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Big or small, share one thing that went right this week.

Does anyone have a specific fear that feels too real? that it’s painful? I have been struggling with false memory OCD for almost 3 months, and this current thought that my brain has latched onto 4 days ago is the worst thought I have ever dealt with in my OCD. I am having constant breakdowns, it’s hard to sleep and find my appetite. I just keep feeling feelings throughout my body that make the thought feel like it does exist and that it is real. It’s worse especially if you deleted an old account that you can access anymore (which I did) and the thought has to do with “What if I sexted or flirted with someone and forgot?” Or “What if I sent or posted an explicit picture of myself on there and forgot?” I’m terrified. My body feels like it’s in panic mode and I keep getting scared that these feelings I have of guilt, anxiety, panic and worry means that it did happen. My OCD is trying so hard to convince me it did happen and I’m starting to believe it. I love my fiancé and the thought of this being true makes me feel like I’m the worst person ever. I wish I could just remember everything and say “No I would never do that, I know what happened and I’m not letting my brain tell me otherwise.” OCD is so convincing it feels like I can’t trust myself, and now I can’t even remember the memories about it at all because I thought about it so much. I hate thisss, I’m going to be trying to find a therapist soon.. but I’m starting to feel convinced it did happen and that I just blocked the memory out and that I’m just an awful person. The flashes and visuals I see of me committing the act make it so much worse, I’m genuinely terrified and i dont know what to do at this point. I know I’ve posted about this story a lot and I am doing my best to not ask for reassurance, but I know a lot of people deal with this theme, but I wanted to know if anyone has a theme like this that specifically deals with something along the lines of my story.

I was prescribed prozac almost a month ago and haven’t taken it bc i’ve been scared. I don’t know the best way to describe it but taking medication gives me a contaminated/tainted feeling. It makes me feel like my body will never be the same and I always worry about if it will give me diseases in the future or bad side effects. But now i’ve decided to “rip the bandaid off” and take it in the morning. I was daydreaming in the shower about finally being happy, having success with ERP, enjoying my relationship, getting all my feelings back (ESP my attraction and libido), reconnecting with friends, mending my relationships with my siblings, and living the life I’ve always wanted. Of course immediately after I started to think of the worst outcomes and things going bad for me, but I’m just going to take the chance. I’m not feeling very optimistic bc usually things never go how I hope 😀. I also understand that it takes a while to find the right dose/meds or to feel the effects. But I really really REALLY hope this works out for me. If not i’ll be back here to complain ab it.

I just want to know if it gets better and how I can get it to get better. I’ve always struggled with OCD. I am in my very first healthy happy relationship and it was going so perfect. Then one day out of nowhere my ocd brain threw the thought “do you love your boyfriend” in my head. Ever since then, the last 3 weeks, I have been literally sick to my stomach with anxiety. I am having trouble getting out of bed and I am having anxiety attacks. I know I love my boyfriend and he is so supportive of my mental health journey, but it’s like I’ve been in this spiral of anxiety and intrusive thoughts every waking minute for the last few weeks that I don’t even know what’s intrusive thoughts or my real thoughts anymore. I know I love him it’s just the ocd thoughts have been so loud lately. When I’m with him I am totally fine, but the minute I am alone my head is spinning. Can somebody please tell me coping skills they used to get through this time and tell me how to get back to my old self. Has anyone else ever experienced this? Seeking help :(

I have been with my boyfriend for well over 3 years. I didn’t develop these unwanted thoughts until last December, so almost a year ago, and they have been plaguing me since. We have such an amazing relationship. We have the same values, he respects me, and I know I love him. The past few days have been extremely rough on me. I have felt completely disconnected and almost numb. I say almost because sometimes when we’re eating and I lose track for a minute, I feel happy. But then, my mind says that I’m just faking my emotions. Anyways, i was confessing to my boyfriend today about my current struggles and he asked me out loud “do you love me?” I said yes and then he asked “do you want to break up with me” because I had told him that was one of my thoughts. I said no, but ever since then I feel extremely guilty because I’m scared if it was a lie. I feel so guilty for not knowing whether or not I want to stay. I had an immense break-up urge because of this while we were having dinner to where all I could do was argue with myself on whether or not I “wanted” to be with him. I couldn’t stop from crying and it was kind of hard to breathe. Is this a common obsession for anyone? Is this ROCD? My newest therapist said that she does believe I am experiencing ROCD, but I’m scared it’s not, and it’s just me losing feelings and love for him. Is it common to obsess over if you want to break up or not? I think deep down I truly don’t because I know we have made an amazing relationship that doesn’t have any external bad things going on. In fact, I very very much wanted to marry him before all of this happened. It is just all in my head and in my feelings. Is this a common thing to obsess over?

