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Hi All! I was stuck in an OCD loop for a while surrounding real events around children. I also struggle with incest OCD and my biggest trigger is my brother. I love him dearly but he is a big trigger bc he has always been a lot younger than me, he is 17 right now. The other night he wanted me to toss the remote to him and had his hands up in front of his face. Instead I tossed it in his lap. My intrusive thoughts and fears are telling me that I did this purposely so I could hit his crotch. Now I am worried I hurt him and he would be better off / not as traumatized if I was dead. I know this is extreme but the guilt truly gets to me. How do you all cope with uncertainty? Do I talk to him about it and ask if I hurt him or will it just make him feel more weird? What if I did do it to gain pleasure from it - how do I cope and move on from this?

Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like 😂 Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha 😎 I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha

I feel like everyone "healed" from their SOOCD and yet 6 years later I'm still here. All the people who used to post on here have moved on (and good for them) but im still here. Even when im having sex with my bf I'm like "am I enjoying it because Im enjoying the act of sex itself + the fact that Im used to him by now but with women its way more exciting and its about the women itself?". Ugh I just feel so alone, no one relates to me romantically nor physically.

I don't know how to explain this but: I was diagnosed with HOCD about 2 years ago ( still have it but much lighter symptoms than the onset) I had a therapist here in NOCD for a couple of months, then I found out that they don't take my insurance ( miscommunication happened) and I ended up paying thousands of dollars and stopped therapy. Ok now moving on, These days I have been feeling like I am in a bad mood most of the time and that things have bad vibes to them. It's been like that since July and I have been having those symptoms which I don't know their meaning: 1- Feeling a bad mood most of the day for no obvious reason 2- thinking that some songs, roads, places have bad vibes to them that make me feel sad and want to stop listening to these songs or driving on these roads 3- checking my mood frequently to see if it's good or bad 4- having the ability to have good time and feel happy but worrying about the bad mood that I know will come up after whatever fun thing I am doing 5- calling my sister a lot to try to figure out what is happening with me 6- can't focus on school or anything due to the overthinking and the bad vibe/mood to everything I checked depression symptoms according to dsm-5 and according to their criteria, I have less symptoms that those required for diagnosis. I don't know what to do now. Is that another type of ocd? Is that depression? Is that a completely different mental disorder? Or is it just a random thought that my mind obsessed on due to having ocd already? ( maybe i felt sad for a while without knowing why (like any other normal person) and then i started freaking out on why this is happening, so my mind latched on this thought because of having ocd already and having the tendency to obsess over thoughts? ) do i need to follow ERP for this thought or do I need to treat it like a random thought and just do my best to ignore it? I don't know and I don't want to get to therapy again because even though it helps but the fact that I am seeing a doctor takes me into a whole mood that I don't want to feel again.

I was just sat downstairs watching a movie and I had a “what if u watch cp” and “what if you like thinking about kids in sexual ways” when I don’t at all want to think about that or watch that. And I thought what it would be like to think of a kid like that which made me incredibly anxious and feel repulsed. But my ocd will say “you were thinking what it would be like to think of kids like that because u were considering it” when I wasn’t at all Nothing would ever make me want to think about kids in a sexual way it’s completely repulsive. My ocd will try and say I like the images too and I like the thoughts! It’s really stressful. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I just need some support at the moment as I’m worrying it’s not OCD

I feel like I'm constantly thinking about the same sex. Feeling in my backside is driving me nuts 😒. And I've met this girl I like and I feel guilty as hell because I feel like I'm hiding something. I really like her but how can carry this on if I'm having these thoughts. I had these thoughts before a met her. Please help someone 😢

I’m just looking for some advice regarding sexual orientation OCD… I have always been straight but in high school I would sometimes question if I was bisexual. I would always say that if I was, I wouldn’t ever date a woman just cuz I can’t see myself with one romantically, but in a sexual sense, maybe. (TMI: When I was way younger, I discovered lesbian 🌽 and I would usually watch that, I don’t anymore but I would prefer watching that mainly cuz of the moans, sorry this is tmi) but all in all, I was open to the thought of me being bisexual, if I ever turned out to be. After high school (for context: I’m a college junior), I never really thought about my sexuality that much until I got a boyfriend. I’ve been with him for almost two years, and sometimes I’ll get intrusive thoughts that I could like women. (Like for example: Chappell roan is a trigger for me just because I love her as an artist, and she’s pretty. I understand that it’s normal to think other women are attractive and if they have a nice body, and it doesn’t necessarily mean I like women, but sometimes I get scared.) I am not diagnosed with OCD, but I suspect I have it, especially ROCD, so I already get intrusive thoughts about my relationship, and now it’s targeting my sexuality, which worries me. It doesn’t worry me that my family wouldn’t support me and it doesn’t worry me that my boyfriend wouldn’t support me, it’s mainly the fact that if I were to be bisexual, I would feel so incredibly guilty. I know that bisexuality is liking both men and women, but a part of me would just feel guilt towards my boyfriend. Just guilt about how I also like women. And it’s not even like I’d break up with him to pursue women if I was bisexual, I just feel a sense of guilt. I guess I feel this way partially cuz I think he wouldn’t understand. He’s not homophobic, but I just don’t think he’d understand how I’d just suddenly be part gay. I know he’d support me, but in a way I feel like I’m cheating on him if I liked women. Idk how to describe it, but I just need advice because this intrusive thoughts really freak me out.

