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the NOCD Community

hi everyone I’ve been dealing with the loss of my sweet cat Oz and it’s really been weighing me down for the past two months since it happened. It was a very sudden death and it’s really made my whole world spin upside down and put me into a really bad place. Does anyone have similar experiences they’d like to share? I feel very alone right now and I know that this is apart of life so if you have anything you want to add I’d appreciate it. ♥️

I have always had a form of OCD since being a baby. However my POCD kicked up from around 17 years old. First it was like a huge wave of fear which died down to occasional fears for 5 years. During this time I numbed feelings with drugs and alcohol, sex and relationships and drama. Now I am 23 and stopped drugs, drinking less and in a stable happy relationship (getting married next year) want a family and just started this amazing job with more money NOW is when my intrusive thoughts increase to a MILLION times? Am I self sabotaging or is my body now so relaxed my brain cannot compute?

ROCD has been present from the very start of my relationship, so I was very iffy even though I knew he was the type of person I wanted to marry ever since I met him. I knew he was a good and honest guy, but the lack of butterflies freaked me out and I went into panic. I know I am attracted to him and have moments of attraction but haven’t had an extended honeymoon phase. Can any of you relate?

I’m spiralling this week. My mind feels like a catalogue flicking through chapters of my life and finding bits to pick on. I’m doubting lots of different actions or events over the years and worrying if these mean I’m a terrible person. I know this is ocd but the fact they actually happened is making it really really hard to deal with. Can’t wait for this episode to pass but already scared for the next flare up as this is happening more often. Any advice welcome 🙏

how are people dealing with confessional ocd in relationships? hope everyone’s okay and slaying as much as they can ♥️

Hello everyone. So, basically every time I feel any kind of peace/pleasure (simple ones, like hmm today I’m enjoying a song, I felt good with my sleep, etc) my ocd tries to convince me something is wrong and then I get anxious because I was feeling good. It’s so messed up. Anyone been through this?

Im a father who loves my family and child and wouldnt do anything to hurt them. I had to change the diaper and I saw an area that needed to be wiped on the leg but got anxious. I slightly moved my hand to wipe my hand was out away from my body and my child. I had the thought to grab the towel and wipe to be clean. But i got anxious so my hand moved and then i pulled my hand away. I didnt go toward the towel my hand moved near my child but was far away. Ocd says i was going to do something bad but i know thats not who I am. And i know my therapist said my mind can involuntarily send signals due to anxiety to make me move my hand as a false alarm and then i pull my hand away obviously because i have no intention of doing anything bad. Ocd just still makes me feel guilty and like i was going to do something. But i know thats not who I am.

I’ve completed 11 sessions so far and I can honestly see progress. I’m not back to my “normal” self but I’m gaining parts of my life and my personality back. I never knew I had OCD. I always attributed things to anxiety. Being diagnosed let me know I’m not alone, I’m not crazy, and that there’s help for me. I have a long list of OCD subtypes. As you can imagine, the thoughts and images in my head were extremely distressing and I was concerned for my quality of life and my sanity. 11 sessions in and I’m able to watch shows and movies without being scared I’ll see a trigger, I can practice exposures and navigate through my obsessions better, and I’m finding joy in the little moments in life. I used to avoid so many things and people because I was scared I’d have intrusive thoughts. I still struggle with intrusive thoughts every single day. Some days and even weeks are bad and I struggle more than usual. I have mood swings, extreme irritability, and even sometimes experiencing depersonalization. Sometimes I just plain out feel uncomfortable and weird. But like my therapist said, progress is not linear. I’m learning to count my wins instead of always counting my losses. I’m learning to enjoy the little bits of life that are ok, and I feel proud when I get through hard moments. I’m excited for the future. I’m excited to see how much I progress. Sometimes I’m still scared but I know that’s my OCD trying to get me to quit because we both know this ERP therapy is helping. If you’re struggling, please seek help. It does get better. I wanted to quit after doing my first exposure. I’m so happy I didn’t. And on hard days when I want to give up, I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing to help myself.

What to do when your brain keeps bringing a past real event and saying something else happened (that is horrible) but you know you didn’t actually do something wrong, how do you make it leave you alone?? I just don’t want my brain to keep bringing this up over and over, like it’s so distressing I know you say “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t” but what if it GENUINELY doesn’t leave you alone? Do you do something or?

Hey guys, I had a thought or something I was doing that had a negative impact on me. Now I have anxiety because I cannot remember what the heck it was! I was doing so good until now. Now I have anxiety and am scared!

I pray not to see sixes. Today at the grocery store as she was totalling up my groceries, I asked God to not have it be 6's specifically 3 of them in a row. But really don't want to see any. The bill was 10.66. So I decided to do erp with 6's but all kinds of bad thoughts and other things came up on the search along with 3 6's. I'm so scared. What if I'm cursed with badness from all of these 6's coming up?

