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Am I a bad person for having a crush on a fictional killer clown like art from Terrifier??😭 like I don’t like him when he kills I just think he looks good that’s why I like him bruh. And he’s goofy when he’s not killing. 😭 am I over thinking it?! 😭 I feel like a bad person bro

My boyfriend has been spending a lot of time with a female friend, and they do homework together because they share lots of classes. He told me he doesn't see her romantically and has no plans to do anything with her other than homework. I want him to have friends, and I figure that if he talks about her, and tells me when he's with her, its not likely he'd cheat on me. I have no reason to believe that he would, he's very romantic with me and he hasn't shown signs of cheating. It's just that when he talks about making her laugh, or spending time with her, I get really nervous. And I don't know how to talk to him about it without asking for reassurance compulsively, or making him feel like I don't trust him. Any tips?

Hi, I'm Alex. I'm 24 and I've been abused and neglected growing up. Since I was very little, I've been turning to fiction, getting strongly attached to my favorite fictional characters. I don't know if anybody else here is a self-shipper, but I am. That basically means that I have genuine romantic feelings for fictional people. My fav rn is Kinich from Genshin and I take the relationship in my head with him very seriously. The scenarios I come up with are intricate and offer me great comfort, as I am both a digital artist, and a writer. However, for a month and a half now, someone close to an online harasser of mine from the past, a married guy in his 30s claims to love Kini romantically too. And it's genuinely making me panic so much and I feel as if this literal fictional person is in imminent danger I have to save him from. I genuinely feel as if this real-life stranger is trying to take away my own partner from me, and I fear this so much that I'm nauseous every day. I can't stop checking on the guy to make sure that he's finally left Kini alone, but it always turns out... that he hasn't!!! I feel so seriously ill. I lost 95% of my productivity by worrying so much about this. I have nightmares at night, but I also hate that if this guy basically gushes about my partner (who, again, doesn't physically exist, unfortunately), he gets likes, while I myself have been long feeling ostracized from this community. Genshin is a gacha game but I don't spend money on it, really. With two years worth of in-game currency, I managed to get Kini 7 times, basically maxing him out, along with two copies of his weapon, last month. I was genuinely so happy about it but now I also fear being avoidant towards him somehow- Even though he makes me so happy, and again, he isn't real. I can't stop checking on this real-life guy who seems to be having nothing better to do, and who makes me feel that my favorite character is in danger. I don't know what to do, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist scheduled for next week, and I'm hoping I'll be given meds, but those aren't "miracle pills", and my appointment is on Thursday. I genuinely feel that I won't be able to hold on until then. It's too much, the panic attacks are exhausting, the anxiety made me lose my attention span, which used to be lengthy, and I'm genuinely worried. I know that my thoughts are irrational, I know that I shouldn't care about these two real-life strangers I've never talked to before, but whom I hate with my entire heart. I just wish this was all over, I wish it wouldn't hurt, and that I'd be happy and feeling safe again. This isn't the first time something like this happens, I've been possessive of my fictional characters for over a decade now. I don't know how to stop myself from doing this compulsion, and hurting myself emotionally so many times a day. Before you ask, I did block the person. I blocked over 5000 people, those being "supporters" of his. People who like his Tumblr posts and crap, while I'm forced to be lurking. I blocked them all, and I block like 20 every day, on not one, but THREE accounts. I am so tired, and I feel so ill, but nothing seems to be working. I know, in theory, that I shouldn't care about this weird stranger, but I hate him so much and I'm obsessing over him specifically, even though I'm certain that plenty other players like Kini-! But someone, not knowing about the existence of these people means they're "out of sight, out of mind". I do have an official diagnosis, it's OCD, BPD, AVPD, STPD and OCPD, which, I know, is a lot. I just want to somehow snap out of this. Thank you for reading my post, it's so lengthy and I feel so bad about it /gen

