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I wish I didn’t have this disorder it lost the will to live I don’t want to do it anymore my life is too hard to fix

I was doing okay, but reading someone’s post really triggered me because they were talking about how they wanted to end their life. It scared me and I’ve just been anxious about it. Would this count as an ERP exercise I guess since it is exposing myself to the problem? They were saying how they don’t want to deal with their OCD and then it made me go like is that how I am feeling but i love my life i love my friend’s and family and I am having trouble trying to figure out how to not ruminate and just sitting with the anxiety of it. Any tips please?

I have no feelings anymore. The only things I can feel Is anxiety and depression. I'm never Happy, i'm miserable all the time. Nobody cares, nobody understand. My therapist pretty much gave up on me. Why should I continue to live like this?

I can’t find anyone that can help me and I feel hopeless

does anyone ever feel really guilty about having thoughts of offing yourself. i try to not let it get to me. but if im sitting with my family i feel so guilty even though im not going to do it. i’ve had such immense anxiety in the past from it and i ran to my mom in the middle of the night and made her sleep with me because i was so scared. i feel like now when i don’t go to them and don’t tell them how im feeling i feel like i don’t care anymore and im not anxious and that causes me even more anxiety. i have the thoughts of am i happy? do i want to die? and what if i did this? omg you just thought that you’re suicidal. you want to die. and i freak out and i feel so alone because i feel like if i go to my parents for reassurance again the cycle will get worse but if i don’t go to my parents about it my ocd tells me that im just accepting the fact im going to do it now because im not seeking reassurance. i always have these thoughts that oh you’re just using ocd as a way to cope w the fact youre suicidal and i don’t know what is real and what isn’t someone help.

Please someone help me i dont want to leave my bed i feel so worthless. I hate my life so much i really do. After what happened last night (my setback) i feel absolutely haunted with my thoughts flooding in. I wonder what is the point in living anymore.

Hello I am a 27 year old male who has battling with very aggressive intrusive thoughts, it is not letting me sleep or not letting me live my everyday life because I feel as if I could hurt myself or someone else, can someone please help me out, ever since I got the flu I haven’t been the same, I was rushed to the emergency room thinking I was going to have a heart attack, they just pumped me with Ativan and gave me a prescription, but I’m also a very heavy drinker at night, and when I drink heavy and wake up the next day, I have uncontrollable thoughts and anxiety all day! Someone please help me!

i keep getting thoughts of molesting/ doing sexual things to people (that i’m close to) and children, every-time this happens I extremely disturbed and have panic attacks bc i’m a horrible person. i’m honestly just contemplating just k*lling myself because i feel like a disgusting p3do who doesn’t deserve anything in life. i’m already diagnosed with anxiety and depression but i’m not sure if this is OCD or not. i hate my self so much- this thoughts won’t stop happening and i never want to do anything like that ever. :/. i’m not sure what to do, i’ve talked to my therapist but none of her methods worked on how to stop these thoughts.

NOCD doesn’t accept Medicaid in NC.. I feel helpless. I have nothing, no job.. no money that can afford this therapy and I really made myself vulnerable to the sweetest woman just listening to me cry about my OCD and how it effects my life.. Just to be told that I’m not able to be helped. This is probably why my parents pretended I didn’t have mental issues, we just couldn’t afford it. ..I can’t afford anything. Even my life.

What to do? So now my mother is refusing my OCD therapy, despite it's chronic from where it has been untreated so long. Not to mention its causes heart attacks and panic attacks and mental breakdowns. She's puts pressure on me. No Idea why I'm here? And why she even adopted me at all? For this? This is bs. The treatment I am getting. Not to mention when I admitted needing help, seeing doctors and getting treatment. Dakira then desides she does as well, I'm like okay, take me Seriously, this isn't fun, or, funny at all, I am on the edge of going so insane. My therapist thank goodness changed my appointment from 29th to the 16th and she acts as if this isn't something to care about...I'm done she can neglect me like she has been most all my life. But, to avoid my appointment schedule and important mental assessment artenuary is another. This is important to me, my health and my mental state of being, of that doesn't matter to her, I will call 911 and we can settle this in a court room. They will see my missed appointment and if I go off well, easy, she should have took me to my appointment,bout to ask to see if a friend can. This whole thing, her lack of support isn't safe on my end, I don't feel safe. Normally I don't talk at all, that's me .but, this is to much pressure. I'm about to go nuts Not only this, but I need meds and a better lifestyle than my living style now. I don't feel safe at all, she doesn't even know what OCD is and why people have it, say I don't clean? Yeah, because she doesn't give me my money enough to clean and doesn't understand noone can offord this mental illness. She doesn't get it's a struggle, doesn't try to help. She just sits on her ass watching TV and doing other things, not even asking, "Do you jeed anything?" I never cross her mind, she doesn't even get it, I fear my son's safety as he may have this as well, as for him I know he's safe since he is small it's easier to catch it and treat it. But, to do this, to love this way chronic with no medication is doing me in mentally and physically. It's too much to handle. So if I go nuts, it's not My fault.

