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I’ve been struggling with thoughts that I might be trans, even though I’ve never really felt like a boy. My brain keeps trying to convince me that I’ve been “in denial” my whole life. It points to things like how I used to hang out with boys, have “boyish” humor, or pretend to be a boy with my sister when we were younger, and makes me question if those things mean something deeper. I also notice moments where I feel jealous of boys — like when I saw a video of a boy playing Fortnite. It wasn’t about wanting to be a boy, but more about how boys are treated differently. Girls who play games are often judged or seen as “pick me,” and I don’t like that. Sometimes I worry that this jealousy means I must be trans. This all really started around October last year. Before that, I never felt uncomfortable with being a girl. I got really into a fandom where a popular ship was between two male characters, and they got a lot of attention. I started associating male dynamics with being more interesting or “cool.” I imagined myself in relationships where I was more dominant, but still as a girl — I didn’t actually want to be a boy. Then I saw a video saying “I’m a girl but I want to be in an mlm relationship,” and a comment said that’s how someone realized they were trans. That scared me. I started researching and ended up finding labels like “demigirl,” which I tried to relate to, especially since I was in more alternative spaces where a lot of people identified that way. But it didn’t really stick, and eventually it faded. In November, I had a dream where I was wearing a suit and tie, which really triggered my anxiety. That’s when everything got worse. I started constantly checking my thoughts, feelings, and memories. I began having intrusive thoughts about being a boy, which felt uncomfortable and scary. This has been going on for months now and has affected a lot of my life. Even though all of this is happening, I’ve always imagined myself growing up as a woman. I’ve looked forward to being feminine, wearing certain clothes, and feeling confident that way. Recently, when I did my makeup, I felt really happy and certain in myself — but then the doubt came back. What scares me the most is that sometimes, when the anxiety fades for a second, I get a thought like “what if it would be cool to be a boy?” and it feels like a brief sense of desire, which makes me panic. Alongside this, I’ve had a long history of OCD-like experiences. When I was younger, I had compulsions like needing to touch corners or repeat things a certain number of times. Later, I dealt with existential fears, intrusive thoughts about becoming a bad person, and other intense worries that didn’t feel like me. Now, this current theme about gender feels the same in intensity, but even more confusing because it involves identity.

I remember years ago my bf brought a car from a dealership and I can’t remember any times and timeline there was this sparkly thing in the car maybe like a vent clip or some type of clip idk . I feel like we both found it I just can’t remember when tbh . I don’t know if we found it a few months , weeks , or a year after getting the car . I don’t remember 😭And he reassured me it was probably from previous owner And I think I found it again . I don’t know for sure but the fact that he didnt throw it away must mean something bc if he was guilty he would’ve throw it away the first time we seen it . But idk if I’m remembering this correctly .Fast forward years later to now I’m thinking about it again. D I feel like it was a vent clip but I’m not sure what if it was a hair clip . Idk . But either way we had this discussion like 2 3 years ago. I think I remember finding it again .i feel like I would’ve went years with it in the back of my mind and it hasn’t until now . Now and recently we are going through a rough patch bc I found out he has a porn addiction that he hid for 5 years . That has definitely lost my trust in him But tbh I never caught him texting anyone in those 5 years . But with the porn I would find throughout the years but I didn’t know it was an addiction and I didn’t know it was that frequent . And I don’t think he would go that far to physically cheat . Do I move on from this ? Any advice ?I feel like I would’ve been knew he cheated physically . I feel like would’ve been revealed to me. Plus I don’t even remember exactly anybtign from that. It’s like it’s all jumbled up in my memory . Ik it was real definitely but I can’t put the pieces together

supposed to be Starting zoloft tonight and feeling very hopeful for it to help with OCD. But i’m afraid it’s going to cause me low libido. (female btw) and my dose will be 25mg. this is one of the main reasons i didn’t wanna take meds for ocd but i got desperate so. Let me know please :)

Semantics matter. Please understand going into this post, I am not particularly upset about this, it's just an observation I've had over the years and am curious if anyone else feels the same. The word "compulsion" has multiple implications inOCD. Sometimes, the compulsion is strong enough that it just happens without thought. But, often, I find myself weighing the options of doing the compulsion or not doing the compulsion and deciding that doing it is easier, even if it takes extra time. What's 5 minutes, you know? I'm not sure that compulsion is the best word for this feeling, since to some degree, it is a conscious decision to not resist it in that moment. I would even argue that sometimes it is necessary to prioritize which compulsion to address first. I've absolutely consciously allowed myself to partake in less harmful/disruptive compulsions, while trying to address more severe/important ones. Another term I hear a lot within the therapeutic context is this concept of "life or death" when referring to the feeling that comes with needing to do a compulsion. Perhaps I'm being too literal, but this phrasing feels too alarmist and almost like mockery to me. I know, in the front of my conscienceness that whatever the fear is will not be the end of the world, but that doesn't make it easier to resist the compulsion and it doesn't reduce the anxiety. Understanding it logically does not stop OCD. Do you agree or disagree with my reaction to these words? Are there any other terms or phrases that bother you?

