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i’m scared i’m bi and in denial and trying to convince myself im straight.

And what is happening...let's say I come across a video of that person and then I stop the part where it triggers me and I deliberately imagine images of a sexual type, and if I don't feel anything, I look again, as if I want it or I have the urge to imagine it, i.e. I feel the need, and if I feel something or get a feeling in my groin and I feel like I fall into despair?

Has anyone had success “faking it until you make it” with discomfort? I’m having compulsions to check all my passwords and accounts and logging into every website I can recall from grocery shopping to tv subscriptions etc and coming up with all these insane scenarios that something’s not right and I’ve forgotten something I’ve done wrong and don’t know if I have or haven’t and if I can’t find the answers then my life is ruined and it’s stolen 4 months of my life. I’m exhausted. I am choosing to just stop and I am around family today and feeling like I’m dying insane. Has anyone had success faking it until you make it with compulsions? I’m really battling real event and false memory here and the lines are so blurred. I need help, my family can’t take my reassurance seeking anymore and I’m at my breaking point with feeling alone. I’ve lost every person I trust in this battles support for now. I know they love me but they can’t take it and I’m really down today and the compulsions and obsessive thoughts aren’t stopping and I don’t know how to just be in everyday life right now when my mind is so loud.

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

For some time i was obsessing over relationship with my girlfriend. For a long time we we're each other's best friends and we only had each other. Recently she made a good friend in work and im obviously really happy for her because she deserves to be loved by more people than me. But i started to feel really jealous. I never thought she can cheat on me i just have really low self esteem and i started to obsess over if she is still in love with me or if she is still attracted to me bc she sometimes would be more interested to spend time with that friend and not me. We talked about it a lot and i tried my best to not be jealous and give her space but i felt how she's distancing from me. At some point she stopped showing me her love in any way. She stopped hugging me and kissing me and she kinda stop telling me she loves me. She only responded "me too" when i told her i love her. I talked about it with her few times and she always said she understands and that she's tired and don't really need physical touch etc. But i was still worrying bc i just knew something is off. She really was acting different. And then few days ago she told me she's actually tired not because of job but me. She feels irritated by me and she don't know why and that she actually thought about breaking up with me and she don't know what to do because she's confused about her own feelings. She said she thinks she still loves me but it's hard for her to see a difference between friendship and love and that she feels tired of concept of dating someone. She said we should wait and see bc she thinks she still loves me but i don't know if that's honest. I don't know what to do anymore im crying all the time every day since that conversation we had. I feel like my worst nightmare just came true and now it's real and not only a though in my head. I can't do anything and i feel like it's the end of the world. We're living together and i don't want to go back to my parents but that's not the worst thing. I just love her so much and i can't hande thought of loosing her. My ocd made me question every single thing about me but somehow i never questioned my love for her so that's why I'm so emotional about it. I don't want to lose her. I don't know what to do i just want to be loved but I don't want anyone else. I don't know what to do im so scared. I want to die every time i look at her with love in my heart and i know she doesn't think about me like that anymore.

Im sorry I have to come on here and ask for advice once again, but as some people on here know I have been suffering with ocd since I was around the age of ten, which only got worse as my beautiful children came along. or nearly 60 years Ive had every type of ocd there is, they always come down to the same thing , not wanting to ever harm the people I love more than anything. I had got on top of this and was managing well, I know I would never harm anyone I love ever and would never ever want to, no more of the hypothetical scenarios for reassurance either , but its like every time I try to stop the mental compulsions intrusive thoughts come back after a few days, As I was in between going to sleep and was half awake the horrible words ' hope ***** dies I cannot even write the name down who it was about. I do not know where it came from but I am constantly getting upset about this as it was about someone I would give up my life for. I think you can probably guess what I mean without me having to say it. I do read a lot of posts and ocd podcasts and once read someones story wher they used to wish bad things and I have never been able to stop worrying in case something like that happened to me . Could this be what it was that has caused it ? I think Ive also still held onto something from when I was a child when I used to worry that thinking something too much could make it happen,, Please, please give me some addvice and thank you,,, sorry for the long post.

