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I have HOCD and ROCD and it makes me wanna puke all day I live with my husband

I obsess constantly about my hands being dirty and feel like I can actually see the germs and bacteria crawling all over my hands if I can’t wash them as soon as I touch something. It’s really embarrassing since people in my life have noticed this “weird” behavior but it’s a huge problem for me and I don’t know how to make the obsessive thoughts stop.

I feel like every day I try to sit with uncertainty, but it just feels never ending. Like I receive a little bit of hope and get to the top of one hill and feel like things may get better in a while, there's another hill right in front of me that feels more frightening. It's really frustrating. I know it's the nature of this disorder but ughhhhh

:( so I have multiple posts abt this. I hate being alone bc the thoughts get worse and I spiral. I can’t believe he did this I love him a ton. My previous posts have more details, but yea. This feels impossible to get over. Pls can someone talk to me and help me? I have a therapist and friends and family and they’re amazing. But I’m annoying with how much I talk about the same situation over and over again. I’m not supposed to be seeking reassurance and sitting with the thoughts and work with them using erp. I’m trying SO SO hard. I’m just shocked I hate the nighttime when it’s radio silent. :( I feel like a loser

Longish post but please stick with me. Hi everyone. I’m just looking for a bit of insight and if anyone else has felt this. It may sound strange and I’ve not had the courage to ask this for a while…. So I’ve been with my partner (27M) for almost 3 years now, I’m (24F). He recently proposed which I was not expecting so soon. We always joked about it and when he said he looked at rings I was happy. I knew it was coming at some point but not so soon. When it happened it’s immensely triggered my ROCD. And I’m struggling with something in particular, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced it/ what the root cause could be so that I can work on it……. When he proposed it’s like my brain put a time stamp on our relationship. All of a sudden I’m counting the days of my relationship/how long I’ve been in one. It’s like my brain is “keeping track” of the amount of days/weeks that I have a relationship. It’s like my brain wants to be in a relationship for a very long time IMMEDIATELY, which is of course not possible. It’s like my brain is saying “you have to break up with him because you haven’t been together a while yet”. It makes it feel like time is going so slowly. I see couples together for 6/7years prior to my age/time and just think “how did they do it”? Same with married couples. It’s like I think “they’re lucky I wish I was at that many years already”. But at the same time, the thought of being with someone for a long time makes me feel anxious and sick and like I have to “escape” or “get out” urgently. I’ve struggled with this particularly for a month now and am just wondering if anyone else has experienced the same or similar? Or can anyone offer insight into what this really could be deep down/root causes, as I REALLY want to figure out why and where it’s coming from. Sorry for the long post. Advice appreciated ❤️✨

This is my first post, so I apologize if the formatting is weird. I experience existential ocd I always struggled as a kid but learned more and more how to manage with school and such forcing me to learn how, now I experience a lot of overwhelming intrusions from when I wake up to when I go to bed (simply because I live and work in the same place it gets cabin feverish) but now more often going out maybe it’s just paranoia, I walk into a place and each person comes with a story immediately, every piece of trash on the floor, every piece of produce, each isle is a brand new way I could get into a life altering situation. I’ve managed well enough but sometimes I just completely lose my original objective and just leave or I’ll wanna leave my house but everything that goes with it and that could happen pops up and I just won’t go. It’s started to become avoidant behavior. Any help or similar stories? I just feel like I’m going crazy but my thoughts are so scattered and immediate it’s hard to break the habit and not spin a story. Thank yall!

