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this is how my google search history is looking like. do i know its bad? yes, can i stop it? no . i cant, it feels to real i dont have that “i know i love him” feeling that i used to have its like the thoughts and fears became true, i dont feel love im never happy i dont have moments of clarity, i have changed drastically, im not as living as i used to i never say i love you. I have too many thoughts. maybe this is not rocd. i always make my bf upset, i feel like i dont care, im scared that maybe im just scared if change and this is denial. i camt imagine a future together, i cant be happy. i used to be happy, i am thinking i never loved him, i cant remember how it felt to feel love for him. i dont understand what “chose love” means, when i dont k ow if i want to chose love. am i forcing myslef to feel? i cant stop please help me

Hi everyone! It’s been a very long time I’ve been here but it’s only in matters it means most that I reach out to my community! So I’m a huge car guy, and have had quite a few fun cars. However i have been plagued with the OCD bug and cars “having” issues or “vibration” at certain speeds (sounds crazy) Now regardless whether or not the car vibrates or shakes or NOT at all. I’m fully convinced my car is completely and utterly broken. It sucks the joy out of me and it’s all i can think about when driving. My question or “topic” is what would you do in this situation to “expose” or face this head on. It’s (my ocd who I’ve named Karl) is telling me my car is “vibrating” above 80 mph and that the car is broken entirely. Any help would be great! In the meantime enjoy a picture of the car in question 😂

I just recently realized that this whole thing with asking about my partner’s past was a compulsion. At the time, I thought that the more I knew about his sexual past, the better I’d feel. I genuinely believed that having all the answers would bring me peace. But the opposite happened. The more I learned, and the more I pushed for specifics, the more it hurt. I pushed him to give me really detailed answers—and now I feel like my OCD has so much ammunition because of it. Now I’m trying to stop asking, stop analyzing, and stop hyper-fixating. Even though I feel intense discomfort and anxiety, I’ve been doing my best to sit with it and not give in. But my mind still races—it imagines him with those people, replays things I know, questions how graphic or emotional those moments were. It’s torture. And what’s hardest is that my partner has reassured me over and over that he’s never felt for anyone what he feels for me. We’ve committed our relationship to God, we got baptized, and we’re planning to get married. But the damage from all of the questioning and the OCD spirals has taken a toll. Now when I bring things up—even if it’s not about the past—he assumes it is. And it ruins date nights or intimate moments. It’s like this issue has taken over everything. We both love each other. We’re not giving up. We’re in therapy, and we’re trying. But it’s heavy. It’s draining us both. And I don’t feel like I’m choosing this—this feels like something I’m suffering through, not something I’m doing on purpose. He’s starting to understand that more, but I know his patience is running thin. So I guess I’m just asking… has anyone else gone through something like this? Has anyone pushed for too much information and then felt stuck—like you know too much and can’t go back? How do you rebuild your relationship when anxiety and OCD have already caused so much damage? Any encouragement, tips, or even just hearing that I’m not alone would really mean a lot.

My partner told his therapist about my OCD compulsions and his therapist basically said that I’m not being accountable for the role I play in our arguments even after my partner said that I am. His therapist just said I’m insecure and need help. I feel really dismissed right now and down.

Hi everyone This is my first post been going through rough 4 years many many themes but my current theme is fear of psychosis this is the roughest one so far and actually believed I was in phycosis and still doubt it sometimes when it was at its worst I was jumpy and questioning why my mind was suddenly hyper analysing things I don’t normally care to notice my normal floaters in my eyes kept playing tricks on me and still do when the odd one jumps up or moves quicker than normal, feeling like I was seeing shadows or mistaking any faint noise as a whisper or something to be alarmed at, vivid patterns and pictures in my mind when I shut my eyes for bed and bothered me so much made me feel like I had taken some sort of drug, having to get reassurance from everyone that they would see the same fly I saw just fly into the room. It has become abit better the more aware I have become but it’s still a fight sometimes to not want to check or google or question this theme was the key to getting an OCD diagnosis. Finally in therapy and trying to label it as often as I can now. My takeaway is lack of sleep and hormones really do make it worse or even trigger it but now the fear is here, it is all the time even if it’s more mild when getting better sleep and at certain times in the month ! I’m finding it a hard battle now I’m aware it is OCD I’m doing emdr hopefully it helps. There is always that underlying fear that I’m missing something or I’m in that age bracket I hope one day I can look back and say I got through this particular phase but at the moment it seems hard to think my brain will ever “relax” again I would like to start enjoying my life again. I’m from the uk and would love to find a person to chat too in a similar theme to me it would be nice to help each other out on those bad days and even be able to make some light out of our similar experiences if that would help I’m 26 female.

