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So I’ve had to stop ERP since November because of insurance BS, but will be picking it back up in January. I’m terrified and think it’s not going to help. I have health OCD and my distress levels are directly linked to physical symptoms, so until I have those symptoms checked out, I typically just stay in the worst distress I’ve ever felt… Would anyone want to share their experience with ERP? I think maybe if I hear some success stories I’ll feel better about my appt next week. Thanks everyone.

I have a really hard time with harm ocd. It makes me believe that I would do in the near future surely something bad… And I don’t know what to do to make me feel better. I started to sit with uncertainty and accept the presence of my thoughts but it feels like I accept the content. I’m desperate, I think that I’ll suffer all my life with that. I know that there are ups and downs but those downs are really scary, demotivating, unhopeful.

So, everytime I have a spike, I have the exact same pattern: panic attack, followed by DPDR feelings, followed by depression and then it goes into a loop of anxiety, DPDR, and depression. I've had DR feelings ranging from "what if everyone else is fake? What if it's all a dream? Or a hallucination? How do I know if my thoughts are my own? What even is autopilot if I'm on autopilot? Are good and evil made up concepts? What is our inner voice? How can we see things in our memories?" Now my mind has decided to try this on for size: "what if I'm making everything up? People and all? What if the things I read in articles or even on here are things I've made up just to reassure myself?" Even typing this out is causing cold sweats, so I know it's just my OCD and anxiety, but OCD persists telling me that it's not. I'm exhausted. I'm worried if someone replies "I've felt this before" I'll be like "of course you have because I'm making this all up." And that freaks me out. It all does. I'm so upset.

I swear to all that is holy, it feels like OCD will kill me. 😭🤦🏼‍♀️ I primarily have health OCD, that is connected to physical symptoms I have. Right now it’s focused on stomach pains. But not just ANY stomach pains, it’s these certain stomach pains in one specific area of my stomach up by my right rib. When I feel them, I absolutely freak out thinking that I have some kind of awful c*ncer. As in, panic rising, most terrified feeling I’ve ever had. And that feeling will hang out for HOURS. I respond with go away ocd, maybe it’s true maybe it’s not. Focus on something I value. The rumination is really hard to control but I’m really trying. Nothing seems to make this awful feeling go away. I have an appt with my doctor on Jan 12 to get it checked out (though I’ve been to urgent care recently for it). My partner and dad both say that they also have very similar pains that I describe and in the same area (yes I know, that’s reassurance but when I’m in a full panic attack…I don’t know what else to do…) But I just can’t stop worrying about it since it’s present just about daily. It impacts all aspects of my day because I’m worried that I’ll trigger it. I’ve stopped eating certain foods. Stopped any kind of hard workout. Don’t wear certain kinds of clothing. And I don’t think I’ll be able to get past this until I have some kind of test that proves I don’t have c*ncer…but that’s also reassurance and ffs, what happens when I switch to the next symptom? So far since June I thought I had breast cancer, throat cancer, colon cancer and now this. I just can’t get past that a symptom IS PRESENT. Therefore something must be wildly wrong (or so my OCD tells me) All of this is super connected to the fact my mom died from breast cancer 6 years ago. She went to the doctor for a drooping eyelid and it was breast cancer like wtf (granted, she hadn’t had a mammogram or been to the gynecologist in 23 years….and ignored 3 breast tumors for YEARS). So the trauma for me is real that the same will happen to me. I feel like a complete crazy person and reading through this post makes me see how much the OCD has taken over 😭 I really don’t think I deserve the conquerer badge AT ALL. 😭

I’ve never been in a relationship, not even held a hand let alone kiss anyone or be in a relationship with them. I’m a female in my 20’s and OCD sees relationships as ⛔️⚠️danger. the older I get the more scared I become and I don’t know if to take the leap of faith and learn along the way or work on the OCD around it first. Any advice or if you can relate please share thank you 💜🧠🙏 Context: ( I like a guy he likes me but he didn’t know do he was ready for a relationship, I didn’t want casual then we spoke again a while later and he said he could see a relationship in the future and I shut it down and explained it was because of my OCD but I still like the guy and I’m worried I’m going to lose this opportunity with him but at the same time I don’t want to rush into it and hurt him because he will be with me + OCD )

Hi guys I’m having these disgusting thoughts going round my head about saying disgusting things to my son or other horrible things to people . I will obsess about and the only way I feel I can get some relief is to say it yet I don’t want to because I know people will hate me for it . The anxiety is real bad like what if I did do that . It feels like the compulsion is the urge to say it as that gives me some relief. Has anyone else had this and please could someone give me some advice on what to do as I’m not very good atm and need some help ty

