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I have Postpartum OCD and was wondering if other moms out there have experienced this as well? I’ve wound up with harm/SI/etc. and just want to connect with moms that experienced the symptoms of OCD come on with their child’s birth?

I can’t say that I have OCD but I’ve seen the various themes and I feel as I have it and well my life has been very crazy for the last 5 days. Right now I’m struggling with harm and somewhat religious ocd I’d say and becuase of the thoughts I have gotten panic/anxiety attacks and can’t keep myself from shaking and feeling very hot or cold becuase of these thoughts. I have also dealt with health, sexual orientation, etc in the past. But harm and religious ocd has really shaken me like crazy I’ve had thoughts of harming my mother and yk I don’t wanna say the word but yk it and I get really scared that maybe that my mind really wants to do it but I today I cried for the first time in such a while thinking about my mom and it kinda gave me relief because I seriously felt I have lost my emotions but I feel way more relaxed and joining this app today and seeing people’s experiences has given me hope

So I saw a knife in the kitchen two days ago and my anxiety went off the charts. And my brain is now saying I might do something to my mom. What the hell is going on with me? And now I feel scared, worried and don’t even want to be in the kitchen. So sone help me. What is this abs what do I do??

Hi. My name is Alec. I've had this app for a year, maybe less, but never used it really. I don't know why, if it's a lack of motivation, or confusion about myself. Maybe a lot of things, piling on top of each other, day in, day out. I've had no platform comfortable sharing things with, no real community to try and be a part of, because I couldn't take the first step. I'm shooting a light into a dark night here and I don't know where this is going but here I am. I don't know what medical issues I've had, and my whole life it feels like whatevers been going on with me has been swept under the rug or categorized as just another part of autism. I may be on the spectrum with aspergers, diagnosed, but it always felt like there was something else, like these people just generalize my brain into something easy to work with. Well it's not. My brain has periodic attraction to minors, but that's being nice for the sake of it. They're kids. KIDS. And any time I've wanted to come out and get some help, maybe float the idea of someone coming out to people with that issue, I always hear the same response. Commit suicide, people like that deserve death. "If you in any way are attracted to kids, there is no excuse, people like that should be;" shot, stabbed, raped, etc. So I never have seeked anything or anyone out for help, and just sat in my own disgust and lust that I've grown numb to it. I think my brain obsessively targets a mindset to make myself feel less bad about drawn porn of the content, because that's all it's been, growing numb to sickening ideas and maybe even normalizing it. You can never be as mad at me or anything as I am, because I have to deal with these thoughts just about every day. I don't know if it's much better, but I don't look up CP. While I can't help these strange obsessive attractions, I've put so much energy directing it into fictional porn, specifically the drawn stuff, just so I couldn't be tempted in real life, and seems to be working so far, but if I can snuff out this issue for good, I don't know how I'd feel, but I hope relieved. That's simply a smaller chapter in my life, despite its vulgarity, so still be aware that I am being vulnerably open right now to a bunch of strangers that may not want to see this. I dont know. I really don't. There has been no option for me that I could find, and I'm already past the option for suicide, so I'm just crossing fingers that maybe some answer will come to because who can afford a therapist when they have no money, and listen to the comments of an ultimatum for various problems probably associated with a mental issue is murder or some twisted version of justice? I simply just want to figure out what's wrong with me, and maybe even fix all of my mental problems and blocks, despite this being an app for a target group of people. Maybe this is my root, who knows. But thank you anyways.

I started with 25mg at first, then bumped it up to 50mg the second month. I've noticed some positive shifts in my mood. It seems like my brain is finally getting used to it, and I can feel a positive difference. Honestly I’m up and down with this medication and depending on what intrusive thought OCD wants to throw my way is uncertain , and two days again I wanted to switch to a different med completely but now I don’t know. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Anyway , my OCD has been throwing me the most disturbing thought. It involves a knife and someone’s eye (you paint the picture) I’ve noticed the more you don’t engage with OCD the more the thoughts decrease but then it’ll rev up and send you and even more violent thought just to trip you up and make you feel all those horrible feelings again. I still pushed through , and I also wanna say exposure has helped. I was so afraid to start my new job at Starbucks because I had to be around people and the fear of possibly hurting them , and I had so much anxiety leading up to the job that I almost didn’t go in and was gonna quit before I even started , and I’m so dead set on a sleep schedule that going into work with sporadic hours freaks me out because what if I get tired and the thoughts get worse. I had to push all of that to the side for this job and it was so scary , but it’s my second week and I’m doing it. I’m finally working , laughing and talking to people. Yeah the thoughts come , but an hour will go by and I’ll think to myself “wow , I don’t even remember a violent thought popping up” and also keeping a knife on my nightstand has helped too. Trust me I’m still scared , but I got hit with so many exposures that my OCD sort of calmed down , because after a while I realized I have nothing to worry about. Exposure therapy really does work , especially when the exposure isn’t planned , because let’s face it I have to work. I have to make a living. What I felt was a nightmare turned out to set me free in a way. Ain’t that crazy