Back in 2020 I was heavily online and met a bunch of people. I did and said stuff I regret and it weighs on me like a rock pulling me into the ocean. I have since disappeared from social media & anything connecting me to my previous online persona and have heavily discovered growth. I am no longer the person I was and have no intention of ever being that person again. In May of this year, 5 years after the fact.. I started seeing things on social media that made my brain go absolutely ape sh*t. The idea of people from my past resurrecting this bad version of me has been weighing on me. I have no connection with the people I used to be around, or even the people I hurt. Partly because I wanted to work on myself to be a better person and never make those mistakes again.. which I believe I have. And also because the way people act now, even if you apologize they blast you all over social media and now random people are attacking you. I accept & admit my wrongs even if the people I’ve wronged can’t see that. I accept and admit my growth even if they’ll never know.. So how do I stop my brain from ruminating? How do I get back to where I was previously where I wasn’t thinking about my past and get back into the present? I don’t even want to be on social media because it’s like everyone has made it miserable with just over sharing every thing that’s happened to them. I just want to go back to being out of my head and back in the present.

Vent / Storytime In 2023, I had a panic attack while I was at work. It came on for no apparent reason, and even 2 years later, I still can’t place why I went from feeling perfectly normal to shaking on the ground of the break room while my coworker stood over me asking if she needed to call for an ambulance. After this incident, I became terrified of leaving my house out of the fear I’d have another one of these panic attacks in public, and my OCD was at an all time high. I could barely eat, I didn’t sleep, I just sat in my apartment all-consumed with fear worrying about when another one of these harrowing panic attacks were going to hit me. Up until this point I’d been a very extroverted person! I jumped at the opportunity to do anything! I’d do spontaneous multi-hour road trips with friends, go to local events at the drop of a hat, was itching for vacations and get-aways, and always accepted invites to just go out and do something!!! But this one panic attack on an April afternoon completely upended this for me. I didn’t want to go anywhere anymore. Everything felt so scary and uncertain to me now, and having to deviate from the control I felt over being in my home was like a fate worse than death. (I was also haunted by the fact that I was very quickly running out of sick days for my job). It felt like OCD had completely taken over my life, and that all of my freedom had been stripped from me. I turned down plans that the old-me would’ve gone and done without question, I stopped seeing my friends, and when I eventually had to go back to work, my anxiety was so high that I was barely functional, and my hours were cut short. Months passed like this, and I eventually concluded that I needed to make a change and actually fight back against my OCD instead of enabling it. But now, 2 years later, I still feel like I’m at square one with this call-to-action. I’ve been going back out with friends, but it still feels as scary and anxiety-inducing as it did in the beginning. My heart races going to new places, sitting in someone else’s car makes me feel like I’m gonna faint, and most of the time I wish I would’ve just cancelled. I never do, and I keep pushing through. I still go to events when friends invite me to, I make an effort to go shopping or do things just for the hell of it, but that OCD demon is still there poking at my brain matter and making me feel like I’ll have a life ruining panic attack if I even TRY going to something like a concert or a college football game. I just hate that living feels like exposure therapy now. That the simple act of going outside feels like a trial and something I’ll overthink; rather than something I actually enjoy. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to be free. I want to be the version of myself I was before the incident. I want to do things without being afraid. I WANT TO LIVE!!! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!

has anyone shared details of your intrusive thoughts with friends or family. i have harm ocd and i told my roomates that shows about serial killers trigger me because i have a fear of being a psychopath or crazy person. they said to me “you shouldn’t have said that now im scared” and now im freaked out because they’re scared of me. this is further playing into my ocd that maybe i am crazy and now i regret so heavily having told them anything about it. i feel horrible about myself and they made jokes like “im living with a psychopath”. these are my best friends of all time and i know they support me but i just wish that was something i kept to myself. any help??

