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Hey guys. Am struggling so bad with harm ocd does anyone have any tips🫶🏻

Persistent intrusive thoughts that my child could have been switched at the hospital. I don't know where it started, this thought suddenly came into my head, in detail: how they come to my house, tell me this, take my child away and give me another one. My heart starts racing. I sometimes can't even look at my daughter without crying, and she becomes a strong trigger. She's my copy, looks very much like me, and all the tags from the birth had my name on them, everything is correct, but I get very stressed, obsess, and worry. I've been suffering from OCD for a long time. This thought is one of the worst in my life. Right now, I don't have the means to go to a good psychotherapist, and I don't know how to cope. Before, I visited different ones; it would get better for a while, but then the thoughts could come back. I don't want to take antidepressants because I am 20 weeks pregnant. How can I calm and convince my brain?

I am seventeen, turning eighteen in a month, and things in my family have been rough for the last couple years. I have a few subtype of ocd and most likely autism, though my family doesn't want an evaluation. I'm not the best at phrasing things or noticing my tone, and a lot of the time get asked why I look sad, even if I'm not. Emotions aren't easy for me to express, and I struggle with noticing things out of place around the house, and certain compulsions are inconvenient, mainly when I cook or wash my hands a lot. Anyways, things started getting worse a couple years ago. I started keeping up with politics and ended up despising both of the major political parties where I live. I respect everyone's right to an opinion, but I am the only one not aligned with the party they support, so I normally get told to stop talking to avoid a fight, even if I'm asking questions to genuinely understand. Like I said, I struggle wording things less bluntly, but I've tried to explain my intentions. We got into a fight after I mentioned an assignment to my father and he turned it into a race and politics issue. Now, my faith has always been important to me, and that is a large part of why I disagree with the people they support. I mentioned something about how avoiding generalizations and viewing everyone the same, as children made in God's image, and was told that I don't have enough experience for what I say. I am a sophomore in college and live at home, but I don't think that means I can't say everyone deserves the same respect. He started talking about how my "ethics and morals" (to which I corrected my faith) would get me killed because I was stupid. I said that defending my faith even with my life was quite literally one of the things Jesus talked about and would not go directly against His teachings and got seriously yelled at for and told that it didn't matter in the real world and then, as I tried to leave, that if God was so important to me to respect my father and mother. I said that I do, but not more than God. So that also got me yelled at for, and I finished the housework and attempted to workout and then journalled for a few hours. When my mother got home, I tried to explain that I do respect them both but wouldn't go against God, the same way I argued when my father defended Nazi ideas and Nazis. So she said that he didn't mean it and that it was months ago, so why was it a big deal? I said because it was a moral issue. She asked why we couldn't agree to disagree, and I said that didn't apply to genocide. Then I said it was against the religion that they had raised me in, and that it made me feel unsafe. She started yelling and said if I felt so unsafe she could call someone and put me in foster care, but that they wouldn't tolerate my ocd. I said I just wanted to know it wasn't true, so my father came and it still took a few minutes to convince him to say he didn't believe it, and that I hurt him by saying he was a bad person. Also, he mentioned again that I b could just move out when I turned eighteen. He said I should get a dorm in the fall. So now they are both saying what I said was hurtful and my mother asked me earlier to apologize, which I didn't, but I don't understand how what I said was more hurtful. I called other family members just so I wouldn't spiral and have been on this app for a while. Does anyone have any advice? I genuinely don't know what to do.