feels extra real today, like i’m actually going to do it. i want to cry

Last night I was driving and saw a pedestrian at night while trying to make a right turn, i noticed I still had time to go before they crossed the street so I made my turn. For some reason, I thought to myself what if I hit that pedestrian with my car and didn’t notice? Once I got home I couldn’t sleep so I went back to check the intersection to see if maybe there was an ambulance/police but there wasn’t. I’m so scared

i was at a rehearsal yesterday and i got super afraid of hurting someone for no reason. i wish i could tell someone, but i don’t know how to get them to understand that i don’t want to and i truly won’t? it’s really scary and i can’t really isolate because i’m around other people. instead i just start feeling terribly icky, if you know what mean. like my own skin shouldn’t be touching me. i feel horrible for thinking about any of it.

I don’t know where else to go, I feel as though my depression just keeps getting worse and worse and even though my ocd is under control, it still makes me upset. It truly is a life ruiner and there’s nothing I could do about it but take medication and learn to adapt. Not only that, I’m starting to feel like my home isn’t a “happy home” that much anymore. Everyday or at least every other day there is an argument between my parents. I hear it, even at times where it’s 1 am and I can literally hear them angrily have sex and THEN going back to arguing and crying and shit. This is relevant because I started getting more unwanted thoughts about my dad and mom, not only with my harm ocd but maybe a newly stemming ocd too ? 100% gross sexual images pop into my head and I fucking hate it. I just need some comfort and to be told I’m not alone.

My daughter said dad my eyes are blue and without missing a beat my brain said(I can look in them as you die) Can anybody relate to harm ocd doing this?????? Everything she says it's like my brain has got some violent remark like this. I'm starting to doubt this is ocd. I've been trying to educate myself more and more about this theme and haven't seen anything similar to this. So please if you have had a similar experience with this them please feel free to share some knowledge. My daughter is the most important thing in my life, and it's putting a big damper on my fatherhood

Hello 👋 I'm new here and wanted to share my story. I'm 27 and struggle daily with OCD. I've had it for many years and got diagnosed 3 years ago. I have intrusive thoughts daily and constantly washing my hands because I feel contaminated. My hands are so sore they crack and bleed. When I get my food shop delivery I have to clean the kitchen floor where items have been and for days after I wash my hands after touching the food items because they are dirty to me. I wear PJ'S when I'm on my sofa but I have to change into different PJ'S when I get in bed, I cannot wear the same ones because I feel the sofa has germs on that I can't put in my bed. I clean my phone everyday when I get home from work because of the work germs. It's very rare if I use the toilets at work because of other colleagues using them. I get behind on jobs at work because I have to re read things a lot. I struggle very much leaving the house by myself. My last job I had to leave due to constantly being late because I had to check all the windows, doors, switches, cooker, ect. Luckily now my husband is at home when I leave for work. But times where I've had to leave by myself I've had panic attacks and cannot stop crying because I cannot leave the house. I think something bad will happen. I freeze at the door, I know I've locked it but the OCD bully in my head is saying I need to keep checking it until it feels right. And a lot of the time it never feels right. I have accidentally broken door/window handles because of checking them so many times. A few years ago I struggled that much to leave the house I had to film myself locking the door and I also wrote on paper "locked" "off" ect. Take a photo/video and send it to my husband who then stopped work to look and reply. A lot of the time it didn't help at all. At night I have to check everything is switched off and locked up, that can take a long time and a lot I ask my husband to do the checks either with me or by himself. This is so difficult. I have been having therapy for about 3 months, it's helped a little so that's something. Some days are ok and other days are horrible. I know I'm not alone but it does feel like that a lot. Thank you for reading :)

Does anyone else feel scared to be around item that interfere with your thoughts? like with my OCD when a thought like “what is i stab someone” comes into my head i can’t be around knives, if they are out i have to put them away and hide them. i get so scared if my thoughts becoming reality so i have to distance myself

Has anybodys ocd presented itself like this. I sent this to my therapist, this is different then anything I've ever dealt with and I don't know how to handle this. I don't even know how to explain these thoughts. Are they statements or what.

For a while now - like the last 6 months - I’ve been getting intrusive thoughts about SA, Pedophilia, and overall disturbing things but for some reason I’ve been sort of numb to them? Like they’ll come up and I’ll just look at them with indifference won’t feel anything and it scares me because it makes me feel like I’m sort of embracing the thoughts. Like I’ll have an intrusive thought such as “I’m glad they went through this horrible thing” and I’ll just say ok and move on??? How do I not feel numb when it comes to intrusive thoughts 😭 I don’t like it one bit. Makes me miss when I had those horrible ocd episodes because I at least felt SOMETHING.

