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Someone please help me I’m having intrusive thoughts of hurting my pets and I’m really scared of myself and I want these thoughts to go away. Can someone please help me I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m a monster

I’ve dealt with it for a decade but as I’m stressed out lately it got so bad I was fighting it so bad filled with terror as I drove had to slow down and praying to god to take the urge and help me but I actually gave it slightly with my family in the car too 😢 my son is 2. It scared everyone in the car and now I’m scared to get back in a vehicle

I’ve done things in the past few years that I’m not proud of - only a couple of things I can think of and they didn’t directly hurt anyone at least with is relieving (but maybe indirectly they sort of did or could’ve which makes me hate myself because why did I do that… *how* could I do that…) If I could back and stop those things from happening, I would. I may not have thought about what I was doing at the time, so I didn’t really recognize that they weren’t okay, but that doesn’t excuse them, and I would smack some sense into my past self if I were able. I feel like if anyone knew what I‘ve done, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. They’d write me off as worthless. And maybe they should to be honest. Now yet another thing has come up - I haven’t done anything, but I had an intrusive thought pop up that made me *think* about doing something and this would be unforgivable in my opinion. Though, to be honest, the things I’ve done before are also somewhat unforgivable in my opinion… 😞 Regardless, I don’t want to do it because I don’t think it’s okay, but I worry deep down that I do. Or that I’m looking for an excuse to make it okay to do. I don’t know, it’s complicated. And I’m upset I even thought about it. I wish I had never seen the thing that triggered that intrusive thought. Yet another thing I would stop if I could. I’ve tried to not think about it or focus on it, but it doesn’t work. Even if it goes away, it just comes back again. I just keep thinking about it and it’s overwhelming. Anyway all of the guilt of this is killing me. I feel like an irredeemably terrible person and it makes me want to give up. I can’t get on with life because it’s paralyzing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and at this point, it feels like I don’t deserve to just move on. I can’t live with myself and I feel like I don’t deserve anything anymore. I know a lot of this is probably OCD, but I’m not sure all of it is and I don’t know what to do… if I spoke to a therapist about it, I don’t think I could bring myself to say what I’ve done or what thoughts I’ve had. But if I was told to move on by someone who didn’t know the truth, I would worry they wouldn’t really say that if they knew. Agh, it’s all just a mess 😞

I went from intrusive thoughts of hurting people, thinking I did horrible things and not remembering it like running people over with my car etc, to my brain trying to convince me I that I had split personality disorder to now health anxiety. The intrusive thoughts weren’t as bad as this. I’ll get physical symptoms like my heart racing, chest pain, can’t swallow. It’s been causing panic attacks but I’m constantly scared I’m dying. If my mole looks like it changed I freak out and think I have cancer. I had to get a stethoscope to listen to my heartbeat to make sure I don’t have an aortic aneurysm to buying a Fitbit to constantly check my pulse. I went to the ER bc I thought I was dying and now I’m paying a 2 thousand dollar bill when they say my heart is fine. It’s just exhausting.

so this all started not too long ago, for literally no reason at all. but one day i got a random intrusive thought about harming others and it freaked me out bad. since then i’ve been non stop focusing on it and im genuinely scared that i am, or gonna end up like those sick people that have documentaries about them. i’ve never had these types of thoughts before and after me and my mom looked a lot of stuff up we think i have OCD cuz a lot of the stuff it was saying was accurate to me. to anyone in here, does this sound like OCD to you? i’ve always been a nice loving person and these thoughts freak me out so bad and make me feel like i’m a bad gross person. it got to the point i don’t even like looking at myself anymore. i just wanna go back to normal man. another thing to add, when i would explain this to my mom even though i was telling the full truth on how crappy this made me feel it felt like i was lying almost? but i know i wasn’t deep down. i’m just scared that what if i act on something or get in my head too much you know?

my panic attacks have been getting worse when the thought of harming someone comes up and today, it reached a high point, i was in the kitchen with my mom, trying to get over my fears of being near and just eat, but when my dog came in and heard me eating and walked in, i got triggered and thought i was one second away from hurting him or mom so i left the kitchen but before i could, i grabbed the scissors and panicked, and tried to get my mom for help but she was occupied, then i was trying to focus enough to put down the scissors but i couldnt and went into panic mode, i couldnt think, i couldnt focus, i slowly inched the scissors towards my mom thinking i might actually stab her in my stressed and panicked statem slowly inching the scissors towards her and scared, then she saw me, simply looked at me and said "what are you gonna do huh?" like she wasnt afraid, and that was enough to snap me out of it and put down the scissors, then i walked back to my room and here i am, trying not to call myself a monster but cant help but keep looking back at that moment, cause i really really felt like i could have...