I'm doing ERP to beat my 3.5 long POCD with groinal responses. This implies walking near kids and trying to loosen up my hyperfixation on groinal responses (not caring about what I feel there). Obviously ERP is distressing. In fact, being scared is probably a good sign in this context, because it means I'm doing my exposures correctly. However, what's much more scary is that in all of these years of OCD there were countless times when I experienced actual muscle contractions/retractions in groinal area. And I can't tell if all of those were accidents. Sure, I don't want to do it (except if I'm relaxing muscles in order to avoid groinal sensations), but was it really an accident? And that's what is destroying me. I'm actively having those feelings near poor kids, even though I always believed myself to be a good person. Now there's no turning back. And I'm turning 18 in two weeks. How can I be enthusiastic about anything when I know that my OCD turned me into an actual monster. I want to continue ERP, but I can't imagine myself living on happily even if I somehow cure OCD

Ruminating is such a sneaky compulsion. It feels like the only “reasonable” thing to do in the moment because your brain is screaming at you that something is urgent, important, and absolutely essential. It’s like your mind is sounding sirens, telling you that you have to think it through right now because everything looks so black and white in the moment. The trap is, if I don’t ruminate, it feels like I’m just ignoring reality and living in some magical fantasy world. But the truth is, even when things feel the most logical and crystal clear to me with OCD, they are almost always totally irrational to everyone else. Someone said something on here that stuck with me: “nobody ever ruminated their way to certainty.” And that’s it. Rumination is just an attempt to feel certain, but with OCD there is no such thing as enough certainty. The more you chase it, the longer you stay stuck. The work, as uncomfortable as it is, is learning to sit in the uncertainty and stop feeding the cycle…even when everything in you is screaming to figure it out. That’s the way forward.

i am 18 years old and a couppe days ago i posted about the state of my house (cat pee, cat throw up, grime, dirt, etc everywhere), and how my parents dont clean/are used to living this way. im trying to clean the kitchen, i was cleaning it and cleaned majority of the counters, the stove, the dishwasher, now my clothes have a faint cat pee smell, the house is basically drenched in cat pee. i feel stuck and really isolated, i hate living here but at the same time, its my fault too for not cleaning. it is just hard for me to clean, i dont know why, and the house has been this way since 2023-2024 or so. idk what to do and i feel so alone, i wish my mom would help. idk what my girlfriend would think if she knew the state of my house

Triggered 7 days ago. No relief yet. Suggestions please, Im running on fumes now from fatigue, on ways to reduce my mental stress?

Hi! I’m trying to say this story as short as possible. I started realizing I was having an ocd flare up a long time ago and I chose private psychotherapy because I thought it would be better. I had a bunch of other issues and I wanted one quick (I had tried 2 before) and when I met someone that I felt was kind of okay I trusted them with my ocd. The thing was that she was NOT specialized in ocd, in fact, looking back I realize that she barely knew how to handle it at all. I had a really good one when I was younger and I was not having symptoms when I quit years ago, so it surprised me a LOT that all I had learned got unlearned because I trusted a bad psychologist. I have currently Rocd and a bit of compulsive staring as well, plus tricomania. I really really want to warn you, DON’T LET A NON OCD SPECIALIST GIVE YOU ADVICE OR ERP!!!!! It has taken me a while to realize all the damage she did. But I was so desperate for a solution at the time that I ignored the signs. She had no idea what she was doing and she actually asked me what we should do! She also made my staring worse, because she told me to try to not look (which is actually wrong), she also asked me if I was really in love with my partner, EVEN THOUGH I HAD NO DOUBTS AT THE TIME!!! She thought that I actually wanted sex with someone else and was like yeah it’s normal some people do that, instead of understanding my feelings and that I actually didn’t want to, but it was an intrusive thought. (It was very different from the classic: you know what maybe maybe not erp thing) She misunderstood everything and I now have to rewire my brain.