For anyone who has suffered from this, how do you manage this type of OCD on a daily basis? It’s crippling my day to day life and sometimes i even avoid driving to places.

im about to give up. im struggling and nothing helps.i dont wanna be here anymore with these thoughts and fears.

I’m 20 years old and Christian.I’ve started having thoughts that one day I will be a drug addict and that I look like a drug addict.never in my life have I touched drugs or did them.i grew up in a household with people that did those things.my aunt passed away from it in 2015.my mom is set free because of making up her mind and jesus setting her free.I’ve dealt with other type of OCD thoughts.I’ve tried looking up fear of drugs and I found some people who struggled but not a whole lot like if I were to search up other OCD thoughts.every time I see someone that is struggling with drugs or is drunk it just scares me.I live in a small town so I can tell (I’m not in any way trying to assume someone else’s life but you can tell from certain people and I don’t judge them I really do feel bad for them).I’ve seen posts about people who’s face completely changed from drugs and it just terrifies me to the point where I’m going to panic.just like with harm OCD,I would see murder cases and immediately get scared that one day that would be me doing harm to someone.please tell me I’m not alone.I’m afraid of ever falling in love with someone who does do drugs,smokes or drinks because I know that who we hang around and get attached to,we will do what they do if we are not careful.hopefully this makes sense.again I’m not judging people who do them at all.I feel very bad for them because they are trying to fill a void with something that just isn’t worth it.at the same time it’s like I’m okay fearing it because it will keep from ever doing them because I know how much harm it does.I have thoughts and images of people drugging me.thoughts telling me “you look like a drug addict”.this is scaring me.some days I just want to move away where no one knows me.

I'm 17 and I was just wondering if it's OCD to think all of a sudden ' promise ok your pets life to go from one room to another within 30 seconds.' I used to be really scared and in Hinduism materialistic things (anything from sound sight touch taste smell etc) are ignoranve distracting you from god so I thought that by giving up things like not having chocolate for a day, not listening to music, etc I would be making 'sacrificws' to keep my rabbits alive. But then I started thinking things like 'promise on your rabbits life to eat this sweet for example' even if initially I was avoiding it because pleasures from taste are igorance. But now I keep getting it many times a day 'promise on your rabbits life to do this, do that, etc.' it's really interfering with studying and I have an offer for med school 🙏 but I'm not sure I'll be able to go

Does anyone ever fear that they’re going to be the one that actually acts on their harm OCD urges? I know people with OCD are some of the most compassionate and non violent people but I fear I’m going to just mess up and give in, despite the therapy or the encouraging words. It makes me terrified to feel like I could be beyond help some days

I'm stuck. My compulsions always centered around expelling all anxiety from myself, but now I've found something external that can't be neutralised - completely ego-dystonic centered around the most horrific thing I've encountered in my life and the thought that someone could know I had watched it and thought I was genuinely into it sexually. I always clung to this idea that I could expel enough anxiety that it wasn't bothering me. Wouldn't be perfect, but I could at least get rid of it enough to function well. But this has knocked me down completely: This is a thought that will always cause me anxiety anytime I think it, every social situation, every day at work is a ticking time bomb where I feel I have to avoid it. There's positives. I've learned a lot about my compulsions around perfectionism socially. After the anxiety passes I'm still confident, I'm still funny, it doesn't affect my personality. I know it isn't me. But I can't laugh off the subject matter like I would normally do, and no matter what I do I will always be able to think something that causes me anxiety on this. And when it does, my anxiety slaughters me. It throws me cognitively, if I've eaten anything, I get to taste it twice; that happened yesterday - Thankfully I have a great relationship with my manager and team leader so could convince them to keep it between us and keep working but the moment you feel your stomach go and the saliva starts to come, it's coming up whether you want it or not. The anxiety spike hits me when I wake up in the night, stopping me sleeping. When I'm enjoying myself 'too much, it brings it up to put me in my place. When I go to the gym or out with friends, the fear of the anxiety hits me. It's actually not even the situation anymore, it's the anxiety about the anxiety. But I've watched myself slide backwards from all the incredible progress I've made. I've made mistake after mistake feeding compulsions I never should've done, all the time working towards a different compulsion that I thought would magically fix all this. That's the most insidious thing about OCD. The more you try to fix it, the worse it gets. I've never had this before. Never something external that can't be resolved. I can't sleep much. Can't eat a lot. Watching my muscle mass deteriorate. What if it happens on a date? What if it happens in an interview? Why this? Why did my OCD latch on to something this disgusting (That one probably answers itself actually haha). Either this helps me finally realise that not all thoughts are meant to be resolved, reveals more about the OCD and helps me improve. Or it doesn't. Anyone had anything like this? A period of sustained downhill with the OCD that you pulled out of? Something external that you couldn't ever get confirmation of, but helped you in the end? Maybe didn't, but you still soldiered on anyway. Just looking for a little optimism tbh.