

I’ve dealt with ocd themes for as long as I can remember, POCD, HOCD, false memory, the feelings of having to confess something, washing certain body parts a specific amount of times, all of it I am still pretty young and I just got into my first relationship. I always knew ROCD existed I just never had the chance to have an experience with it 😭 and here I am. I really do think I have an anxious attachment style. But it’s also like I constantly worry if I’m too much or if i should not be in a relationship or if I rlly love my partner like I tell him. I am sensitive and very communicative so when things bother me I like to communicate them but then I worry that I do too much or I worry that it isn’t normal to find this many things wrong so early in a relationship. I also worry if he doesn’t like me or if he Will get tired of me, but those thoughts are easier to get by. The hard thoughts r the ones where I doubt my feelings for him. My mind feels like a MESS! And it’s harder because we only see eachother once a week. This may be heaven compared to other ppl who struggle with real long distance but for me the time in between gives me a lot of time to nitpick things that aren’t even real problems and create a sense of a toxic relationship that isn’t even real! The only times where I feel like maybe it’s all in my head are when. I see him and the days after, but when it gets long it gets rlly hard. I rlly do love him and he gives me reassurance when needed but I can’t help but focus on the negatives when little things bother me, especially when we are apart from eachother and jsut texting. Texting is hard because then there is the obsession over waiting to see how long he will take, not knowing the tone of texts, and being able to over analyze every conversation we’ve had. I also do mental checks to help me reassure myself that I love him 😭 like when’s the last time he made me laugh, what are some nice things he’s done that I rlly liked, and jsut trying to actively acknowledge everything he’s done so I can stop panicking abt the fear that I don’t love him. It’s literally only been 2 months of us dating so the fact my ocd is so early onset annoys me so bad because I rlly do feel like I am still in the crucial stages of a relationship where we are learning how to love eachother, so there should be some ups and downs and minor arguments while we get over this phase… but I can’t help but wonder what if these little things just mean I hate him? It’s extreme but I worry and the reels and tik toks I see about people realizing they don’t love their partner make it all bad!

* Mentions of Sexual OCD, Hypersexuality, among other things. Recently, I had started to feel so much better, after trying to do some ERP therapy at home, i could feel myself becoming much more capable of holding back intrusive thoughts. Well since yesterday.. or, i dont know when, its been absolutely destroyed. About a month ago, I went out with some friends to the mall. everything was great, until while at the arcade, me and one of my friends tried pranking the other two by running off without them noticing. Well it backfired, one of the others went with him, and i was left with someone who i’ll just call J for the sake of simplicity. To cut it short, we had already pranked J earlier, so I stayed back to tell him about what we were trying to do, and things got weird. He started telling me to ‘go to the bathroom’ with him. I’ll admit that i didnt know what to say, i just felt off, but i wasnt going to do any of that. But i didnt say no. Long story short, i had to use the bathroom, so i left the arcade and went to another and luckily my friend distracted J so he wouldnt follow me in. I’d like to also add now that I have someone that i love dearly, me and him arent really together yet, but its a mutual thing. After that i cried when i returned home. and eventually i moved on, blocked the guy and everything. Now, i don’t know why, or how, but i cant stop having images in my head of what would’ve happened if i did do it. If i did go to the bathroom. And at the same time it shows me images of things happening in my own house, i see it in the shower, while on my couch, even while eating. And it doesnt stop at the sexual stuff, No. It shows me romantic versions of all this; hugging, kissing, holding hands, and in the background it mostly shows sexual scenes. All while giving me groinal responses and weird sensations that are akin to attraction of some kind. Im losing my mind trying to get it to stop. Its eating me alive, and its gotten to the point where i feel like im cheating on my partner. And my mind keeps tellint me that i actually dont love my partner, that I should’ve just gone along with what J was saying, and its making me feel like i dont really love my partner. That i should just unblock and text J. Its making me feel like ive fallen out of love and i dont know why, what if i did fall out of love? what if i end up doing something wrong, or making the wrong choice? Im scared of not loving my partner. I love my partner too much to lose him to this bullcrap. Has anyone else dealt with this? I feel lost and I dont know what to do. I cant even think about my own partner, not even about me hugging him, it gets replaced with J, everytime i try to think about anything it gets replaced in some way with something related to J. Even if i see a show, and i see someone that reminds me of J i instantly start getting intrusive thoughts and images. I feel so horrible, i feel like I’ve failed my relationship somehow. I dont know what to do.