I was at the gym and got really triggered by a lot of the hot guys there. I just felt bad; I feel bad about my body not being where I want it to be yet, I constantly compare myself. Being a gay male I often compare myself to others especially on social media. I want to be an OnlyFans star at some point and i really look up to and envy the lives and bodies of many people on social media. But i feel that my envy and desire to be perfect is what is holding me back; I get so defeated just thinking about the amount of work and time I have to put in to get where I want to be. I feel alone. It is so much easier to just sit under my cover and watch youtube or play video games. Even showering feels like too much sometimes. I go down rabbit holes on social media that I don't know how i feel about. Sometimes I start reading and considering right wing content, like Nick Fuentes or other propaganda. I also jack off to some questionable content (its legal, but causes me shame unfortunately) and sometimes doubt whether or not it is just a kink or means something more about my identity. I feel less extreme and socially justice focused these days and maybe that worries me? Maybe I have a fear of being cancelled? I don't know. Maybe it's cause some of my close friends are conservative or maybe it's that I look up to my parents a lot and they have different political beliefs than what I do (or did). I don't like feeling that rift with my family, and I don't think that having different opinions should cause a rift. I also question how much of my beliefs are from my OCD and fear mongering, and what do i truly believe? I feel I am supposed to think a certain way because I am gay, but that sentiment doesn't sit right with me. I just wish I didn't overthink everything all the time. Sorry if this post is TMI but I am a mess and i think talking in hypotheticals does not help others understand how my OCD is affecting me. I just want to focus on going to gym and taking care of myself day to day, but i seem to be getting triggered by SO MUCH lately. I feel like I cannot be myself because my brain constantly tells me I'm wrong or I can't think a certain way or do certain things. I'm a freaking mess!!!!

Has journaling helped anyone cope with their symptoms of pure “o”? No matter the theme

For everyone who’s improving, and conquering their OCD….. on days you felt helpless, scared or guilty. What did you do to help get through that?

For about a month or so I’ve been dealing with some on and off health-related symptoms. Of course, I went down the Dr. Google rabbit hole and completely freaked myself out — I’ve now managed to convince myself at different points that I’ve had colon cancer, ovarian cancer, and Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten both an endoscopy and a colonoscopy, which came back pretty clean besides a few minor things. Lately though, my mind seems to have attached to the idea of Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I don’t have any swollen lymph nodes, but I was experiencing some night sweats, and now I feel like I have itchy skin — though part of me wonders if that’s just because I read it’s a symptom. My anxiety has been through the roof and it’s honestly all I can think about. I’ve also had some neck and back pain that comes and goes — it was pretty consistent for a couple of weeks, but I’ve noticed that when my anxiety isn’t as bad, the pain eases up too. My question is, has anyone else ever experienced physical symptoms that seemed tied to anxiety or worry? I’ve already had an abdominal ultrasound of all my main organs and clean blood work, and I’m going for an MRI later this week. I think that will give me some peace of mind, but right now I just feel stuck in my head. Also, if anyone has any advice or tips on how to heal from the fear of cancer, I would really appreciate it. This is pretty new for me — I’ve always had some mild health anxiety or OCD tendencies, but this constant, debilitating fear that something serious is wrong has really taken over and put a damper on my life.

So, I've had a bit of a journey in OCD recovery and pushed a lot of limits with experiments I've done to see what works and what doesn't. This includes things such as diet, exercise, ERP not just for my compulsions but even small things that pop into mind. I did all that, because I wanted to not be another statistic of how people with OCD don't get better. The stats are crap, and I decided that's not for me. I had ocd undiagnosed for about 26 years following a childhood trauma, and it was reinforced by the way i was raised with an extreme black and white mindset, and subsequent traumas. When i found out I had ocd, after trying to figure out what was wrong, i got to work with a therapist. I got better, i got worse, i got better etc. I was in the mindset of curing OCD even though there is no known one. Just because something hasn't been done before, doesn't mean it can't be done. I pushed myself so hard with my experiments to not just benefit me, but this community and others I know in person. I wanted to show you what works and what doesn't. Earlier this year I pushed myself so hard with an experiment I was messing around with that i ended up developing psychosis and having a psychotic episode. This by the way, is 100 times worse than any exposure, and ERP is not what caused this (just a disclaimer). I ended up having this episode and it was intertwined with what I can describe as mystical experiences, some of which weren't hallucinations or delusions and actually had witnesses other than myself. This period of my life was incredibly difficult for me and my family. I was fortunate enough to have family look after me rather than being hospitalised. As horrible as all this was, I got better. Through that episode i healed from every trauma I ever had without therapy at this time, and haven't had a single symptom of OCD since. Now the reason I'm saying goodbye reluctantly (maybe for now), is because of responses I've had to a few of my posts. I understand that all of you are having your issues, but when someome is VOLUNTEERING their personal time to help you out and all you can do is pick apart that help or get stuck on some negativity bias, it is really difficult to want to continue trying to help you. I dont do this for ego, i dont do it for validation, and i damn well don't do it to be criticised. I don't feel comfortable having everything I learnt on my journey undermined. So while I'm confident I'm not at risk of relapsing with my ocd, that doesn't mean I don't get upset with all the negativity and get stressed. I hope this is considered next time when someone is only trying to help. You are all worthy of it despite your thoughts, your fears and your past. Good bye for now