I’ve had depression since I was a teen and it really affected my attraction towards men even if I used to be a hopeless romantic. I just felt really numb and I went on with life not dating or even doing anything with anyone but kinda had it mind I was either straight or asexual at that point . My friends would always wonder if I was attracted to men by which oh well I wasn’t but I knew why. It was so easy for hocd to get me😂 So here’s how hocd got me. I was on a phone call with my friends and we started talking about a particular fashion brand. I was scrolling through their instagram and thought a model was genuinely cool (I wanted to be as cool as her because I wanted to be a model too) so I told my friends I thought she was cool. They laughed and said they knew I was gay. I was confused and tried to tell them it wasn’t anything like that and they kinda brushed it off. The call ended and I started to think about what they said and suddenly I panicked real hard! “WHAT IF I’M GAY??” Now I’m not homophobic but this was a huge identity threat. From then on it was something. I checked and checked. I felt those feelings. I had groinal responses. I thought about an old close friend from highschool and my memory convinced me I liked her and didn’t realize. Everytime I saw a woman I was convinced I was attracted to her. At a point I got scared I was attracted to my mum HOW SILLY IS THAT. My TikTok search was filled with gay couples because I kept checking and feeling and checking. The feelings felt way too real and I spiralled and even got more depressed. I searched on google and somehow It led me to knowing what hocd was. I did everything I could to accept the thoughts and not engage. I tried to reach out to a therapist from my country and he said “if you don’t want to be gay then don’t be?” Huh??. Atp I had to find my way to do erp myself but how real the feelings felt still made me scared. I really tried but I was too weak for ocd. It was too much and It was starting to really convince me so I surrendered. I accepted everything that came with it. Infact I was totally convinced I had a crush on a friend. I got so tired of fighting and went about my day and accepted my reality for a while. If I was gay so damn what? Who’s gonna check me? Until someday I randomly realized I wasn’t actually attracted to women. I didn’t go for any woman or care about them more than friends. I actually thought I was gay until it started to feel like I was lying to myself. I suddenly realized I wasn’t and shrugged it off like it was nothing. I really didn’t care. It didn’t matter anymore if I did or didn’t. My actions weren’t really replicating those thoughts and feelings. I thought “I guess I’m not” I wouldn’t say you should go about it the way I did because I realized ocd healing is very different for everyone. And me actually deciding to believe it can cause someone else to spiral badly. What works for everyone might not work for you. For me not engaging those thoughts made it hard to even do things in my day to day life. I couldn’t do anything else. I was rock bottom. Maybe me accepting was some form of long term erp. But I found my way to healing unknowingly. It’s been years and ocd recently focused on some other theme that was really serious because it involved my partner( A man btw) and I’m backing here trying to heal and I understand my feelings better now about the relationship and it wasn’t what I thought it was. I’m sure this also something I’ll overcome. I guess I let fear and panic get the best of me in the most random moment. Also hoping to work on emotional regulation so I don’t panic in ways ocd loves in future. Stay blessed. I hope everyone here finds their way to healing.