I am often so mean to myself I am trying to be just a smidge kinder and not so angry and mean to myself , I am struggling through a lot of depression and ocd and anxiety I would love some sweet words of encouragement to do the hard things , even little by little if anyone has any tips for lethargy I appreciate you I love u to whomever is reading this and you matter ❤️

so, i use my social media as a way to share posts such as mutual aid and people in urgent situations like the many countries that are facing bombardment/genocide. but i haven’t been on social media in a handful of days because the amount of people reaching out to me has become overwhelming. originally i took a break from social media for another stressor, but not that has been resolved yet i still don’t feel ready to go back on social media (specifically instagram). i still help in other ways like staying aware, boycotting, doing daily clicks, engaging with videos on other platforms, etc. basically i just don’t feel ready to go back online but i feel selfish because it’s such a privilege to be able to just shut it off when other people are LIVING IT!! but also at the same time, i don’t want to go online when i am in a bad mental state and then become burnt out and not be able to help people. has anyone else dealt with anything similar to this?

Having a really bad day with my ocd. Just had a massive meltdown. I’ve had 3 sessions with an ocd therapist and I feel worse. This is very confusing to me. I’ve read online that it’s normal to feel worse at the start of therapy, but i don’t know. I’m asking for a lot of reassurance from people, way more than I have ever done. My doubts and thoughts seem to be getting worse. My mum said if the relationship is making you so unhappy why are you doing it? This was sooo triggering for me but maybe she’s right? She said if I didn’t have the relationship in my life, I wouldn’t be having meltdowns or have an ocd spike, so she thinks I should consider whether to be in the relationship or not! Omg it’s so awful to hear those words. But maybe she is kind of right? If somethings making you anxious or unhappy, you stop don’t you? So why haven’t I broken up with him? That would be the logical step. Im so worried to make myself even more ill so im very scared to carry on with the relationship, because right now, my mind is telling me its the cause of my unhappiness and i would be better without it. But is that my ocd speaking? How do I know?! My life without him would be so bleak, or is it my life without the idea of someone in it? I have so many questions, it’s overwhelming. What if I’m not listening to my gut? Maybe I’m not. That makes me feel sick if I’m ignoring myself again. This is torture. What can I do to stop all these doubts and feel better about things!!! I would love some advice 🙏🏻🙏🏻 (this is my ocd talking, but comments that agree with my ocd are very triggering like ‘yes if you feel like that that is a major red flag’. Just comments that maybe give some hope, thank you 🙏🏻)

Hi a quick question. Right now I have had the same subtype for quiet some time and the intrusive thought clearly dont align with who I am and they freak me out. But now I have gotten to a point where I am so used to having the thoughts that they dont cause that much anxiety anymore although they are unwanted and scary. And right now my brain tells me that because my anxiety is not as severe as it used to be that my thoughts must be true. So now I do this very weird thing where I try to get myself into an anxious state on purpose to prove to myself that my thoughts are not real and unwanted. Can anyone relate?

these thoughts are some that i obsess with and i'm trying so hard to overcome this current fixation on those thoughts but when i see videos like this appear on my feed, it makes my existential and magical thinking ocd really hurt. because like, it makes me think this is a sign and that something is wrong. i feel guilty for obsessing over these thoughts because i know i will rightfully regret these thoughts but i don't wanna think about eventually regretting it because that means thinking of the future and i fear the future. and fear time passing fast. i don't want the next 30-40 years to go by like the blink of an eye to to zoom by. i want it to be slow and i don't even wanna think about it. but it's so hard. my mind always thinks. i feel guilty when i don't think about the thoughts because it makes me think i don't care but i feel guilty when i think of the thoughts because they consume me until mg head feels fogged up and irritated. sometimes until it feels like a rubber band is going around my brain/mind itself. ugh

How can I allow the disturbing thoughts of envy without being envious? saying "maybe, maybe not" feels unnatural or like denial, especially with the OVERWHELMING physical sensations (anxiety, shame, racing thoughts) that accompany it. Background: one of my latest spike occured due to envy, when two of my closest friends achieve a deep desire of mine: starting a family. I got disturbed by thoughts like 'I can't stand seeing them happy, followed by "doom" feelings. It feels morally wrong not being happy for them, I want to be happy for them but I think deep inside it's this grieving process to "lose" yet another best friend. And here I am, 35 and childless and biologically, running out of time (but that's a different topic..) ---- One thing I would like to say to Dr. McGrath, I appreciate the time his dedicating to make OCD education accessible. He truly makes a difference 🍀 greetings from Switzerland! Fleur

I’m having a bad episode right now and I’m feeling so depressed and I’m crying like a baby because I’m thinking that if my mom knew the reasons I’m like this she would hate me and what would I ever do without my mom. I’m feeling so alone. I just need my mom but I know I can’t open up to her. Like even if I’m this horrible person my mom would despise me too? I can’t handle that someone please help.

