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I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough..I’ll always have issues and ocd relapses. My bf needs someone better.

Any help or tips?

I’ve done many things in my past that I regret heavily, and I can’t get over it.. I really can’t no matter what.. One being that when I was 14, I was making inappropriate comments and jokes to my friends/partners who were 1-2 years younger than me, and I feel so disgusted that I did this, why did I do this, I’m a horrible person, I don’t deserve anything…. Important to note: yes, at the time I didn’t know any better, I really didn’t, i remember it being really normalized, NOT an excuse but an explanation.. but, I regret being that way so badly, because it’s so gross I can’t believe I was so stupid… and I still see kids nowadays make jokes and comments to their friends/partners like this?? Why is it still normalized…

anyone else feel like theyve made too many mistakes in their short time being alive, to the point you just feel like *you* are the mistake? i sit and obsess all the time about the mistakes ive made growing up (im only 20, suffered with ocd since i was 15). i just feel like i used to always make these mistakes and i know most of them came from ignorance as a child but it makes me question everything about myself. it often makes me feel suicidal, that the world is better off without me. i come on here to try and make people feel better and offer support and advice when in reality, i have no grasp on my own ocd. i sit and obsess 24/7, i struggle with mindfulness, and my head is the worst place to live. its just the idea that my mistakes have impacted people, any lies i came up with, how thats impacted people (its probably not even a lot but the possibility is terrifying). ever since i was diagnosed, i have a thing for responsibility, i take on so much of it, and punish myself excessively. im very tired of fighting with myself. im tired of obsessing and doing compulsions to stop the anxiety. i just want it to stop.

Can anyone tell me usually why or when ocd first occurs? Is it trauma from childhood? Or do people randomly wake up one day and have developed it?…. I can’t remember the first time I started/developed it, but I must’ve been like in 5th grade… I come from a Hispanic household where unfortunately a lot of these households don’t “believe” in therapy or a counselor or mental illness’. I knew something was wrong with myself but I never knew how to express it. I just thought I was actually a crazy person & wasnt “normal” as others. Until this year I started seeing a therapist & he really made me feel like I was not alone. Due to insurance purposes I had to stop seeing him. I don’t think I’ve gotten better I’ve just gotten heard…but the only positive thing about it is that I can hide it very well now, a lot of ppl wouldn’t know vs in the past I had people catch me doing “weird” things. (Very repetitive stuff, fixing things, the list goes on & on). I had to learn to manage & “hide” what I was doing because my kiddos were catching on & would ask me what or why I was doing it, for example “repetitive stuff” lol . I really want it to go away, although I have managed my ticks & triggers, it’s still always in my mind, it stops me from having fun family time, stops me from doing my work at work or doing things or even speaking in a “normal” speed way. For example telling a story or when talking, I have the need to say every single detail, I get side tracked a lot & have to explain those details then it just goes & goes I take forever to say what ima say , it takes me a long time to get to the point like this whole post here it started with a question & now idk what my point was no more 😂 ps. I love making jokes about it to myself to keep myself positive, my close family knows and they’re supportive, it’s all love. I just wish it can actually go away I am concerned it will always be with me…

Hi there, I’ve recently been diagnosed with OCD after seeking help because of worsening performance at work. I’m a nurse practitioner and work in a busy clinic. Throughout the past few years I’ve become slower and slower as a clinician because I’m so scared of making a mistake. I constantly recheck things that I know I know, recheck my charting and make it as perfect as possible, re-review medical history, obsessively follow patient’s charts, consult the on-calls even though I know the answer, and call patients outside of working hours to check in on them. I’m wondering if there any other healthcare providers who have OCD on this platform? I feel like my OCD symptoms have in someway made me a great provider but it’s getting to a point now where I’m afraid I’ll lose my job because I’m not meeting my patient numbers. Since I can’t see as many patients my coworkers have to pick up the slack and I feel horrible about that. Curious if anyone has similar experiences. Thanks so much for reading :)