My boyfriend used to be friends with this girl before he met me. He told me they were friends for about two months, and they sat next to each other in a class they shared. They had each other’s numbers, but she never had social media. I’d see them walking around together sometimes but never cared because I didn’t even know who he was or anything. I did know who she was, though, because she was friends with my best friend and she was briefly in my Spanish class. I was very jealous of her because she was so naturally pretty. Anyway, my boyfriend had liked me for a while until he finally approached me and we started talking. He stopped being friends with her because she “played with his feelings” and confused him. I guess she made it seem like she liked him or something, but then he heard from one of his friends that she was a lesbian, idk. He said he never saw her in that way to begin with and that he just wanted friends because he was new. He told me they never hung out outside of school. He said they planned to go eat somewhere by our school one time but never did. He also said she would ghost him. Anyway, I never questioned her or anything like that for the first year of our relationship. I never felt insecure either, and I fully believed I was the only girl in the world to my boyfriend. He told me he had been cheated on in the past, and someone very close to him had been cheated on as well, so I never believed he could do that to me. I also know his mom would be very upset—he was raised around mostly women in a Hispanic household. Some months ago, he sent me a screenshot of something on Instagram, and her account was in his suggestions, even though they had no mutuals. She had just created a social media account, which, as I said, she never had before. That’s the day I started overthinking. I stalked her a lot, and I was so incredibly jealous—still am. I want to be her so badly. I began questioning my boyfriend about her. I’d ask him about their relationship and whether he liked her or found her attractive, and I’d do it all the time. He always said he’d never liked her and that he found her very ugly. Some things he said were that she always had eye boogers, was performative, anorexic, and ugly. I already told him the anorexic comment was weird, and that was a while ago. I think he thought that if he overly insulted her, it would make me stop being stubborn and believe him, but that wasn’t the case. Anyway, a mutual friend my boyfriend and I used to have said he would give her snacks sometimes and would black out all the nutritional information since she had an ED. She also said he made a pros and cons list about her and that he liked the idea of her. This mutual friend lies a lot, though, apparently, but my boyfriend said the snack thing was true. He also had another girl friend who I know posts Gracie sometimes, which makes me insecure because he sees her on that friend’s stories. Her name is Gracie, so I’ll call her that to avoid confusion. He went to a friend’s birthday party about three months ago. This is the same friend who posts Gracie sometimes, so I knew Gracie would be there. I didn’t feel comfortable with my boyfriend going and being around her because I was so insecure. I told him to ask the girl friend if Gracie was going to be there. At first, he made it sound like he texted her to ask and that she hadn’t responded yet. Then the next day, he said he had called her in the morning to ask, but she hung up and said she was busy. He then called in the afternoon but didn’t get an answer. The morning call wasn’t even in his call log, though. I feel like he knew Gracie would be there and didn’t want to ask, or maybe he did ask but didn’t tell me because he wanted to go to the party and knew I wouldn’t let him if she were there. He ended up going to a different girl’s house than the one whose birthday it was (the girl he had called to ask if Gracie was going). The girl whose house he went to is named Nicole, who’s best friends with Gracie, and he knew that. Nicole was hosting the birthday party for the girl friend. He told me he had no clue it was going to be at Nicole’s house. He said he saw Gracie briefly, but that she was in Nicole’s room all night. I saw some pictures where she was out in the living room. There was even one picture of her lying down with the girl whose birthday it was (my boyfriend’s friend), and my boyfriend’s jacket was hanging on a chair right next to her. He said he had just left it in the living room. He never took pictures showing all of his surroundings, but maybe he didn’t want people to see he was taking pictures, idk. I’m scared he actually was around her, though, but he swore he wasn’t. Anyway, I kept stalking her Instagram after that. Last week, she posted pictures of herself to “Beetles” by Aphex Twin. I saw that same song on my boyfriend’s Airbuds seven hours later. He had never listened to that song before, so it was weird that the same day she posted herself to it, he happened to listen to it. He said he saw it in an edit on TikTok. He went through his watch history but couldn’t find the video, so then he said it might’ve been on YouTube or Instagram, but he couldn’t remember. That song isn’t popular at all, though, and only has around 100 videos on TikTok and Instagram. I couldn’t even find a video with that song on YouTube. He told me it was an original sound, so it wouldn’t be under the sound on Instagram or TikTok. Idk, it’s just so weird to me. He also switched between calling her Grace and Gracie. He told me “Grace” was just a typo until he said “Grace” on a call and I questioned him. Then he said Grace is her real name and that he doesn’t call her that on purpose. I also asked him one time if she has lip filler because she has amazing lips and I was jealous. He said, “No, she just pouts a lot.” I asked how he knew that, and he said that’s what he remembered from two years ago (the last time they were friends). I also found her Spotify and stalked it, which I know I shouldn’t have, but they both listen to some not-so-popular artists. She had a lot of Steely Dan songs on her playlists, and she also had the Twin Peaks theme song and a whole Twin Peaks playlist. My boyfriend had a Steely Dan song on one of his playlists along with the Twin Peaks theme song. I’ve felt so sick for the past few days because of their similarities in music. A lot of this stuff is just what-ifs or theories. I think the only thing that is actually fishy is the whole “Beetles” thing. My boyfriend has offered to give me all of his socials, and he’s sent me some of his messages, but he could obviously just delete things. I always decline the socials because that feels toxic to me. He always tells me he would never cheat on me because he knows how horrible it is and that he could never do that to me. He also always says he doesn’t have a car, doesn’t have a job, and is always at home, so how would he cheat—which is weird to me, idk. We’re long distance, by the way. We were in person for about six months and then long distance. I’m 19 and he is 20, and he’s planning on moving here next month. I don’t know what to do, but I feel so sick. He also won’t give me reassurance anymore. He said he’s been doing research on ROCD and that reassurance is bad. He never cared before, so I thought it was weird that he cares now, but he said it’s because every time he gives reassurance, it’s not enough for me. He also started following and listening to a new artist maybe a week ago, and he added one of her songs to his playlist. Gracie just made a playlist yesterday and added the same song. The singer isn’t very popular—her name is Cece Natalie—and the song has 1,020,106 listens and around 800 uses on TikTok, so it’s not popular. He cried to me a few weeks ago saying he’s so tired of me bringing her up and being insecure over her because she’s so irrelevant and he doesn’t understand why I am like this. He sounded just really exhausted and sincere so I think this is all in my head but it’s so hard to tell sometimes.

