Depressed

@hay28 Thank you🙂

@Grettzel Yeah i was on Lexapro for two years and then had to dry something else because my body got used to it, I was on celexa and buspar, didnt work, then my psychiatrist put me on zoloft and got really depressed and anxious and started crying every day. She told me to discontinue it and im seeing her next week after she gives me a gene sight test to get on another medication

@sarah06 Wow I'm sorry to hear that, sounds super frustrating. I can't really say much cause I'm on 9 meds and my OC symptoms are debilitating me now haha so my diagnosis is shifting off of mood to OCD. I didn't rly feel shit from celexa and on buspar ATM 20mg 3x/day but honestly I have never known if it's actually been useful and I've taken it for years. I'm on 50mg of Zoloft ATM (with Wellbutrin, Amitriptyline, and Lamictal). It's pretty crazy/Interesting how meds work differently on everyone. If you don't mind me asking what symptoms/complications you're trying to treat?

@Grettzel Yes celexa didn’t give me any negative reactions or make me worse. It just didn’t make me feel better. And I have a whole bunch of mental health issues. Im like a walking anxiety ball. I am treating depersonalization, derealization, existential OCD, Somatic OCD, harm ocd, crippling anxiety and some depression. I also take prescribed sleeping pills for insomnia where Ill stay awake for three days straight from fighting my sleep from anexity. My base line is basically in fight or flight mode

@Grettzel Im glad zoloft worked for you. I was prescribed lamictal too and it was working fine but it made my blood pressure go from normal to 160/100, so make sure you monitor your blood pressure

@Grettzel Ive been trying to find a medication that works for me for five months now. Im exhausted and now have only gotten worse

@sarah :/ During the pandemic I was getting ~3hrs of sleep a night, my anxiety was crippling and I was irritable and stressed. Instead of changing shit, I focused on the insomnia. I figured once I get good sleep, it'll make the other shit less awful. Maybe narrow it down to the root problem and start from there. I know lamictal is a treatment for dissociation disorders, but psychotherapy can work too. I never had BP issues on it. I was on 300 for mood stabilizer for years, but only doing 50mg atm post COVID. The insomnia can really fuck with your body and stress tolerance. My mother and I both take Amitriptyline for insomnia. I tried idk..6-7 different ones before finding one that actually consistently worked.

@Grettzel Yeah I need to do that thank you and Ive been seeing a psychiatrist but think i need a new one because i don’t have any relief and have been seeing her for five months now. Hopefully i can find something that works after the gene sight testing

@sarah :/ Honestly Ive always preferred separating my therapy and my medicine management. It let's you have more focus on those aspects of treatment instead of one hour smushing in your therapy AND your meds with a psychiatrist. Psychologists (PsyD) won't immediately jump to medication since they focus on counseling psychotherapy over medicine. Just my two cents. You can also find what they specialize in treating and their preferred therapies. Oh oh! There's also even Psychotherapists that focus on therapy, while the -oligists usually work with more complex diagnoses that may need assessments

@sarah :/ I totally believe you can get to where you wanna be. A lot can happen in a short amount of time. Stay diligent.

@Grettzel Thank you i just feel like giving up

@sarah :/ Im in a constant battle in my head with overthinking, anxious thoughts that least to compulsions

@sarah :/ Sorry....I know going thru the same thing as you are. Trying ne meds bc nothing works. N

@sarah :/ And dealing with dissociation. My husband was supportive, but he doesn't seem to be now. 😔

@sarah :/ I hear you!! I'm right there with you and my stomach is killing me right now from anxiety. Trying a new med since I'm bi polar, ocd, depressed and anxiety ridden. Hope it comes in soon and actually helps. I've tried them all!! I look like a pharmacy if you open my cabinet. It's a pity!!

@Speckles Aww don't shame yourself for having medication :< you're being treated for medical conditions and there's nothing pitiful about you getting help <3

@Grettzel Awww...Thanks! That helps. I just want to feel like my old self again. Sometimes my husband seems so supporting and then other times not so. It's hard for a relationship.

