Suicidal OCD

Hi yall!! The past week for me has been needless to say… very interesting. My doctor and I decided I would stop taking Lexapro after 3-4 years and switch me to Prozac as it has more research backing OCD relief. To be clear, I did experience remission on Lexapro, however I thought I didn’t need it anymore and decided to cold turkey!!! Great decision.. not! I completely relapsed and for the past year have been about 50/50. So while I thought I was weaning off lexapro and getting on Prozac I actually was weaning off lexapro and taking Paxil everyday. I caught this on my own because I questioned the generic name of the drug.. double check your pill bottles!!! Long story short I got that wrong righted and am a week into weaning off Paxil and onto Prozac. This past week has been very tough for me mentally, a lot of suicidally themed OCD. I keep thinking about dying, having thoughts like “kill yourself” but I know it’s not how I actually feel. I don’t wanna die.. this life is all we have. Why would I wanna do that? I get so confused though and because of the OCD I typically experience depression which fuels that fire a million times over… You might ask why I’m writing this? I’m writing this for those also suffering with a similar theme. We need to be doing our exposures for 1 hour daily, we wont get relief if we don’t. ERP helped me when I did it, but then I didn’t think I needed it anymore and eventually stopped. With that and medication, a healthy lifestyle and overall GOOD supportive people around you… it’s possible to experience full remission and put OCD in the backseat of your life. When I get back to full remission I will make sure to come back to this post and encourage all of us suffering. OCD truly is the worst. Have a good Saturday yall, even if I don’t know you I love you as a human being. ☺️

SnowWhite1950

Date posted: 1y ago

Wow! You just described how I've been feeling. I'm sorry about your struggles, sweetie. Just know that you're not alone. We're here for you. I'll keep your name in my prayers.

Shayne Krauch

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you!! It is debilitating for sure but we’ll get better!

alex l

Date posted: 1y ago

i’m going through the same thing right now it sucks because i know deep down i don’t wanna die but my ocd is trying to convince me i wanna kill myself and i get so much anxiety wondeirng if i actually want to. i also have been on lexapro but i’m wondering if it stopped working

Cloth

Date posted: 1y ago

Absolutely

Cloth

Date posted: 1y ago

I know what it’s like to feel suicidal. It’s not fun.

Cloth

Date posted: 1y ago

How are you doing Shayne

Shayne Krauch

Date posted: 1y ago

Fast forward a month and a half and I am in a much better place mentally. We upped my dose to 40mg (I’m only taking 30 cause I’m a whimp 😂) I caught myself yesterday realizing I wasn’t struggling with intrusive thoughts anymore. It was a mind blowing moment in my life. I haven’t felt this “normal” since before I cold turkeyed. I will continue to work out, eat right and do positive things to impact my life and those around me. Not here to boast, here to say trust the person and stay consistent

Shayne Krauch

Date posted: 1y ago

@Shayne Krauch *trust the process

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w ago

Progress

I’ve completed 11 sessions so far and I can honestly see progress. I’m not back to my “normal” self but I’m gaining parts of my life and my personality back. I never knew I had OCD. I always attributed things to anxiety. Being diagnosed let me know I’m not alone, I’m not crazy, and that there’s help for me. I have a long list of OCD subtypes. As you can imagine, the thoughts and images in my head were extremely distressing and I was concerned for my quality of life and my sanity. 11 sessions in and I’m able to watch shows and movies without being scared I’ll see a trigger, I can practice exposures and navigate through my obsessions better, and I’m finding joy in the little moments in life. I used to avoid so many things and people because I was scared I’d have intrusive thoughts. I still struggle with intrusive thoughts every single day. Some days and even weeks are bad and I struggle more than usual. I have mood swings, extreme irritability, and even sometimes experiencing depersonalization. Sometimes I just plain out feel uncomfortable and weird. But like my therapist said, progress is not linear. I’m learning to count my wins instead of always counting my losses. I’m learning to enjoy the little bits of life that are ok, and I feel proud when I get through hard moments. I’m excited for the future. I’m excited to see how much I progress. Sometimes I’m still scared but I know that’s my OCD trying to get me to quit because we both know this ERP therapy is helping. If you’re struggling, please seek help. It does get better. I wanted to quit after doing my first exposure. I’m so happy I didn’t. And on hard days when I want to give up, I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing to help myself.

haleymoriarty

Date posted: 24w ago

Suicidal ocd

Hi guys! I have had a really rough couple of days. I got really triggered and it has stuck around for a few more days than usual now. I have this overwhelming feeling of giving up and i even feel relief from it at times which is scary, but it goes COMPLETELY against my value system and i dont think i would ever end my life because it means way too much to me. my compulsions have been trying to convince myself of reasons why life is beautiful but i have been so overwhelmed by thoughts that i cant do this. i really dont want to die!! so why is my brain filling with these thoughts to just give up? Anything helps <3 I have therapy tomorrow thank GOODNESS

x.dulcemusician

Date posted: 24w ago

They recommend me medication for my severe OCD

Hi. I’m writing this post because I don’t know if I should be medicated again. Lexapro worked well for me, but I gained like 30 pounds. I quit because of that and honestly I thought I was able to manage my OCD well better. I was wrong, it got worse again. I wish I can do this without medication…that’s why I expose myself everyday, doesn’t matter how drained and exhausted I get. Are you guys medicated or trying to go without medicine. How is it going for you guys? Many hugs for all of you. We got this.

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