My boyfriend used to be friends with this girl before he met me. He told me they were friends for about two months, and they sat next to each other in a class they shared. They had each other’s numbers, but she never had social media. I’d see them walking around together sometimes but never cared because I didn’t even know who he was or anything. I did know who she was, though, because she was friends with my best friend and she was briefly in my Spanish class. I was very jealous of her because she was so naturally pretty. Anyway, my boyfriend had liked me for a while until he finally approached me and we started talking. He stopped being friends with her because she “played with his feelings” and confused him. I guess she made it seem like she liked him or something, but then he heard from one of his friends that she was a lesbian, idk. He said he never saw her in that way to begin with and that he just wanted friends because he was new. He told me they never hung out outside of school. He said they planned to go eat somewhere by our school one time but never did. He also said she would ghost him. Anyway, I never questioned her or anything like that for the first year of our relationship. I never felt insecure either, and I fully believed I was the only girl in the world to my boyfriend. He told me he had been cheated on in the past, and someone very close to him had been cheated on as well, so I never believed he could do that to me. I also know his mom would be very upset—he was raised around mostly women in a Hispanic household. Some months ago, he sent me a screenshot of something on Instagram, and her account was in his suggestions, even though they had no mutuals. She had just created a social media account, which, as I said, she never had before. That’s the day I started overthinking. I stalked her a lot, and I was so incredibly jealous—still am. I want to be her so badly. I began questioning my boyfriend about her. I’d ask him about their relationship and whether he liked her or found her attractive, and I’d do it all the time. He always said he’d never liked her and that he found her very ugly. Some things he said were that she always had eye boogers, was performative, anorexic, and ugly. I already told him the anorexic comment was weird, and that was a while ago. I think he thought that if he overly insulted her, it would make me stop being stubborn and believe him, but that wasn’t the case. Anyway, a mutual friend my boyfriend and I used to have said he would give her snacks sometimes and would black out all the nutritional information since she had an ED. She also said he made a pros and cons list about her and that he liked the idea of her. This mutual friend lies a lot, though, apparently, but my boyfriend said the snack thing was true. He also had another girl friend who I know posts Gracie sometimes, which makes me insecure because he sees her on that friend’s stories. Her name is Gracie, so I’ll call her that to avoid confusion. He went to a friend’s birthday party about three months ago. This is the same friend who posts Gracie sometimes, so I knew Gracie would be there. I didn’t feel comfortable with my boyfriend going and being around her because I was so insecure. I told him to ask the girl friend if Gracie was going to be there. At first, he made it sound like he texted her to ask and that she hadn’t responded yet. Then the next day, he said he had called her in the morning to ask, but she hung up and said she was busy. He then called in the afternoon but didn’t get an answer. The morning call wasn’t even in his call log, though. I feel like he knew Gracie would be there and didn’t want to ask, or maybe he did ask but didn’t tell me because he wanted to go to the party and knew I wouldn’t let him if she were there. He ended up going to a different girl’s house than the one whose birthday it was (the girl he had called to ask if Gracie was going). The girl whose house he went to is named Nicole, who’s best friends with Gracie, and he knew that. Nicole was hosting the birthday party for the girl friend. He told me he had no clue it was going to be at Nicole’s house. He said he saw Gracie briefly, but that she was in Nicole’s room all night. I saw some pictures where she was out in the living room. There was even one picture of her lying down with the girl whose birthday it was (my boyfriend’s friend), and my boyfriend’s jacket was hanging on a chair right next to her. He said he had just left it in the living room. He never took pictures showing all of his surroundings, but maybe he didn’t want people to see he was taking pictures, idk. I’m scared he actually was around her, though, but he swore he wasn’t. Anyway, I kept stalking her Instagram after that. Last week, she posted pictures of herself to “Beetles” by Aphex Twin. I saw that same song on my boyfriend’s Airbuds seven hours later. He had never listened to that song before, so it was weird that the same day she posted herself to it, he happened to listen to it. He said he saw it in an edit on TikTok. He went through his watch history but couldn’t find the video, so then he said it might’ve been on YouTube or Instagram, but he couldn’t remember. That song isn’t popular at all, though, and only has around 100 videos on TikTok and Instagram. I couldn’t even find a video with that song on YouTube. He told me it was an original sound, so it wouldn’t be under the sound on Instagram or TikTok. Idk, it’s just so weird to me. He also switched between calling her Grace and Gracie. He told me “Grace” was just a typo until he said “Grace” on a call and I questioned him. Then he said Grace is her real name and that he doesn’t call her that on purpose. I also asked him one time if she has lip filler because she has amazing lips and I was jealous. He said, “No, she just pouts a lot.” I asked how he knew that, and he said that’s what he remembered from two years ago (the last time they were friends). I also found her Spotify and stalked it, which I know I shouldn’t have, but they both listen to some not-so-popular artists. She had a lot of Steely Dan songs on her playlists, and she also had the Twin Peaks theme song and a whole Twin Peaks playlist. My boyfriend had a Steely Dan song on one of his playlists along with the Twin Peaks theme song. I’ve felt so sick for the past few days because of their similarities in music. A lot of this stuff is just what-ifs or theories. I think the only thing that is actually fishy is the whole “Beetles” thing. My boyfriend has offered to give me all of his socials, and he’s sent me some of his messages, but he could obviously just delete things. I always decline the socials because that feels toxic to me. He always tells me he would never cheat on me because he knows how horrible it is and that he could never do that to me. He also always says he doesn’t have a car, doesn’t have a job, and is always at home, so how would he cheat—which is weird to me, idk. We’re long distance, by the way. We were in person for about six months and then long distance. I’m 19 and he is 20, and he’s planning on moving here next month. I don’t know what to do, but I feel so sick. He also won’t give me reassurance anymore. He said he’s been doing research on ROCD and that reassurance is bad. He never cared before, so I thought it was weird that he cares now, but he said it’s because every time he gives reassurance, it’s not enough for me. He also started following and listening to a new artist maybe a week ago, and he added one of her songs to his playlist. Gracie just made a playlist yesterday and added the same song. The singer isn’t very popular—her name is Cece Natalie—and the song has 1,020,106 listens and around 800 uses on TikTok, so it’s not popular. He cried to me a few weeks ago saying he’s so tired of me bringing her up and being insecure over her because she’s so irrelevant and he doesn’t understand why I am like this. He sounded just really exhausted and sincere so I think this is all in my head but it’s so hard to tell sometimes.