I was pushing my daughters stroller and tried awkwardly standing far away and reaching with one arm to push the stroller so i wouldnt brush up or have the stroller or her hit my lap but as i started walking where we needed to go i got groinals. I kept leaning away and pushing the stroller walking and saying compulsively “no no no” in my head. Ocd makes me feel guilty did i do anything like if i had groinals i shouldve stopped but i cant let it impinge my daily tasks

Hi everyone. I already went to the psych ward last month for the first time for four days for reasons unrelated to OCD. Now, I’m having my first ever major OCD episode/flareup/? and if you recognize me you already know my issue. I’m having weird sexual thoughts about my parents. Not really any way to sugarcoat it. Also with some harm OCD sprinkled in. I’m currently in a 6 day per week outpatient program and I’m considering telling them I’m really losing my mind. They might drug me up, throw me in inpatient again (have no idea how helpful that would be lol) and I just don’t see a positive future for me. Does anyone have any words of encouragement, or could possibly connect with me? This might be dramatic, but on top of my anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, this might be too much for me. Genuinely.

Suicidal Trigger words heads up----I hate hocd. I wish I never had it. I just want to forget about all of this and go back to the way things were before developing Hocd. My triggers are getting so bad atp it's convincing me I'm actually gay when I know I'm not. This is causing me so much anxiety and makeing me dizzy and makeing me have nausea the worst part is , is that it's my bfs birthday. I really love him so so much I wish I wasn't like this. I feel like this hocd is making me mentally, emotionally and physically ill. I just want to die. I just want to be normal and live my life without this and not be with such anxiety. I hope my baby has a good birthday. He still has no idea that ive bene feeling this way for months.

I’m so scared. I don’t even know who to talk to at this point. I started having sexual OCD thoughts recently about people that I don’t want to and I’m terrified. I recently had a psych ward stay (voluntary) for a very stressful life event and now I have this. I’m currently staying with my parents while I go through an outpatient program and they have no idea about the OCD. I live in Ohio. I’m afraid I’ll have to go inpatient again. I’m unemployed and currently am on Medicaid but have a lot of savings from lucky investments. I can’t get a NOCD therapist because I’m on Medicaid and also because I’m in an outpatient program. I’m afraid I’m too far gone and crazy now. I’m just laying in my bedroom at my parents’ house and crying. I don’t know what to do.

Hey y’all! I’m new to the app and to the NOCD community. I have been reading other people’s posts on this little forum. It has mostly been comforting to see that I’m not alone. However, I feel like I stepped into another spiral by doing so. I’ve been reading people’s posts with SO-OCD. I’m a lesbian. I have a long-term girlfriend. I feel very confident in my sexuality and in our relationship. BUT, these posts have me doubting everything and my whole identity.I don’t even know why I looked, but I regret it. I suddenly feel so much shame for being a lesbian after reading about other people’s shame with same-sex attraction. I’m also feeling like “what if I’m not actually gay, and I’ve just been giving into SO-OCD”? I’m also feeling overwhelmed with religious guilt even though I walked away from the church years ago. I actually feel sick to my stomach. I’m not here to make light of anyone’s experiences with SO-OCD. I just want to feel normal. Does any of the other queer OCD population struggle with this too?