i saw a trigger in a instagram reel. i noticed the face immediately, i guess that's because she had a unique beautiful face and that's precisely what ticked me and made me alerted. and my brain started telling me that meant something, the cuteness and so on the potential danger that i felt, it seemed like a cue that something was there. and my brain started testing me with intrusive se&ual images. and im afraid that they weren't completely distasteful to my brain even though i didnt want it and i was freaking out. im afraid there might be of component of truth that makes something in my brain wrong. why did it feel like there was a potential "allure" in those intrusive images? why did it feel like i could like it? was it because the more taboo is something the more it feels "alluring" automatically? something in those se&ual intrusive images felt affine, akin, feasible to maybe my preferences? was it the association between intrusive pretty face + the intrusive image of a private area overlapping in meaning making me think that there could be some likeness? some potential attraction towards it? or is it really true and i have something in my brain that ive been in denial this whole time? maybe i'm a danger. im utterly worried abt this. why was i able to feel like there was some affinity towards those se&ual intrusive association-images? please if somebody knows, tell me, because until then i don't think i can rest in peace. and it's not a matter of uncertainty, this is something untolerable. i cant live like a guilty person and act like im innocent and that is all ocd. it feels perversed.

I had an "OCD episode" several months back from NOT doing the compulsion. Or at least not "resolving" / dealing with the intrusive thought. What if "Not" dealing with it creates an issue that never subsides or makes you worse? This sounds dramatic, but I literally feel and believe like I was psychologically traumatized by not doing a compulsion --- which for me has been ruminating and "problem solving" to "deal" with whatever "challenge" / intrusive thought comes up. When I wasn't able to "deal" with it properly in a kind of stalemate, the "anxiety" last for at least a month. And it was severe -- brain fog, sundowning, cognitive difficulties, I think maybe even disassociation. You could even call it a mental breakdown and burnout (from OCD itself). Even went to a neurologist 'cause I think thought there was brain damage or some sht. I'm STILL recovery from that. I feel worse cognitively, and even think it that episode pushed me into some type of clinical depression. So isn't that lovely that "not dealing with the OCD / not doing the compulsion" is actually a shtty choice (for me) as well.

I'm trying to get my head around ERP. What is the best way to describe how it's a "solution." Imo I think OCD happens with people who are very concerned with their own genuine integrity and probably their own "morality." So when something (like an uncomfortable "real event" that actually happened) messes that up, it's hard to grapple with that...hence the endless rumination and trying to "problem solve" it. But the mind doesn't let you sleep (i.e. OCD) if something is controversial and doesn't sit with you. Or if you obsess over something and it's based on a rooted fear. You just can't "let it go," it has to be addressed and dealt with. But what happens when it is NEVER dealt with? How does ERP address that dilemma as a permanent solution? Or does ERP only address compulsions and anxiety, but it doesn't actually deal with the issue causing it. Do you ever get REAL peace of mind? Or is just something to make you feel "less anxious" etc? Thanks I just want peace of mind. I haven't had true peace of mind in several years.

I have OCD and C-PTSD and so sometimes having a different opinion makes me feel like I'm automatically wrong or like I'm a bad person for thinking differently. I feel like this is esepecially true with social media and Tik Tok when you see other people's opinions from a lot of different perspectives and people get labeled at a bad person by strangers who don't know them. I don't want to feel like a bad person for having a different opinion than friends and/or the internet. I mostly think the same as them in a lot of different ways, but one or two things I think differently (examples of my thoughts I see are different sometimes: I think people can change but that doesn't excuse their actions and they should get therapy; I don't think all AI is bad, it just needs better regulation and shouldn't be used to replace people, I think it can be a helpful tool; I think just because someone uploads something that's considered "weird" on a public site (like cosplay, or a fashion choice, or etc) doesn't make it okay to make a video about them and making fun of them or be mean (like the teen/child who did the "bad" red lobster cover)) How do I learn to be okay with having different opinions than other people?

On Reddit, in a porn subreddit, I saw a NSFW post about a Japanese actress that was found having made a porn video, and a commentator alleged they made it when they were way too young to have done so and that made me really scared. Even though another comment said they were likely older, I can’t rest at all. I didn’t even know about that info beforehand and I don’t want to go back or check on the post and the comments more than twice. If that commentator was right, how could it still be posted up on reddit??? What do I believe????

