Welcome to
the NOCD Community

My current OCD flare surrounds health, and death and life after death. My mind is latching on the “what if” there is no God, Jesus or life after death. I was raised Christian, but these thoughts (obsessive) keep questioning. I keep Praying for a CLEAR sign, which hasn’t come yet. I wish I could pick up the phone and talk to loved ones passed. Due to these obsessions, I’m terrified of losing a loved one daily. It’s torture.

i don’t know if this could be my ocd playing into it but recently my dad just turned 60 and for the past 3 days i’ve been thinking about how my parents aren’t gonna be around forever and it’s making really anxious and sad, i keep questioning how long i’ll have left with him and looking up if 60 is an old age. Has anyone else gone through this ?

Does anyone else just start thinking about life, and how it may not be real? I’ve always found myself stuck in my head just going down a rabbit hole of thoughts such as existential thoughts. I don’t know how to distract myself and I just feel very depressed over this. It makes every day difficult to live. I also find myself worrying about death a lot, I’m still very young, 14, yet still feel like I have only a few years left.. as if I’m a grandma.

Do conspiracy theories trigger anyone elses OCD? They always scare me and make me feel like I need to “figure them out” and I over-research and over-analyze them. It’s not like I’m genuinely just interested in them or believe in them, it’s more that I feel like I need to know the answer. Tiktok is a huge trigger for this.

I put too much on my plate. Im working full time night shift, a full time hybrid student, and doing clinical rotations all in the midst of buying a house and adding a third to my long term relationship. i thought i could handle it. i thought that if i wanted this enough that i could make it work but now i feel like my brain is on fire. Working nights has me so paranoid that i have to count my steps out 1-2-3-4 and sometimes feel completely glued to my seat counting 1-2-3-4 over and over to get the feeling of dread to go away. I am constantly ruminating and reassurance seeking to the point of breaking down every time i’m alone. My brain is full of all of the what-ifs so full that it’s hard to sleep. I had my first appointment with a specialist but due to everything going on, i fell asleep while waiting for the appointment to start (Telehealth) Before all of this started my OCD was just the counting steps and bouts of contamination fears and over cleaning but now im questioning my life over and over to point of pointlessness and its driving me insane. i cant do this. i will because i know i have to and it will be over soon but im so scared and i dont know how i can come out of all of this okay and intact with the people i love still around me. i hate who i have become.

My thoughts about a brain tumor started to become a thing about 9 months ago. At first they were horrible but I've been able to control them ever since. Ever since spring break started a couple of days ago, thoughts about a brain tumor have been debilitating and they are so real I'm convinced I'm dying. My mind kept telling me I was worthless anyway, and finding belong so I all makes sense and all the symptoms make sense too. I can't go to the doctor because I'm in another state and I don't know what to do. I also ran out of medication a couple of days ago and I won't be able to get more until April 9th. So it might be that but I'm convinced I'm dying.

I have all of these and im just asking because I always thought nobody would ever understand how much is constantly going on in my head all at once, all the time, everyday. Sometimes there's so much in my head i feel suicidal purely out of wanting a break from so much constantly going on, feeling like it's never going to stop and I can't handle it, and that nobody gets it or ever will. Like there's so many different layers of thoughts and anxieties that connect to triggering each other every day all the time that I don't want to have to even try to navigate any of it anymore... Does anyone else feel this way...

Idk if anybody is religious but yesterday I was so distraught and suicidal and I pray to God to give me a reason to continue and beat OCD. I called suicide hotline and it sort of help. It's really hard to talk to a stranger what you're go through, especially when you comes to OCD. I made a call to an ocd therapist through this app and that helped. It wasnt until after hours later that I told my brother why I've become distant and I told him how I was feeling suicidal and I promise that I will go on anti-depressants. I just wanted to say that idk what's gonna happen in the future and idk if I'm able to fight ocd or seek recovery.

I saw a tiktok of this women talking about false memories and she was saying that false memories are impossible and that it doesn't exist. Then, I saw a comment that someone said people use false memory as an excuse because deep down their terrible people. Additionally, I saw another comment saying that false memories has been debunked. In the past few days, I just been feeling awful. My ocd has spiked and now I've lost all hope. My whole life, I never been thought I would be a terrible person and when this random memory, that I'm sure that it's true or not appear, I have a hard time trusting myself. After that, all mistakes I made in the past starts pouring in and I'm like, What the fuck is going on?!? I honestly don't see a future for myself. I don't see myself getting married, having kids, even accomplishing career dreams. What's so sad is back in January, I got accepted to go back to school to study graphic design. When I found out about the news I was extremely happy to finally do something that I want to do and move out of my lame hometown and start fresh. I don't even picture myself going to school in the fall. My life is pretty much dwindling.

