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the thoughts are only getting stronger😭 im scared im gonna give in… i need help😭

hey so this is my first time really using this app so i'm not really sure how to start but this is about to be a long story and i just feel the need to get it out because it feels like my anxiety is eating me alive right now. So basically i've always known i've had o cd and i've been diagnosed with pure ocd so i already knew that. I've always always had acid reflux and hypothyroidism that's just something to keep in mind. i've also been smoking on and half for 2 and a half years and my mom has been fixated on it. recently i want to a concert and before this i occasionally smoke, at recreational things or if im with my friends. I have a bad habit of not drinking water so before this concert i completely forgot to. While I was there this lady was smoking beside me and i started to feel very lightheaded and i thought my lungs were gonna collapse. I thought it had to be lung cancer, and my heart felt like it was stopping(it wasn't but my brain made me believe it was).I then had a panic attack and it felt like my throat was closing up and my acid reflux was flaring up and i missed most of the concert. I got so in my head to the point where i couldn't go to sleep that night because i was so scared i wasn't gonna wake up. Luckily the day after the concert i had a doctors appointment and they told me my lungs sounded perfect. So you know that made me feel better for a little while and i started smoking again on and off. My friend who has been smoking longer than me one day told me that he was coughing up blood and his back was hurting from smoking and my brain stuck to that. Everyday even if i didn't smoke i felt like my back was hurting and it was hard to breathe. I truly thought i had popcorn lung. I went back to the doctor again to see what the problem was and she told me again they sounded fine and it was anxiety. They took an x ray and she said my lungs were healthy and nothing was there. to this day i haven't been smoking as much but when i do i have the constant fear of either my heart slowing down or me having lung problems and it causes me to stop going and doing things i love to do like going to concerts, or being outside in the heat for long. I've tried the saying "maybe maybe not" to my problems and exposure therapy but it feels like it's just getting worse to the point where i don't know what's real on my body and what's fake. i feel like every little movement or pain on my body is something serious. i'd really like some advice right now. thank you

i’ve recently been getting a lot of religious videos on youtube and i watched some and i feel so scared. i can’t mess up or else im going to hell. i can’t say “omg” or else i feel so much guilt and i start freaking out. i also get intrusive thoughts that question christianity and that are very explicit/sexual images. i also feel so guilty because i don’t have true faith. i try to be religious to save my own skin, not out of being grateful for jesus dying for me. i feel nothing. i just don’t feel thankful and i don’t know why. i know i should but i just can’t. and i don’t wanna go to hell because i can’t feel thankful for anything and i just keep on sinning. i keep having to repeat “gosh dang” under my breath to get the right feeling and so i don’t use the lord’s name in vain. please help me. i want to be religious and grateful but i just can’t be truly faithful :(

Hi all. I have OCD, and I’ve been having it for about 2 years. I am Christian, and I heavily love the Lord. I also have a loving boyfriend, who is not religious. It’s a huge struggle because in the Bible, it says to not make close relationships with nonbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV). I love my boyfriend and totally accept him for who he is, and he accepts me for who I am and my beliefs. However, it’s just been an on and off thing of “should I break up with him?” “Does God not want me with him?” “Am I selfish for wanting to be in a relationship with him?” “Does God accept us?” Those things. I always tend to over analyze and overthink about this sensitive topic of mine, and it overwhelms me so much because I truly don’t know what to do. I know the Lord doesn’t want his children with nonbelievers, so I feel selfish. However, my boyfriend heavily respects me and my beliefs, and whenever I tell him about my day whether it’s reading the Bible, praying, etc, he totally supports me and is actually happy for me! He doesn’t judge me, he doesn’t judge my love for God, and he wants to be a better person. Our relationship has helped change me for the better and helped me realize I really need to focus on the Lord. When we first dated, I was a lost girl and didn’t fully know God. The fear I had about dating a nonbeliever as a believer really got to me at that time which made me look into it more. I definitely think it helped me to understand the Lord and form a relationship with him. Furthermore, he uses the Lord’s name in vain which absolutely hurts me. I haven’t told him that it does, but I’m waiting for a right time because he too has mental issues going on. It’s hard because we have different values so I definitely feel like talking about it will affect us and make me seem controlling. But, this is what we signed up for, knowing how hard it will be. All in all, I’m a daughter of God dating a non believer, but we help each other get back up. Even right now I’m asking myself if I’m selfish. I don’t need reassurance or help, but I’d love to hear from people.