I read multiple articles on false memory ocd an now I’m confused. I actually thought that false memory ocd is marked by things that are actually completely fabricated by the brain. But I keep seeing things like „an event that may or may not have happened“, does this mean that it could actually be true? Are there any ways how to find out if what you’re going through is real if it’s an actual bad act? Because for me I have been completely focused on false memory ocd lately and while I was ruminating on another one, I suddenly got an image of sth even worse that could maybe be like 7 or 8 months ago. I never remembered this happening and for months I’ve been convinced I had never hurt anybody but then I got this image. I instantly also thought that this didn’t happen and that I would definitely remember if it had happened because it’s actually horrible and it’s not just something you would quickly do and then completely forget, it’s an actual entire act. And I never was close to that person. But I keep being like „but what if I listened to my intrusive thoughts? But I can’t remember doing that and I even have posts on here from around that time saying I was too afraid of that person and that I would never ever listen to my intrusive thoughts… but what if I tried to get rid of my ocd theme by doing this? Nah that’s not what I would do and I know that… I’ve never done any harmful things just to get rid of this theme this is stupid“ etc etc. Like I keep fearing I might’ve done this and done it for various reasons. But I can’t actually remember doing it. All those scenarios feel like they’re just imaginations. But I can’t let go of it. And usually for memories it’s that with time you start to be able to puzzle it all together trough evidence and u don’t forget bad things you’ve done. For example, I know that like a year ago I pushed my sister while I was having an argument with her. I remember everything from then because in my entire life I’ve barely ever done anything to others and so I usually remember those events almost 100% perfectly. I also remember sth from almost 10 years ago in which I called one of my friends (and ik this is bad, that’s why I remember it) fat. I lost a few details but I still remember what exactly I did and that the exact same day I called the parents and apologised bc I felt bad. But for this scenario, I’ve been ruminating on it for TWENTY days and I’m still in the doubting stage. I have spent hours ruminating by now and I still don’t have any actual memories back, just things like „but what if I was mad and then just did this and instantly forgot about it?“ and all this. But not an actual full scenario of me doing this even though it could only be a few months away. Idk what To do, I can’t continue living with the uncertainty. If it’s real, then I won’t even continue living. People like these are terrible and disgusting and don’t deserve living and everybody can agree on that.

Hi yall!! The past week for me has been needless to say… very interesting. My doctor and I decided I would stop taking Lexapro after 3-4 years and switch me to Prozac as it has more research backing OCD relief. To be clear, I did experience remission on Lexapro, however I thought I didn’t need it anymore and decided to cold turkey!!! Great decision.. not! I completely relapsed and for the past year have been about 50/50. So while I thought I was weaning off lexapro and getting on Prozac I actually was weaning off lexapro and taking Paxil everyday. I caught this on my own because I questioned the generic name of the drug.. double check your pill bottles!!! Long story short I got that wrong righted and am a week into weaning off Paxil and onto Prozac. This past week has been very tough for me mentally, a lot of suicidally themed OCD. I keep thinking about dying, having thoughts like “kill yourself” but I know it’s not how I actually feel. I don’t wanna die.. this life is all we have. Why would I wanna do that? I get so confused though and because of the OCD I typically experience depression which fuels that fire a million times over… You might ask why I’m writing this? I’m writing this for those also suffering with a similar theme. We need to be doing our exposures for 1 hour daily, we wont get relief if we don’t. ERP helped me when I did it, but then I didn’t think I needed it anymore and eventually stopped. With that and medication, a healthy lifestyle and overall GOOD supportive people around you… it’s possible to experience full remission and put OCD in the backseat of your life. When I get back to full remission I will make sure to come back to this post and encourage all of us suffering. OCD truly is the worst. Have a good Saturday yall, even if I don’t know you I love you as a human being. ☺️