I have recently entered a phase of extremely obsessive thoughts of every mistake I’ve ever made. Things from over a decade ago, things that happened recently, or even things currently happening like my own thoughts and feelings that I have no control over. Ever since I was little I have been a habitual liar. For the most part, I just tell little white lies or exaggerated stories. I even lie about things that don’t matter at all, like if I’ve seen a certain movie or something. But I have also lied about some serious things, like bad things happening to me, like abuse or SA. (DISCLAIMER - I’ve never accused anyone of these things to the police or anything like that). I hate that I’ve done this and I feel so disgusted with my behavior. I’ve been obsessing over this and unable to forgive myself or feel better about doing this. I feel like such a sick human being. I know most of the reasons for why I lie—attention, sympathy, to seem more interesting, to relate to someone, or to even pretend that my life is better than it is. I never ever have any bad intentions when I lie, but I know that doesn’t mean a whole lot. Sometimes I lie so naturally that I don’t even realize it, and sometimes I lie to the point that I actually believe what I’m saying. Somethings wrong with me and I don’t want to be this way anymore. I hate myself and I feel like I’m being tortured with this guilt. I feel like I don’t deserve to ever feel better because this is a result of my own actions. I have a group of girl friends that I met online that I’ve known for about 3 years. I lied about and insinuated that bad things had happened to me to them, because I wanted to relate to them and maybe because I wanted sympathy. I was actually emotionally abused by my ex, and he did kind of get physical with me one time (if I’m remembering correctly, but my OCD doubts if that even actually happened), but I have exaggerated and said that I was abused physically. I also have portrayed my life to be completely different than it is, because I hate my life and I like to pretend that things are better than they are. In a way, I feel like it’s a form of escapism. When I talk to them, I can pretend that I’m a different person. A more interesting, less pathetic, and more relatable person. I’ve lied to them so much that I can’t even begin to remember them all, and I feel so disgusted by myself, and the guilt of this is adding onto my other debilitating guilt. I can’t stop obsessing over it and I feel like I’m an awful person for this. I feel like I don’t deserve to feel better. I’m unable to function, and I can’t forgive myself no matter what. I know that if I confess to them, they’ll be disgusted by my behavior and not want to speak to me again. Especially because I lied about things that are so sensitive. And they’re perfectly within their right to feel that way and to reject me. I don’t know if I can handle the rejection and stress of confessing at this moment in time. I also just can’t even remember all of my lies. But if I keep talking to them, I’ll have to upkeep my lies, and I know I’ll never get better if I keep having to lie. None of my lies have caused them any actual harm, most of my lies are harmless, and it’s not like I’ll ever actually meet them in person, but I feel like I’ve gone against my morals, and I know that it was wrong. Even though my ex is an awful person and put me through hell, I feel bad that I’ve told these girls online that he’d abused me when he actually hasn’t (other than the one time he sorta got physical with me). He even has been going around telling people things about me and degrading me, and this has been going on for nearly 10 years. But I know it was wrong to lie about that regardless of what he’s done or what he’s actively doing to me. The girls don’t have his full name or info or anything like that, they just know his first name and that he’s my ex and that he “physically abused” me. I don’t ever lie out of malice. My dad is a pathological liar and he’s never received help, and I feel like I’ve learned his behavior. I especially feel bad because one of my online friends gave me an extremely expensive gift for my birthday last October, and I didn’t ask for it or anything or manipulate her into giving it to me, but I feel awful that she gave me a gift when I’ve lied about so many things. It’s also not something I can give back since it was an online thing, and I genuinely don’t have the money to pay her back. I feel like I’ve been living a lie and that it’s unfair to them. I am so so scared to tell the truth. I think I’d be less scared if I was only admitting it to one person, but I’d be admitting it to three. I know that they’ll think I’m terrible, disgusting, and that they’ll hate me, and then they’ll probably talk about how awful I am with each other. Which is perfectly justified. I just am so scared of it. I’m in a really bad state of mind. I can’t function and all I do all day is lay around and obsess over all my mistakes. I know the lying is out of my control to a certain extent and that I have a problem and mental illness, but I still can’t forgive myself. I feel disgusting and awful and like I’m a bad person and no matter what I do, I’m reminded of it. I feel like I’m going crazy and that I deserve to feel this way for what I’ve done. And I feel hopeless because I feel like I won’t ever feel better from this unbearable state unless I confess, but I really don’t feel like I’m ready. Every day I become more and more certain that I’m terrible.