I've already posted this but the guilt came up again. almost an year ago I was with my friend, who happens to be fat, and without thinking i jokingly lightly squeezed his man boobs as a playful tease. He got a bit uncomfortable and told me he didn't like to be touched. At the time I didnt understand, I thought he was being the usual shy, I didnt think it was that deep; because I thought of his man boobs like a belly, a non-se&ual area, not to compare my friend to a cat but it's a bit similar to when you have a fat cat and you find him being fat endearing so you play with him, and like pinch his belly. We already had a physical dynamic where I would sometimes pinch his belly and he would laugh it off, or when i would lightly low kick him etc... but pressing his chest might have been overboard and idk why that didnt cross my mind. There was no "consent" involved in that, i didnt even think of it, because for me his man boobs weren't something se&ual or private but something neutral and funny... After a while I realised what I did and the guilt started eating me. One day I talked to him and apologised for being insensitive, and that even though i didn't have se*ual intent, I shouldn't have done that. He said "don't worry, it's all good, really"; but he could have said that just out of politeness. And we kept being good friends after that and we have a good friendship, as if nothing happened. He doesn't try to avoid me or anything like that, he actively talks with me... idk We went to the movies together once and had a good time. Also bought him the books the movies were based on as a birthday present and he appreciated it a lot. I don't think he remembers it anymore, I asked him abt it again but he doesn't remember and also said he doesn't like that to talk abt stuff like that. this entire post happened because i used chatgpt and asked it if it was okay, and it told me it could be se&ual harrasment and assault and i freaked out. But it happened because i used the wrong prompt, english not being my first language, i asked "is it ok to fondle your friend's man boobs as a joke?" i thought fondle meant squeezing or pinching; when i replaced that word it just talked abt boundaries, it didnt mention harassment. i dont know.

I started reading this romantasy book and I envisioned the characters as 22 years old and then 1/4 of the way through the story, I think there was something that made me think one of the main characters was 17 and then I searched it up and I saw websites say she's 18 but not defininitvely and then I saw that there was spice in the book and then I got excited to continue to read the book because I do like reading spice but then I felt super guilty bc it made me feel like I was excited to read spice with a 17 year involved which was not the case bc I've been envisioning the characters as 22....now when I read, I feel like i'm an awful person and now the book def says she's 18 and i am still keeping my envisionment as she is 22, but my mind is saying that i was excited to read spice when i thought she was 17

Anyone have any advice for dating with OCD? Specifically the more taboo themes like POCD, incest ocd zoophilia ocd, harm ocd etc. I’ve never really dated in my life and the thought of approaching these conversations with people not in the ocd community is kind of scary

So been trying to do erp with my therapist for a while now, and tis really hard and feels like it's not working. Il get this weird sensation or feeling that makes me feel"gay" or as if I'm attracted to someone, and I know my therapist keeps telling me" you don't have to put meaning into the thoughts or feelings" but that seems impossible to do because and I'm sorry to say, it makes me feel that specific way. And I'll use the Erp quotes, "maybe maybe not" or"the more I struggle, the worse it gets" or"these feelings and thoughts are here, but I'm choosing to let them be" and I'll do nothing and try to let it be here but it's so distracting and feels very real, and it's like this sensation, small or big and it last all day, and even just sitting with it isn't working. And my therapist will tell me"you don't have to believe in it" and I'm sorry I feel like if it were that easy, OCD would have never been a problem in the first place, or live with uncertainty, however it doesn't feel like uncertainty, but feels very truthful or valid. Idk what I'm doing wrong tho

even a word, or if I read a word that describes an intimate organ is a trigger for my thoughts (images), it even gives me groin..how many more of this😑!?!?

I know this is a super weird question, and maybe it’s not an OCD subtype…but maybe there are other people on here that won’t think I’m nuts! 🙃 I am terrified of getting pregnant. I have actually been that way since a young child, and have LOTS of rituals I am working to stop around it. Is there a specific type of OCD that is? Thank you in advance!

What if the reason I had that inappropriate dream with a man is because my 9 year old brother did something to me in real life while I was asleep and I just don’t remember?

UPDATE: ive TRIED to reduce my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... I assumed that the women who werent verified on there were 18+ on an explicit chat discord server i was on were adults because of the fact it was an 18+ explicit server, so i assumed everyone was an adult on there... for me, I fear the future everyday... as well as despise my past... I dont belong in this world... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Ive also been to literotica, a website dedicated to adult explicit literature... they also have a chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... This is why I dont want to be famous or widely recognized... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation... (edited)

UPDATE: ive reduced my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation...