I'll be watching videos on Instagram and TikTok and then there's one that pops up that relates to my fears of struggles - fear of losing people (being vague because even typing about it is hard) - and it triggers me because i fear that it will cause something to happen. And like, anytime I tell people about these fears, they're just like "focus on present, you can't stop that from happening" and it's like - i know i can't bro 😭 and i don't wanna accept it but i feel guilty for not wanting to accept it because idk, it just makes me feel ashamed and like i'm taking advantage of moments . like i know i can't stop it and i do wanna focus on present moment but it's so hard to when my brain is fixated on these certain triggers that make me obsess over the future, the passing of time, and those fears so i will find mtself fixated on future dates and numbers, counting down, etc.. and i just hate it because I don't wanna be that way. I just wanna be chill and to not focus on this stuff this much. To make the passing of time feel somewhat decent and to stop focusing g on certain things that hurt me

Hey everyone ... I'd love some opinions on something. Recently I got to see a band I really love and meet them. It was really great, the concert was amazing and I had a good view, and the band was really sweet to me. I wanted to get a tattoo of the bands logo and the date I saw/met them for my birthday which is in a couple weeks. But while I was looking then up I saw that they had a controversy. And that 10+ years ago one of the members wrote a pretty racist parody song or something for another band he was in. I actually met this member and he was sooo nice, he even offered to hug me. So I don't know what to think, and I don't want to excuse it just because he was nice or just assumed he changed or whatever. But I might also be blowing it out of proportion ... ? Should I just avoid getting the tattoo or is this just moral ocd ?? I'm scared I'll regret it or people will think im racist for having it. Or that the band might do something controversial in the future and I won't be able to remove it. Idk what to do.

something that really bugs me and gets in my head with my rocd is that for most of my relationship i’ve had this nagging anxiety and ocd about it. i can accept my thoughts for the most part, but have this underlying fear that this one could really mean something and that makes me feel guilty! i don’t want to loose her but my mind tells me i do because ive had these thoughts. it’s even coming up in my dreams now! i had a dream last night that i cheated and it made me panic all today and feel so bad and this thought came up again! any advice?

(TRIGGER WARNING FOR 21+ PLEASE) My mind has been my worst enemy lately. I can’t seem to move on with my life because of it. I keep thinking back about mistakes that I’ve made in the past and comparing them to people that have been called out or “cancelled” lately and I’ve convinced myself that I’m the worst—that I’m a monster. I’ve talked about it when it happened but essentially, I worked a summer job with a coworker that was underaged—I was 21 and they were 17 at the time. I don’t exactly remember what we talked about—most of it was about music and school but I’m afraid that we might’ve talked about other things that would be deemed as inappropriate. I just can’t remember the details, for the life of me. But I do remember a horrible joke I made at the time where i asked if I could go grab food and he told me that I didn’t need his permission, that I wasn’t his daughter and I jokingly responded with “ok, dad!. It was awful and I deeply regret making it and thinking about it, I want to die. I don’t think I deserve to have a future. I no longer work with that person and want nothing to do with them, but I keep wondering if I had done anything else to make them uncomfortable or how else I could’ve harassed or assaulted them in any way. I’m lowkey spiraling over this and I don’t know what to do with myself.

Hey everyone, I’ve shared a lot on here about my severe harm ocd surrounding my loved ones and especially my most beloved one; my french bulldog. I’ve been in therapy for months and it hasn’t helped, and I’m at the point I’m 100% sure I want to harm her, don’t love her anymore and will never be able to be normal with her again. It feels like I’m holding myself back all day every day from something I actually want to do - if I think about it or get the intrusive thoughts, they feel like my own and like I want them. I get thoughts that I’m scared of her insides and that she has them and my heart pounds/I get nauseous over that often. Which in turn convinced me that I actually do have a reason Even though it never bothered me or even crossed my mind pre diagnosis. I’m getting constant feelings over my own feelings of liking this, being capable of it, or even wanting it and not wanting to get better or have her back. Even though that’s the ONLY thing I ever wanted in my life. She was the most important thing to me - did I really just stop loving her? Has anyone else ever hit this point and gotten better? Or do I give my pup away and give up. I never, EVER thought I would be in a place like this with her. Ever.