Hello I'm new to this... I had a rough childhood growing up and I thought once I got out of my parents house then I'll be happy but my demons slowly came out of me and ruined my relationships and myself. I grew up molding myself to people's body languages, way of thinking, actions, feelings and so much more. I wore masks to secure my safety( illusion) and protect my sisters. As a child I was described by adults as " too serious" but I didn't want to be serious and what I wanted the most as a kid is not to have toys to play with or have friends or watch cartoons but I just wanted feel innocent and to have a child like mind. I wanted to be a kid. I grew up watching others kids be kids and I felt so alone. I was jealous of them. My naivety was stolen by my parents and then my innocence was stolen by my grandpa and my grandma knew but never protected me. She made me feel better every time after it happened but I wish she would've just put a stop to him and protected me. But she was scared of what other's would think about him because he's a pastor. She was too concerned about their image than my own well being. I wasn't safe at home with my parents and I wasn't safe at my grandparents house also but I still had to visit them every Friday because my mother wanted some alone time from us the kids. The mental, physical, verbal, emotional, sexual abuse happened since I was three and up untill I was 19 and finally left my parents house. My grandpa is in prison but it doesn't bring me a peace of mind. I still feel broken, dirty, used and lost. I'm crying now writing this all down because it hurts to finally admit to myself that they all broke me. I don't know what to do and how to live my life at all. I don't know what and who I am on my own. It's scary to me not knowing where I belong. My relationships don't last longer than 4 years. The shortest I've been in was a year. The reason why is that I have BPD and it controls my life. I don't like any physical contact and any affection. I don't like when people touch me in any kind of way. It turns me off and I immediately shut down. When my partner wanted to get a hug, I froze and I didn't know how to react and he got upset because he thought that I didn't love him. It's true though. I never loved anyone and I never will. Its not in me. I grew up in hate, rage, fear and love was never allowed. I don't know what love is. And I'm not talking just about romance relationships but also when I'm around relatives or my sisters... I don't feel anything towards anyone. I'm cold and stiff and constantly overthinking and feeling paranoid. I hide it pretty well on the outside but inside I'm dying. I have OCD but I never got treated for that in the mental health facility I stayed in after attempting suicide because of my abusive relationship but also other fear factors that played the part. Anyway, I want to so badly to heal and try to live my life fully. I don't want to waste my life being other people and be in pain. I'm tired. I want my OCD to go away. It's causing me so much distress mentally and physically. I take extremely long showers and my skin is hurting. I can't stop feeling dirty no matter how many times I shower. I space out often and forget if I done it or not and then do the same thing over and over again like washing my hands. I need to learn how to trust myself. I need help. If anyone can relate to my story please feel free to reach out because right now I feel very alone and scared dealing with all this on my own. I hope I can find people who can understand and support me through this hard but necessary journey. I'm sorry for not going into many details about my trauma because I don't want to trigger anyone on here. I know what that feels like so I just want to be careful and mindful of others who will read this post.

Can intrusive thoughts sounds like “I want too” and not just “what if “

Just curious I’ve been doing so good with my ERP and I’m like 80% better but POCD seems to have a huge grip on me still. And while I’m not so afraid anymore my mind still loves to obsess about it and give me feelings (my ocd is very very feelings based) and wants me to think about the obsession.it’s mostly just annoying and tiring. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist to just have a convo about meds that could help with depression and OCD. Has anyone gone through this? And what does the medication for you? (I know everyone is different) does it stop your brain from obsessing so much? 🖤

Hello Does anyone else feel agitated when your thoughts become obsessive and what have you found that really helps. When my brain gets stuck on an obsession I find I get agitated because I can’t make the obsession stop and it’s worse when I’m obsessed about people particularly just one person.

I’m the 6th guy my gf has kissed and it freaks me out because she’s only the 2nd girl I’ve kissed. I hate that I feel this way but I feel like I missed out on kissing people. I wanna marry this girl so much. I don’t want to break up. But I feel weird that I’ve only kissed 2 girls to her 6! I hate this. My stomachs hurts so bad. I feel so scummy

I already don't like this app. It has the same problem as being on the OCD subreddit or in any OCD online group. It inevitably just devolves into people doing compulsions (reassurance seeking, mainly) at each other. My unpopular opinion is that people with OCD shouldn't have support groups unless they're HEAVILY moderated by a clinician. This one clearly isn't. I scrolled for 5 min and almost every post is someone saying "I'm worried about x, do you think it's true?". That's a compulsion! This app is not facilitating ERP it's hindering it.

does your OCD get so consuming to the point that you CAN'T shower/do regular things that you would normally do? i'm not even depressed. i'm just burnt out & so overwhelmed by my own mind that i can't even shower or take a bath. & that's huge for me because i'm usually VERY clean/i always try to make sure i smell good. i'm just reaching out for support wherever i can at this point.

I’m really feeling awful this morning. I thought I was getting better but now I just feel worse. I keep telling myself it’s not OCD and that I want these things and that something is seriously wrong with me. And I can’t shake that feeling. I feel so stuck and alone because my thoughts are so awful. I am so scared. I have my fourth session today and while it’s been nice to have someone but I feel like yesterdays session made me feel worse even though it didn’t have to. I think my OCD latched onto something my therapist said and now I am running with it. Sometimes I will make every situation about something sexually inappropriate, do you guys do that? and I mean listening to songs or watching shows or just having a random thought? I also feel like a bad person and when people sympathize with me for OCD i feel like I don’t deserve it bc i don’t have OCD and want to do those things and i’m gross and awful and why should my family feel bad for me? Truly am having the toughest time telling the difference. Everytime I say it’s just thoughts I find myself saying no it isn’t. you have the urge to do things. Idk what to do.