*PLEASE READ* *any help appreciated* So I work with kids and it’s a lightning rod for triggering my POCD. I work with a mental health org that supports kids with autism and other intellectual development disorders. And so I’ve grown really close with one kid since I started since I was his first ever staff and he was the first ever kid I worked with. I’ve grown really protective of him and we’ve become really close and our relationship truly means the world to me. But before I get into my little incident, I have to provide context: so I am hypersexual and struggle with compulsive masturbation and my urges are almost uncontrollable sometimes. I have a lot of trauma from foot fetish stuff/pornography as a kid and it’s carried on into my adult life unfortunately. And so as I was waking up my kid and trying to get him out of bed to get him into the shower (I usually give him a few extra minutes but if he’s uncooperative I have to pull him out of bed gently) and so I just shift him by his legs bc it’s easiest. And my urges and thoughts have been so bad lately and when he wasn’t cooperating, as I was shifting his legs today, his foot touched my private area and I carried on normally but now I feel like a monster and everything I fear. I need some advice bc I’m scared to even talk to my therapist about this bc I think I will go to jail. I don’t want to be like this and I hate POCD so much and I rlly care so much for this kid and would actually die for him to protect him. I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy bc idk if that contact between us was intentional or not and I have not spiraled like this for so long. I truly am losing my mind and want to give up bc I know I am not the person my POCD tells me I am but now I feel like I am everything it calls me. I feel so ashamed and repulsed and disgusted in myself and wish I didn’t exist. I feel like I’ve exploited my kid and taken advantage of him and that I don’t deserve to have him in my life and that I don’t even deserve to life and would be better off in jail or dead. im so broken and I’m sorry if what im saying is confusing

I’m getting a memory about a time last year when I was on tik tok and on the tik tok shop where there was a clothing item where it was like see through and I think I looked at it on accident a couple times and idk if I purposely looked at it. I know it was last year before I even knew my gf or anything but my memory is blurry and I don’t remember exact dates so I’m worried. I genuinely would never look at a girl sexually like that and I definitely would not have done that recently bc I remember I was super anxious that I did that at the time and I remember that the first time my ocd got kinda bad when I was talking to my gf was during spring break. And it wasn’t bc of the tik tok shop stuff. I know it was last year

This is going to sound crazy but I guess I am. For over a year now I’ve suffered from ocd. And I always thought ocd was just I turned the door the wrong way but it’s so much more. I feel as if I’ll never get better. I’m in a relationship, for 8 months now with the most encouraging and supportive boyfriend ever. I tell him all of my thoughts and he understands and accepts because he understands it’s not thoughts I mean to have. I feel so awful being the way I am and being with him. I feel like I can’t be happy because it’s always something going on with me. He has a bigger family all boys, and everyone I hangout with my boyfriend and his brothers I get uncomfortable and weird and convince myself I have feelings for them or I want them. It makes me so disgusted and physically ill every time. The thoughts never go away and it’s not even about them it’s tons of things. I cry constantly because I can’t get the thoughts to go away. I can’t hang out with anybody out of fear I’ll have a thought I don’t want. I feel like I’m so alone. A year ago I felt the same way about my dad which I know is absolutely disgusting and I would never have feelings for my own family and dad, bit thoughts pop into my head. I don’t know if it’s because my brain wants a reason and answer as to why I think those things so I tell myself I like them, but I can’t shake it. I’m trying medicines and hopefully getting into therapy soon. I just don’t know if it ever is going to get better. Some days are better than others and every time I have a bad thought I get heat flashes and and my stomach hurts and I get anxiety and I just want it all to go away. I hate it so much and I feel as if I’ll never be normal again and never be able to live my life freely. I have to constantly worry about what my brain might come up with. These are not thoughts I want to have but somehow my brain has them and I feel so disgusted and I need help so badly. I never know what to do and i feel like an awful human being. I convince myself these things are try when I know they aren’t deep down. I’m losing my charachter and I’m losing myself and the person I know I am which would never have thoughts like these. I want it all to go away. Please tell me it gets better. I don’t recognize myself anymore.

I was playing with my brother and I thought he was so cute because he’s little and at the same time it felt like I wanted to touch him inappropriately It’s weird because sometimes I get disgusted by the thought and then sometimes I feel like I would actually that