Intrusive urges

@Peter48 Yes I get those too! We just have to remember our thoughts aren’t actions!

@Parthxus Do you feel like you’re gonna act on it even though you don’t want to? Is that even possible? Don’t you have to want to do something to go it!?

@Stacey353 Yes, it does feel like you’re gonna act on it. It’s scary. I don’t know many answers because my OCD is new and I don’t wanna give reassurance either as that fuels the OCD in the long run.

@Parthxus No I get it I just appreciate you responding

@Stacey353 Of course, you’re not alone!

@Parthxus You’re the best! Thank you for being there for me! I always feel alone in these thoughts they are so scary

@Stacey353 Of course, I get that. I always feel so alone. Right now I’m siting with my mom (OCD targets her) and I can feel the sensations in my knees the need to lunge and it’s so so scary but I’m trying to face the fear

@Parthxus Yes!!! I get this 100%!!! Good for you for facing your fear!!! I’m so proud of you because that’s really hard!! I get tingles in my hands like they are gonna move and can see myself doing things do you get this??

@Parthxus I really am so proud of you bc facing that fear is freakin hard!!!

@Stacey353 Yes! I do. I get it all the time, and I feel like energy or tingling in my knees or hands or sometimes my hand twitch and I get the images in my head about it

@Stacey353 It is. It’s super uncomfortable but I can’t be cooped up in my room all day..

@Parthxus What do you picture happening in your head if you don’t mind me asking?

@Parthxus Do you ever feel like the urge gets to strong and you have to go be alone?

@Stacey353 Yes, I genuinely want to be alone rn but I know that’s bad for me

@Stacey353 Hurting my mom. Or attacking her and it scares me cause I love my mom and it goes after her. And when I’m not feeling anxiety , I start to feel guilty and questioning myself

@Parthxus I 100% I understand and admire you truly bc you know being alone isn’t the answer where I always feel like it is but I just need to trust myself more!

@Parthxus Do you get urges along with your thoughts and tingles?

@Stacey353 It’s very VERY hard, don’t get me wrong but I know in the long run, it should help to expose myself and retrain my brain

@Parthxus You’re doing great! Oh I they possible to rewrite your brain!?

@Stacey353 Look up videos by Nathan Peterson, he does a really good job at explaining stuff like this

@Parthxus I love his videos! I will go find one!

@Parthxus How are you doing now? Still hanging out with your mom?

@Stacey353 I was for a while, yes. Then I decided to take a break and play game for a bit. Then I had to get some medicine at the drugstore and I had tk sit close to her in the front seat of the car so that was an exposure. Now I had an exposure with my cat cuddling with me

@Parthxus Good job!

@Stacey353 Thank you :), it’s definitely hard and difficult but I’m trying to get through it

@Parthxus Well good job for sticking with it!

@Stacey353 How are you doing?

@Parthxus I’m I’ve been playing with my son all day so they s huge win for me!

@Stacey353 Nice! I’m super glad that’s been going well! I’ve had a bit of a rough start but I’m *okay* for now.

@Parthxus Yeah I’ve had some rough patches too but we are doing it

@Stacey353 Yeah, it’s hard for sure

@Parthxus Agreed 100%

@Stacey353 I hope the rest of your day goes well though! I’m dreading tonight because I’ve grown more sensitive to the night time and dark as that’s when my anxiety spikes up

@Parthxus I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers mine spikes when it gets dark out too!

@Stacey353 Thank you :), we really are alike with some of these symptoms!

@Parthxus I know it’s crazy! Did you still get intrusive urges today with your mom?

@Stacey353 I did yes, unfortunately. It was very difficult and it’ll be my first week being at home for the first time after I was at a residential place and PHP/Hotel for a about a month or two

@Parthxus Well I’m so glad you pushed through I did the same!

@Stacey353 I’m very nervous about the week since I start virtual IOP tomorrow and idk what to expect and I’m very nervous that therapy won’t work for me but this is my first time so there’s just a lot of worry rn

@Stacey353 I’ll check in with you later to see how you’re doing!