I cannot tell if this is OCD assigning meaning where there is none, or if it is something else entirely. I have ADHD, and I tend to hyperfixate on people, specifically men I find interesting. It feels like a crush. Maybe it is a crush. I do not know. It does not matter. I daydream a lot. I have posted about this before, and the responses were helpful, but right now I am spiraling again. Lately, what I think is a dopamine-driven hyperfixation has latched onto my supervisor at work. I actively stop myself from ruminating too much about what it could mean. I remind myself they are just thoughts. I love my boyfriend and I am committed to him. But I have noticed that I sometimes *hope* something goes wrong with an order, just so I have a reason to talk to my supervisor, even if the interaction is only a few sentences. I do not even smile at him because I am so afraid of being disloyal or disrespectful to my boyfriend. The other day, my voice sounded nice, and I got scared that I did that on *purpose* because I was talking to my supervisor. I know how to make my voice sound smoother, and I worried that I subconsciously did it for him. I know people do that kind of thing to seem pleasant in general, but it feels wrong when it is tied to one specific person. There was another moment where I had to bend slightly, and I knew he was behind me, though I didn’t know he would walk in my direction. It turned into a kind of awkward traffic situation, and I started wondering if I *hoped* for that. I even caught myself thinking about whether he finds me attractive. I know that these thoughts might be in the normal range, but the fact that I think about him so much, daydreaming, hoping for interactions, mentally replaying things, feeling excitement, makes me feel incredibly guilty. Is that disrespectful to my boyfriend? I don’t think I’m flirting. But I feel like even hoping/looking for interactions or tweaking my voice counts as some kind of betrayal. I just don’t know. To me, it sounds like a mix of ADHD and OCD, It really does feel like chaos inside my head. I want to be honest with my boyfriend, but I know talking about this stuff makes his jealousy flare up, and understandably so I’m a jealous person myself. But if I don’t confess, it feels like I am hiding something and it feels *extra* disloyal. I know that daydreaming and a bit of excitement are normal, especially with ADHD and dopamine-seeking, but when I go out of my way for a few-sentence interaction, or crave eye contact, is that disloyal? I am not asking for reassurance. I genuinely want to understand if this is normal or if it crosses a line. I am scared that I am just making excuses for bad behavior. I am scared that this is not okay and I am doing it anyway. I wish I could ask my therapist about this, but I had to stop going recently. She always understood how my brain works, especially the difference between reassurance-seeking and genuinely wanting clarity. She was really good at helping me figure out whether something was common or explainable. It helped so much to just know if something was normal, even if knowing did not stop the rumination. That’s kind of what I am looking for now, just someone to tell me if this pattern makes sense or if it crosses a line. Please help :(

17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.

I’m nervous about an upcoming gathering. I feel like I won’t be welcomed or only invited for the sake of the host being nice. I am afraid of what I will say or do, that others will pick up on my non verbal behaviors like I do with theirs (i.e. a shoulder shift, eye roll, texting each other while I’m right there etc.) and I’m afraid that I will ruin the vibes of the gathering by becoming paranoid. I don’t want my thoughts to spiral so bad that I need to leave and my fiancé is out of town so it’s not like I can escape. I don’t want to be there the whole time but also don’t want to seem rude by leaving early and keep thinking that if I leave early will be a topic of conversation for others there. It makes me want to curl up and hide in the house all weekend and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for over a week now.