This is my first time posting on here about my thoughts. I don’t know if it’s just me, but sometimes I get really bad intrusive urges, and it feels like I will act on them, even though I know I would NEVER do that. My anxiety gets so bad that I’ll start to shake and get cold for some reason. Intrusive thoughts are bad enough and then dealing with intrusive urges, man…it’s terrible and VERY hard to deal with. I just want to know if anyone else deals with the same thing and would like to read your responses to this. I think it would help out and help me to understand that I’m not the only person to deal with it. This goes out for any type of ocd, but more specifically for harm OCD. (I haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but at this point, I might have it. Idk)

Wondering if any other young adults/ students have a hard time with figuring out what they wanna do for their careers and having OCD latch to that? I found science and psychology in undergrad super fun interesting. Now thinking about real world implication of a field where let’s just say working as a therapist or in genetics or healthcare or pretty much anything that I once found intellectually stimulating now makes me anxious and spiral. Any one relate/ have advice?

do you know what is unsent project app? im stressing because i saw a tik tok about it and i remembered that i sent one anonymous post dedicated to my past failed talking staged which ended two months before i got with my boyfriend. now im stressing that i sent it while i was already with my boyfriend and that it was something like i wait for you i miss you. im not sure about this i dont know if its a fake memory. i was so stressed i started going through this site searching for my post but everything is similar to each other and there are so many i couldnt find it and everything looked like i could have sent it and i was looking at the dates of the posts wnd im really scared and stressed should i tell my boyfriend? if it really happend then is it something terrible? i feel so bad i dont know what to do qnd its worse that i cant remember it clearly. i also have a problem with confessing things, my thoughts, old things and situations etc.