But how do i know if its cheating or my ocd overthinking?! We ran out of condoms pretty quick because i thought we had a 12 pack and he said no it was a 6. In that case it made some sense as I’m pretty sure we used 5 and maybe he lost one, but then today he found another 2 in his car which he forgot were there once we purchased a new box That would make the total 7 not 6 which means he would have bought a 12 pack?! Somethings not adding up- he either is cheating and bought a 12 pack OR i mis calculated What do i do?!

Hey folks, I’m asking for advice on how to go about this situation! So, ever since last year (my first year riding the bus) I’ve sat in the same spot on the bus. 4 seats back on the left when walking in, but on the right when seated. The seat right in front of the escape window. This is my second year on this bus and so far I’ve been in this seat. But two days ago a random new freshman sat there. In the mornings specifically. I have been the first person on the bus for the past year so I’ve never had anyone in my spot before. I’m almost certain they will be on the bus the rest of the year. Now this doesn’t seem like a big deal, it’s a seat I know. But the way my brain works, I NEED to be in that seat. 4 is a safe number. Sitting there will make my day a light one in my eyes. And it’s the left to enter. Left/rights have the same effect on me that numbers do. “Good and bad” Sitting anywhere else in the bus makes me feel dirty. I can’t explain why or how. That’s how my brain works. I feel gross on the inside and out. And cannot have a peaceful ride. I want to know what I should do.. I’ve come up with the idea of talking to the freshman. I’d see them and be like “Hey, would you mind switching spots with me? I have OCD and this seat has been my safe spot since last year. Sitting anywhere else really messes with my head” but I’m scared of coming off as a petty or weird person… My friend jokingly said “just sit on them” like act like I didn’t notice them, and keep doing it till they move??? Idk Or do I just suck it up and ignore this as best as I can?? It’s only been two days and it’s eating at me. Help is needed

I just can’t let go of the fact that I don’t know my sexual orientation for sure. I am seeing a guy right now and I think we are going to make it official soon and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted it feels unreal. We clicked so much and our connection resonates with quotes I’ve saved from romance novels like it’s so unreal. But my soocd latches onto specific individuals and colleagues that I see regularly which makes it feel so real. I also have roocd and nitpick things he does and jump to conclusions about how he feels about me even though he communicates to me his feelings. The longer we go without seeing each other the more anxious I get but I also over analyze things when were together and it’s horrible I just want to enjoy this relationship and see where it goes I have never clicked with someone like this. I just have this fear that I’m being inauthentic or trying to suppress my true sexuality even though at the most I would be bisexual so it wouldn’t even change how I feel about him. But I don’t know what to do anymore I have never thought about labeling myself differently from straight until someone told me my friend and I came off that way. It’s consuming me and getting in the way of this connection even though I genuinely don’t want to explore with women and I struggle to believe that my ocd is even real or if I’m just making it up as an excuse and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship and meant to be with a woman. I also am a spiritual individual and I feel like we were meant to cross paths like I feel like he truly is just who I’m meant to be with which puts more pressure on it and makes it distressing. Please help

This is a question that I’m sure is going to sound like a typical proof that I DO, in fact, have ocd. But hear me out. My OCD has surrounded my puppy. Harm OCD, to be exact. What started as images I knew were intrusive, has turned into constant images, feelings and urges when I look at her that I can’t tell if they are intrusive anymore. When I think about the future with her, which is all I ever wanted, it feels like I don’t want it anymore. And sometimes like I don’t care or want her anymore. And that what I really want is to act on the thoughts. What if, because of this, these are real? What if because the OCD traumatized me so badly, I don’t actually love her and want her anymore and will never see her the same way?What if I actually don’t want to get better and want to hurt her because of the way I feel now? What if I’ve become this person and suddenly don’t want everything that was so important to me? I know these are all what if, which is textbook ocd, but it feels like they’re actually true. Please help me figure out what the odds are of this.

