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Been going through a huge spike recently. I saw a post by an influencer I follow that also has OCD speaking about her experience telling people her thoughts and how living in secrecy isn’t the best. It sent me down a spiral after seeing it and all I could think about was telling people every intrusive thought I’ve ever had. I’ve been experiencing intrusive images, urges, scenarios, you name it, etc. The people in my life know I suffer from OCD, and I told my bestfriend my OCD mainly shows up as disturbing sexual thoughts in my brain. But somehow that wasn’t enough, and my overthinking hasn’t gone away. Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, how do you cope with it? Really needing some support from the OCD community right now, I hope everyone is having a great day!

So i don't have access to an OCD psychologist and I really wanted to try ERP so I tried it on my own, but to be honest it made me feel sometimes worse. The only exercise I was doing was the look into a mirror and say "You might be gay, you might be bi, you might be straight it does not mather" I did it like 3 times per day. After some time I started having stronger compulsions and had a small amount of time where i was at my worse (even doing self harm) thinking I was just gay and should just acept it and that by saying it i was just acepting it. Do you think i did something wrong?

About some Psychologists that don't think hocd Is a real thing and it's internalized homophobia and that Psychologists Who says it's hocd they're just trying to use conversion therapy. I'm panicking right now.

When I was 14, I experimented with a friend because he lied and said that it wasnt a homosexual act (when it clearly was) he tried to get me to do it several times and I eventually caved... after 30 seconds of it I went in the rest room and gagged and had a panic attack... my hocd is saying im in denial because of these events...

Even after ocd has calmed down. Scared that when my ocd goes away, I’ll still have “attraction” and groinals to girls. I don’t want to be lesbian. It’s like I don’t want my ocd to go away now? Anxiety and intrusive thoughts have gone down but my false attraction still feels real? And now it feels like I’ve always had this. And my real attraction is still missing? Has this happened to anyone ?

I think i always get some slight attachment for older women. I just always admired them, mostly authorities or i just simply admired them as a older women as a mothers or idk. When i was in high school i had this favorite teacher. She taught me for 7 years. I always felt that we might be somehow connected or that she will help me somehow in the future. When I was in my last year of high school she noticed me that i struggle with mental health, she was always there for me, she even hugged me and reassured me and ive always felt safe in her presence. I was always happy to see her and i think i might make some excuses to just see her and talk with her. So i think i got attached to her. The truth was, that we actually were somehow connected and she also brought be closer to God and she inspired me to become a teacher in the future. Everytime when we had to meet after school i was a bit nervous and sometimes i even wanted to look pretty because i knew that she will give me a compliment. I even said that I love her as my second mother. Sometimes i even thought of her as my mother. When she wasnt responding to my email or a message i strated to panic that i might did something wrong. When i started study my teaching major I even practiced with her at school and i didnt want to disappoint her so i tried to be perfect. Anyway, i have never had sexual or romantic scenerios with her. The only scenarios i had in my mind with her were those that I imagined her as my mother or how she huggs me and comforting me when something bad happens. I used to cry many times when i was thinking about her and I was thanking God that He send me a person like her. I’ve never had butterflies in my stomach around her. I’ve never been aroused in her presence. I’ve never had sexual fantasies with her. But i do get thoughts and doubts that “What if u flirted with her? What if u were secretly into her? What if u have crush on her? What if you love her romantically? What if she is your lesbian awakening?” It bothers me and makes me sad😔 She even kissed me once on my hairs, once on my cheek and I’ve never felt any butterflies or never felt in love and after that happened I wasnt even panicking because i knew it doesnt mean anything and that she only cares for me and nothing else. But im just scared that this is also one of my proofs that I’m a lesbian😔 People told me that this has nothing to do with my sexuality and this actually might mean that im just looking for a mother (i do have a good relationship with my mom so idk why this happens, but i sometimes feel like my mom she is more like a friend and not as a mother who understands my needs and feelings). Anyway, i somehow feel like this doesnt make sense and if i would be in love with this teacher then I would know it. I feel like its bullshit but i cant get over the fact that some lesbians actually had their lesbian awakening when they had a crush on a teacher even though i dont think what i experienced was a crush. 😔