Hi everyone. (|||❛︵❛.) Tonight is a bit rough I'm noticing, which is unfortunate because yesterday was a lot of fun and even today was good with the exception of one intrusive thought I had earlier. I will take the opportunity to vent, since I don't normally do so on here (even though I should—who will understand me better, besides my fiancé and sister, than others who also suffer from OCD?). I went out grocery shopping with my fiancé today, which we went to Walmart, and we had gone into the toys area because we like to look for Magic the Gathering cards and plushies. He found a Vaporeon plushie and knew that I'd want it, so he showed it to me and said I could get it. Really sweet, right? ⸝⸝ʚ̴̶̷̆ ̯ʚ̴̶̷̆⸝⸝  I was so happy, and then I had a classic OCD thought: what if we end up breaking up, and I leave my plushies at his house? It was upsetting and I ended up zoning out for a little until he asked me what was up, to which I tried shaking it off and carried on with our trip. I successfully finished shopping, getting food, and coming home without feeling too uneasy! I also helped put groceries away, ate with him, and then we watched some YouTube videos before he fell asleep. ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ ) It was only until the past 20 minutes or so that I started getting the unnerved, uneasy feeling in my tummy that usually comes with my intrusive thoughts. I notice sometimes I get the feeling without a direct intrusive thought attached to it, which ends up with me trying to figure out what's causing the anxiety or nervousness. I know that's a compulsion, and I typically am good about not engaging with it, but for whatever reason tonight is a bit more difficult for me. It sucks dealing with ROCD, same with all of the other themes there are, especially because I love my fiancé with my whole heart. I went through 2 very bad relationships before I got with my fiancé, and he's done nothing but treat me the way I want to be treated. He's my dream partner, and before my OCD latched onto the relationship I couldn't have been any happier, so it's really hard sometimes not being able to get that same level of excited happiness anymore because of how anxious I am. I know love isn't a feeling but a choice, and I have consistently made choices that align with uplifting my relationship and fiancé, but I really do hate being so anxious and having my mood tank so easily sometimes over what would be a passing thought for someone else. I had a lot of wins today, so I'm going to try and remind myself of those and also the many wins I've had throughout the week where I didn't engage with my OCD and let the intrusive thoughts pass by without latching onto them. I'm also going to try and give myself grace—it's okay for me to cry and to feel sad about having a rougher time tonight, because that's the nature of having a mental health disorder. I'm going to have good and bad days, good and bad nights, and plenty of days that are both. Hopefully I can try to sleep soon, but until then I am going to play games on my phone that I like, cry, maybe eat some snacks that my fiancé and I got today, and let myself feel my feelings that I'm entitled to feel. ( ᵕ̩̩ㅅᵕ̩̩ )

I remember when I had no mental illness. In fact, no one would know I have one now unless I tell them. I remember the years when everything was “normal” and I want to go back so badly. Will I ever be normal again? I don’t think so. I see others who appear normal and feel sad.

I feel like I'm not myself. I know that deep inside there's an excited girl who loves music and books anything pink and her boyfriend, with whom she acts like a cuddly kid. But on the surface, it doesn't feel like that's me. I keep getting the urge to break up with him now because I feel like I don't love him. But what is that based on? He's coming over tomorrow and we're gonna build the lego bouquet he bought me and we're gonna make dinner together. I was the one who suggested making dinner because I like making stuff with him. We made brownies before and I thought we could make heart-shaped pizzas now. It was our 3-month anniversary yesterday but I wasn't excited. I've convinced myself that I only like our relationship or the idea of him but not him as a person, even though he always makes me laugh and makes me comfortable and I love spending time with him. I feel like a terrible person who's pretending and faking. I've spent the whole day cleaning my house, vacuuming everywhere, scrubbing the carpet, organizing my books, changing my bedsheets. I thought I was doing well in managing my thoughts, considering I always lie in bed alone for hours fueling the thoughts, but it seems I was just pushing them away and avoiding them by cleaning.

I know I have been posting quite a bit lately & I think it’s bc of my initial post of this week but today my progress is doing ok! I woke up with the heavy/tight chest feeling & have been ig replacing bad thoughts that come by with others. idk if I’m combating them with logic & maybe it’s not ideal for dealing with OCD. idk but I’m doing what I can to help relieve this like “ache” in my chest. I know I will eventually shake it off. I think for me, usually when something happens like hurting myself against a table, the pain stays there for a bit but eventually wears off. same thing when I get frustrated or annoyed when it comes to something. it might take a while for me to cool down but eventually I’m back to normal. anyway, here are some positive things: today is the first day of the winter storm! the power hasn’t gone out, my sleep was good that I ended up drooling lol, my kitties are cozy in my dad’s room where I’m at, my dad slept cozy as well. I woke up earlier than my dad and he still wanted to sleep more so I just went back to “rest mode” & tbh???? when I just tried to focus on resting and being comfy, a lot of thoughts seemed to go away (some came by but they were brushed off like whatever) & my chest felt lighter. cool thing! my brother is probably gaming or watching tv in his room. idk if my boy cat wants to go outside lololol but it’s coooooold. he’s looking out the window that now. :P I hope I can get this tight chest feeling down even more today!!! since everyone is home, I will focus on being happy :333 hope everyone else is doing alright!! if you’re in this storm, I hope you have everything u need to get thru this!! stay cozy ^_^

I have been so depressed lately that on my 3-month anniversary with my boyfriend, I can't even feel any happiness from his sappy message to me. He texted me about how these past 3 months have been the happiest of his life and how we'll get through my issues and how much he loves me. I can't feel it. I just woke up and I'm feeling so numb and down and like I need to break up with him. I know that when we're together, I'm happier. But I can't feel it right now. I feel like such a bad person. I'm usually the sappy one in my relationships, but now I can't because all I feel is anxiety. We've been together for 3 months and I've been struggling with these thoughts worsening for about 3 months. At first they were random and I could wave them away, but they got so bad that now the majority of the time I have the thoughts and the anxiety and I've become so depressed that I can't find joy in my hobbies and I've lost interest in my biggest dreams. I want to be happy with him. He's all I've ever wanted. But my body won't let me.