It used to feel like OCD but now my mind is telling me I truly want to be trans and always have and that the relief I feel when imagining being trans is all the certainty I need. I don’t want to be trans and don’t feel an internal pull toward being a different gender, but I’ve been ruminating for so long that now it feels like trans people’s stories are the only stories I can relate to. I don’t actually want to be a man, but rather just want to feel connected to my feminine body without constantly comparing myself and checking to see if I feel authentic enough. It feels like my brain is gaslighting me and I now am experiencing strong urges and discomfort with my female pronouns that I never felt before. I’ve had a fear of being lesbian/trans for a long time because I know it would blow up my whole life and I already have such a strong fear of being socially rejected. I’ve now isolated myself for so long though to avoid triggers and it feels like I’ve just been hyperaware of this my whole life and all the guys I ever used to like were fake. It’s like my mind is forcing me to see everything through the lens of a man now and like I never truly felt accepted because I wanted the guys I was with to see me as a man, but I don’t want that. It feels like I’m stuck in a state of permanent dissociation and that I will never feel relief until I accept this truth and change my life to align with my mental space. It feels like I’ve been running from the truth and have so much certainty that THIS is what will finally make all my other intrusive thoughts go away and allow my mind to be at rest. I desperately want the relief of knowing why I’ve always felt different and inadequate as a woman, but at the end of the day, I still wish to just be more comfortable in the body I have and not compare myself to other more conventionally attractive women. The more I ruminate and read trans stories, the more I feel like I’m experiencing true dysphoria and have been afraid my whole life because it’s always been true and I’m suppressing it. It feels like I’ve realized something that I can’t undo and that I’ll never be able to remain a woman now. I don’t actually wish to change my body or become more masculine presenting because I do still enjoy feminine hobbies and looking like a woman, I just feel discomfort with the way women are sexualized. I wish I could just let this all go and realize that this is all my mind trying to force me into being certain about being trans because a normal cis woman wouldn’t experience this constant self doubt, even though it didn’t use to feel gender related at all. I would so much rather just be comfortable in potential bisexuality or even being gay, but when I imagine that now my mind tells me that I am a gay man. I don’t want this, I just want to escape from the nightmare in my head.

Anyone feel like their ocd flared up after a medical procedure? Namely surgery?

At this point I really don’t know if this is ROCD or not. I love my boyfriend, I feel safe with him, I feel happy with him, I feel myself with him. But I constantly ask myself whether I like his physical appearance or not, I try to picture us together in my head to see if he looks good for me or not, and that if I had someone who looks like “X”- has certain features, it would suit me more. But if he was the one, wouldn’t I just feel it, and feel that he’s my soulmate? Shouldn’t I feel that my love for him is enough that I see him perfect in my eyes? (Now I know these are typical questions that someone with OCD would ask, but they are real questions! No?)

My therapist was NOT kidding, these backdoor spikes are CRAZYY!!! I noticed a vein was more prominent on one side of my chest than the other and man it’s sent me spiraling! Trying my hardest to resist compulsions and carry on with my day!

Does anyone else get bad intrusive urges along with their intrusive thoughts?? I feel so alone!

I have suffered with OCD for years. However, I also suffer with paranoia and the symptoms seem to match the criteria for paranoid schizophrenia except I DO NOT have visual or auditory delusions/hallucinations. Paranoia (and anxiety) is part of OCD because we are all obviously paranoid about our fears becoming a reality (resulting in compulsions to prevent this). It therefore seems to me that there is a fine line between OCD and paranoid schizophrenia and that the only difference is we do not have the visual and auditory delusions/hallucinations. Any thoughts on this?