My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had a**halted her that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why other than the thought doing it but I elbowed her crotch or side area. Which caused another groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING out. Here I am not sleeping yet again! PLEASE someone tell me if I am a monster. Did I do anything wrong here? Do I need to turn myself in for hurting my daughter? I was doing SO well! What is this?

My therapist told me to look at this website. I saw this and it kind of triggered me because being “psychotic” is a big fear of mine with OCD. I also don’t have many compulsions they’re usually all mental compulsions. I’m just worried because I have extreme harm thoughts and have always had fears and feelings of losing control and it does not say how this is different from ocd. Does anyone have any insight?

so since mid december i’ve been feeling like this , well first in mid december I’ve started feeling anxiety like normal, normal as in physical things like feeling like im going to pass out, shaking, chest pain, etc. but then it got worse , then it turned into more of mind stuff like feeling not real , feeling weird like idk. my mind is always runningg like on over drive, like looking back at myself that doesn’t seem like me. like idk. i can’t stand to look at myself anymore bc it doesn’t feel like me. i can’t be alone , when i think about to it makes it sm worse. but how do i stop thinking ab it? or make it better. i’m scared it’s gonna get worse. like i can’t even do my makeup anymore bc i think something bad will happen. i can’t go certain places , like stay the night bc i think something bad is gonna happen.

When my friend was 17, she passed away. She had a heart condition which lead her to a heart attack, and it was devastating for all of us. Once I turned 17, everything came back. It started with research. I was constantly checking what the first sense to go was when you die, or how common a heart attack is. But now, it's turned into my brain telling me that if I don't stay up until 4:30 in the morning, when having to wake up at 6:30, then I will die, my family will die, or everyone will die. Or, if I don't touch my computer the exact same way 3 times I will die. I am so sick of these thoughts and I guess I just want to know that I'm not alone.

Hi all, I wanted to share an OCD win that I had this past week. I recognized and stopped a compulsion. I felt the urge to keep going with the physical compulsion of checking on my son before going to sleep to make sure he was still breathing and to pull the blankets down away from his neck, but I knew it was a compulsion and I used my ERP skills and didn't go and check. Even though my intrusive thoughts haven't been too bad the past few months, I still have them and still have my ups and downs. With me continuing with my ERP, I know that is why I am still on the upside of my OCD. Without it, I wouldn't have the skills to get through the bad times. What’s a small win you had last week in your OCD journey?

My spouse is my best friend. A few months ago I basically worshipped the ground he walked on. He’s the best partner in the world so no “maybe he’s not the right person” commentary. Lately my fear of going psychotic has brought back my intrusive thoughts about harming my husband. Now, whether it be from emotional dissociation or medications, I can’t feel any emotions so I’ve developed ROCD. This is ruining my life and has been a month from hell since my spouse/comfort zone makes me feel nothing. My therapist hasn’t given me any info on how to do anything about this other than reading a book (didn’t help). Any ERP suggestions? I haven’t done ERP before for these types of OCD

TW// self ha rm this is a lot so sorry in advance have been very depressed recently, OCD is kicking my a**. I have been thinking negatively and about not being here in this world pretty intensely. I’ve also just been crying and sometimes hurting myself in a fit of rage. i have been very aggressive to the people i care about, family like mom and grandma or my pets (not being gentle when picking up or holding and or yelling/screaming(this only happened yesterday)… i have felt really bad about this as this is not okay and unfair to the people around me especially my cats because they don’t understand and I wouldn’t want someone being rough with me and or yelling/screaming for not a reasonable reason. my cats are fine and they want to be around me but i still feel so bad. I cried and hugged them and apologized . But i feel it is not enough . also i just feel upset at everyone around me who has failed me but i have become so mean and nasty i just hate this. i cry for so long i dont want to be like this im just so stressed and upset but i have been trying to calm down and if I feel like an outburst is coming i try to direct it somewhere healthier as of rn. im just sad and also i have to go on a trip soon i planned it for myself but i dont wanna cancel i just feel like i ruin everything. ive been diagnosed with so much like borderline, major depression, adhd, histrionic disorder like wtf i feel so not normal and I’m just upset.