Something that throws my mood away a lot when it isn't about OCD are these two things. I'm constantly to thinking about what other people have that I don't even though I have so many things, yet I don't focus on those things when I need to. I also focus on my negative inner voice that feels like a combination of what negative people have told me over the course of my life rather than people actually saying these things in real time. It's like my inner voice has been hurt and it regurgitates what other people have told me. I then play those negative statements in my head time and time again. Looking back, when it comes to school, I think I've always felt "behind" compared to other people one way or another. One way could be socializing, the niche things I'm interested in, struggling to make friends, and having my slapstick humor be used against me for being judged harshly. For some reason that hurt a lot and I just never seemed to have let go of it. It also piles onto other things that I don't think I should be doing and then I ridicule myself for those things all in my head. It feels like I've forgotten how to just be NICE to myself for once.

(Repost my app acted up!) I had an OCD thought like “What if I sexted or flirted with someone on twitter and I don’t remember or blocked it out?” And I’m spiraling I’m worrying so much about it and I’m so anxious and Im feeling guilty. These feelings are making me think I did do it because my ocd is like “If you feel anxious and guilty that means you did do it and that’s why you’re feeling these things.” I keep breaking down and crying because I’d never ever want to hurt my fiancé. I’ve tried saying “Maybe I did or maybe I didn’t” but it hasn’t helped because I can’t even imagine the scenario happening, it makes me sick to my stomach. I also get “Flashes” or “Visuals” of me committing the act when I try to remember everything fully and I panic wondering if those images are real or not. What makes it worse is that I used to struggle with watching explicit content a lot, and twitter was the app I’d use to watch it, and that makes it even worse. My fiancé and I discussed everything at the beginning of this year, and I even got anxiety around that because all of these situations happened last year, I just knew I was anxious to bring it up and my mind had been elsewhere dealing with other what if thoughts. I just always worry about what if back then I was just a horrible person and I didn’t care even though I know deep down I would never do something like that but then I think about it and I’m like, “What if I did, and I’m just now feeling bad about it?” It’s even worse because I deleted twitter completely for mental health and it’s just not a good platform, which means I can’t even go check if I actually did anything. I know if I had intentionally done something like that I’d remember all the details, but these false memories and all the anxiety are convincing me I’ve done it and I hate it :(