Treatment - ERP Hey so basically I'm just soooo scared to do ERP. I started doing erp with one service and I couldn't cope with our first exposure which was just sitting alone for 20 minutes and accepting intrusive thoughts with no compulsions'. I found this so distressing and hard. I've been moved services and probably will be doing ERP with them but I really don't want to do it. I know it's the gold standard treatment for OCD but it scares me so much knowing I have to do it. I'm scared it will make me way more sick and at this point in my life I cannot afford to be more sick (I'm starting year 13 next month and doing my A-level exams in may) I want to trust that this will work but I'm just very scared. I'm scared that this service will be just as bad as the other one. One of my big fears that we did my hierarchy for with service 1 was around science practicals as that was the only fear that therapist 1. I'm scared that therapist 2 will focus on the same scenario (which is a scenario that I struggle A LOT with) but I can't do that, I'm not sure what my hierarchy will be this time. I can't think of any harm exposures at all but I'm sure she will be able to.

Does anyone had or have the existential fear of our brain functions. I have so much hyperawareness in my thoughts, I focus all the time in my feelings and my intentions in order to check if I am strange or not and if I have control of my actions. I do psychotherapy 4 years and I thought I was fine. But this June I had a derealization episode(or ocd) , after that a depersonalization episode (or ocd) and after that I have obsessions about our existence and that every aspect in our lives has to do with our brain and for some reason these thoughts scary me. I know that at some point is ocd but I am very confused why this thoughts scary me so much. I observe others and I am curious how it's possible not to think about that and this make it worse . I am so anxious because obviously we are our brain ,I know that and brain has to do with everything,but I don't know why it make me anxious and if it's possible to live without these thoughts. I do many compulsion but my biggest is to figure out if I have compulsion in order to figure out if my thoughts is ocd or delusions. It's so real and these thoughts really bother me. Any other with same experience?

What has helped? I feel like I've struggled with thus my whole life.

It's gonna be my birthday tomorrow. My friends will have a sleepover round my house and I'm excited. At the same time, I feel that it's also triggering my fears. For these past few years, I had a fear of not enjoying the moment (ESPECIALLY in hangouts, vacations, big events etc), so I would constantly do emotional checking, perfect my thoughts or ruminate about it. I'm getting better at managing it, but I've also been having intrusive thoughts of me not valuing my friends enough. What if I spend too much time fixating on the person I'm attached to? And then my birthday will be ruined etc But the thing that's been bothering me the most is that can't control my strong attachment one of my friends (lets call them Mango). Why am I attached, you ask? We've planned to live together in the future. Because of my low self-esteem issues, I was attached because they also have a massive crush on me. Lets bear in mind that I'm also crave romance. For ages, I've had intrusive thoughts that secretly I'm a selfish, manipulative person. Many people say I'm so loving and nice, but I used to have so much doubts. So for example, I was scared that I manipulated them to like me because im self-aware of my attachment issues. I'd be scared to talk to Mango because I feared that I'd lead them on, then my mind pictures them killing themselves because what if I traumatise them 20 years from now because i've had "secret selfish motives". I'd analyse my thoughts constantly. Would I use them? Am I a good person? Am i having the right motives? Do I actually want to live with them or am I lying to myself? Do I genuinely love them (as a friend) or do I secretly dislike them? Have I been lying this whole time? Are they the one? If I'm feeling this anxious, then surely this isn't right. I'm making the wrong decisions arent i? What do I do? What's true and what's not? I keep ruminating. I also feel compulsed to make sure I text and interact with them right, with correct feelings and thoughts or else our relationship will "hit rock bottom". If they don't reply fast enough, or in the right way, it triggers me too. Whenever they say something sweet and genuine, my initial feelings was comfort and being flustered (in a good way). But then I recall those words, trying to analyse if I still feel the same like how I did initially. As time nears my birthday, the intrusive thoughts of them are making me increasingly anxious. I know I have to accept uncertainty. I just hate this feeling. I never feel certain enough. I'm scared to text them. I'm scared of what each feeling ir thought I have could possibly mean. Maybe they dont mean anything. I just hate how my brain keeps picturing me and Mango's friendship ending horribly in the end because of me. Sure, it's all probably made up in my head. Maybe my fears have no link to reality, but I just wish this would stop. I wish I could get help too. I dont know if I actually have OCD, but the things I've experienced really resonated with what others have experienced. What I've typed here are just some of the examples. Say, if i do have ROCD, this would make sense. Being bi with possible SOOCD isnt helping either. Constantly trying to analyse whether my identity is true is exhausting too. All of this is exhausting. I'm so stressed.