@Stacey353 Alright, see you later then!

@Parthxus Talk to you soon!

@Parthxus Do you ever have bad intrusive thoughts and urges when you’re trying to sleep??

@Stacey353 Hey! How are you doing today?

@Parthxus Did you ever start therapy?

@Stacey353 Yes, I started IOP today and I think it went okay. I’m new and I wish the sessions lasted longer but I see my therapist tomorrow so, maybe they can help me out more

@Parthxus Good deal! Are you struggling today or doing ok? I’m actually woke up sick today so I’m staying downstairs in my apartment. Earlier I felt like my body was just going to move like it has its own mind!

@Stacey353 I’m struggling today. I was told to try to hang out with my mom but I broke down and kept apologizing to her about how I can’t be near her without fear, how I miss her hugs and hanging out with her, etc

@Parthxus Awww ok so she knows your fears? What are you scared your gonna do to her? I’m so sorry today is bad :(

@Stacey353 I’m always scared I’ll lunge and her and choke her. That is my biggest fear and I get the sensations so that’s why it scares me so much. I keep apologizing over and over but I feel like it’s never enough.

@Parthxus Yep same here!!! Why do we feel like this! Well at least you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Feel free to always reach out to me please.

@Parthxus Have you told your Dr about this bum curious what they will say to do cause I need to know too! I was too scared to tell my Dr :(

@Stacey353 I have not yet. I’m scared to let them know or even go to my doctor because I cannot be close to people right now.

@Stacey353 I feel like I’m always alone in this, like one day I’m going to snap and hurt her and I don’t want to. Every night, I struggle to go to bed because I feel so alone in this and that I feel like I’ll never get back to how I was

@Parthxus Omg we are too much alike this is crazy! I’m the exact same way I am scared to be around anyone feeling like this and I know it’s crazy but it’s the urges that get me!

@Stacey353 The urges are what get me too and I have now tended to self isolate but even still get the racing heart, the urges and the thoughts

@Parthxus Yep same here! I’ll check on you later today and see how you’re doing!

@Stacey353 Thank you, I wish I could talk to you more

@Parthxus I’m always here so anytime you want to talk!

@Stacey353 Thank you :,) I’m sorry if I talk a lot, I’ve just been struggling with this sensation and they won’t stop

@Parthxus I get it completely and it’s so scary and you don’t want to tell anybody bc you’re afraid they will lock you up!

@Stacey353 Exactly! If I tell anyone I’m scared they’ll hate me and see me as a monster, even though I don’t want these thoughts and I want to go back to how my life was

@Parthxus Me too I miss the way my brain used to be :(

@Stacey353 I think all the stress I had triggered my HOCD, and I’m missing the times I had with my mom, my friends, people. And I struggle to tell myself that I’ll get it back

@Parthxus Yep same here I miss just being able to sit with my family and feel comfortable

@Stacey353 Have you done therapy at all to help?

@Parthxus Yes I have but not for this specifically I’m scared to tell anyone

@Stacey353 I would say look up OCD Specialist online and see if you can find someone who you can talk to and get therapy from! I was nervous to tell anyone but once I did, they did anything to help me. I’m now in IOP OCD and I started today so maybe you can get help as well, even if it’s scary to tell someone

@Parthxus Yah I’ve tried one on NOCD and she just said you’re not going to do it no need to be afraid

@Stacey353 Really?? Did she not do ERP with you?? I’m so sorry that happened! Maybe find another.

@Parthxus No we did erp on something else

@Stacey353 You may wanna try ERP with HOCD. That’s what I’ll be doing and I can already tell it’s hard but if HOCD is what’s bothering you, PLEASE try to get another therapist and get the help. I don’t want you to be stuck in this cycle

@Parthxus I can’t afford erp therapy right now as I don’t have insurance or working I’m applying for disability so when I get insurance it’s the first thing I’m gonna do!