Anybody else use their lack of sexual history as a way for OCD to use as evidence? I just start remembering all the times I could have had sex but didn’t. I also had a HUGE porn addiction that made it so difficult to function. I remember that I was always afraid of having sex with anyone other than my ex because I was emotionally abused and I felt like if she found out, she would get mad and at the time, that would break me. I’d always overthink about sex and what could happen if It happened at that moment. My mind would fill with questions and I just would end up saying I rather not have any sex. My therapist believed I could have shown signs of OCD early on. I believe that’s what’s happened then and now. I don’t like guys romantically and I love getting excited for a woman. I love that feeling of seeing a pretty girl and getting the chance to know her. It makes my heart so happy. But I would do everything I can to avoid speaking with a guy, even if he was not conventionally attractive. Porn makes me feel like I could turn gay since I watched it so much. I’ve lost interest in watching porn which is a good thing but now ocd is like “oh you don’t get turned on by porn anymore, and those videos had girls in it so that must mean you don’t like girls anymore.” Like how stupid is that. I also saw on Reddit and Quora that people were saying porn can change your attraction/make you lose interest in girls. I know Quora and Reddit are OCD’s best ways at scaring you and these forums are never to be taken seriously, but man does it trigger you. Anyways if you made it this far, thank you. I’m just overthinking a lot today

Hi, I’m 16, and in a relationship with a girl, who I love so much and wanted to be with her for several months. But as of recently, I have been experiencing intrusive thoughts about being gay.I know that I’m not, I’ve always been attracted to girls and never have I even thought about being gay. But these intrusive thoughts are telling me I’m lying to myself and that I am denial and are actually gay. I’m at the point now where I don’t even know if this is HOCD. I’ve always seemed OCD since I was young as I would be fixated on certain things like how clothes looked, I also used to wash my hands until they cracked. In recent months I was fixated on moles and the fear of skin cancer due to my mum having stage 4 cancer herself. But as this has gone, these intrusive thoughts about sexuality have came about. Can someone please help me

I wanted to actually take the time to post this. I promised myself that if my meds started working I would write on here to encourage others to take their meds and do therapy. I spent so many days crying over thoughts that I can see now are not true. I still have moments of overthinking and worrying but that’s normal for people like us and people in general. It’s almost like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now instead of seeing only darkness. I have come so far from a few months ago even a year ago or when I first developed these ocd symptoms. I took a dna gene test which was like $200 but well worth it to determine what meds work best for my build up, the one I had been on and off taking from fears around meds was one of two that are meant to “work”. So I started up again on 10mg of Lexapro, slowly going up to 20mg, now at 30mg since the last few days. It’s been well over a month probably atleast 6 weeks. I definately noticed when I first took it on and off that I felt a slight difference but thought it was placebo. So I gave it a shot and have been so good with taking them at the right times too mostly. GIVE IT TIME!!! If a med is right for you it will work. You have to believe that though, even if it’s only a tiny part of yourself that can believe it may work… be realistic, it’s not going to just remove the thoughts entirely because we have a very complex disorder, but I do believe I will fully recover. I’ve also been seeing an ocd therapist, who helps me but I also judge for myself what exposures I feel ready for and also still can give into compulsions at times, and I also won’t do things that therapists say that I feel aren’t right for me, find what works for you! They’re just meant to guide you, but recovery is DIFFERENT for everyone. Just because something works for someone else doesn’t mean it will for you. I honestly find the thoughts less “sticky” and I can easily get out of them sometimes, or think more logically, trying to not reassure myself or asking for reassurance as much but also allowing myself dto deal with it in my own way and yeah sometimes I do still reassure myself like people without ocd would too, but I have cut back so much and I don’t even remember the last time I confessed properly to my partner. He understands me and has been so supportive and given me any type of reassurance in the past, so basically I’ve got all the answers already, but I don’t have to constantly remind myself of those things or prove every thought wrong. I can let things go more easily. I can think more logically. I can see more when ocd is trying to trick me. I know I’m not aroused sexually by the intrusive thoughts even if they’re images ocd creates and not real I know that if a thought feels intrusive it isn’t arousing me even if it comes at the worst times and makes me confused in the moment, I can bring myself back to reality and put my focus on me and my partner, I can enjoy sex again! Im still struggling at times but I never thought I’d get to this point even, it’s only up from here… I want to attach this image because I prayed and begged for God to send me a sign that only I would know which was a love heart but not in a text message, I wanted to SEE THE SIGN CLEARLY, I asked him if I would ever recover fully or always suffer like this and if I will recover and one day not even have thoughts like this or notice them if I did almost like background noise of stupid people with stupid opinions, then show me a heart. And he delivered this to me. You will be okay even when you feel like you won’t. You matter. Don’t let ocd define you, we’ve got ocd but ocd doesn’t have us… I’m working now, happy mostly with my life, have a loving partner and daughter I’m able to focus on properly now that I’m getting better, I have quit pot and been clean for about 3 weeks after being a stoner since 16 every day basically, which will only make me feel more clear over time, next step is ciggies to quit at the end of the month, I don’t even drink alcohol unless occasionally so that’s not an issue, I’m going to start working out and become my goal weight, going to find things I love to do and DO THEM, LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST. you can get here too. This is coming from someone who contemplated suicide time and time again but knew God had a purpose for letting me suffer this way , so I’m able to HELP PEOPLE LIKE ME. God bless you all and Jesus right now I pray for everyone struggling with mental health problems and I pray you can guide them to the right direction, the light and the truth that is YOU. That’s why I can finally see the light at the tunnel, it’s Jesus calling me home. God bless you all, amen. 🙏🏼🩷🩵💜