Hi everyone. ⸜(๑'ᵕ'๑)⸝* I am writing this sort of as a way to engage with myself and my OCD a bit more healthily, as I'm trying to not do compulsions and instead things I value, which includes being an active community member here on the NOCD app. ❀ I know that it's relatively common for folks to point out that social media is not the best tool in general, but especially for people like us with OCD and other mental health disorders. I knew this, but I am guilty of using social media a lot to dull my brain a little when I'm bored or have nothing else to do. This, however, sets me up for failure (or success, depending on how you view things). I went on Twitter (I know—literally the worst app to be on, I use it to look at fanart usually) to catch up on some Marvel Rivals drama that I saw on Instagram. Boom, one of the suggested posts was something that is pretty triggering for me both OCD and not OCD-wise. (›´-`‹ ) Admittedly, I've been wanting to stop using Twitter because I hate the guy that owns it and the app overall is... gross and not somewhere I want to be. So, I'm taking this as my sign to get rid of the app and not use it anymore. (‾^‾)ง⁼³₌₃ Social media impacts a lot of aspects of life, but I already don't use a lot of the more popular social media—not using Twitter isn't exactly a big loss (especially because I barely use it anyways, and I've been triggered more on Twitter than anywhere else in my entire time having OCD). I think I'll just stick to Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest. I can get my silly video game drama updates from Youtube, Instagram, or just by googling it. Plus, as I'm getting older (I turn 27 this year—I'll have had OCD for 6 years this year!) I'm realizing that I want to move away from being so... internet obsessed? I spent so much of my life online that I want to start to live in the real world more, for better and for worse. Especially with plans to move in with my fiancé this year, plus transferring from my community college to a university, I want to make memories that aren't in front of a computer screen. I want to be present in my real life, not so much in my digital one anymore. (ฅ'ω'ฅ)♪ I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way or can relate, but I'd love to know if you do! Do you guys also find social media to be triggering? How do you go about handling being triggered when you see something online that upsets you or stirs up your OCD? I'd really like to know what you all do in moments where you're struggling because of content online. ⸜(๑'ᵕ'๑)⸝*

5 therapy appointments done, but i still can’t stop ruminating. not even close. last week i ended something with someone i had been talking to/seeing for about a month. couldn’t stop ruminating. so i talked about it in therapy, then earlier tonight i texted him to tie up loose ends because when i originally ended it, i handled it pretty hastily. his answers tonight were what i was expecting. i didn’t even like him that much. until he admitted to still seeking and sleeping w other people. we hadn’t talked about it, and i even was still seeing (not sleeping) with other people too but i wasn’t actively searching for more anymore and was being intentional with him. he made it seem like he was too. then the switch up. it causes me to obsess. over something i didn’t even want. i’m probably speaking into the void, it’s my first post, and being concise has never been my strong suit when it comes to emotions. if anyone reads this and resonates and/or has advice, i’m all ears i’ll leave this insert from my journal entry on here i wrote tonight and then imma go back to gardening and playing animal crossing ✌🏻 excerpts from an ADHD OCD manic pixy dream girl’s diary: based off what he said, he views me/women as a sex object to fuel his ego which is tied to his self worth. he had no regard to my feelings in the matter. i am grateful he told me, truly, but it doesn’t change the fact that 1) maybe one woman could “fix him” (his words) but that woman wasn’t me and 2) that he had no interest in growing something with potential for commitment with me, and said he was “just going to fuck around til he decided what to do” aka continue having sex with me and multiple women (without telling me he was). after the convo ended, i sat with it and felt good, to finally have answers. so i took a couple puffs from my weed pen, grabbed my switch and started to game/relax. then it slowly started trickling in. repeat reading his texts, noticing some things i missed, fully understanding how blunt he was being. it keeps creeping up on me no matter how much i try and distract. i even tried “letting myself feel it”. i let myself cry. i paused the game and cried. but then the words just kept coming in “you weren’t good enough to him” “it was probably something you did in bed” “why couldn’t he pick you as someone he could grow with both emotionally and sexually? he still never answered that” and so on. and honestly? “letting myself feel the feelings” DOESNT WORK FOR ME ANYMORE. i just spiral. i just go deeper into self hatred and insecurity. longing. yearning. and i’ve been doing that for over a week now, every single day. it debilitates me. so how can i distract? how can i both process this in a healthy way but also MOVE ON and not cut myself with word wounds in the meantime. this is a question i have never solved. no matter how much treatment and therapy. i will always long to be loved by someone that I LOVE in return. i can’t keep being alone, friendship isn’t the intimacy i’m craving and friends don’t fill that hole in my heart, body, and mind. xo