I read a post from a while ago where someone was scared bc they had friends straddle their lap or sit on them and it always made them aroused. Someone who commented said they dealt with that and SOOCD for 28 years and ended up being a lesbian. It made me immediately remember the time where I was in middle school and my best friend at the time was showing me some kind of martial arts move (more like straddling on the floor), sat on my groin area (like pubic bone), and I felt a tingle down there. I know for a fact I never was attracted to her. She was a great friend but I never once thought of her, my other friends, or other women in a sexual/romantic way. When it was happening I remember being super uncomfortable and stiff bc I’m not really a touchy person with my friends. Minus a couple of guy friends that I had (like my current bf) I would want them to touch me or want them to WANT to touch me if that makes sense. I also remember uncomfortably thinking “this is like a sexual position she’s sitting on my thing rn” and obv my focus was on my groin and that’s when it happened. Bc in my middle school mind that position was reserved for like a bf and gf getting intimate or being touchy. I remember being so uncomfortable and scared bc it did not feel right and the tingling made me FREAK out(also at the time I had no idea I had ocd so idk if it was my ocd doing things). I immediately got up and had to leave to the bathroom bc I felt so confused, scared, and uncomfortable. I ended up forgetting about it and continued being her friend like normal till high school. I forgot about that memory up until a couple months ago. Now when I think about this memory I’m getting the groinal response 😭 (prob just bc I’m thinking ab getting some sort of groinal response). I’ve had friends sit on my lap before and I never felt anything and I never really liked it because Im just not a touchy person with friends and close contact w my girl friends in that way doesn’t feel comfortable to me. Even now I would never let my friends or another girl straddle me or be touchy like that bc I don’t want it, I never think ab it, and it just doesn’t feel right. But bc of that persons comment and memory I’m afraid it’s a “sign” from my body, a secret desire, or me being in denial esp bc prior to SOOCD I did get turned on by a lot of sexual things (porn, sexual pics like nudes or very sexual attire, sexual music videos) and did some sexual experimentation/exploration as a kid (i’ve explained this in other posts), and some memories that may or may not be fake/dreams. Like in my mind if I saw something I would be like “oh this is sexual stuff, this means sex” NOT “omg she’s so 😍😍.” I had some bad anxiety and depression issues in middle school-high school so I wasn’t really having strong crushes so that worries me. But I did have a lot of celebrity boy band crushes like A LOT. But as I got older the worse my mental health were getting because of some personal family issues. I didn’t know how to deal with my mental health so the more I ignored it, it would end up getting worse and evolve. During this time I started to get more unwanted groinal responses and I started to notice and be more uncomfortable with the fact that I felt unwanted groinal responses watching/seeing certain sexual things even though I didn’t feel attracted to it (prior to full blown SOOCD). This also led to me getting more intrusive thoughts. I have been dealing with this theme since I was 15 and It makes me feel like a liar. My libido and attraction to men have disappeared for years, and even when SOOCD isn’t bothering me as much I still can’t get it back. I have had a boyfriend in the past (with SOOCD just never received treatment) which was the early stages of soocd so I was unsure about it first but I ended developing a crush on him and felt cute young love feelings for him but SOOCD, doubt, and the mental compulsions were always there and would numb my feelings and attraction. As our relationship grew and we grew up I was never able to get aroused whenever we were intimate (or in general/by myself I had no sexual drive). I wanted to feel things so bad but I couldn’t. I would feel it sometimes but I was always analyzing my body sensations, emotions, attraction, which made me feel more numb. Before this theme I used to fantasize ab being with a guy or doing *things* with one, and it always felt right, so being intimate with him always made me feel sad and anxious bc I couldn’t feel anything. I reconnected with him a couple years ago and idk what happened but I was extremely aroused by him. All we did was kiss a little and talk but It was the first time in years where I felt genuine arousal. But it only lasted a day and I went back to being numb. Fast forward, I have a new boyfriend who was my friend for a while. I’m pretty sure I liked him since high school but idk bc I’ve been so numb for years. Three months ago when I first felt true, clear, genuine attraction to him I was so happy and excited. But ofc I started to get thoughts about my numbness, no libido, and all that. I even remember when I found him cute and started feeling those crush feelings my mind went into analyzing mode and I couldn’t feel it anymore. I also can’t get aroused with him anymore either 😭. I would be able to (never fully) whenever I was in the moment but my mind would always go back to analyzing. I really hope it’s my bad depression and ocd and nothing more. It’s like there’s a mini me monitoring everything in my brain and I can’t feel things (except all the things I don’t want to feel). All my worries and thoughts triggered this SOOCD flare up and now I feel nothing. I’ve made a post about my feelings for him before so I won’t go too into it this is already too long. I’m just afraid this memory and all the other weird things, past/present groinal responses, and years of no libido/attraction mean something. There’s nothing wrong w being gay but It just doesn’t feel right. If I was I wouldn’t jump for joy I would just end up being single all my life bc I don’t even want to experiment/experience it. All I want is to enjoy my relationship. I really thought SOOCD was going to finally leave me alone 😭. Im not religious but sometimes I find myself trying to negotiate with whatever “higher power” is out there. I just pray that If this isn’t ocd and depression I just want my feelings back for my bf, I want to fully enjoy a relationship with a man at least once and I’ll be satisfied. All this makes me feel like i’m lying to myself but I swear I felt all those things for him 3 months ago, even with OCD and my compulsions messing with my head. I just want this to end already 😭.

