Welcome to
the NOCD Community

do you guys often confuse being triggered with actually being attracted. I struggle with this a lot.

On December 29, 2021, I experienced my first intrusive OCD thought. When I realized I couldn't shake it, immense dread seemed to overcome me. I spent the next 5 months in my own personal hell, flinching at every single thought, feeling, sensation, and urge. For months I wondered "What in the hell could have caused this to happen? Why am I losing my mind?" It was actually In April though, when it hit me. "Could it be the weed I was smoking every single day to calm down my nerves even though it hasn't done shit but amplify the sensations?" Nahhhhh. But internally, I was considering it.(This might be crazy and possibly triggering so do proceed with caution) Then I had a family trip planned. My immediate family and some older cousins I thought I could trust (One being in her late forties and the other in her twenties, after all.) I got in their car instead of my mom's. Why? Because I felt that stupid dread and wanted to break out of it with my fun cousins. I was determined to relax that day. As I got in, they offered me some weed. At the time, I was 15 and all my family knew I smoked so it was alright with them. I was hesitant at first and declined, but again, I thought fear was trying to tear me down so I said yes. Within 5-10 seconds, the high hit me like a truck. The sky turned red, and they had the music up at full volume playing the same fucking song over and over until we got to my grandmother's house to pick up my younger cousin. They drove like a bat out of hell the whole way there. I was in hell. [I realize this is getting way to long so I'll summarize] The trip sucked, everyone acted like I was a nuisance,we got home at 2 AM, and I didn't sleep for four days straight. It wasn't because of thoughts, anxiety, or anything else OCD related, it was because they laced their weed with something and to this day Ii still don't know with what. I haven't smoked weed since, and a lot of my symptoms are gone from resources I found online (OCD recovery on IG), but I miss the relief weed brought me. . NOW for my important question. Would it be possible for me to smoke weed again, preferably some that's unprocessed and homegrown? It was deeply benefiting me before OCD, but I genuinely believe it was the unnecessary processing and addictives of weed that was hurting me.

Who am I if not my thoughts, sensations, feelings, or urges? I know some people say you are your values or you are your actions. However, aren’t your values and actions dependent on your thoughts, feelings, urges, and sensations? How can actions and values even arise without dependence on either a thought, feeling, sensations, or urge?

My problem sounds kinda silly in comparison to others here, but I must say it plagues my daily life so so much that I just need to share it. It would be great if I could get a few advice here. I was diagnosed with OCD a few years back, although the symptoms started quite a few more years back. It’s nothing too serious, but it takes me almost an hour to use the toilet (not bathing). What takes so much time? Cleaning myself and washing my hands mostly. I repeat a set of…what the doctor termed as ‘rituals’ I perceive as ‘necessary’ to wash my hands properly. If I do not complete them, the back of my mind screams “You’re still unclean!”. Even if I manage to avoid my compulsions for one day, on the next, it doesn’t become any easier. A brutal cycle of obsessions and compulsions that needs to be broken every day, but I can’t. I can speed up my ‘rituals’, but not avoid them entirely. This means the time I need in the toilet is still around 45 minutes to an hour. On my worst days, it has even gone for two and a half hours at a time. Although I can continue like this at home, but soon I need to move to college. I know college and dorm life won’t be any kinder to me with this disability of mine. Neither will I be given so much time inside shared washrooms, nor can I avoid the vicious bullying that may come with it. The latter is mostly my assumption, but even normal students face ragging in college; it’s a fact. I would be really glad if anyone with similar conditions who has spent life in dorms alongside peers could share their experiences. How to manage the demon of OCD and how can I survive dorm life? I’m already scared of rumours of ragging I heard from my seniors, but this disability of mine makes life so much worse. I’m really afraid of what the future holds for me.

Is it worth it even if you’re event or false memory and what if thoughts are truly horrible? I’m scared to go through recovery and then later be faced with the truth and that truth is the worst possible outcome that I had been fearing. I can’t imagine feeling “recovered” and then sometime in the future turns out I AM a monster.