Hey friends. I hope you all are doing good today. Just struggling mentally myself. Feel like a terrible mother, but I want another baby. My OCD has gotten better despite the terrible episode I had that I seem to not get over. I hope someone comments that could just give me some support with POCD

My bf swears he doesn’t notice other women, and that even before dating me, he was never the kind of person to look at women. I, however, have difficulty trusting him. OCD makes this a thousand times worse. Now I don’t ever notice him staring at other women or anything, but I see him look around sometimes especially when someone passes by or someone new shows up while we’re in a restaurant or something. He insists this is him noticing movement and also checking surroundings for safety reasons, but how can I be sure he’s not secretly catching a glance bc his “controlling” gf won’t let him. He insists, swears on his life, that he has no eyes for other women, but if I’m being honest guys, I don’t trust him. No matter how often he proves himself, I don’t trust him. I am often checking his eyes in public. It was worse back then, we have worked through this and I’m doing better now, but I always regress to old habits and old fears. I feel this will be the rest of my life, where I will never be able to fully trust a man. That OCD will always hold me back.

I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.

My OCD has found new objects that I should be scared or worried about and I have this urge to hide them or throw them away. When I’m trying to watch tv I get really anxious that I’m trying to focus my attention elsewhere other than being in my own head, trying to sort my thoughts out & when I say I don’t want something I feel like I’m in denial. Does anyone else feel like this

How do I know if my obsession really is ocd or If im lying to myself about a past intention

I'm wondering if this is a common OCD experience: does anyone else find that when you have idle time, your mind just spirals into endless rumination on negative "what ifs" & intrusive thoughts? It's been happening to me for the past three years, which coincides with starting a really high-stress job. Weekends used to be my time to relax, but now I dread weekends...I only feel relief when I'm sleeping because it's the only time my mind seems to quiet down. It's honestly so depressing to lose that enjoyment. Does anyone else relate to this, and if so, what helps you cope?

I posted the other day about my subtype of staring ocd but I’m supposed to start a new job next week. I work in wellness/beauty and will be seeing people half naked. It doesn’t trigger me as I’m treating clients but only when I’m not supposed to be looking (like normal interactions). It happens when people wear very revealing clothes or are super curvy and my eye goes to that area. It also happens when people are adjusting themselves and my eye goes to their hands. It’s very embarrassing and I quit my last job because of this and I don’t want to make more people feel uncomfortable. It left me very depressed and hopeless. It’s such a frustrating type of ocd to deal with because it impacts me financially and socially. I just want to feel okay. Anyways, I’m writing this because I’m wondering if I should share with my new employer about this issue so I don’t weird anyone out or keep it to myself? I’m not sure what to do. I need money as I have a mortgage and two kids and would like to help my husband. I’m currently on Zoloft 50mg, have done therapy but this is such a hard type to treat as it’s not the cleaning type. I know I’m not supposed to ask for advice about what to do but I need to know so I can make a decision and not get cold feet.

Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth

Twitter is so….odd. Anyone who likes anime like me will know that there’s a community that makes sexual context over minor(or visually minor) characters (Loli/Shota???). I fell into a rabbit hole of reading comments under those posts with my face kinda like this “ 🤨”. They have thousands of likes and the comments all are defending it like “ it’s just fantasy”. But…isn’t it still wrong? I surprisingly wasn’t triggered and didn’t even look at the drawings I just was there for the comments. All the comments saying “ this is pedo behavior “ were shunned and yelled at. I’m sooo confused, that kinda content is bad right?? The community is so huge too! Whenever I see young characters depicted in sexual manners it usually triggers me and gives me intrusive thoughts, reminding me of when I was assaulted as a child. It’s just odd seeing it so normalized I don’t get it.

My terror seems like it's become a reality. Last night when I asked him if he loved me (we both used to do that before he became really distant), he said he'd think about it. I thought he was joking, but when I checked to make sure, he just said "Good night." L-like, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?? Anyway, cried for a good hour/hour-and-a-half while hurting m*self cuz ya'know, I must have done something for him to be questioning whether he loves me or not. I'm too emotional? Jump to conclusions sometimes? I'm annoying? I'm too much?? I don't know why and it's driving me insane. I'm gonna try and call with him today but, I'm not eating anything. ROCD has made everything Reality. 😢😰😓