It is currently 12:51am and I am really worried about the false memories I have in relation to my friend and there are several of them all containing her that are very detailed, very vivid, and feel very real, they feel like other genuine memories that I have, they feel the exact same which is more worrying. I keep trying to tell myself that the more I ruminate over these memories and try to find arguments and reasons as to why they’re more likely to be untrue false memories that my brain has conjured up, the more arguments my brain will come up with as to why they’re real, which in turn makes them more real. I keep trying to tell myself that nothing positive or beneficial comes from trying to figure out whether these false memories are true or not, and that by checking them will only make me feel “worse”. I keep trying to acknowledge the thoughts when they appear and not push them away, but just sit with them and I can’t. I feel awful, sad, bad, gross and it makes me so upset and I want to cry. I don’t want to have done anything sexual whether it is appropriate or inappropriate with this individual, and I especially don’t want any of these false memories to be true, and I hope to god they’re false memories but I’m worried and fear they’re not (I hope this is just my OCD saying all of that) I’m worried they’re not false memories because they’re so detailed, vivid, obscure and intricate. There’s aspects to these false memories that don’t feel like something OCD would be able to come up with. The more I think about them the more I’m worried and feel like they’re just actual memories that I’m suppressing and pushing away, or actual memories that I’m just trying to dismiss by passing them off as OCD false memories to make myself appear or look innocent, does that make sense? They’re very graphic, disgusting and disturbing inappropriate actions that I am worried I have committed. I want to type it out here but I worry from the simple fact that I am able to type out what the event is within the first place, like the fact it is something I can picture and detail in words here would indicate to me that it has happened otherwise how else am I telling you about it right now? In short, what I can disgustingly remember is performing oral sex on my friend. I can remember the setting, what she was wearing, what was on the television in the background. What is even more disturbing and extremely worrying to me, is this very specific and intricate detail which makes me worry that this memory is indeed real and not a false memory (which I really want it to be) I want all of the sexual memories I have in relation to this person to be false memories that have been created and formed by my OCD and don’t actually have any basis in reality, and haven’t actually happened. The reason this is seriously worrying me is because there is a very intricate and detailed part of the memory that feels too complicated and complex for OCD to simply “come up with”, and feels more like something that actually happened, hence why I can remember this detail. I want to type out the detail and word it but I’m scared too because by typing it out it makes it feel more real and like it actually happened, because otherwise how do I have a recollection of it to type out within the first place? Does that make sense? What’s making this even more worrying and believable to me, and I feel overwhelmed and upset typing out this sentence, is that while I am and do identity as a straight woman, I have had a consensual sexual experience with another woman before, which is why for me it’s even harder to dismiss these memories as being false memories. For example, if I had never had a sexual experience with another woman before, I would easily be able to say “Well this is obviously and very clearly a false memory because I have never even done anything sexual with a woman consensually, let alone inappropriately” but I can’t say that, which is why to me these false memories are very plausible because all I can think is “Well you have had a sexual experience with a woman before, you’re clearly attracted to the female body sexually, it isn’t impossible for you to have done those acts in the past and they’re actually even MORE likely now”, which is why it’s even scarier for me and does feel like something that is more likely to have happened now, does that make sense? It feels a lot more believable because that is an action that I easily could’ve done given consent to do so.  I am just really, really worried. I remember at the time when I first started worrying about these fears in relation to this person (like 5 years ago) I remember messaging her as I had her on instagram, and I sent her a message to test what she would responsd/ reaction would be, which ended up being a pretty normal response. During the timeframe after the false memory takes place, she sent me instagram reels, liked posts I made and also at one point asked me if I’d like to hang out and that she would be down to drive to me, but I declined at the time and I can’t remember why, which is also worrying.  Since the time the false memory took place, I hadn’t seen her in person or really spoken to her over text aside from the occasional “Hey how are you?” and sending each other instagram reels. However, back in April I bumped into her for and saw her for the first time since like 4 years ago. The whole time I was shaking in fear, I felt so scared and anxious and my legs wouldn’t stop trembling the entire interaction. At first I was very on guard to look out for any signs of discomfort or hostility from her, which I can’t tell if I actually did find or if that’s just how she converses now.  