My OCD’s been relatively in check as of late, but I’ve been having some major fears surrounding driving in the last several weeks. Unfortunately, those fears crescendoed this past Sunday when I was driving my best friend and girlfriend from Los Angeles to Oceanside (2 ish hours) for a birthday party. On the drive up, OCD struck and it struck hard. I was racked with fear I’d make a mistake, the wheel would give out, I’d swerve off the road with two people I love riding shotgun, you get the picture… Obviously, my entire body and nervous system was racked with fear and because I didn’t want to frighten my friend of partner [and didn’t want reassurance] I stayed quiet. So, while I started to unwittingly compulse (tapping the brakes, intermittently long-blinking, etc), I caught the early warning signs of OCD pretty quickly and began using my ERP tools to sit with my fears/thoughts and push past them — Acknowledge them and let them go. It was really tough, I wanted to pull over and give up several times, but I kept going. I used ERP for two FULL hours and I got us to Oceanside (needless to say in one safe, extremely safe piece). Even better, I’m happy to report that the drive back was night and day better. A little OCD and anxiety, but MINOR compared to the drive there. ERP worked and it worked FAST. Was it hard? Of course. Did I want to give up? Yes. Did I tell my OCD who’s boss? Hell yeah I did!! I’m really proud of myself and I hope other folks reading this take it as a reminder of just how amazing Exposure and Response Prevention can be. After all, the more we sit with our fears, the closer we grow to our truths… What’s a win you had last week in your OCD journey? I’d love to know!

Okay. So, for those who have seen my previous posts, you are probably well versed in what I have been going through, but I feel like venting again. 😅 So, my brother came home from the hospital (because of SI), and I'm extremely on edge from that. Bro has the F*CKING AUDACITY to mock me when I'm in pain, sigh, cry, or laugh. When he used to do that, he would smack/punch/kick/etc. me, and I got in trouble with DCFS for hitting back (1 1/2 years ago), so now I can't have kids until I'm 21 (I'll be 18 in 9 days), otherwise, they'll be taken away. I cannot laugh, joke (I'm the queen of dad jokes), cry, TALK in a silly voice, sing (my main stress relief, even if it's excruciating), or anything along the lines of expressing myself without him becoming "triggered" because it's a "boundary." I AIN'T DOING SH*T TO HIM. I MOSTLY STAY AWAY FROM HIM AND GET SNAPPED AT FOR TALKING TO >OUR< PARENTS. I don't want to go home at the end of the day, to be honest. I'm soo f*cking DONE with all this BULLSH*T!!! I overheard my dad telling my mom that he thinks my brother and I are just "faking" and "attention seeking." HOW THE F*CK DO YOU FAKE A SEIZURE??? OR MY LEG RANDOMLY CONVULSING. I DON'T F*CKING WANT BRUISES EVERYWHERE! I DON'T WANT TO FALL DOWN THE F*CKING >>STAIRS<<!!!! So then my OCD goes into overdrive, telling me that I'm not in pain, that I am faking everything, that there is nothing wrong with me, and to stop lying. That the memories of falling down the stairs are just fake and lies, even though I have the bruises to prove it. I don't get dizzy, I don't stumble, and I don't see stars when I CLEARLY AM. I'm so TIRED. My anxiety is going INSANE, so of course my BPD mood swings have to as well, so that's just f*cking PERFECT!! Absof*ckinglutely PERFECT. I'm tired of my body not working properly, I HATE my body. I HATE my personality because of how insanely unpredictable it causes me to be. I HATE how helpless I feel. I just want to make my family happy. I want them to love me. I don't want to be a burden anymore. 💔😢

Every night when I get home from work, I have this habit of touching the tree at the end of my street. Tonight I had an intrusive thought/ image of myself laughing at someone getting a serious health diagnosis. It caused my anxiety to increase as that’s so unlike me and I work in a hospital so I’m dealing with health problems on the daily and it’s not funny. My brain basically was telling me I had to go and touch all these trees again to rectify the situation or I can no longer buy items I was wanting to buy (had my eye on a few things to get). I just keep going doing I circles, I know it’s not logical but I can’t help it :(

I came across a video that was talking about a theory and it was something me and my friend were talking about 2 years ago and were tweaking about and i was explaining it to my girlfriend just now and them i started to get anxiety about stuff not being real and my world isn’t what it seems to be and that there stuff out there and then i started to have religious OCD and then it went to how Im scared of the world being fake or suffering from a mental illness like schizophrenia or something and stuff and I’ve been having OCD about my girlfriend being a government agent or that government agents are watching me cause I’m scared of schizophrenia and thinking like them i don’t think i actually think it i kinda just go to my girlfriend isn’t a government agent which scares me into thinking i was thinking she was or gonna think she is or idk if i just saying that to bot seem insane or something but like idk if i truly believe that i doubt it i don’t believe it any other time and then i started getting stress i might hurt or maybe kill her and it scares me cause shes my everything and I’m scared of losing her idk guys I’m getting stressed hella and I’m scared of myself and my OCD I’m genuinely tired of it like anyone can ask my girlfriend and she’ll say i cant go 5 mins without ticcing (from ocd) or asking for reassurance like that life is real and thats shes real and I’m real and nothings wrongs and stuff, i probably sounds crazy lmaoo maybe and the sucky thing is i don’t have a therapist or a thingy going on for me cause i don’t have a job and or insurance let alone.

