I feel like a two sided terrible person

I used to be such an angsty teen when I was about 14-17. I love my parents with all my heart but back then when they would irritate me in the slightest, or if i’d get into any argument with them at all, or I didn’t agree with a belief, I’d immediately go to my online friends and start complaining and talking so much trash about my mother or father. Sometimes I’d exaggerate, to gain sympathy. Looking back now, I feel so TERRIBLE for saying these things, I was acting as if I was abused or something even though I wasn’t. My parents treat me phenomenally and my relationship with them grew so much as I got older (im almost 20). The guilt is now eating me up alive, I feel like a bad person and I feel like I don’t deserve their unconditional love and support. It feels like im a traitor to this amazing relationship I have with them, and always at the back of my head I think that if I told them I talked this much bad behind their backs, then they’ll never look at me the same again. At this age I can’t ever imagine doing that same thing again, even thinking about hurting them or betraying them makes me tear up and I FEEL SO BAD. Please help me. Im a terrible daughter. Also, theres this constant feeling to confess otherwise the feeling wont go away, but I don’t want to because it would be so hard and I can’t even fathom how on earth i’d bring this up to them considering i’ve been extremely good to them for the past years. I rather them not know and I want to move on, but the feeling of being a two sided b*tch still lingers. :( I would literally die for them.

Username: ChoptimeChoptime

Date posted: 22w ago

You are NOT a terrible daughter, this is a normal teenage thing to experience, don't blame yourself. Hormones are raging and you have changed for the better, all of that is in the past and they love you so much no matter what.

Username: Heaven1sonearthHeaven1sonearth

Date posted: 22w ago

all teenagers are angsty, it’s a stage we all have to go through. it’s character development and time to figure out yourself. it’s a terrible, messy, and sometimes regretful process, it’s a coming of age movie. kids, especially teenagers, have moments sometimes where they hate their parents or get irritated with their parents. it’s normal, try not micromanage your inner child, rage is okay. i’m sure your parents are cool people but i assure there were moments when you were a kid when they hated your guts. there were times that they were overstimulated, there were times that they felt annoyance and irritation. it’s not normal to expect or project otherwise, we’re humans, so we feel things, we have moods. you can keep beating yourself up for something that happened years ago or you can tell your inner child, i hold space for every awkward phase you had and you were allowed to feel things. and there’s no need to tell your parents, they would probably laugh in your face, they hated their parents at one point too! good luck!

Username: malolin_21malolin_21

Date posted: 22w ago

i don’t think you are a terrible person, if you want we could talk and try to make each other feel safe about telling those real events…

Username: Kumiakumia

Date posted: 19w ago

Feeling awful

I tell people my situation, they say it's nothing big or it's fine, I was a teenager. I still feel awful, magically thinking that the persons going to change their mind and expose me to the world that I'm an awful person even though they said I had no affect on them whatsoever. I feel guilty to admit I've shared it with numerous people, whether a little older or the same age, never younger because I feel uncomfortable talking to younger people. Still, everyone says I did nothing wrong and there's nothing to worry about, but I'm more concerned about the fact I feel like I truly did something horrible, I feel like what if someone's enabling my actions, even though they say they're being honest. I feel awful, and I know I have to sit with discomfort and all that bad stuff, but truly I feel disgusting. I've isolated myself for weeks, and I just don't want to hurt the other person, it's made me question my own intentions too. Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like my mistakes are worse than anyone else on this app or in the world.

Username: TiredBug

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w ago

Guilt Over Something My Mom Did?

I can't tell if this is OCD to be honest, but with how much I'm focusing on it, it has to be some form or another. My mom and I have never had the best relationship. Ever since I was 6 years old, my OCD has always made me feel like I need to confess my own guilts to her. Our relationship has gotten infinitely better ever since I started therapy a few years ago. Her and I have been able to talk about a lot of things in the past and she's apologized for a lot of things. Recently I've been remembering more real events that make me want to cry. I don't want to keep bringing up things to her that she's done wrong. Especially this current memory, as it was years ago and I know she didn't mean any ill-intent. I don't want to hurt her by bringing this up, because I don't want her to think I'm blaming her or make her feel like a bad mom. I can't tell if this is something I need to talk about with her to get closure, or if this is my OCD disguising itself so I can "confess" to get relief. I'm so tired, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm not even sure if I'm remembering things right anymore. Sorry if this isn't OCD or I sound crazy.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 15w ago

Guilt

Does anyone know how to deal with guilt for something you did as a kid that you feel is disgusting and worry that it could have hurt someone you loved.

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I feel like a two sided terrible person

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