Feeling oddly evil?

Does anyone else experience this? Every once in a while, I get this overwhelming feeling that is really hard to explain. It is like I *feel* evil, hateful, violent, and completely indifferent. It is such an ugly, uncomfortable feeling, but in that moment, I do not seem to care. I could be watching a video or doing something completely normal, and suddenly, I just feel dark and wrong. It does not exactly feel like a typical intrusive thought because it is not just a fleeting idea that pops into my head. It is more like a constant, vague presence in the background, almost like I have switched personalities or something. During these moments, I also get intrusive thoughts, but I do not immediately reject them the way I normally would. It is like I almost believe them, but there is this tiny part of me that still feels panic or a distant sense of wrongness about agreeing with them. It honestly scares me and makes me worry about what I might do. I do not know if I am explaining this well, but does anyone else experience something like this? I feel like I have never seen anyone talk about it.

gl0aming

Date posted: 25w

yes, i completely understand this!! it feels like i’m two separate people sometimes, and i’m constantly having to beat the evil side off with a stick. the panic that i’m going to lose control and that side of me is going to win is absolutely paralyzing. i’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too <3

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 25w

@gl0aming Yes it feels like that, like if the half that’s fighting off the “evil” wasn’t there, I’d be a monster. We can do this, I’m sorry you understand this so well ❤️‍🩹

Tireddd

Date posted: 25w

I feel exactly the same, like a darkness and a monster inside me

Tireddd

Date posted: 25w

So disabling, feels so bad

Tireddd

Date posted: 25w

@Tireddd This is going to sound really dark, but it feels like i sometimes don't fully understand why some things are wrong, like abuse, although i obviously know why it's wrong, but it seems that a part of me becomes a defender of the devil and i hate it, i didn't have this before, before everything was clearer to me and had coherent feelings, but now i feel my identity and morals completely destroyed. It's so distressing and reinforces everything

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 25w

@Tireddd It’s a really distressing kind of confusion. I experience this too, and it really feels like you’re losing yourself and your morals. But I think it’s just OCD trying to distort what our core values are. It’s hard to explain, and I know it sounds horrible, but I think it’s just another distortion OCD makes, and it doesn’t reflect who we really are. I know it feels so real in the moment, but I believe it’s just OCD finding a way to make us doubt ourselves and our values.

Ishtar._

Date posted: 25w

you are definitely not alone! same, here

hopefulxmess

Date posted: 23w

Intrusive emotions. Anyone else?

I posted about this the other day and a therapist responded that if it has the usual ocd tells, then it’s most likely ocd. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this. They say even if it’s new for you chances are others have had the same or similar ocd experience. So, this is new for me and just like when I get an intrusive thought i’ve recently been getting what I call intrusive emotions. I will feel something like sad or jealous in a situation when in reality I don’t feel that way at all. For example, my ocd targets certain family members and if one of them is watching tv and thinks a woman is pretty i’ll suddenly feel sad or jealous when I don’t actually care or feel that way because that’s my family member and I don’t think about or feel for them in any inappropriate way. Also, sometimes when I have a harm intrusive thought my ocd will say that I want something horrible to happen to my family member and I will feel like I actually want it but that’s not what I want or how I feel at all. Is there anyone who has had this or something similar happen?

PRIV8

Date posted: 23w

What is this feeling that i feel?

For 3 days I had a feeling that came up pretty often and I cant name it, I dont know what is it and the more i try to see what is it the more i feel worse. Usually letting feeling be and letting yourself experience it helps but not with this. I find myself feel grumpier, triggered and more angry. Its a mix of fear, but then i get angry too and I dont find letting myself experience it helpful cause I just stuck there. It feels like its in my chest and when it gets triggered it makes things hard to enjoy. I tried to be kind with myself and see what causes it but trying to be kind with myself triggers this annoying feeling and it just gets worse... i dont know what helps thats why i ask your help, if you ever experienced this... also i what i almlst forgot to mention, what is really important is that i became really sensitive to every thought, and any thought can trigger this feeling or any thought can trigger a negative feeling that will trigger this feeling. And honestly the "just accept it and let yourself feel what you feel" doesnt helps here cause i find myself really angry that i have to let myself feel the emotions that are triggered by these intrusive thoughts...

feelinalone.

Date posted: 20w

i’m so anxious right now.

i had thoughts of “planning” to harm my boyfriend. we have a trip coming up and my intrusive thoughts were telling me “nobody will know if you harm him all the way over there”, then my mind started rambling on like “everyone will know-“ and so on and so forth, it actually made me feel like i was contemplating on doing something and now it feels like im turning evil ): has anyone had thoughts like this?

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Feeling oddly evil?

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