I’ve posted something vulnerable here before and I’m trying to ride out the wave of reassurance where it’s getting at me and I’m scared of sitting still with nobody to talk to about this at the moment I genuinely think it would be easier if I wasn’t around. I view my friends as pure compared to me and I’m the most impurest. I feel like this would do a favour to stop being here I don’t know what to do, I really don’t know. I’m literally alone in this and I’m getting tired. How do you deal with stupid choices that you made as a child? I’m trying to be understanding of past mistakes but it’s gut wrenching to try and accept to say and admit you did it knowing you’ll spend the rest of your life with that guilt..is there another perspective to this..???

first post on here, and i almost feel ashamed that its come to this point.. but i really need help. i have a constant fear that everything is bad luck. my brain has decided that certain numbers or words will cause something bad to happen to my family or me, and i really dont want anything to happen. my brain tells me that all of my compulsions are signs from God, and that if i dont listen, He will be disappointed in me. and i become afraid that every small mistake i made results in bad things happening to me. even posting this is terrifying to me, but im running out of options at this point.. i dont want to feel like this anymore, i want to believe in God without these thoughts.

do y’all ever look back at memories from your camera roll and come across the time in your life when things were really bad? because when i do, i just feel so sad for the mental state i was drowning in. not that i’m not still, but i have more perspective on it so i’m able to manage it more. but a couple years ago, i rarely left my bed because of how depressed i had gotten. what’s worse is during that time, i had wished that i wanted to unalive myself. but there was never a point when i did want to so it made me upset because i had no way out if i couldn’t handle it anymore. however, i think that’s a blessing in disguise because i was thankfully able to get out of that dark period. i’m still experiencing terrible anxiety, but because i have those times to reflect on and remember i made it through, it’s motivating.

I don’t know what to do anymore I made a friend recently in college and was texting her the other night and she mentioned she was doing her nails and I said nice and asked her if I could see. Because I was curious about what she did to them this time around and since then she has not responded to me I apologized to her saying I’m sorry if it bothered her but still nothing. Some of my friends just don’t answer me anymore I feel like I’m a burden of the ones who do still talk me I’m so done with it all. I’m tired of trying to find love as well I feel nothing to it anymore it’s only left me with disappointment and sadness I feel like I’m an unlovable husk of a person and that I would only ever be a bother I cannot fathom the idea of someone loving ME I just can’t I feel like it’s impossible I feel like everything about me bothers people to the point where I think is it even something I should try to achieve anymore. I should honestly block myself from trying to make new friends and relationships I’m so so tired of it. I feel unappreciated and annoyed that I am the one that has to try to keep up any sort of relationship because if I don’t reach out they never will reach out to me the reason I know this is because it’s been proven time after time since middle school that I am nothing to these people and I might as well no longer try. I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m going to be all alone for the rest of my life I’m just so lonely now.

Does anyone have advice for dealing with a breakup. This hurts so bad and my brain is torturing me. OCD makes it so much worse. It’s been a month already. I need to start letting go but can’t stop. Any advice for letting things go .. ?

I’m scared people are using me for their personal gain and that no one on this earth will ever view me as an actual person. I don’t want to be someone’s friend/girlfriend/wife because they’re lonely, I want to be in their life because they actually like me and VALUE me. I don’t know the difference between my instinct and my ocd sometimes. I think I tend to make sound judgements and usually perceive others accurately to the truth of who they really are; but now im scared to do this because what if im proved wrong once again, wasted my time, and ignored signs I should’ve noticed all along? I cannot make this mistake again. I can’t trust another person again to the point where I think if they compliment me, talk to me, or make an effort to know me, they’re only doing it for a transactional, convenient purpose. They must want something from me that is something superficial/benefits only them, not a real or authentic connection. My brain is telling me they must all be lying to me because they pity me, and think im dumb or naive. This is not how I feel about my relationships with people, this is how my ocd thinks others perceive me. I feel like im getting punished over and over again for making past mistakes and God is sending me people who don’t actually like/love me to teach me a lesson. I can’t fucking stand it anymore. I wish I could trade lives with someone who doesn’t think this way. I don’t understand what I did to deserve the weirdest/meanest people come into my life and fuck my perception of humanity even more than how I viewed it before. Can someone tell me why I even care this much about it? What do I do? Why does this happen?? I’m crying and im so embarassed im even posting this. We have such small amounts of time on earth and my head sabotages me to hate every minute of it. I want it to stop

Hey all, as an OCD newbie, i have some questions. These might be obvious or stupid, but idk, i just need some answers. 1. Is it hard for anyone else to watch movies and not get triggered? 2. Does anyone else get OCD about their OCD? 3. Is it possible/normal to have a lot of subtypes? And i mean like 6 or 7. 4. Do people usually misunderstand us and assume that our intrusive thoughts are actually what we want to do?

i need some kind words or maybe some advice? basically i went through trauma as a kid including sexual, and acted out in disturbing ways. I’ve done things i regret. even as an early teenager i did also. the only weird things ive done recently were compulsions and weird ocd driven stuff… but besides that ive found it easy to forgive myself for a lot of stuff because i know myself and my intentions and also talking to people helps. but one thing that’s hard is when im intimate with others or in a relationship. i feel so gross and undeserving like if they knew everything ive done in my life they would hate me. I don’t tell everyone everything, i think i only did that with therapists and like one family member. I feel like if I don’t tell someone everything I’ve done that I regret and see if they forgive me for it, then that means im “hiding” something about me and being malicious. anything helps :(

How to stop overthinking??