Hi I’m new to the group here and I look forward to getting into therapy here as I believe this is OCD again cuz I can’t stop obsessing & thinking the same thing over and over again. Let me back up a bit cuz I have been having these horrible thoughts & feelings for over a month now. So Since my dog has died at the end of October I’ve been having horrible feelings that I’m going to die at the end of the year… I’m so scared and worried. I feel like I have so much to accomplish and do in life, but my brains telling me I’ll be dead by for sure by the end of this year, like i don’t want to die. Like is this OCD or something else? I want to hear if any of you guys have suffered with something similar. I don’t want to die now! I have never had obsessive thoughts about this before so it feels so real and scary. But I’m so anxious constantly, I have barely eaten much, and just feeling so disturbed by my thoughts I can’t focus or do anything it feels! 😞 So obviously I made it past the last two nights cuz I have been having consistent thoughts thinking I was going to die by Friday the 15th, but here I am still alive!… but last night I really screwed myself when I gave into searching up more of “why am I still thinking I’m going to die, etc etc” I went to Qurora where people put there thoughts & opinions on a certain question. A certain word really stuck with me and I searched it up, it was “premonition” I started researching what is the difference between horrible anxiety & premonition and I started reading articles… since last night it’s been freaking me out!!! Like what if this is a true premonition feeling compared to me just having anxiety? 😥 There was some people who posted in the comments on quora saying “I knew something bad was going to happen, etc etc and it did, or I had a feeling my dad was going to die and a few months later he did, etc etc…”. I’m constantly thinking I’m gonna die for sure now… it’s gut wrenching to think this. I know we all die but I don’t want to die now. It wouldn’t make sense for me to die now, I have a little 3 year old boy I wanna be here for the rest of my life! I’m a single mom, I don’t want him to be without any parents. Ugh I’m so sad, anxious, on edge I can’t function. I can’t stop crying sometimes. I have therapy this week but it’s gotten so bad where now I feel like I CANT distinguish the difference between a gut feeling and just my thoughts as intrusive/OCD. Can anyone of you really relate to this?? I just wanna feel at peace again with myself…. And I certainly don’t wanna die young. 😭 But also my thoughts have switched up on me like “well you lived past this Friday, but you’re for sure gonna die in the next few weeks etc etc.” like a gut thought. There’s moments I feel like I need to go to a mental hospital cuz idk anymore…

I’m seriously considering taking lexapro. I’m having a hard time right now. But I’m curious if anyone has gotten into recovery without medication. Anyone with depression disorder and ocd. And not need medication?

I cannot seem to stop the cycle and I’m questioning how much longer I can manage like this. I keep having a symptom, or so I think. It’s not super consistent, and when I’ve gone to the doctor to explain it, I feel like a crazy person. Its sharpish, tingling pains in my stomach that do seem to be more present when I’m stressing and hyper fixating on them. But sometimes just pop up on their own. I won’t notice it for a few days, and then I’ll feel a twinge in my stomach and absolutely have a freak out over it thinking it’s some stage 4 something. I’ve stopped wearing certain clothes and working out because I’m afraid of “triggering” it. I feel like I can’t even distinguish between what’s real and what’s not anymore. How will I ever know when to actually go to the doctor for something if i don’t know that what I’m feeling is even real? Has this happened to anyone else?

Because is controlling my life

Hello, Ive struggled with OCD throughout my life. The themes have changed as I gotten older but it ranges from being certain I was HIV positive to that I would have comitted terrible crimes. But I finally thought I kicked it when I went on medication and had a really great year with little to no Intrusive thoughts. But now the thoughts are back in full force because I’ve met the most wonderful woman and I’ve never felt like this for another person in my life. I’ve started to think I’ve cheated on her early in our relationship. When we first started to see each other I still talked to other people because we met on a dating site and i’m very afraid of rejection so I dated multiple people until our 5th date when I realized she is the one I want to persue. We didn’t become a couple until 3 months later because she wanted to take it slow. I’ve told her all of this that I still talked to another girl until our 5th date but after that I fell in love. I confessed to this multiple times and felt awful for weeks. Now I’ve let it go and started to Imagine that I talked to the other girl longer and that i’ve forgotten. I ruminate constantly, read old messages that confirm my story but I still can’t stop obsessing that what if I talked to another girl later. If that would be the case I could never forgive myself. I’ve beaten myself up for it for months now and it’s starting to ruin my health and relationship. I really need some advice. Please help, I don’t know what to do😓

I know that ocd becomes worse if a girl is having her period but is it normal if my ocd gets worse when I’m ovulating? Also, how can I stop rumminating? I find these videos in yt but I guess it became more a compulsion than other thing and doesn’t reaaly help me that much :/