I wanted to actually take the time to post this. I promised myself that if my meds started working I would write on here to encourage others to take their meds and do therapy. I spent so many days crying over thoughts that I can see now are not true. I still have moments of overthinking and worrying but that’s normal for people like us and people in general. It’s almost like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now instead of seeing only darkness. I have come so far from a few months ago even a year ago or when I first developed these ocd symptoms. I took a dna gene test which was like $200 but well worth it to determine what meds work best for my build up, the one I had been on and off taking from fears around meds was one of two that are meant to “work”. So I started up again on 10mg of Lexapro, slowly going up to 20mg, now at 30mg since the last few days. It’s been well over a month probably atleast 6 weeks. I definately noticed when I first took it on and off that I felt a slight difference but thought it was placebo. So I gave it a shot and have been so good with taking them at the right times too mostly. GIVE IT TIME!!! If a med is right for you it will work. You have to believe that though, even if it’s only a tiny part of yourself that can believe it may work… be realistic, it’s not going to just remove the thoughts entirely because we have a very complex disorder, but I do believe I will fully recover. I’ve also been seeing an ocd therapist, who helps me but I also judge for myself what exposures I feel ready for and also still can give into compulsions at times, and I also won’t do things that therapists say that I feel aren’t right for me, find what works for you! They’re just meant to guide you, but recovery is DIFFERENT for everyone. Just because something works for someone else doesn’t mean it will for you. I honestly find the thoughts less “sticky” and I can easily get out of them sometimes, or think more logically, trying to not reassure myself or asking for reassurance as much but also allowing myself dto deal with it in my own way and yeah sometimes I do still reassure myself like people without ocd would too, but I have cut back so much and I don’t even remember the last time I confessed properly to my partner. He understands me and has been so supportive and given me any type of reassurance in the past, so basically I’ve got all the answers already, but I don’t have to constantly remind myself of those things or prove every thought wrong. I can let things go more easily. I can think more logically. I can see more when ocd is trying to trick me. I know I’m not aroused sexually by the intrusive thoughts even if they’re images ocd creates and not real I know that if a thought feels intrusive it isn’t arousing me even if it comes at the worst times and makes me confused in the moment, I can bring myself back to reality and put my focus on me and my partner, I can enjoy sex again! Im still struggling at times but I never thought I’d get to this point even, it’s only up from here… I want to attach this image because I prayed and begged for God to send me a sign that only I would know which was a love heart but not in a text message, I wanted to SEE THE SIGN CLEARLY, I asked him if I would ever recover fully or always suffer like this and if I will recover and one day not even have thoughts like this or notice them if I did almost like background noise of stupid people with stupid opinions, then show me a heart. And he delivered this to me. You will be okay even when you feel like you won’t. You matter. Don’t let ocd define you, we’ve got ocd but ocd doesn’t have us… I’m working now, happy mostly with my life, have a loving partner and daughter I’m able to focus on properly now that I’m getting better, I have quit pot and been clean for about 3 weeks after being a stoner since 16 every day basically, which will only make me feel more clear over time, next step is ciggies to quit at the end of the month, I don’t even drink alcohol unless occasionally so that’s not an issue, I’m going to start working out and become my goal weight, going to find things I love to do and DO THEM, LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST. you can get here too. This is coming from someone who contemplated suicide time and time again but knew God had a purpose for letting me suffer this way , so I’m able to HELP PEOPLE LIKE ME. God bless you all and Jesus right now I pray for everyone struggling with mental health problems and I pray you can guide them to the right direction, the light and the truth that is YOU. That’s why I can finally see the light at the tunnel, it’s Jesus calling me home. God bless you all, amen. 🙏🏼🩷🩵💜

Guys, it's been 6 months into my journey with recovery from OCD. As a self-identified Christian, straight male, with strong desires to want the world to have absolute meaning, to get married to a woman, to have a family, I've had very very distressing thoughts throughout the last few years of my life, especially learning about how uncertain our world, and truly life is. However, I am doing a lot better. I don't need to feel the need to compulsively prove to myself that I am or I am not those things. I understand as human we can change and sometimes we won't change. However, the underlying suffering of the anxiety, and the reinforcing behavior has lessened so so much. Even if my life doesn't turn out how I want it to, I don't have to suffer with extreme anxiety and compulsive behavior over a simple thought. Keep doing your ERP, even when you don't feel like it. You'll have bad days, you'll have good days. In my experience, it's always a cycle. And you can move forward, stay present and keep going, fellow OCD warriors!