TikTok has been the biggest trigger beyond belief - I feel like I'm constantly being bombared by relationship Tiktoks and my biggest fears. In the past 15 minutes scrolling while taking a break from work I have seen -"when I spent 7 years with the wrong man because I was too scared to leave him" (didn't watch the video) -8 signs your dating a narcissist (i nitpicked all my memories with him to make sure he didn't fit any of the qualities) and then started worrying I was secretly a narcissist. -red flags in dating Every single relationship Tiktok good to bad triggers me so much. I am having the worst day ever because of this and can't get off reddit and have been avoiding my partner. I work in literally influencer marketing so my whole day is revolved around being on social media unfortunately so I'm not sure if I can delete the app. The other thing is me and my partner love showing each other funny little Tiktoks. I am also sick to my stomach about Taylor Swifts new album about her breakup with Joe Alwyn coming out and how many tiktoks there is going to be about it and if I will possibly relate to any of the songs. I don't even want to explain what ROCD is to my friends as they are all in very new relationships (around 3-4 months) and simply will think I am in the wrong relationship or not happy. So sorry I went on a bit of a tangent but if anyone is triggered by tiktok as well let me know. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day too!

Hey everyone. Does anyone else struggle with wanting to do things “perfectly”? I always want things to be done a certain way, and if I feel as though I’ve made a mistake, or “messed up” I have the urge to start over. How can I overcome this feeling? Thanks for reading.

I’m aware I have ocd and with logic I can see that I shouldn’t be worried and I have things to do and things I’m happy about but I have what ifs in the back of my mind. It’s like following me around and it’s so scary not to mental check or act on it in some way. I know I should move forward but I’m scared to. I think hormones are flaring it up. I’m just catastrophizing or whatever in the back of my mind. I wanna be happy so badly and move on so I can feel free

I think I have a lying problem. And I am struggling a lot. I could use some advice, or just to know it happens to other people. Or I do have one for sure. Sometimes I answer without thinking and it’s a lie and I don’t correct it. I feel horrible about it but I don’t fix it. Sometimes I just say whatever answer even if it’s a lie. I have this awful guilt and embarrassing feeling but I don’t do anything about my lie. Sometimes when meeting strangers I lie about random insignificant things!!! And the worst part is I constantly relive my lies and get very hung up on them. I feel guilty. I think of ways I could fix them. I imagine being confronted and caught in the lie. When I met my partners parents I lied about how I applied to unis, who I trained for a marathon with (I trained and did the marathon, just lied about being part of a run club, WHY??!!!) or the age of my dogs mom. Sometimes I’m scared I lie and I don’t even notice and my partner does. Even with approximations, I struggle with the fact that nothing can be 100-% truth. Does anyone relate?

Hey all. I want to share something pretty ironic that happened to me recently. For a little backstory, I have ROCD, specifically the fear of cheating on my partner. In my most recent relationship it has been a lot better and most of my compulsions have subsided. But my last relationship was when it was at its peak. I would control my EVERY move to make sure it was not adulterous bc in my mind it would be cheating. Literally couldn’t walk around others without feeling this way. At one point it gotten so bad it didn’t matter if I was in my home with the window closed. I was convinced that my irrational fears were true. These suffocating thoughts and compulsions urged me to seek therapy after my last relationship. I say all this to say that I am in no way a cheater. But most recent boyfriend (ex as of yesterday) is convinced I have cheated on him. With no real evidence. Only things he thinks he’s found. Each speculation I have disproved. Sometimes all I had was my word but he never believed it. He never believed me. He became ruthless towards me, and his anger over something he thinks I did, seeped out through his jokes. He has severe trust issues. Yesterday during our last argument and my last plea to assure him I am in fact not a cheater I was so desperate I even explained to him what I was in therapy for and showed him documents to prove the type of ocd I have. I told him how can I, someone who has such high morals when it comes to relationships that I developed an OCD fixation around it, cheat on you. But still, he didn’t believe me. Mind you, I told him about my OCD in our beginning stages but I don’t think he fully understood. I just find this all so ironic. A year ago I was in therapy trying to prevent my worst fear from happening. I got semi-better. Met who I thought was going to be my husband. And in the end got accused of doing things I would never do: cheat. It’s sucks because I laid it all out to him. I pleaded to him in a way that did not honor my self worth. And still in the end none of it worked. I am proud of myself because I had the strength to be the one to say the final goodbye because enough is enough. I just find this all so so ironic.