Im writting this before I sleep so sorry the mistakes but. Right now Im fighting with Ocd a battle that went on for too long and the thing I know is that Im doing thr right thing now by facing my fears and not letting it affect me. I know I'm on the right path but I can't stop doubting everything and I don't know how to deal with that. I think I know? But I'm sooo tired now and scared that I would like to hear from someone else. If anyone has any tips for not doubting every choice you made in your life, every choice you are making now and the ones you will make in the future please leave them below they could really help.

hi everyone.. this is my first post. i have been dealing with this for about 6 months. i am undiagnosed but im pretty sure ive dealt with health ocd in the past. but at first it started with me questioning if my boyfriend was cheating or if he loved me. it drove me nuts. but it seems to have switched the other way around.. im stuck wondering if i love him or if i want to be with him. its gotten to a point where i dont freak out about the thoughts and i feel like i force myself to think about it. after i quit my job it feels like its been non stop for the last 2 months at first i checked my attraction, tested my feelings, asked for tons of reassurance, felt false feelings for coworkers. and for compulsions i look on reddit, facebook, tiktok, instagram after i stopped telling my boyfriend my thoughts because i knew it was hurting him. ive always freaked out about my sexuality as well. the thoughts are now what ifs and flat out statements which is even scarier. no amount of reassurance from the compulsions work anymore. i dont know if i have rocd. my heart pounds as i write this. i want this all to stop, i remember really enjoying the peace and love in my relationship. but even when im feeling fine i still freak out that it might be fake and im forcing myself. i feel nothing, i have bothering quitting compulsions ive tried its so hard. again, i am undiagnosed. i stopped checking my feelings or at least thats what i think? i do check my pupils often to see if they get big when i think about him cause ive seen online that it means you love someone lol. we’ve been together for 3 years and living together for about 2 years. i dont know what to do im stuck i dont know what to think anymore. i want to love him and be me again. sometimes i cant even label what im anxious about. i get anxious when the thoughts arent bothering me. and i get anxious when they do. is this rocd? or am i just kidding myself. if youve read this thank you for reading.

my body is not in equilibrium and is not 100% and thus i am panicking. it has not gone away and i despise my brain for not letting me just go on with my life. i think this is hell

Hi everyone! I thought it would be nice to have a post for people to comment and chat, whether they just want to talk to others or they need some support and encouragement, so I decided I'd post. ˓ ࣪꒰ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ꒱ .°₊ I'll leave some questions (and answers) in case anyone wants something specific to talk about: — How have you been doing? Anything interesting happen recently? ꪔ̤̱ ❀ Cyrene Answer: I'm doing okay! I had a few really rough days recently, but the past 2-3 days I've been really good about not doing compulsions and my fiancé agreed that I've been doing a lot better in terms of my anxiety (I cry a lot when I'm engaging in compulsions or feeding my OCD bubble, so it's easy to tell if I'm doing bad). ദ്ദി^._.^) — Do you have anything planned for the week or weekend? If not, this is your chance to ask for suggestions! ❀ Cyrene Answer: I don't have anything planned yet, but my fiancé and I might do something over the weekend. It'll be in the negatives however, which will be the coldest weather I've ever been in, so... that should be interesting! ( ⌯'-'⌯) — Do you need any support or encouragement from others lately? (Reassurance seeking is a no-no, don't feed your compulsions!) ❀ Cyrene Answer: Honestly, I get a lot of reassurance just from coming onto this app and seeing all of the other people who're suffering with the same disorder as me. We're all struggling with a disorder that is consistently ranked in the top 10 most difficult and debilitating mental disorders to have, so... we're kind of goated for still trying our best every day and caring so much about things that our brain actively beats us up over. Yay us! (ฅ'ω'ฅ)♪