@Speckles You might like "Overthinking About You" by Allison Raskin. It's dealing with relationships with anxiety/depression, and OCD. I have learned that part of the challenge is balancing receiving and adjusting the support needs from your network, while staying mindful of how heavy it feels to people who either do not experience neurodiversity, or have experience around OCD. We unconsciously build some type of tolerance over time but it can be easy to not realize that our loved ones may need time to recharge. I have this thing with my boyfriend where we have "Me time" cause we spend everyday together and need that time for ourselves OCD or not

@Speckles Communication and patience are really important for both sides. Start with what you can change for the better on your own, even if it's just a little chore or something. It's not to alleviate the intrusive worries, but to invite the feeling of accomplishment and doing something good

@Grettzel Thank you! I'll look into that. I know it's difficult for my husband and I feel like he wishes he never married me. It kinda came out last month. He said I should have told him I had this, but I was doing well then, so I didn't tell him.

@Grettzel Good Advice!!

@Speckles If you had those intrusive thoughts during a time you were doing well, why do they hold so much weight now?

@Grettzel They weren't as bad and I could ignore them more. Now I think they have a hold on me bc of a lot of stress that's happened in the last few years. I could work then and function as a normal person, but it was still in the back of my head and I thought I'm young and I'll deal with it later. They might come up with something. Then 20 yrs. Ago. I didn't tell anyone! Kept it all in and said I'm taking this to my grave. I didn't know it was OCD at the time.

@Speckles It sounds like you were functioning, but yeah your avoidance was like a bandaid fix. OCD can worsen over time, but it's because it's an illness surrounded by internalizing fears of uncertainty and maladaptive behavior. If you don't have a solid healthy foundation for boundaries and esteem, the problems will just eat at you, yeah. At least you're aware of it now, and all this time has been filled with experiences and life lessons. It's never too late to work on it.

@Grettzel Yeah, lots of alcohol in the picture too! You summed it up.... it'll eventually catch up and it did. First time after we were married my husband lost his job, I had quit mine before and then the house. That popped up 4 yrs after marriage. First were good and then things got hard.

@Speckles Also dealing with dissociation and depersonalization. Its a scary feeling

@Speckles I can relate. Ive tried over 5 medicines that past five months and all have made me feel worse and dealing with the same issues as you :/

@sarah :/ I know... it's so frustrating!! They have this Gene test you can do. I haven't done it tho. It is suppose to see what meds you'll respond to

Psh that's a fucking #mood I am overstimulated mentally almost always (two jobs, full time grad school, boyfriend, sick parents, noisy ass neighbor, etc.), and when I have free time I get extreme fatigue like can't put bra on cause arms are heavy kind of fatigue lol. I wish I could share my good vibes with you. Finding the cocktail that works for you is probably the most frustrating thing out of everything but I promise once you get that sweet spot..*chefs kiss* My mom would run to me screaming because of night terrors sometimes, when she was trying to get her meds adjusted. Id ask her about the dream cause she wouldn't be able to tell what was real. She once mentioned me running down some hallway and she couldn't cry for help. I told her "well it definitely didn't happen because we don't have a hallway" it was stressful AF at the time cause I was literally unable to function from severe depression and couldn't do more to be there for her, but neither of us are suffering like that anymore, and I fully believe you'll get there. Be patient and practice self compassion. If it helps, look into treatments and studies and see what's out there for yourself. I've asked to try certain meds. Oh and currently my anxiety is not manageable so I'm on kpin but try to make sure if I'm at the point i need the help. Wish I wasn't, but I am and I'm just accepting it cause I'm the type that is willing to try things and take whatever, as long as it works. If insomnia is keeping you up, try to figure out whata causing it. I don't mean like basic, I mean mindful of what you're actually thinking. I've written them down on sticky notes and stuff just to get them out of my head. I also fall asleep to planet earth or history documentaries. Boring enough to lul me to sleep but still interesting enough to keep my attention until I pass out

@Grettzel Holy cow!!! You have a lot going on in your life. That's a lot of stuff to take on. Hang in there ♥

@Grettzel Thank you. And Yeah ill try to write stuff down before i go to sleep. And Yeah that is a lot of stuff! I cant imagine going through all of that and then having to take care of someone else. I cant even work part time in school, you’re very strong to work TWO jobs and good luck in grad school!

@sarah :/ Thats very impressive

@sarah :/ I can't even work one job!! I'm such a mess

@Speckles Im the same. Idk what im gonna do when i have to work full time. I hope it gets better for the both of us

@sarah :/ I know... can't even think about interviews and the whole process, but need to soon. So gotta get better. 🙏 that we feel better soon!!