I experience suicidal and existential ocd, and I KNOW that one day, those intrusive thoughts will not pop up that much. (These are the thoughts that cause me a bad feeling, and then my ocd tells me I cant handle this feeling and I will end my life) (so, its a constant loop) But then, even if I think of life without those intrusive thoughts/feelings (for example, my future self, free from OCD), I get thoughts saying that life is scary or not a safe place, and that I will of course end up by comitting suicide… Like I cant handle life, even if everything is good in my life. (Example: I imagine myself very happy in the future, but still, life would be too much and I would have to end it). Does it make sense? Im so scared of those thoughts and feelings 😢It makes no sense at all!

I had a full blown panic attack the other night because I was in bed and woke up and was thinking I needed to get up because I was so anxious and I was thinking that what if something happened to me or what if I accidentally did something. Just to remind you I am in nursing school and working 2 days a week and am stressed and overwhelmed - any tips will be appreciated or encouragement

How do you accept that you have a disgusting side of yourself? Whether it's with addiction, which is my case, a bad habit, or something that changes you into someone you don't want to be in some ways. How do you live with that? It bothers me in increments everyday and I try my best to shake it off but can't. This thing made me do a lot of shameful, awful things that I do regret. How do I just live with it and just be compassionate anyway?

On the 4th of July I got very drunk and at one point lost my friends in a crowd. I went back to my friend’s house and while waiting for them all to come back, I started talking to her neighbors and lighting off fireworks with them. I remember all of this event and remember when my boyfriend came back I introduced him to them. If I had done something wrong or cheated on my boyfriend I would’ve known and definitely would’ve felt anxious or a feeling of guilt/shame. A week later I was worried I had either gotten with one of them or one of my boyfriend’s friends. I was able to move past this but recently got a sore throat and now I’ve convinced myself I have an oral STD and it’s because I got with someone on the 4th of July. I told my boyfriend this fear this morning which I know I should not have done and I feel so regretful for it. I am so confident I didn’t get with anyone as I would remember but for some reason I can’t push this idea that I did and I just am suppressing the memory. This false memory is so hard for me to move on from because if it is true, I can’t be with my boyfriend anymore. What do I even do?

I've been in a constant state of panic since last night. My brain...oh my brain I'm so sick of you. I have intrusive thoughts that tell me "I don't exist" "I'm already dead" The panic and hyper focusing has caused so much DPDR that I feel disconnected to where it truly feels like I ceased to exist. No matter what I tell myself, I can't calm down. Nothing is a distraction, not even video games. I don't feel real. It feels like my own voice in my head is numb. I can't concentrate, my memory is awful, and I'm just all around scared. I can't believe it's gotten to this point. I don't know what to do...I'm terrified.

There is a theme with ocd such as harm ocd and they have very violent images thoughts or internal narratives/ monologues that are intrusive. If someone is brave enough to open up about it on this app and asked for help, please don't report especially if they have attached a trigger warning. They are not harming others, they have intrusive thoughts about it. There's a difference. Even if your theme differs, you must understand that.

Can anyone share advice on how you differentiate between actual relationship issues and ocd issues? And also how to stay connected with your partner during a hard time? I get really frustrated with my partner (disclaimer: he’s a great guy and his heart is in the right place) but he’s not aching the way I want him to (I recognize how that sounds haha) one of the things is that he doesn’t show much expression or excitement when talking to me so it’s really hard for me to feel loved through that. I’ve expressed that time and time again (which could be a compulsion) and when he tries to improve it just feels disingenuous, furthering my frustration. It could just be that nothing feels good enough for me, or that I’m just fed up but then idk if I should make myself hang out with him as an exposure, or just be alone. I fear that I’m not going to get my point across efficiently, or that it’s just the way he is and it’s something I’ll have to put up with. When do I decide to take action and when do I sit back and deal with it as ocd?because for me it feels like there’s no way of knowing! i don’t want to sacrifice my needs but I try to resist a lot of what I’m thinking due to the possibility of it being a compulsion. On the other hand however, I could just be silencing myself and in turn being quiet and he is ok with that but I like a lot of communication as it makes me feel connected. This could be a real issue that persists, or it could be an ocd spiral…idk and I hate that because I just don’t know how to move based off that info so Im open to any advice!

Hey everyone. I could really use some advice. I finally hit what seems to be rock bottom today. This constant, horrible urge to hurt my puppy. It’s everything. And it feels like I really don’t care. I have no emotions. I can’t think straight. I’m holding myself back from actually doing something because I know deep down in my heart that’s not me. It’s a physically paralyzing feeling that feels like I want it. I don’t know what the difference is between this and someone who’s actually dangerous and losing it. Everytime I look at her it feels like I have a flashback in my head or something and I see a movie/get an urge to just do it. It feels like I have to even though I don’t want to. But at the same time it’s like I don’t care. I hate this. I valued my dog’s life so much. And I loved her so much. Now I feel nothing. I don’t understand. I’m going to give her to a family member later and probably check myself into a psych hospital. It may be the last time I ever see her but I don’t think there’s another option.

I feel like everyone "healed" from their SOOCD and yet 6 years later I'm still here. All the people who used to post on here have moved on (and good for them) but im still here. Even when im having sex with my bf I'm like "am I enjoying it because Im enjoying the act of sex itself + the fact that Im used to him by now but with women its way more exciting and its about the women itself?". Ugh I just feel so alone, no one relates to me romantically nor physically.