Anyway, at the end of the interaction she gave me a hug, said to me “Girl I missed you” and it seemed sincere. She also asked me for my social media’s. I told her I don’t have social media anymore (which is true) but that I can give her my number instead, which she added into her phone. I then proceeded to leave and was panicking the entire time after the interaction, fearing that any moment she was going to send me a text message either asking me to meet up with her (where she would then confront me about the false memories, therefore confirming they’re real) or just send me a text message confronting me about the false memories, again confirming that they’re real. These particular fears were still present between the months of March and September, the only reason the fears stop here is because I bought a new phone and received a new number, meaning my friend no longer has my up to date mobile number. Every time my phone beeped I was panicked it was going to be her, I was anticipating an angry message.   This panicked me for a multitude of reasons,  on most days I was anticipating a confrontational message only to never receive anything from her, but isn’t that even more alarming and worrying? Isn’t that even more evidence that I in fact did commit those actions and that they’re not false memories? Why would she take my number and then never bother to text it, not even a hello? Maybe it is because she was just taking my number to be polite in the moment but didn’t actually want it because I make her uncomfortable and she doesn’t actually like me because the false memories are true and happened. I keep trying to tell myself that this doesn’t necessarily mean the false memories are true because: * a) she had me on instagram for years after the false memories took place and she never messaged me or “confronted” me on there either, so why would she message me now? * b) I have many peoples phone numbers that I wouldn’t actually text or bother to speak with. for example I have a few peoples numbers in my phone now that I can tell you with 99.9% certainty I will probably never text again, but not because they’ve done anything wrong to me, I just don’t see the point because they’re not in my life anymore.  I’m just so so worried. I am sitting here right now and my face feels numb and twitchy, and so do my eyes. My stomach keeps turning and tightening and I feel “strange”. I feel like this entire note is just me being in denial and actively choosing to lie and pass off these terrible disgusting actions (that my brain says I know I’ve done and just don’t want to admit it) as OCD and calling them a false memory as to not take accountability for them.  I am really terrified that these false memories aren’t false memories and that they actually happened and I’m just in denial about them. They feel so so real and I can remember them like the back of my hand, which only worries me more. I don’t want any of the sexual memories I have in relation to this individual to be true. I don’t want to have done anything remotely sexual to / with this individual, whether inappropriate or appropriate. When I say to myself or my partner “I don’t know whether or not I have done anything sexual to / with her” it feels like I’m lying, my body feels weird and so does my face. When I say that phrase I feel like I’m lying to myself and my family and that I’m just in denial and don’t want to admit it to myself. That’s what it genuinely feels like and I don’t know why. I am really upset and I don’t want to have done anything sexual to / with her. Whenever I’m outside I am genuinely terrified of bumping into her because I fear she’s going to “confront me” (understandably so) and confirm to me that what I’m hoping are just OCD fabricated false memories, aren’t false memories at all, but in fact something that has actually occurred in reality. However, I also worry that that sounds incredibly selfish and vile because the main persons feelings here who should matter is the individual that has been harmed, and that’s what I’m worried I have done :( I don’t know how to cope or what to do. If I found out I had committed those disgusting acts and they were indeed real, I wouldn’t want to live, because I don’t want to live knowing I was able to do those unforgivable actions towards someone. I am so so scared, I really don’t want to have done anything to this person and I’m terrified I’m lying about it and in denial. Even now as I type these sentences I feel strange and that every word I’m typing is just me falling further and further into denial and running with the life to try and make myself feel better.  However, if I did know I had committed these actions / false memories, then why would I also be having thoughts to “check to see whether I’ve carried out these actions”. As in, if these were actions I KNEW I had done and was actively choosing to lie about them, then why would I also be having thoughts to check if I’ve done said behaviours? Does that make sense? Do you think I’m lying when I say I’m not sure whether I have done anything to / with her? Do you think I have done those disgusting acts to / with her? Do you think those false memories are false memories fabricated by OCD, or do you think they’re real and did in fact occur?