Hi all! I have posted about this before and still not sure about what to do. I am struggling with the question of whether or not I should tell my partner (getting married this week) about the fact that I have OCD and my past experiences with it. And if so how? On the one hand, I think it would be good for them to know that I have this issue (to know me better, and basically strengthen our bond), but on the other hand, I am not sure about how they would react to hearing some of the past manifestations of OCD that I suffered with (mainly POCD and other sexual OCD - about 10 years ago now). My OCD today is mostly checking things around the house to make sure everything is safe - a more “plain” and “non-threatening” (to people without OCD) kind of OCD that wouldn’t be too challenging to discuss. I guess I want to share my experience but wondering if it makes sense to if I am going to leave out the more challenging (but also what has been for me the most impactful) stuff out. And of course keeping that stuff in the disclosure would carry risks as well. Looking online for expert opinions on this is a bit inconclusive. Expert opinions range from “don’t do it, it’s reassurance and these thoughts are meaningless and don’t define you”, through “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but it can be helpful”, to “you should probably do it, but maybe don’t share everything”. Any thoughts from anyone who has gone through this? Thanks!

I'm scared that I don't have SO-OCD, I need to give an example first, let's take, straight female, fears being a lesbian, she, of course get's false atraction, very distressing and not enjoyable at all, she of course it's scare she's atracted to women now, but what she is scared about the most, really, is not being atracted to men. So that's OCD, but here is me. I'm more scare of being atracted to men, that of not being atracted to women, honestly I don't even care, I don't care if I never feel anything for a woman again, I just don't wanna fall for a dude. Also my false atraction feels good, not even anxious, not sure what to make of that

I don't post on here too often, but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I struggle with sexual intrusive thoughts/scrupulosity as many of you do. Sexuality has always been difficult for me, as since I was a child, I would repress or try to reverse sexual thoughts because I viewed them as impure and worried that God would think I am sinful. This certainly stretches into my adult life. I'm very active in my church, and faith is quite important to me. However, I will spend hours feeling shame over sexual thoughts and feelings, and still consistently repress desires/urges, although it has gotten a little better. The difficult part is, it seems that when I repress the feelings and thoughts, they come back even stronger. I was addicted to pornography for 6 years, and I am happy to say I am 2 years clean. It was very difficult to quit, especially having OCD, but it wasn't impossible, and through good habits and faith I was able to overcome that challenge. However, I have continued to struggle off and on with another sexual compulsive habit, and it is really wearing on me and I want to change. It feels like a catch 22; when I try to repress the thoughts/feelings, they come back even worse and I end up giving in to the compulsion. But when I allow myself to have the thoughts and feelings, I become overwhelmed with temptation and give in as well. I'm just at a loss :( If anyone has any tips, advice, or things that have helped you be successful, I would love to hear them.

hi so i just saw this tik tok of a guy who said that he still goes to church and still worships God even though he’s gay because God loves him no matter what and my first thought was to repost bc i am also catholic and believe that anyone can be and i think it’s beautiful that he still has a relationship with God. but then all of a sudden i was like wait i can’t repost this because im not gay and it triggered my ocd into convincing myself that i can entirely relate to the tik tok because i am gay and i don’t love my bf and now im distressed. and im also having false memories of myself googling if you can be gay and catholic which would’ve meant that im questioning my sexuality but i even did that. and now i feel like what if this means i don’t love my bf. i’m so scared and i don’t know what’s real or not

Hey! I read that in order to better manage my OCD and be less worried all the time, I have to be okay with uncertainty. For me, it's coming to term with the fact that I might be attracted to a man someday (I'm a lesbian) even though the thought feels terrifying. I don't have anything against men or against bisexual people obviously it's just not who I am and I'm so so afraid of losing my identity. Anyone got tips on how to be okay with accepting that you can't be 100% sure your worst fear won't turn out to be true?

I dont have ocd. I really dont. It feels like im actually a lesbian. I dont feel anything for guys. I dont know how to describe my feelings. It feels like i cant escape my body or my mind. I feel stuck. It feels real. It must be real. But i cant imagine that its real. But it feels so real like im actually a lesbian. I dont want to be. Today i had urges to come out. I feel depressed. I dont wanna live. I cant escape. I just have to accept that im a lesbian.