Does anyone else hate when people use ocd as a characteristic? I’m involved in a community service group that builds things and the supervisor of the group said “I need my ocd people to come check this straight line”. This girl walked over who is a perfectionist and I’ve watched her closely trying to figure out if she does have OCD but I can’t tell so I don’t want to say she doesn’t bc she very well could but the supervisor saying that made me upset. She was using it as a characteristic of someone. It’s like she was saying “I need my artistic people to come paint this for me”. My ocd isn’t a characteristic. Yes it’s a part of me but I don’t want to be defined by it. I really wanted to say to her “hey that isn’t something people who actually struggle with OCD want to be called.” I don’t want to be called the “ocd girl”. Bc yeah I have ocd and yes I’ve been working extremely hard in exposure therapy and yes I take medication for it but do not define me by it. I find it rude and inconsiderate. I’m not sure how any one else feels but it just made me upset the rest of the day and I’m still thinking about it.

Just took all of my therapy assessments that were due and feel disappointed with myself that my scores have gotten worse again. I had them all at a really good baseline for a couple months but seems like I’m having a flare up. I’m disappointed in myself that I couldn’t keep it at bay for longer than 2 months.

For the longest time, I struggled with feeling like everyone hates me, even my own friends. It’s exhausting. I pay attention to every shift in someone’s tone of voice and body language, and I will overcompensate or compulsively apologize to people for no reason. It creates a lot of frustration and even resentment because I try so hard to be perfect for everyone that I end up disappointing myself when I realize certain people just don’t like me, even though I’ve done nothing to them. It wasn’t until this afternoon when I was crying to my manager about my coworkers coming together to talk about me in a bad light, even though I’ve done absolutely nothing to them personally. I never thought for a second that this may have been my OCD at play. I wasn’t aware of it until today, and I never thought my OCD would be connected to this obsession.

I used to be such an angsty teen when I was about 14-17. I love my parents with all my heart but back then when they would irritate me in the slightest, or if i’d get into any argument with them at all, or I didn’t agree with a belief, I’d immediately go to my online friends and start complaining and talking so much trash about my mother or father. Sometimes I’d exaggerate, to gain sympathy. Looking back now, I feel so TERRIBLE for saying these things, I was acting as if I was abused or something even though I wasn’t. My parents treat me phenomenally and my relationship with them grew so much as I got older (im almost 20). The guilt is now eating me up alive, I feel like a bad person and I feel like I don’t deserve their unconditional love and support. It feels like im a traitor to this amazing relationship I have with them, and always at the back of my head I think that if I told them I talked this much bad behind their backs, then they’ll never look at me the same again. At this age I can’t ever imagine doing that same thing again, even thinking about hurting them or betraying them makes me tear up and I FEEL SO BAD. Please help me. Im a terrible daughter. Also, theres this constant feeling to confess otherwise the feeling wont go away, but I don’t want to because it would be so hard and I can’t even fathom how on earth i’d bring this up to them considering i’ve been extremely good to them for the past years. I rather them not know and I want to move on, but the feeling of being a two sided b*tch still lingers. :( I would literally die for them.

I think im asking my intuition/spirit guides, and I mean ANY decision... Should i go eat, should i eat this or that, should i drink this, should i go do this or that, even in video games. It's everything from tiny choices to important ones. I think its some form of me making sure I do the thing in my best interest or whichever will have the best outcome for me, and i don't want anything with a bad outcome. Im not exactly sure when I started doing this but I've had it bad for at least 2+ years now. I feel like it's driving me insane because I KNOW i want to stop, even my spirit guides remind me i have to make my own choices because that's how life works, we aren't born knowing what's going to happen for a reason. Yet, I can't seem to stop myself. The worst part is, it's never decisive. I can't tell the difference between my OCD thought and my intuition, so I actually drive myself INSANE not being able to make rhe right choice, even with the small things like whar to eat. It makes me want to tear my hair out, it's so stressful for me. This is daily too, I don't know what to do to get rid of it anymore. I even tell myself sometimes when i ask to just do what I WANT to do, but my OCD fights me... Please help