I can’t do anything I am so stuck some days I can’t even leave my bed till 4 pm I can’t focus on school and I want to but I can’t I haven’t been able to since I was a kid I just started getting medications for adhd and I still feel so stuck and my ocd is getting bad again and i genuinely don’t know how to go on living like this i genuinely cannot do anything I want to so bad but I can’t I’m 19 and I don’t have my lisence im failing community college and I’m genuinely such a loser and it’s all my fault i genuinely can’t do anything and I don’t know how to get better I’ve trued medication I’ve tried therapy I’ve tried exposure therapy I don’t know what to do anymore

I have been in a relationship for about 10 months now, I do not feel like I love him. I dont believe he loves me. Its long distance. We have had many arguments and not much honeymoon cuteness recently. I dont feel stable or seen or heard. I need signs if there are any to tell if I should leave the relationship to work on myself and ocd or stay because he knows about it and isnt shaming me for it. I cant tell if I feel genuinely distressed and only have enough feelings for a friendship and want to break up and if im only staying because I fear starting over or the next one breaking my heart idk. I cant tell if all this fear is just ocd trying to kill off a good thing or if im just stupid and not mature enough to handle conflict without thinking we should break up. I really dont know how I feel anymore and I dont know if leaving would help me just focus on me or hurt me even more losing him. Im scared and no one knows im even in a relationship because this is my first one and idk what im doing. I just want to figure out if its my fault or not, if ive lost romantic feelings and stay for the few benefits or if ocd is genuinely ripping my mind apart with fear.

Did anyone had weird experiences with their cousins when you were younger? I remember having this weird experience with my F cousing when we were both 13, and it's eating me alive with guilt and I just feel like I shouldn't exist

Was supposed to go back to work today after 2 months on med leave (work in healthcare with contamination ocd) i broke down and i couldn’t do it. I’m trying to see if i can work up the courage to go to work tomorrow :/ i’m very sad i feel so horrible about myself and I love my job but my ocd is so bad i just feel like i can’t do it i feel so weak. does anyone relate?

I feel like my brain doesn’t function properly anymore. I used to be so smart. I had a 4.0 in college, I was president of a student organization, I interned at an ivy league. I genuinely felt smart and motivated to excel. Now I just feel like an idiot. I have no drive. I make small mistakes all the time. I feel like I can’t form a complete sentence without stumbling over my words. Thoughts get all jumbled in my head. It makes me wonder if there’s something seriously wrong with me like a brain tumor or early Alzheimer’s. I used to pride myself on being decently intelligent but now I just feel sad. Anyone relate?

No one warned me that after six years of extreme ocd that when the anxiety settled you’d have backdoor spikes, exhaustion, and numbness like no other.

Ever since I was a child I have had these experiences that I can’t explain. I’ll have these random moments where I’ll be in the vicinity of a person that just causes me discomfort for some unknown reason… like I’ll see their face and it will just cause me anxiety and discomfort? And I’ll just feel like something horrible is going to happen? It’s difficult to explain and I feel like I sound crazy 😅 but does anyone else know what I’m talking about? I’ve never known what it is or where it comes from but I’m now thinking maybe it’s an OCD thing? Extra points if someone knows what subtype 😂 (I’m kidding about the points thing btw)

So I have pretty bad false memory OCD but this feels like it’s real. I got married a few weekends ago and it was so much fun. I drank more than I usually do as it was the only thing keeping me up after an hour of sleep the night before. I don’t remember all the details towards the end but know the general idea of what happened which I’m sad about because again I don’t get like that anymore. I don’t remember exactly when this memory came to mind but I know it wasn’t immediately after. I think maybe a few days to a week? Anyhow I somehow envisioned a memory of me sleeping with my husband’s friend in the bathroom. I’ve NEVER fantasized about this guy before as I barely even knew him. He was TRASHED but I somehow think we snuck into the bathroom real quick and hooked up. My husband and I both confronted trusted friends about this and they both said absolutely not but to me I’m thinking well even if we left for a minute and kissed. Idk it’s bad. Anyhow we were looking at photos from the photographer and there’s one of me hugging his friend and it’s driving me crazy and confirming everything. Like of all 150 people there’s me hugging maybe 2 people and he’s one of them?! I saw this photo after the memory. I am distressed and don’t know how to calm down.

I’ve had Harm OCD for a few months, it was pretty much on set. Lately my intrusive thoughts are like “You want to” or “I want to” and each time, I get anxiety in my stomach and feel like I’m gonna cry or just break down. I don’t know if it’s OCD or not but it’s making me so sad because I’ve NEVER harmed anyone but these thoughts are scaring me and making me feel guilty and like I’m a monster deep inside. Does anyone else have these thoughts or is it really only me?

Im new to this and I know OCD has many themes and majority I can handle. I have been dating my partner for 7 years and it has attached to my relationship of my questioning it. When I go out in public I seem to (without even realizing) I’m checking people out and comparing. I don’t even know if I should call it “checking out” or just looking around and noticing. Any help would be greatly appreciated.