what do you guys do when it feels so real? i’m doubting everything i ever knew, this is terrifying. it feels so real. stuff i used to be certain about i have no idea anymore.
The key to this is that it brings you stress. That’s how you can usually spot OCD- but even then it’ll try to pretend “oh no you don’t feel stress!!” But for now, just know that your fear is your saving grace actually. You fear it? It’s ego dystonic and it can be just as simple as that :)
I was in and out of this too when it was really bad. I like to describe it as going into a dark tunnel. Every tunnel you go through has another side, so you just kind of stick to your core gut feeling of “there’s an end to this tunnel.” For me it’s “okay, well, I know that I’m in control of me right now and the me right now doesn’t want any of that.” I’m still unsure at times, but after a while, I got a little tired of focusing on whether or not I was sure. The reality is, sexuality and attraction are elusive, if you search for things to prove what you’re attracted to, you’ll find that if you really try hard enough, anybody can find ANYTHING “attractive.” The thought is sexual in nature, so naturally, you’re gonna feel like it’s real. Eventually, you come to a point where you start to not care because you haven’t done anything and you never will 💜
@Dreamer2343 thank you for saying all that. it gives me some hope :)
@auds.ocd Absolutely and there is hope. I do remember what it was like, but to encourage you, I’ve been good for about half a year now, no episodes, no breakdowns or anything.
I’m in the same trench. Been debilitating the last few days.
Its just your intrusive thoughts. The fact that you dont like them goes to show how you dont agree with them. I hope your OCD gets better
Oh and to add, the key here is try not to doubt at all. Don’t interact with the thought. It wants you to interact with it. Say “okay, that’s ocd” and just move on. It’s hard at first, so I recommend having someone with you that you can say it to, someone you trust that knows you have ocd. I have no idea where I’d be if I couldn’t tell my boyfriend every horrendous ocd thought I’d had and he would remind me, yep, but that’s ocd.
Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling deeply with what I believe is ROCD for about a year and a half. I’ve read so much, I’ve learned about ERP, I know that I’m supposed to let the thoughts and feelings pass without reacting — but even knowing all of that, I feel stuck. More than stuck — I feel broken. Lately, I can’t stop thinking that maybe I never loved my boyfriend. That I only loved the idea of being in a relationship, and now I’m just trying to hold on to a fantasy. These thoughts feel incredibly real. When I’m next to him, kissing or cuddling him, I feel like I’m faking it. And that scares me. It feels like something inside me changed and I can’t go back. And now I can’t even remember what love felt like — it’s like I’ve lost myself completely. Yesterday was especially painful. I was overwhelmed and my mom, who usually notices when I’m not okay, tried to talk to me. She loves me a lot and has been carrying her own burdens lately. When she saw how much pain I was in, she reacted strongly — not because she doesn’t care, but because it hurts her to see me like this every day. She told me I might be lying to myself. That I’m hurting both myself and my boyfriend by holding on if I don’t feel love. She asked me to imagine what I would feel if he broke up with me — and I couldn’t answer. I froze. The thing is, I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel hopeless. I try to remember good memories and feel nothing. I used to cry when we said goodbye — now I feel numb. It makes me think that maybe I’ve always been in denial. That maybe everything I believed was love was just me forcing it. And yet… I still don’t want to lose him. But even that feeling feels far away now. These thoughts aren’t just whispers anymore. They feel like truths screaming in my head. “You don’t like him.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “It was all fake.” And I can’t stop ruminating. Every second of my day is consumed with doubt, fear, guilt, sadness, emptiness — and above all, confusion. I just want to know if anyone else has felt this. Felt like they were losing everything, like nothing feels real anymore, like they’re trying so hard to do the right thing and nothing works. I’m trying to sit with the feelings. I’m trying not to seek reassurance. But I also need support. I feel so alone in this. Thank you for reading.
Usually my thoughts go from statements, which I fight all the time, to doubts like “do I” or “i don’t know” but I don’t fight this. I’m not sure if this is progress or it’s the truth. Anyone else feel like this?
Why does ocd make you feel uncertain about everything. Even the things you knew were 100% certain before. Its so bizarre. All the subtypes like Rocd, Pocd, Hocd you should be 100% certain about these things but ocd makes you feel like you dont know. I sit here know saying in my head I DONT KNOW. its so hard and confusing. I just want to know who I am. Am I a good person like I thought I was and have been my whole life or am I someone else. I just dont know. Its awful
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