I work as a Digital Art Instructor for my job, and recently we've started opening up workshops to the public. This Friday, I have to teach a class on how to draw chibi anime characters and I'm absolutely petrified. I can barely eat or sleep and feel like crying all the time. My imposter syndrome is killing me and I feel like such a fake artist who has no right to be teaching anyone. My boss obviously doesn't care and hasn't been too kind about it, which is whatever because it's not her problem, but it doesn’t help. I'm just so frustrated. I hate being like this. This is supposed to be so easy. I know comparing myself to other people doesn't help, but I just feel so useless. Why is everything so hard for me? I think the worst part is, even when it's over and done and I'm somehow able to function again, I know I'll have to go through it all over again next time. Not necessarily looking for anything, just venting. Kind words are appreciated or any recount of other people dealing with this would help make me feel less alone. Thanks.

I’m not sure how to stop picking at my skin. It makes me sad to always see scabs all over my face, it ruins all my pictures. Any tips?

I find it really hard to make decisions-especially big life decisions. People ask "what does your intuition say", but I feel like I can't access my intuition- I feel doubtful/question all thoughts+decisions. Are there any resouces anyone could recommend?

All i ever do is lose. Just lose at fucking everything in life even though I beg to god that I can win at least one fucking thing. To be good at one fucking thing. To be excellent at one fucking thing. And I cant even do that. I cant even win at my video games. The smallest win I cant even get. Im in fucking hell. A hell where Im alone and theres no one to comfort me because they think im feeling sorry for myself. I hate my existence and my life so fucking bad. What am I sorry about my life for if all I want to is make the suffering stop? I constantly play, try to improve, but theres nothing I can do that makes me stand out. Nothing I can do that makes me worthy of anything. I hate this world, i hate god for hating me, and I hate myself. Hate myself for not being good enough for any goddamn thing. Im sick. Im fucking sick. Im sick of this. Im sick of me. Im sick of not being good enough at any fucking thing despite my efforts. Nothing I do matters. Nothing about me is special. Im so goddamn tired of it all... im damned to hell... or maybe im there... i dont fucking know.

I wanna treat myself better, but when these thoughts happen I can’t help but to call myself a disgusting monster and keep reacting to it all. And if I were to be nicer to myself, at what point would it become me making up excuses thinking it’s ok to be that person? There’s no winning, even when trying to do better. How can I tell myself it’s not these things aren’t my fault when it likely just is?

I’m new here and I’m not sure what to ask, but I feel like I need to ask something. The first thing that come up is a recent experience I had with waking up in the middle of the night just thinking my life isn’t real, like not that nothing matters, but like actually not real. It was terrifying. Other times I’ll wake up in the middle of the night just spiraling thinking that I’m just a terrible person and I’m ruining my children’s lives and my husband would be able to manage things better if I was not here. Anyways, I was wondering if there was anyone else that has experienced things like this. And how you deal with these things. I’m not sure that I even have OCD but it is something that I keep thinking about. I don’t want to assume though so I’m just trying to reach out for some community and outside thoughts. Thanks.

Newly diagnosed with OCD but have struggled with depression, anxiety, ptsd, and night terrors for about 20 years now. Never knew it was OCD! Anyhow, I struggle with existential OCD and perfectionism OCD which has always caused me to dislike “regular” talk therapy because it never worked, there was no point, and I was worried I wasn’t doing it right. Well I’ve started ERP with my therapist, and now every day that I have therapy, I anxiously spiral about how it’s going to be bad, and I’m not going to get better anyway because I’m not doing it right, and what’s the point in getting better anyway. Sorry for the run on sentences. Does anyone have advice for getting motivated for therapy sessions and not fearing them? TL;DR: Does anyone have advice of how to stay motivated for ERP therapy with doubts of failing/anxiety/existential thoughts?