Kinda really anxious because I am afraid I might have borderline personality disorder, except I constantly am afraid that I might have mental disorders that I’m not diagnosed with. Wondering if other people with OCD deal with themes of obsession over mental disorders. Or if this is borderline personality disorder, and instead I am creating different personalities based on different disorders I keep thinking I have. I have been diagnosed with OCD but in my comments it was mentioned that I showed some symptoms of OCPD and BPD but not enough to diagnose

I need help someone plz help I keep getting thoughts and physical urges about girls and I feel that I’m getting aroused. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to be with a girl I keep getting images about my sister arms and I xojld care her veins and I know that I like men with veiny arms but I keep getting a reliant that I like My sister with it I don’t what to do I don’t have anyone to talk to u I feel like I am alone. In Islam I don’t know if it’s true or not but god says to the fetus 77 times if u want to come to this world and god shows his or her life to it till his death. I wonder what did I see in this world that I agreed to come here I don’t want to live anymore I’ve had enough no one understand I want to go back to normal I don’t want to be with a girl I’ve never imagined my life with a girl I’m having 5 tablets a day of medication and I’m becoming worse I can’t focus I can’t remember certain things

Today I feel less ocd after spending all night obsessively reaching out to people tired of hearing the same trauma the call drama and bs..they don't even wanna read the thing I just desperately n with nocontrol to stop like pressurized sat n texted out I a booklet form trying to reach a human worth reaching out Tha will take the time n try..I fell different though..like I'm not a disables as I thought..like maybe all my hard times I sat n question y God would put me threw after living the child hood I grew uo in questioning every thing I ever said did or didn't do..n boxed into a mental war dying as a pedifile bc I acting out sexually as a child n thought I wa being tirtueed..yet today I feel like maybe I was nit being tortured but deliberately forces to broke down the soul shattering lessons I wasn't leaening..I feel almost older now like dar. How come I didn't catch on sooner but I feel the weight has shifted n I'm not no longer being murdered for my son's but instead I was chosen to air out all the abuse I tool part and that was taken part upon me on purpose to be the chosen one who deserved to proudly walk that path endured alof it came out a child of God I knew I was and forgiven o my hypothesis before only today I feel proved to me thru music opened to me people i took time to love during darkest moments all of a sudden appear in my news feeds singing God's army 2024 not a pedifile n. Even was the death I was assuming I wa dying in when I wa actually being saved in..Making me finally wanna walk as the chosen one who learned a lesson about trying to be cool and pretending building relationships one way n not at all worth it I feel I learned so much I can't express it all..u fell I need to throw this pack if cigarettes down n let Gid guide me thru it bc he walked me thru not he'll but a chosen path thought i was alone n left n no one heard my cries n pain n pure Gid gifted heart but now the entire world has changed where I no longer have to stay in the past as much as i thought I wa trapped there n doctors where punishing bring all the bad moments back like to keep making me answer for things I already thought I took responsibility but maybe I wa choosing to relive n live in the past..but today I feel I walk with a different set of eyes no longer pretending and just as innocently ready to run to give it another shit to love live and walk on Purpose as the survivor who endured all that life nit death and still need to make every next sec count bc God 9nly knows how many y are left..n to completely walk with the gifted heart to speak lolebtye child of Gid Jesus saved..to not cuss not breed hate to nit pretend someone is loving worthy to nit slip back into my just learned life om excited to love n live in.im different..I feel I wa given assistance I wanna make those proud I endures that every sec felt and learned some things..to be that chosen one whi taught some people so many things that if u saw me in the world we share..u maybe would be proud I survived n changed and u watched as it went down..to make several people proud intentionally.no crowns only one king Jesus. To not be a rider die or gangsta or think drugs sex n rock n roll is cool anymore ti hang up all that n walk as an adult now.careful not to fall back in when I just barely gut out doctors are amazing i.been disabled for 11 years now n I literally been off my meds since about a week after Dec 31st 2024 n feel so.healed natrong i believe I can confirm with my doctors I am the one chosen to show u proof a mind can do alot to be so disabled n now walk un medicated un drugged by street drugs n be given life actually proven a disabled mind can be healed n saved..I thought I was a lost cause committing suicide left n right nit caring what happened to me destroying myself w no care as to rue danger I was putting myself in..now I see it and I'm in shock i went thru so much n came out ok n a survivor not a pedifile still scars slight anxiety some ocd still and a highly functional paranoid pzschofrinc with bi polar and depressive manic traits nit sure how they worded that one after manic deppressive ---i feel.like a battle was one and stronger from my soul shift It's all possibly a delusion but that's fear trying ti crep back in..I heard no human to talk w except singers thru music n my data is at .58 n ik loosing the opened door I just barely finally felt.all these new thoughts n saw wow I'm in shock..I'm proud of.myself..I think u should be.mpaim changes people yes but the lord he chooses some pain to mk a human show his word I walked that life blindly.im so ready for this next chapter.n terrified I'm gonna slip up..Jesus saved me. Fact

how to stop existential ocd? I developed dpdr (depersonalisation and derealisation) from this. my toughts are horrible I can't even explain them. I think no one can understand this, just people who also go trought this. everything I think about turns into a horrible existential crisis and I loose connection with my body I see myslef from 3rd position, everything goes blurry and U can't hear properly. I feel so disconnected from reality. sometimes I just feel like I don't have to do anything or I can do anything because I don't even exist, nothing is real. I literally saw a car coming my way amd i had a tought it doesn't matter I can go through the street because I'm not real, i dont exist, so i did that and then later I realised what happened and im really scared now of what I am capable to do. how do I stop this? I'm on meds but I don't think they work, I've also tried many different therapists but I don't feel comfortable with anyone and nothing seems to work