I think I just need to vent about this and hopefully I’ll feel better. When I was a teen (somewhere between 12 and 18, fuzzy about when exactly) I found some weird fetish porn. I didn’t even know what I was doing because my sex ed was terrible, but I ended up getting off to it. I remember being confused, scared, and VERY secretive. I ended up being funneled into a community that ultimately was very harmful for me as a young teen, one that I don’t think I would have been anywhere near if I hadn’t stumbled onto it. Now that I’m in my late 20s, I recognize that this was not a good situation. I think I was into it because it was paired with things I do like, because of the secrecy and anxiety, and just sheer exposure. But that doesn’t stop me from every once in a while being absolutely terrified that I secretly like it. It’s nerve wracking, because I wonder if I just convinced myself I didn’t like it because I assigned moral value to it. I had friends that thought it was disgusting. But at the end of the day, I didn’t stop because of other people, I stopped because I found myself not wanting it anymore. I just stopped wanting it. Now, I don’t want it. Even though I’ve done my best to remove the moral quantity to it, I just don’t want to do it and the thought makes me uncomfortable and icked out. So… yeah. I’ve talked to my therapist before. It was the first time I ever cried in therapy. I think I need to talk through it more. I’m comforted knowing I don’t want to act on any of the intrusive thoughts I get about it, but knowing that I did things when I was a teen makes it hard. I just have to remind myself I was a child, I know what was happening. But it’s hard

Hey guys, so I just wanted to know if anyone has gone through somwthing similar. But about maybe 2 years ago I had this onset thing where I thought I was gay (I'm a female btw) And it really stressed me out for weeks. I have a bf too, been together for 6 years now. But at the time, this actress I like. She's really pretty and attractive in my opinion. Like I just think she's the prettiest woman. But this was before I got diagnosed with ocd. But I told my bf two years ago and he was like I really don't think you're gay and he did tell me if I was gay or bi he wouldn't be upset. He kinda tested me too and told me to try saying " I want to kiss a girl" out loud. And I couldn't even finish the sentnece cause I was like nah I don't want to actually lmfao. It sounds silly but that's how we are. So it was a honest convo we had and it kinda went away up until now. I was just really stressed out cause I've been with him for so long that I was worried I'd ruined something. And right now I'm going through a similar thing again, I'm not sure if I am straight or gay or bi. And I know I'll never know for sure I guess or in denial. But I guess I'm confused because even when I was younger around 12. I was interested in woman's bodies and rather looked at them, and when I found out what s*x was and all that. I just wanted to look at woman's bodies never really men. But I always had crushes on male celebrities and male fictional characters, or anime men and so on. Even fangirl over my male characters and daydreamed about them. Even so, I was rewatching supernatural a few weeks ago and was gushing over Jensen Ackles. So I'm confused. But even till this day I just think woman's bodies are more attractive and I get these like images of wanting to see them n*ked I guess. I swear I'm not weird. It's just like a image that pops up in my head cause I guess I'm wondering how they look?? But when it comes to guys, I mainly like their face or how they appear or personality. But growing up, I always imagined me with a man or my male characters and all my crushes in school were guys. But I did have a lil confusion if I was gay back in middle school which I know it's nothing wrong. And my family is accepting of everything so there's no issue if I was. But since I think about it now. I think what if it was cause I didn't know much about same sex dating back then? So i just thought boys and girls get together only. So that's how I wanted to be? But since this theme has popped up again, I'm just unsure. I already talked to my bf again about it this week and he personally thinks I'm not because of all the men I always fangirled about. But now I'm just not sure if I'm even attracted to men anymore. I just get stressed out. I also think I'm a lil asexual too so it's hard to tell even more now. I just wanted to know if anyone has had this experience before or has gone through something similar. Sorry it ended up being long haha.

Iam just scared and tired from having wetness to the same sex thoughts and feelings , i am so scared

Hey! I'm a lesbian and have been identifying as such for about 5 years now. I feel completely comfortable with that identity and it has become a huge part of how I see myself as a person. I'm still in the closet and hence lie all the time about my sexual orientation and it has gotten me wondering if I wasn't faking it all for attention. I've always been okay with my identity and suddenly I'm not sure about anything anymore. I get distressing thoughts about sexual intercourse with men and repeatedly check whether or not I am sexually attracted to them (on social medias, in the street...). Since I'm also on the ace spectrum, all the comments about "meeting the right person" are fueling my inner monologue because what if that person was a male after all? I feel like I'm losing my sense of self and it's terrifying because I genuinely can't tell whether I'm in denial or not 😭. Anyone going through something similar?