I feel like everyday I am getting worse I’m finding very hard to feel relaxed I constantly think I do something bad to ruin my relationship that I find it hard to be by myself bc if I start thinking something I think it’s real I can’t even relax at my job bc I constantly think guys go downstairs with me when I go down there bc my mind throws images at me and I think they are real and I start freaking out And I feel bad calling my boyfriend and telling him him that my mind is telling me I did something with someone when that’s the last thing I want to do but my mind has like intrusive images and thoughts and then 2 seconds laters I think they are real and it’s annoying me I can’t relax at all & I know I’m not supposed to “confess” but I feel horrible if I don’t say anything and I think that’s why I’m stuck in a loop bc I can’t keep things like that to myself

I find it really hard to make decisions-especially big life decisions. People ask "what does your intuition say", but I feel like I can't access my intuition- I feel doubtful/question all thoughts+decisions. Are there any resouces anyone could recommend?

Hello everyone, I had the chance to meet regularly with a therapist more than a year ago. I made great progress thanks to exposure exercices that I still practice to this day. I realize though that I dont know how long I should keep going. Is it a daily « lifelong » practice ? Thank you.

And welcome to today's segment of "what the fuck did I just read?". Okay jokes aside my brain is a prison and comedy is how I cope. I remember when I was maybe 12 I watched this episode of family guy where Peter Griffin rides a bull and it ends up violating him and heres the more fucked up part. I'm scared I acted in some questionable things if you know what I mean to that episode. Hence the zoophile title. I know that makes me sound like a total piece of shit and I feel like I am. I would like to preference by saying that I have pets and I'm definitely not attracted to them. I feel like this may be a false memory type of thing because I remember having the same memory of maybe I did that but it didn't bother me as much. Which makes me feel like I didn't do that? Because if I had a younger memory and came to the conclusion that I probably didn't do that wouldn't that go in favor of not doing it? I don't fucking know. I'm also moving and I've noticed a common theme of when I'm going through life changes my OCD flares up. I'm not even entirely sure why I'm writing this. I'm hoping once I'll type it out I'll realize how ridiculous this sounds and I'll feel better but so far...nothing. I'm seriously considering taking up alcoholism as a profession because what the fuck else am I supposed to do. This app genuinely helps though. It makes me feel less alone knowing lots of other people are going though this shit and if you're still mentally stable I applaud you. I dunno. I guess I'm just writing this to hopefully help someone else feel less alone too. Anyways I suck, OCD sucks and I think I'm a total piece of shit!. I did just now go back and watch that clip and I remember it differently which makes me feel like I'f I did do something to myself if you know what I mean it may have been to something else entirely. But again I'm really just posting this to hopefully help someone else out. And some feedback would be helpful too on wether or not you think I'm a zoophile as well. Tip you're friendly neighborhood OCD ridden spiderman I'll be here for the long run.

does anyone else feel like their life is ran by OCD right now? Can’t have “me time” , can’t simply change my kid , can’t play with my kid without feeling like something is gonna happen. i’m crying right now about it and sometimes I just wanna give my daughter up for adoption just so I know it’s not gonna happen. but that’s gonna hurt me too so I won’t be entirely free , WHAT DO I DO??? help ….

Hey guys, I have taken just 1 pill of lexapro yesterday and I cannot sleep a lick. Is this Normal? Obviously not being able to sleep is causing me some anxiety of course. Still struggling to determine whether I am dealing with harm ocd or suicidal thoughts. Hopefully the meds and therapy can help.