So to keep things short, I’ve struggled in the past pretty bad with p*rnography. I still struggled with it when I first started dating my fiancé. I would look for it in websites, twitter (now known as X) or even find it in video games, ai games etc. My issue with it was that I used it as a quick release or stress reliever for whenever I was overwhelmed or I just needed to find something to relax me, which even after it never helped. So this is the ocd thought that has been bothering me. I used to go on Twitter to watch things for that quick release because it was quick and it was fast and I could just get it over with. However, I had a really bad OCD thought like this, “What if I sexted someone? Or what if I flirted with someone on my twitter account and etc etc etc.” and I spiraled so bad and still am. My fiancé knows about all of my struggles and I told him everything especially since when we first got together, we never really discussed the boundaries with p*rn and such because we just were so focused on spending time with each other and getting to know each other more. And I told him this OCD thought where I told him I was worried about if I did something if I flirted with somebody on there if I did a video chat if I sent pictures if someone sent me pictures, etc., etc. My fiancé knows me better than I know myself and he always reassures me and tells me I would never do such a thing. And I know deep down I wouldn’t either, but what if back then I was horrible and didn’t care? What if back then I was just careless, and it’s eating me up everyday, my ocd has always been attached to the fear that “What if I cheated and blocked out the memory and don’t remember?” And now this thought has been killing me for days. I don’t struggle with p*rn anymore because my fiancé and I agreed that it’s a horrible platform and we don’t need it, which I was really happy about because it showed me that I had growth. But the thoughts like “What if I sexted someone on twitter? What if I flirted with someone?” Are killing me. I know that if I intentionally did something, I would remember every single detail and I would remember it fully, and I also wouldn’t have told my fiancé about it if I actually did do it, but I always get flashes or “visuals” of me committing the intrusive thought and my anxiety shoots up because I don’t know if it’s real or not. Does anyone else relate :(

What’s your “why” this week? 🎯 Share what’s motivating you in the comments.

Well, not entirely new. I am a gay, cisgender male. About 10 years ago, I struggled with the OCD fear that I was trans, but I recovered from that. I’ve had many other themes both before and after, (perfectionism, SO-OCD, POCD, and so on). Last Monday, after wondering if I made a mistake cutting the blonde highlights out of my hair and letting it go back to natural brown, I wondered if I wasn’t expressing myself authentically. (Authenticity is very important to me.) That quickly turned into questions like: am I just dressing heteronormative because I’m too afraid of the backlash for dressing more androgynous? I had never wanted to paint my nails, wear heels, skirts etc., but now, in a matter of a week, it feels like I do and that I’m living a lie. Idk what to do—for the last ten years of my life, I have felt very comfortable and content in my identity, and that has felt amazing. I am a huge Lady Gaga fan, and I’m obsessed with all her wigs and outfits, but for the last ten years (and after dealing with the trans theme), I’ve never wanted to wear them myself. But now I’m afraid I’ve just been suppressing the fact that I do—and that if I don’t dress like that (or paint my nails/wear makeup), I’m dressing boring and living a lie. :(

Hi everyone, I just want to share my experience and maybe receive some helpful tips or something. Growing up I never understood why I was the way I was. When I turned 18 I had the first life changing flare-up. I wasn’t officially diagnosed until I was 21. Over the last few years I’ve been on and off of different themes such as HOCD, POCD, COCD, etc. Over the last year I met my boyfriend who is the first healthy relationship I’ve ever been in. Before him I was cheating on. And not to mention I have some serious abandonment issues lol. After about 5 months into us dating I had a flare-up which so happened to be ROCD. With that I was constantly so scared I would lose feeling or cheat. It was a very hard recovery, but I did it. Some crazy stuff has recently happened in my life that has brought up a lot of trauma and trust issues. I am now constantly thinking that my boyfriend is cheating on me. I know it’s important not to seek reassurance or confess. But it’s all I can seem to do. It has really started to affect our relationship. I will also say I am starting therapy soon. I know I just supposed to tell myself I need to be okay with the unknown and maybe he is cheating maybe he isn’t, but that moto is not seeming to help. I have never felt worse that the past 2 weeks I can’t seem to sleep, or just “be normal”. I know I will be okay, I just can’t seem to pull it together. I feel each time I make a recovery something else takes its place, but each time it’s more scary and feels more real. I don’t know if anyone can relate to this or not but if so you’re not alone.