@Parthxus When do you start erp

@Parthxus Maybe you could tell me what you doing erp and I could do it too!

@Stacey353 I started ERP today and they gave me a very small exposure. It caused my brain to spiral a bit but they let me know it’s okay since I’m just starting and not to be harsh on myself

@Stacey353 Okay good! I’m sorry you can’t get therapy rn but I really do hope you get it soon!

@Parthxus Oh wow what was the exposure?? Do you do it just once and did you tell them your fear is losing control and choking someone

@Stacey353 The exposure was me writing down ‘I will never know the future’ and it caused me to overthink a lot of things. I don’t know how many times I’ll do it but I did not tell them it’s my fear because they’re not my primary therapist, I’ll tell my actual therapist tomorrow about it

@Parthxus Ahhh ok! That’s scary k owing we don’t know the future but it’s true!

@Stacey353 Yeah exactly! My mind went pretty crazy and was overthinking everything

@Parthxus Maybe your therapist tomorrow will have something different

@Parthxus How are you doing this afternoon are you able to be around anyone or being alone?

@Stacey353 I’m in my room most of the day..I’m scared cause I’m not getting anxiety or as much from the thoughts

@Parthxus See I get the worst anxiety from my thoughts it’s awful

@Stacey353 It’s very much the same for me, but for rn, it’s not as bad but that’s what’s making me ruminate and that’s not good so I’m trying to just let it be

@Stacey353 I’m struggling again tonight.

@Parthxus Hey how are you doing? Im sick so im stuck in the bed

@Stacey353 I’m having a breakdown. It’s gotten so bad I’m just crying my eyes out.

@Parthxus Awww no :(((( I think the anxiety just makes it worse. Don’t worry you wouldn’t hurt a fly it’s just the ocd remember that!

@Stacey353 I shouldn’t get reassurance but I just..I can’t stand not being with my mom. I used to be able to laugh and sit with her for hours and now I can’t without fear of hurting her. The thoughts are “I need” “I want” and it’s driving me insane cause I don’t want to hurt her but these thoughts won’t stop

@Parthxus Do you still have therapy today?

@Stacey353 Yes I do

@Parthxus Ok good ! Just make sure you tell them how bad it’s bothering you!

@Stacey353 I will. Do you ever get the “I need” or “I want” thoughts.. or am I alone in this

@Parthxus I get the I need feelings

@Stacey353 It’s so difficult for me that I feel like I just need to run and run and run away from my house and pets and everything.

@Parthxus Yep! It’s like your hiding from everything

@Stacey353 I’m sitting outside after I took a walk. Now I’m just struggling and very scared to talk to my therapist

@Parthxus It’s ok just be honest with them and make sure they know you have no desire or intent to do anything that’s really important

@Stacey353 I will..it’s just so hard cause my OCD likes to mess with me so much

@Parthxus Well that’s what ocd does but we aren’t going to let it win we are fighting back!

@Parthxus I know how bad your struggling I promise. We can lean in each other! At least we have each other to understand

@Parthxus What time is your appointment

@Stacey353 Just finished it, sorry for the late replies

@Parthxus What did the day I need some advice too lol! Do you feel any better than earlier?

@Stacey353 I was definitely crying during that appointment. They told me that it’s OCD and that obviously the thoughts don’t bring me happiness or pleasure so..but yeah it was something

@Parthxus So do you feel a bit better knowing it’s just ocd and nothing you want to do therefore nothing you will do!

@Stacey353 Kinda..the sensations doesn’t help and I still can’t be around my mom so..

@Parthxus I completely understand. Did they give you anything to work on?

@Stacey353 Not really..and I just wanna hide under my covers. I’m so stressed.

@Parthxus How are you doing today?

@Stacey353 I’m stressed, I’m so exhausted and tired. I had a nightmare last night and each day I feel like I grow worse and I’m trying to find some place residential wise to take me in but there’s none near me.