Hello guys! I hope you are all doing well. Rn as I’m writing this I experience a lot of anxiety so I write this in hopes someone can give me some advice cuz I really need it. I think I should first address that I’m diagnosed with ocd and have experienced many themes throughout my life from contamination ocd to hocd to harm etc. at this period of my life I’m going through tocd and magical thinking ocd. When I first had tocd was 3 years ago and now going through it again I can definitely say it was ocd the first time. This time though.. it feels different. And these days specifically I’m going through literal hell. I was always this person who was like do what you love and don’t care about what others think, don’t stay in misery. And these phrases are now a big trigger of mine. And I’m like I can’t live like this. The urges to transition are so bad. Idk if I want this but you know my brain says I got to cuz that’s the real me. Then thoughts of coming out, the reaction of parents and friends, and everyone really is paralyzing. At the same time i feel like I like the thoughts and no matter how many compulsions I do I can’t feel better. I’ve talked to my mom about all this many months back and she was very supportive and not judgemental, which was very helpful for my mental health. So it’s not like I’m afraid to talk to her it’s just… I have this fear that might be magical thinking ocd but idk. Let’s just say that when I had doubts and thinking about changing majors, my mom was the first one that I discussed it with. She tried to convince me to not change bc this career could offer me good money but guess what? I changed majors. So now I’m afraid that if I talk to her about this the same thing will happen and I’ll end up transitioning… I hope you see the connection. I just can’t live like this anymore. I’ve been going through this for the second time and it is going on for a year now. It’s so difficult. I’m actually expecting my period as well so everything is much more intense lol. Anyways, all I’m asking is some advice about this! Also, should I talk to my mom or not? I’m here to chat with whoever is going through the same thing! Thank you so much and sorry for this massive post!

I was so confident that I was straight 3 weeks ago and now all of a sudden it feels like I have become a lesbian! That doesn’t make any sense 😭

I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about pedophilia, I was highly addicted to porn for 2 years or more, I even masturbated a couple times to someone younger but when I did that my ocd didn’t trigger or nothing till months after thinking what if I am a pedophile, after that is when I decided to quit porn indefinitely I realized I was going too far,I always thought I was a decent person, I have never hurt anyone, I always had this idea that I could become someone people can look up to or just become someone everyone respected, I’ve always loved sports, my family and video games, but lately I haven’t been able to enjoy any of that it’s like my ocd is making me think I’ve always been like this and all my actual beliefs weren’t real that I’ve always been this horrible person, at first I would get panic attacks and disgust but now I feel kinda numb and I don’t want to feel like that cause it’s making me think that maybe I am one and my mind is getting used to it, I even feel uncomfortable talking about kids or just being around them and I have never been like that . I am a heavy nicotine and weed smoker (I’ve tried to stop since it seems to make them worse). Now it feels like I am a completely different person, I also have a girlfriend who before this i would love with everything in me, and would be afraid to lose her every time we would argue, I would even think about a child with her in the future, but now I don’t even feel love or any attraction or any of the previous feelings I would feel towards my future and I just feel it makes it even worse cause if I’m not attracted to her and all my previous beliefs feel like lies then what can I believe in? Any advice or tips? I’ll be starting therapy this week so I pray there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel as though no matter what, I am going to feel like I am a p or a z00phile for the rest of my life. My ocd is terrible. When I do better in life, such as now, these things are always in the back of my head. As if im tainted, and no longer have the ability to be a good person. When I was a kid, I was very hyper sexual, I don’t know why, I don’t remember much. but I watched and did some pretty strange things. I am 18 now, obviously do not do those strange things, but I struggle with m-sturbstion ALOT.(it being a compulsion for my ocd, which is terrible) i have been in situations where this compulsion happened and it was inappropriate (either where I was, who I was with, or what was next to me, NEVER A KID, but sometimes my cat was next to me or very close) I try everyday to just move past all of this, but I feel as though I can’t, sometimes I do, then the rumination starts again. I really do not want to hear anything about turning to God. I believe in God but I am not very religious. I just would like to know a logical way how to feel like I can be a better person and not be tainted? Or am I even a good person at all or have a chance? Im not trying to reassurance seek, im just genuinely confused