what do you guys do when it feels so real? i’m doubting everything i ever knew, this is terrifying. it feels so real. stuff i used to be certain about i have no idea anymore.

I put in a trigger warning, have others done things such as “am I gay” quizzes or tests on the internet? If so, how did you stop?

I’m basically scared of anxiety. I had the thought one day ‘what if I can’t stop worrying and making myself anxious’ so I spent like a whole 3 hours just in a huge panic attack worrying about the fact what if I can’t stop being anxious. It’s like a self perpetuating cycle. I worry about anxiety coming so the anxiety just became HUGE. Ever since then my life has not been the same. I’m better than I was but I would love to know if anyone else has struggled with it? Acceptance of the anxiety and not trying to get rid of it has helped me.

I see a lot of users promoting an app by the name "unstuck", they claim that it helped them in various ways, I personally haven't tried it, not saying it's bad or good, but I became very sceptical because of how hard it's promoted here, does anyone have any experience with this app?

Does anyone ever have really good days where you think all these thoughts were just silly and then suddenly everything hits you and you can't escape? Do you also question whether it's really OCD or not?

I have a list of people I’ve “raped” or atleast think I’ve raped and it includes children back from when I was a childcare teacher and it’s killing me, i have these memories of these things happening and these flashbacks of maybe me hurting someone and I can’t tell what’s real and what my brain is making up. It physically hurts me to think I might’ve done these things and I can’t live with myself

As the title states I wad woken up by strange bird chirping that I've never heard before and it's making me anxious, I guess my brain is making me think that this is somehow a warning for something and now I'm anxious thinking about what the warning can be about and now a million of possibilities is running through my mind?? I'm not sure if it's tuition or anxiety, I just want to go back to sleep peacefully 😭 I hope this doesn't seem like I'm seeking reassurance but I just wanted to get this off my chest at least..

Fear of spiraling. Losing control. Harm ocd. I just had to have a c section yesterday and everything has spiked. I’m just hoping for some positive words to get me through this difficult time. Maybe some mantras that have helped you stay positive? Reminders this is temporary? Hopefully not reassurance seeking but just needing some outside positivity

I think I might be bipolar keep on having mood swings I go from okay to sad to suicidal to homicidal I don't know why I keep on thinking about killing myself and other people I want to tell my school therapist but I'm scared that she'll be afraid of me I don't know what to do I don't want to hurt anyone but I keep on hearing voices telling me to kill people that I don't like and I can't take it and to kill myself I don't know what's wrong with me I've thought about killing people before when I really got overwhelmed with my thoughts but everyday now I'll keep on thinking about killing myself and other people what should I do I don't know where to go for help because I feel like I'll get in trouble

Hi! So I’m mainly looking for any advice or what people have to say about this topic because I literally JUST now discovered it’s a thing & I am now completely terrified & want to drop & stop all my medications like immediately out of fear 😭 It’s called serotonin syndrome? I’m sure people have heard of it… I haven’t until now & I am so scared it’s going to happen to me. I am currently taking lamotrigine 100mg (been taking that for around 4 years now) & I started fluvoxamine around a month or more ago 25mg but then I JUST increased to 50mg a day ago & took that dosage tonight as well. Now I’m awake late as heck, sitting here TERRIFIED it’s going to happen to me any minute now 😭 Can anyone assure me I don’t need to go put myself in the hospital right now & this is unlikely & I need to calm down? 😭 THANK YOU LOL