Hello, I’m in undergrad and recently was diagnosed with OCD. Its a very new diagnosis and it’s both been stressful and relieving to receive it. Looking back at my past I’ve been able to explain a lot of behavioral issues that I thought were simply attributed to me being “crazy”. It’s comforting to know it’s something that others struggle with and that there are set coping mechanisms and treatments for it. There are a number of thing of which I obsessively think about, and it’s been getting really hard to deal with all of them. The most troubling are my thoughts toward suicide. I can’t stop thinking about it. There’s not really any intent, it’s just like my brain has tuned into a frequency that plays in the background at all times. Usually though this leads to more dangerous behaviors, and so I always try to do any preventative work to keep myself safe. As for the asking for advice portion of this post, what do you all do to combat unending loops of thought? Because I’m so new to my diagnosis, my therapist and I haven’t found good strategies for me yet, outside of just labeling those thoughts as OCD in an attempt to delegitimize them.

Hoping to find solidarity - I’m coming out of a major OCD episode and my self-esteem definitely took a hit. I talked with my therapist about it, and she was really helpful, and it definitely seems like it could be depression, especially as it was a really rough winter where I live and it’s really only just starting to ease up. Plus it’s also late at night as I’m writing this and as they say, never trust how you feel about your life after 9PM lol - but I’m just wondering if anyone else is dealing with this. I can sit with the uncertainty and the anxiety, but my self-esteem definitely takes a hit with every intrusive thought, and it makes me feel like no one could ever love me, or like I’d be lying/faking being a good person. Just curious to hear others’ thoughts about this - if this is pretty much to be expected after a major OCD episode, if this is depression, etc. And like, for context, it was a really bad OCD episode - fears I thought I’d dealt with already came up, a lot of new fears, every day for months was really high anxiety where I was watching TV just to get through the day, and it felt like I was just holding on until my next therapy session. And all centered around one of the darker OCD themes, and I’m only just coming out of it. Like this is the second or third week where I’ve been able to sit with things that come up and let the anxiety pass, so I feel like this is probably to be expected, that now that it’s passing, there’s things I have to address, like the self-esteem and the areas of my life that got neglected while I was in survival mode. I just hope it gets better soon - I want to go back to how I was feeling last spring and summer, when OCD wasn’t bothering me as much, or it was a less-dark theme to deal with, and i felt so much better about myself 😣 Maybe it’s just a matter of getting out of the house and out of my own head, and doing things that align with my values, especially after months of feeling like a terrible person? Will this pass eventually and I’ll feel like myself again? It’s just hard to actually really think about myself and what kind of person I am - I get anxious thinking about if I’m a good person or a bad person, and I almost kind of try to avoid thinking much about myself at all. And it feels like I’m faking being a good person - like if people only knew half the thoughts and fears that came up, they wouldn’t like me anymore. And it feels like if I move on and forget about these fears that came up, I’m lying to people and to myself, but I just wish I could move on from all of this, and be who I used to be, when these thoughts and fears weren’t on my mind. If you read this far, thank you 🤗❤️ i hope things get easier for you soon and that many good things come your way. Stay safe and take care of yourself

Does anyone else experience this? Every once in a while, I get this overwhelming feeling that is really hard to explain. It is like I *feel* evil, hateful, violent, and completely indifferent. It is such an ugly, uncomfortable feeling, but in that moment, I do not seem to care. I could be watching a video or doing something completely normal, and suddenly, I just feel dark and wrong. It does not exactly feel like a typical intrusive thought because it is not just a fleeting idea that pops into my head. It is more like a constant, vague presence in the background, almost like I have switched personalities or something. During these moments, I also get intrusive thoughts, but I do not immediately reject them the way I normally would. It is like I almost believe them, but there is this tiny part of me that still feels panic or a distant sense of wrongness about agreeing with them. It honestly scares me and makes me worry about what I might do. I do not know if I am explaining this well, but does anyone else experience something like this? I feel like I have never seen anyone talk about it.