- Date posted
- 29w ago
ROCD confessional
how are people dealing with confessional ocd in relationships? hope everyone’s okay and slaying as much as they can ♥️
how are people dealing with confessional ocd in relationships? hope everyone’s okay and slaying as much as they can ♥️
I struggle with this a lot, I go through phases of feeling the overwhelming urge to confess every dark thought or action I’ve ever done to make sure he’ll still love me and chose to stay with me. My ocd convinces me I’m lying to him if he doesn’t know every tiny aspect of my brain, isn’t OCD a joy! 🙄😵💫 I’m sorry I don’t have much advice on dealing with it except remember no one knows everything about each other, you are entitled to your own mental space (if that makes sense)!
@Sophie2115 thankyou! it does make sense it’s just hard to accept it aaaa!!
I also struggle with this, it sucks. I’ve been trying to allow the thoughts to flow without acting on them and it’s hard, but I am choosing to trust my own ability to fix my own problems and deal with my own traumas. Think of it this way, by not confessing, you are making yourself stronger while also not imposing your compulsions on your partner. I am recently in a new relationship and it’s been so hard, but I’ve made it a point to try to only tell her I have OCD and that I am working on it myself, and that’s it. I haven’t always succeeded, but I am learning that as long as I trust myself, I can do this on my own.
I didn’t realise I had ROCD for a long time. I would spend days ruminating about our relationship. I always knew I had POCD or eating OCD etc (thoughts I knew were not true) however when it comes to a relationship it’s hard to know even more? This led to me breaking up and having feelings for him still and being SO confused. Now I know it’s all part of the same disorder. OCD!!!
omg this literally sounds like i wrote this post 😭 im the queen of confession ocd unfortunately. here’s the things keeping me sane: 1. when i feel the urge to confess, i write it out thoroughly on my notes app. sometimes breaking it down makes you realize you don’t have to share it 2. the second i feel a confession thought coming in, or i feel my brain SEARCHING for something to confess, i play word games!! word searches, word puzzles, wordle, spot the difference, etc. it tricks your brain into forgetting to search what you were worrying about. this has really been my saving grace 3. at this point something that helps me is the embarrassment. sometimes after i confess something SO weird like (i watched a show and i was kind of aroused by one of the actors) the way my boyfriend looks and me and responds makes me regret confessing so bad. i’m like wait why on earth would i say that 4. just try your best to wait it out. honestly, i’m still searching for the answer just like you. there’s so many times i want to confess and i literally don’t know if it’s something i need to confess or not. but after time you kinda learn. i’m sorry you’re going through this. we got this i hope you’re slaying too
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
Good morning. Anyone struggle with ROCD? When I think about what I have done in the past, I feel immense guilty (I feel the tightness in my chest) and have the urge to tell my partner about it, even if my partner says she doesn’t need to know if it is going to hurt her and that I need to talk to my therapist about it first. Any suggestions on how to manage the urge/urgency? Thanks!
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