I got diagnosed with ocd recently from my therapist after having years of symptoms since I was a toddler and recently I have had a terrible dream with beastiality in it about 3 months ago and I woke up and cried. I went through the day as usual and then I told one of my friends and I sobbed because that is the last thing I have ever thought about in my life. Luckily my friend was there for me, but then the OCD kicked in. I’ve been having horrible thoughts and I’m scared, I don’t want to do anything to animals never have I ever had thoughts of such. I have two pit bulls that are my sweet babies and I have never had thoughts of anything to do with beastiality in my whole life and now I’m 20 just now being scared of this. It has been the worst ocd obsession I have had in a long time the last one I had lasted 3 years. I’ve been wanting to lock myself in my room and not look at my dogs because I’m afraid to even let them sleep in my room anymore. I stay up all night sometimes because I’m scared I’ll see another dream. My mind is starting to make think I want those thoughts and I’m so scared I’m tearing up whole typing this. I’ve been contemplating suicide because of this fear of doing sexual acts to an animal I would rather not live. I hate living like this and it has been hard to sleep with my partner because now I’m afraid to have intercourse which I have always been able to do with my partner no problem. But now the beastiality OCD has ruined my life and I don’t know what to do.

This passed December I was diagnosed with severe OCD and it hit me like a whirlwind after watching a movie and then thinking that everything isn’t real and that I am in a simulation like the “don’t worry darling” movie. This was very distressing to me because I was a person who read her bible everyday and every night and then would talk to God through prayer a lot and when this happened it was very difficult for me to pray or open my bible because I thought nothing was real and I made up God in my mind or the person controlling me did to make me think this is real. Shortly after that happened I started having harm thoughts of “oh well if this is isn’t real you could harm someone and then wake up or you would realize if it was or wasn’t real?” like in the “don’t worry darling movie” “Or I am going to have to harm myself to find out or being in Heaven would be way better?” Which ultimately led to crying spells everyday feeling like I was going crazy. I then went to the hospital and got diagnosed and am going through ERP/ACT therapy currently but those thoughts are still very active. And even though my thoughts are active and seem very real I know that there is power in prayer no matter what my thoughts are thinking, so please pray for me to get through this and heal. It’s very hard to see a light. Thank you for reading this and hearing me.

I turned 18 and because of an event ive had recently my ocd has never been worse ever. I cry more i panic more i feel worthless and hopeless i feel like i cause pain and hurt and i feel like i shouldn’t live sometimes-ive spoken to my parents about this event (mostly my mom) and i’ve recently started seeing a counselor. (i need to fix ny appointments) but im asking the adults, does it get better? Do i feel like you’ve reached a goal of feeling good again and going on with your life fear free? Ik ppl still suffer but id like comfort from someone more experienced, since i barely found this out about myself recently. I just need help. To know if my adult life will be good and fun and normal in the future. Does it get better?

Why do i get unwanted thoughts that i don’t ever want to act on but they eat me alive. like “you need to take more medicine” or “you want to hurt yourself” things like that. i never want to act on it or never have but ive had these for years and they will not go away. i get panic attacks from them and they are ruining my day to day life. i’m only 16 and feel like im taking on a hell of a weight.

I was feeling suicidal the other day because I was feeling doubtful about myself and other people. That was scary. I was actually thinking about dying even though death or ending things are scary to me

I have the urge to hurt myself and I don’t know if it’s me or my ocd honestly I feel crazy and not in control of how I feel.my thoughts keep racing.i want to cry but I’m not a cryer so I’m just keeping it in

Today has been awful thoughts. It’s just getting worse and it feels like real thoughts and feelings even though I’ve been fighting it. I wish I could explain how bad it is to my parents. How do you tell anyone you’re having horrible horrible thoughts of sexually harming others and other terrible things?And there’s events from my past that make me not want to do anything because I feel like I deserve to be jailed. I’m worried I won’t be able to get a job because I can’t act like a normal person, or learn to drive. My mom said I need something to keep my occupied, find some classes to take. And she’s right but I’m worried I can’t even focus on that and again I feel like it’s a waste because I feel like I deserve to be in jail. I’m 21 I feel like such a failure. I don’t know how to get help, I really feel like I don’t want to live anymore, it feel like the only way out. But I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want my family to feel at fault. I don’t have any diagnosis so it just all feels too real. It’s CONSTANT thoughts about harming others. It feels real, it sounds proud and almost like it’s mocking in my head. I feel like I’m voluntarily thinking these things. I don’t understand why this has happened and why it’s gotten so bad. I know in my heart I have ZERO desire to be this person. I’m sorry I keep posting so much, it’s just so difficult.

plz help me i’ve continued thoughts of self harming and have panic attacks also i can’t get rid of it my mind can’t stop thinking