I've been struggling for years now and beat myself over why do i dont recover, and it makes me kinda angry that just now i realized all i watched is how to set a compos on how you react to your thoughts, to not start panicking and be kind with yourself and i did that and i still got frustrated and now i see cause these still doesnt teach you how to deal with limiting beliefs. I was loving myself and sometimes it felt good but i realized im not doing anything with the beliefs and thoughts i carry with myself. We dont have just ocd thoughts tho... everyone has limiting beliefs that doesnt help. Yet i cant find it how to deal with them. Its not just ignoring or accepting, that doesnt change your belief system. Replacing it is a fighting too which makes it worse so what helps? Many therapist tells you to think about how it makes you feel or to go back time see where it comes from. This is so not helpful for ocders cause i did that, it made me retraumatize myself by the stories my mind made up and then i couldnt tell whats reality and what was what i made up, and then i thought im avoiding reality... Sorry this really isnt about ocd but when realized that all that i did now was just setting the filter on how i react to things i have but i still dont know what to do is made me so angry... cause you can be super kind with yourself in every situation, you can be kind if youre trying to fly with a plane but you cant, kindness will not teach you how to fly, you need that to be able to focus and not rumminate but you still need to learn how to fly...Back to the therapist advice, how should we think about where it comes from, how it made us feel and think about the thoughts if we get spin out and this is what we have to actually stop doing? Its so fckn annoying tho that we learn that rumminating and thinking about why we had this thought is useless, doesnt help so we have to stop it, BUT in other therapy we will teach you to think about why you had that thought and how does it makes you feel...

I clearly remember the day it started. I was in sixth grade in 1967 and like the flick of a switch I felt off one day. I kept thinking I had died the night before but was still moving around. It was so weird but it continued from then on, the intrusive thoughts, the constant moving around and racing thoughts about what has to be done that day. I’ll walk into a room to do something but end up doing several other things before getting to that. I’m 67 and retired but every day I struggle with unwanted thoughts (never about harming anyone or myself but about bad things that could happen. I think the worst in any situation. I’m so tired but know no other life. Glad to know I’m not alone.

I know this isn’t OCD but anyone on here dealt with depersonalization. Two days ago I was walking in the mall and looked at myself in the mirror and i felt like an immediate detachment from my body like my mind felt completely separate from my body. Every since then I have been so anxious because now I just keep thinking my mind is trapped in this body and I feel so weird being a human like I should be some other species. its like I look at myself and don’t even know who i am. Currently am going through antidepressants withdrawal symptoms having quitting them cold turkey and been on them for 3 years.

Yesterday, I made a post saying that I don't know how to cope with being alive. Right now, I'm really struggling and I'm even more depressed. I think what caused me this distressed was the nickelodeon docu-series and hearing these stories what these young actors went through re-opened a wound of my own childhood trauma and I'm spiraling. This week has been horrible and I know when ppl say that when you're suicidal the problem you're a dealing with is temporary but this doesn't feel temporary. I called my counselor a few days ago to schedule an appointment but he's off this week but he promised that he may squeeze a session tomorrow. At least I have that. I just don't know what to do.

Hi all, I’ve just very recently gotten diagnosed. A month ago, I barely even knew what ocd was, and I’d thought my whole life that I was just strange. It’s now starting to feel like the more I learn about this disorder the more it seems like every single aspect of me is ocd; I’ve even been doing mental compulsions as early as 7 years old and I don’t know or remember what it’s like to be “normal”. Does anyone else struggle with this? Not being able to identify a “self” outside of the disorder?

I’m just wondering. Would God send me to hell because I swear? I am a Christian in my faith but I have to admit sometimes I may not come across that way because I swear like a sailor, can even come across as nasty at times like judgy? Me and my partner dirty talk when having sex and say things maybe god wouldn’t approve of?? But we aren’t doing it to cause harm to each other, and it’s our own private time, where we say things that turn us on that aren’t very “Christian like” if that even makes sense… do you think God will look down on me because of this? Or he would think I’m not worthy enough to be a Christian? Even me smoking and having tattoos and planning on getting more, what would God think of this? I need a good Christian opinion of this please 🙏🏼

I have a big fear of dying and death. Is there anyone out there that isn’t afraid of this? If so, can you please give me your perspective on it?