I have a weird problem with ocd. I don’t know what kind of ocd it is so I have come to this app to see if someone could help me out. For example, I would imagine two lines and I would have to tap on my legs to raise them higher but they would never be even which would give me this uncomfortable tense feeling like a bunch of energy is trapped or something. It’s the same feeling I get if I for instance tap on something and I physically can make it even. Please help me out and tell me what this is. I have been struggling with this sense I was 7 and I still haven’t been able to figure out what is going on with my mind.

I have a very shameful consequence of my OCD, and my compulsory avoidance. It's been impossible to open my mail and to pay bills during my adult life. Coming from a recoursful background one of my deepest trauma is how my at that time undiagnosed disabilities prevented me from functioning in studies and jobs. So I recieved welfare and felt extremely shameful about it and desperate to get out of it. So I started my own business and despite my absurd struggle (more and more expert of hiding, no idea it was OCD, I always referred to it as my phobia in my mind, the more hidden the worse it became- unnoticed that it was worsening by me) I managed to succeed with my business (!?) My OCD can be described as living with an invisible 10headed Boa Constrictor around my body, squizing so much that I chronicly grasp for air and think.I will die when the giant snake 🐍 talks in my ears and brain constantly telling me from different heads how useless, ugly, terrible, horrible and repulsive I am and multiple all obstacles if I dare to think forward, take initiative and try to liberate my self from its grip. So I learned to live with my business and "outside-me" and the invisible nightmare I paralell was facing. My goal was to achieve a healthy self sustainable life. When this actually became realized and my success grow the constrictor tighten its grip more and more til I in the end was complicated paralyzed and withdraw all tasks from my accounter and everybody else due to the shame of the scenarios that still did not happen- but if I moved an inch they would happen. I could not send enquiries, open bills, emails, deliver, order, call or respond, the money to pay my responsibilities was there, but instead of dealing with my reality, I was dealing with a coming scenario produced in my mind and all my money went to pay for totally irrational prevention of an imagined scenario. Writing this makes me very unhappy. I lost everything. My first very hard earned 1.4 million the only positive thing I can see with that which in the end is about to give me a new and true life - so it's good- my OCD was discovered and diagnosed after 28 years with horrible intrusive thoughts. And I am back on welfare. It breaks my heart. My life is not sustainable on these money, my success was to short-lived to be reflected so I am now diagnosed and this gives me hope, but without money to pay my treatment. I feel so embarrassed, so embarrassed and to post this makes me very worried, but I just hang up the phone with a relative- I had to call and ask for a loan of money to cover my own everyday expenses, and it throws me back to the traumas I tried with all my strenght to escape in the first place. It feels like my entire life project has completely failed and that there is no way out of this financial nightmare. And to ask friends and family members for financial help makes me loose all my powers, and hope- I still can't belive this has happened- even though I realize that the OCD mislead me all these years, so it's also very difficult to see the pictures others have of me- as successful (?@#%*??) . The reality now is that I am on the absolute rock bottom, 30 years of my adulthood is lived, and I am suppose to start from scratch. Thank you if you read all this. I really don't want to complain and feel sorry for myself- but its so tough to believe that I can get out of this trap where my OCD keeps me in my phobias and the phobias/compulsions prevent me from money which blocks treatment which blocks income which then reinforce the obsessions. This app and all the material available online is my lifeline- even though I am feeling so extremely desperate I also can feel the resistance inside when I write honestly like this. Ok, no matter what, I am going to win, I am going to beat this monster and achieve a good life. A future with a manageable OCD will be a new life that can bring out who I truly am for the first time since my onset of what I now know is OCD at 21 years old. I love you all here who are sharing and helping others with sharing your stories. I hope one day I can share mine and be open and I know I must be greatful that I have someone to call to even though it's tough. Love to all OCD survivers❤️