OK, so I never had a boyfriend before because I’ve always avoided relationships because I’ve always had a fear of intimacy/ fear of someone getting too close (i have an avoidant attachment style) and just a hard time getting close to anyone in general. Well i am 22 years old now and i finally got a boyfriend for the first time and he is my heart in human form. Like i love him more than anything and i just want to love and support him as much as possible because i truly believe he deserves the world and more. OKAY SORRY ENOUGH ABT MY UNDYING LOVE FOR MY BOYFRIEND- i came on here to say i have been having these intrusive thoughts and they’re so disgusting. The thoughts are of me cheating and never I my life have i ever thought i?? I would do that so when I had this thought, it sent me into a panic. I was having anxiety for weeks and it was hell because it’s like my reality gets distorted. It just sucks because this is my first ever relationship and the only thing i want to do is just give my love to this man and make him the happiest person on earth. That’s is it i swear but my thoughts are so so so cruel. BTW i forgot to mention that cheating is his biggest fear in a relationship SO I know my ocd took that and RAN. Well anyways I can’t help but feel like I’m the worst human being on this earth but can some of yall send some ERP exercises and ways yall get over your ocd flares ups/ocd attacks please ? help a girl out 😔

I was on yt and I saw this kid whom I thought was pretty, but then I got a weird thought, and I got worried, I started physically panicking and runnin around, telling myself it wasn’t really attraction, idk if I’m lying to myself or not, I tried using AI for reassurance, but it didn’t work, this is the first time I spiraled since like 2 months… I can’t stand it I’m scared… idk it feels like I’m lying to myself, idk if it was sexual attraction or not, I thought she was pretty idk if it means something, I keeep rewatching the video to test myself. Please help me please.

I have been diagnosed with OCD by a therapist on NOCD for about 4 years now. I went through therapy here and I was officially diagnosed. My mom knows about the diagnosis because I’ve pretty much told her all my struggles and unfortunately confessed a lot of what I was dealing with in the past. She was not understanding at first and told me there was no way I could have OCD that I don’t “clean and organize” like people she has worked with before or been around. I told her that I wanted to go through therapy at the time and she said no and really said some mean and hateful things. Eventually though she did start becoming understanding but not in the way you would think. My mom isn’t exactly emotionally supportive. So talking to her about everything was really hard to go through. Well getting into what’s bothering me….in the past I have thought maybe there was a possibility that I could have autism. I’ve seen people on TikTok talk about it and what they have experienced and it was similar to me but I pushed it aside and never talked about it with anyone. I do struggle with “misophonia” and my mom is also aware of that even though she doesn’t believe in it either and that I’m just “misdiagnosing” myself. Well today she randomly says “There’s a video I watched earlier that I think you should see. I think you have autism. I don’t think you have OCD. You were misdiagnosed and it’s your trauma that is making you think you have OCD.” And it really hit me the wrong way and was quite triggering. The things that I have put in my head and all the hate towards myself before I was diagnosed came back because I was starting to second guess myself. I told her you can have OCD and autism at the same time. There’s no way for me to know unless I’m diagnosed and she said you don’t need to be diagnosed you kind of just know or something like that. But it really put it in my head that I’m making the OCD symptoms up and what if I really was diagnosed and it confirms that I’m a “bad” person. Sometimes I wish I never told my mom anything. She has never really shown care or understanding towards how I have been feeling for years. Who knows, maybe I do have autism but I know for a fact I have OCD. I just hate she put it in my head that theres a possibility I’m an imposter and I’m really what my mind tells me I am. If anyone relates to this please reach out. I’m not really asking for reassurance I just don’t know if I should listen to my mom. Yes I’m an adult. I’m 26 and still live at home. Now that she thinks I have autism, is she going to use it against me too? This sucks so much 💔

I always worry that my OCD is treatment resistant? No matter how much ERP Ive been doing for the past decade or so, I somehow am met with my themes again, sometimes coming back tenfold. Maybe I’m doing ERP wrong. Maybe I have something worse than OCD. I just have so many obsessions and themes and feel my avoidant behaviors trying to kick in no matter how much I try to resist. I’m exhausted…and it sucks. Even my sister told me “some people are not meant to overcome hurdles because God wants them to be stronger” referring to me. Now I feel like my OCD is impossible to get over. I don’t want to be strong, I want to be at peace. I’m not even religious and this is getting to my head and I’m spiraling. I can’t afford to be on medication or go to therapy. I’m struggling so hard.

i’m a little worried everytime i think like sexual about my girlfriend my thoughts feel replaced by kids and it makes me think that im the thinking on purpose am i?