So I'm suffering with SO-OCD I'm a female (22) who's struggling about if I'm gay or Bi and I have a bf of 6 years so the struggle is intense cause it's always idk idk idk, am I? what if ? and so on. And I keep thinking of all these things and evidence stuff and all that overthinking. I thought I was straight??? Now I'm just confused because I keep thinking and thinking. The classic. But I wanted to ask, is it a ocd thing if you feel like you wanna say certain things outloud? Like for example, I've been tryna re-watch my anime again cause I had a crush on literally all the guys on this one show and I was like well maybe if I put this on I'll be comfortable or whatever. But now, I'm only focusing on the girls only, and now my brain keeps feeling like I have crushes on them or it makes me wanna say " I like -insert female name-". I can't quite explain it but when I would usually fan girl over my anime guys or real life male celebs I'd literally be like I LOVE CHRIS EVANS, I'M A SIMP FOR USUI ( male characters) or whatever. And now it feels like I wanna do that to the females. But it's so odd cause idk?????????? I'm just confused, cause now it feels like I'm not even attracted to my male crushes I use to have or just guys in general. BUT I will say when I do see a guy I was once attracted too like for example Jensen Ackles, I feel like my brain just pushes it away bevause it's like " you're distracted thinking about girls only so you can't find him attractive anymore" I can't explain it well but yeah. And literally like maybe 2 months ago I literally was being a simp for one of my anime men and I'd literally talk about it for weeks or days and save every edit known to man haha. But now I'm like idk And at work too, my boss hired like another employee for the meantime, and I have worked with her sorda but she was doing stuff on the other side of the wall. But I feel like I keep looking or checking or observing I guess? But now since I'm gonna like officially work with her for a lil bit tomorrow at the cashier and such. I'm afraid I'm going to develop a crush on her cause I'm gonna be near her for once. It's silly I know but idk I just feel I guess nervous? Cause I don't wanna develop feelings or anything? But i just feel like what if I'm in denial? And fyi all my coworkers are girls but this was before I had my so-ocd theme. So I guess my question is, why is it do I feel like I wanna say such things out loud to female characters or real life people like celebs. Like " I wanna date so and so" like out of nowhere when I think of a specific female when I'm alone or I guess I wanna confess that to my bf too And is it also a ocd thing where I feel like I'm gonna develop feelings or a crush because she's a girl and new and I'm thinking of like maybe I will get feelings because my brain is so fixated on women rn? I'm just stress cause I have a bf of 6 Years and I've talked to him about this and he really just wants me to relax one day without thinking so much. But I just feel so irritated because I see so many different post about this theme and I just feel like stuck or the only one I guess? I do find females attractive and very pretty but I also am a artist as well and I usually just find people pretty or attractive in different ways. Like if I see a women who just looks stunning. I'm literally in awe at how beautiful she can be. I actually have a coworker and I actually told her this like almost 2 years ago that I thought she was so pretty and stuff and like she can be a model. In a compliment type of way, she's just stunning to me you know? But I don't think I saw her as a love interest of anything. I just really thought she was pretty. But when I would see a cute guy, I'd get nervous I guess? Or just like oh he's cute you know? Sorry I'm just thinking so much, I'm just tired of this theme, it's so annoying. I just wanna go back to being who I thought I was and I do miss fangiriling over my characters I had crushes on but now I just be having doubts about everything of what my SO is. Sorry for this long message. Thanks for anyone who replies or understands the situation. It's definitely tough :/

Honestly this is triggered by the fact I remember I had this little fascination with someone who was I think in one grade below me in highschool. (Mind you if I was born one month later I would’ve been in the same class as them) and now that I did have a seemingly little fancy for them now all of a sudden I am a predator who was searching for freshman…. 💀 They weren’t a freshman (my logical side says) but my brain has taken the what if and made it sick and gross… I think I do remember even saying that it’ll be sad that they’ll have to wait another school semester till we’d ever see each other again in college…. So why is my brain insisting they are a freshmen??? I specifically remember being a junior before, having a freshmen come onto me and the moment I found out i immediately cut them off (I have my own worries about that real event too…) So why does my brain tell me I was seeking that out???

Does anyone with HOCD ever get aroused by thoughts (aka testing the thoughts) when performing a sexual act and how did you work around that. It’s been running my life for a while!