Its a very anxious night for me as a parent. I went to tuck my child in and i worried with groinal responses i still hugged my child goodnight than worried did i brush up or lean toward them inappropriately and then she was sad i was leaving. I wanted another hug so i hugged her again and ocd tried saying i had bad intent. Its so exhausting fighting ocd as a parent in distress

My first memory of doing compulsive actions to ease anxiety was when my mom had her final stroke. I remember there was urine everywhere because she had it as she was going to the restroom and I was the only one home. I was 11 at the time and she was so scared and i didn’t know what to do, I was just trying to clean up the mess and help her while keeping it together. Long story short, while the paramedics where stabilizing her in the ambulance I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and no matter how much I washed I couldn’t get the “dirty” feeling off. It slowly progressed as I grew up and got worse and worse. Everything I touch a lot of time feels like either my brother or mother touched it. My brother was alway extremely violent and after my mom passed I started to have nightmares that he would sexually assault me, because my bio father is a pedo and I keep grouping my brother and him together, like they are working to ruin my life. And thoughts like that and everything with my mom is drowning me. I don’t know how to let the past go. I’m writing this because at the moment I feel so contaminated and I’m so stuck. Sorry for tmi, I just want to understand if my past is triggering my ocd and how would I solve that?? Even though that’s a big question , any advice or anything would be so appreciated.

Im actually confused is this an intrusive thoughts? when im doing something it feels like my brain is monitoring how i think how i feel or what i say. it would say things like these and i would fall into problem solving, trying to fix or clear any doubts my brain has or clearing out my intention. “ Did you feel anything when you looked at that kid?” “Why did you have that thought? you probably liked it” “Why did you accidentally say that? even though you said you didnt mean to say it, you still said it” (not verbally, still mental) “When you said the person is cute does that mean you see a kid in them? youre probably a pedo because of that” “what do you feel about their younger version?” “what did you think or feel during the interaction?” Sometimes these thoughts would come up to question me and would result into mentally checking what i thought or what i feel when something happend. Or like sometimes a feeling would come or a thought would come, this would make me question myself as to why i had that thought or feeling. Again this would result in me mentally checking or trying to fix or prove that i didnt even mean anything bad or trying to convince myself that its just ocd. I know i should but i feel like i really should clear it up, but at the same time i feel like im doing a compulsion. these are thoughts that questions my intention or why im having a thought at a certain moment which sometimes would come with feelings and make it look like its real which is why i fall in mental compulsions

I’m a Catholic Christian and I love my religion so much. I have found that every now and again, my OCD becomes triggered and I find myself distancing from God & my faith, and avoiding (or trying to) avoid God because religion starts to give me anxiety or trigger my OCD. Lately, like the past week and a half, I think I’ve been doing well. I’m still anxious (and talking about it makes me anxious too, so I guess this is kind of an exposure), but I’ve been trying to keep practicing my faith nonetheless. I’m proud of myself, I’ve been able to keep my OCD at bay and continue to live my life and practice my faith. I even have anxiety right now, but instead of dwelling on “what if?”, I’m trying to continue telling my OCD “so what?” I would just like to know, what do you guys do to deal with moments of anxiety or fear or irrational thinking?

This is my first post and I’m not sure how I’m exactly supposed to do this lol. But my puppy I recently got has fleas and she sleeps inside since she’s small and it’s hot so I’ve been cleaning my room and around the house and the pup but I can’t do much since she’s too young to take any preventatives. But I keep finding a flea on me and I’ve been anxious to sleep in my room thinking they might be in there or scared to make my room dirty so I’ve been sleeping in a separate room from my house and I recently left for 3 days leaving the care of the pup with my friend. I’m going back home today and I’m worried about the fleas even though I’ve been doing as much as I can. I’ve been relaxed while away but now that I’m returning home I cannot help but think about how I felt when I was home and it sucks because I love my home and being home and I don’t want to view it as negative but that’s how I’ve been feeling :(. And I just want some more hope about this flea situation or advice from people that have been thought this.

All i ever do is lose. Just lose at fucking everything in life even though I beg to god that I can win at least one fucking thing. To be good at one fucking thing. To be excellent at one fucking thing. And I cant even do that. I cant even win at my video games. The smallest win I cant even get. Im in fucking hell. A hell where Im alone and theres no one to comfort me because they think im feeling sorry for myself. I hate my existence and my life so fucking bad. What am I sorry about my life for if all I want to is make the suffering stop? I constantly play, try to improve, but theres nothing I can do that makes me stand out. Nothing I can do that makes me worthy of anything. I hate this world, i hate god for hating me, and I hate myself. Hate myself for not being good enough for any goddamn thing. Im sick. Im fucking sick. Im sick of this. Im sick of me. Im sick of not being good enough at any fucking thing despite my efforts. Nothing I do matters. Nothing about me is special. Im so goddamn tired of it all... im damned to hell... or maybe im there... i dont fucking know.