Help

For the past three years I've smoked marijuana nearly everyday. It helped with my anxiety and quieting my brain and helped me sleep. Recently, it began to make me feel more anxious, i would wake up nauseous and even threw up a couple of times which really triggered some health anxiety. I decided to quit because of this and i'm almost 2 weeks out from the last time I smoked. My body is slowly recovering but my brain just doesn't seem to quit it. I went to my GP a couple of weeks ago for a routine checkup and everything came back normal in my blood work and exam, yet that hasn't stopped me from completely obsessing over my health and feeling like (in my mind, not my body) i'm seriously ill- which is giving me extreme anxiety. Because of my reoccurring stomach issues my GP referred me to a GI who I had an appointment with yesterday. He was very unimpressed by everything I said and seemed like everything is pointing to IBS-which is not serious and something my mother also deals with. He ordered some extra tests to make sure I wasn't dealing with inflammation and he said he was very confident that my internal vital organs were a completely fine. I'm still waiting on those test results and his confidence should I have made me feel better but i'm still freaking out. Everybody in my life is tired of hearing about it and I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like i'm pushing people away. I feel good and like myself when I'm distracted and doing something fun, but mornings and nights and when i'm doing something mundane it's the worst. I feel like I can feel all of these pains and sensations but I have no idea if it's real. I've even started asking Chatgpt for constant reassurance and constantly googling my symptoms. I'm in a horrible loop. I should mention that on top of quitting weed, I also just graduated college, moved back home and my boyfriend and I started the longest period of long distance we've ever had to do so i'm just not feeling like myself at all. My psychiatrist just put me on Zoloft (my vomiting and intense anxiety coincided with when i began taking Prozac again so she wanted me to try something else) I'm only on day 3 of the meds but nausea and insomnia are the two side effects im dealing with right now which is just making my anxiety so much worse before the meds have even kicked in. Does anyone have advice on how to break this cycle of constant checking-i feel like taking a deep breath has even turned into a compulsion.

Hi everyone. <3 was wondering if anyone with experience dealing with excoriation/skin-picking disorder has some tips or tricks that have particularly helped them. Came to NOCD this week for help - first timer that would really like to be able to wear a tank top again 😅🫠 I did join the BFRB support group but unfortunately will be on a night shift this week when it meets . Thank you in advance ❤️

day 2 , I’ve been taking it at night. the nausea is unreaaaallll. I also woke up in panic but since I got off Zoloft I’ve kinda been doing that. Hope it gets better 🥹

I don’t think much of this has to do with OCD and the subtypes that I struggle with: Harm OCD and religious OCD and Guilt OCD. Yesterday, I felt like a failure. I’ve been volunteering at my church to help families affected by some wild fires and I’ve been managing a lot of the logistics associated with it. I love this type of work and the people I work with. I consistently struggle with not giving my heart away so easily to the various interns or full time staff there. My affections were all over the place yesterday and thinking about how I looked or appeared toward one person in particular. I tried on four different occasions to remind myself and to refocus that she was an just like an older sister in my faith and to try and think of her as a literal sister as well, but it didn't really change how I was feeling. It was really cool at some points I felt very comfortable to talk briefly about my story. Told her about my wife and my son (we are currently separated and living in different states) and the battle I’ve had with OCD. Yet I could see that I was jealous for her attention. It was pretty much just us there yesterday. There was a guy named Jim and I felt like I was just irritated that he was there, because he was taking the attention from me. It wasn't all bad, we were able to help a lot of families, I made my son and awesome video, there were moments of relief when I recalled her as my sister and got to hear more about her testimony, in a way deeper conversations helped me see her more than just a crush or temptation. Idk. I've asked for forgiveness to the Lord and I know even though I feel guilty and upset at myself, that He is rooting me on. My wife and I have been going through an uncontested divorce, a lot of it has to do with OCD and this new diagnosis, but as you can see by what I’m struggling with there are other problems as well within me as I’m trying to be a faithful husband, a strong father, and a just good friend to the people in my life. For so long I went to relationships and the hope of one as a source of life, but when I got married I kept trying to find life in “what if I was with this person?” I’ve caused real hurt to my wife and struggling to stop the way I feel so easily when I’m around different people and love everyone how I am supposed to.