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the feeling during intimacy with my partner, and just when it's a nice moment, what?! I find vivid thoughts and scenes and it seems that I want them and that they stimulate me... I'm going crazy

Does anyone else find it hard to let go of an intrusive thought when you can find some irrelevant truth to it that feels relevant? Examples: **“You’re attracted to *insert inappropriate person* (family member/child/animal)”** “But they are pretty/cute/adorable…” **“You think your bf is ugly.”** “Well, his hair did look weird the other day and I’ve taken unflattering photos of him. He *could* be (more fit/better dressed/etc)…” **“What if I actually want bad things to happen to me for attention?”** “Well, I have imagined people comforting me… and sometimes I do not mind when others check in on me.” **“What if I’m actually a bad person deep down?”** “Well, I have made mistakes before… and sometimes I do not immediately feel guilty.” **“What if I secretly want to be with someone else?”** “I have thought about what it would be like to date different people.” **“You wanted (family member/child/anyone else) to find you sexy”** “Well, I don’t want to be seen as ugly, and a compliment is flattering.” —— It’s such a skillful distortion at times that I don’t even realize things are twisted, and I genuinely believe the thought, causing me to panic so intensely. Only later, I look back and have small epiphanies where I realize it wasn’t at all what I thought. Anyone else?

Hi everyone. I haven't posted on here in quite in some time. I'm hesitant to post but I'm battling some things that are compounding onto each other. I've had ocd since 15 I'm 30 now..I feel it's still there but much better than years ago. Currently though I'm really struggling with depression and trauma too. Atleast I believe it's trauma and my psychiatrist saw some indicators. Long story short I was in a relationship with a narcissist and I'm still recovering. I feel my nervous system is still kinda on fight or flight. I've learned that our bodies very much stores trauma. Alongside this I'm pretty critical of my appearance and my self esteem is not so great. I've been putting myself out there more and socializing but I can't shake this feeling of being stuck in an endless loop. It's hard to tell what to tackle. It's difficult for me..I don't know if ocd treatment is for me or more so trauma based therapy. I think there is some overlap..any advice or feedback would be appreciated. A side note I've done ERP in the past and I've been to treatment centers such as mclean. I feel like I need a community because I feel pretty alone but I'm having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.

Sorry for the long post but I really need to vent. It’s really not a good period. It hasn’t been for a year now. There have been highs and lows, but the truth is I never addressed my problems, never tried to solve them but just pretended they weren’t there. I reached my lowest point this time last year, my OCD had never been worse, I was extremely burnt-out and couldn’t study anymore. And since then, I haven’t been able to study. Everytime I try I get a panic attack. OCD gets better then it gets worse. I probably have ADHD as well, and my parents probably still believe I’m making it all up. They tell me to “try harder” but I really, really can’t, and I’ve tried. And let’s add to all this all the people who have broken my heart, both exes and friends; and they just go on with their lives like they didn’t break me. I also had to quit my job (where they treated me like crap) and had to listen to them tell me that I’m an egoistic person and other awful things I will not say. Yeah, this last year has been the worst. I have come to the point where I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t pretend everything is fine. I’ve come to the point where I can’t leave the house without having panic attacks and fearing I’m going to die. This Monday I have my first appointment with a therapist. I’m a pessimist person usually but this time I feel hopeful. Maybe because I think it can’t get worse than this.

Does anyone else get intrusive thoughts where they feel like they’re secretly toxic to their partner without realizing? So much so that they fear their partner wants to leave them? I’ve been having a bad flare up lately since I switched meds and it truly makes me feel like I’m an awful or toxic partner. I love my boyfriend endlessly and I want to be a great partner for him, I just get scared that I am actually being terrible to them. I used to constantly say sorry but now it’s in my own head most of the time.

Hi everyone!! This is a new kind of theme I’m dealing with. My brain will come up with false memories of my boyfriend saying awful things about my family or me…deep down I know it’s not real. The more I think about it though, the more real these “memories” feel. How do I deal?

Please help. Been with my boyfriend for 15 months. 6 months into our official relationship I found out he kissed someone 1 week before he asked out officially. He told me he loved me at that time and I felt we were exclusive. He apparently did not . He also agreed he would not watch porn and lied once about it. I also have been spinning about the types of women he thinks are attractive and I find disgusting so I sent him pictures for months hoping he would say it looks gross but he didn’t and it killed me. Throughout the relationship I have been spinning about these issues really hard and it damaged my trust for him but I know he’s an amazing great guy I just feel very uneasy. It has been 1 year of me spinning about these issues and other little ones constantly texting him everyday and my friends about them to try to figure things out but I am unhappy . 4 months ago I had a severe breakdown and since I am severely depressed and anxious every day all day with thoughts of is this a wrong relationship , comparing him to other men, wondering if I would be happier with someone else. I have been seeing a therapist seeing a therapist one thinks I have rocd and a psychologist doesn’t . Nothing is helping me and I’m on Zoloft . I broke up with him a month ago and I’m still spinning in circles if I made the right decision or if I left over rocd and overblowing the issues that bothered me . Someone please tell me if you think this is rocd (edited)

my people in relationships i have a question! i find a lot of like relationship “concepts” that we see online or just within our culture really trigger me. articles, posts, dialogue, friends pretty much anything saying things things like “outgrowing relationships” “you need to date around extensively to find the one” “you’re too young to be in love or settle down” “things my partner does” pretty much anything about advice or just other people’s situations triggers me at times and makes me question a lot!! i know this means i need more confidence in myself which im working on. i’m doing the work to separate my situation from these and i know it’s working because it feels uncomfortable, but i’m wondering if anyone young and in a relationship navigates this. i also feel like this triggering gets worse when im already anxious. recently my partner and i have been having constant spats bc im hesitant to communicate. i feel like im putting pressure on myself bc i really want this to work out to the point where i feel like idk what to do! it’s funny identifying the tricks ocd is playing on me bc i do recognize the irony here but any advice in coping or just experiences helps!!! mwah mwah happy women’s day!!!!

This is the one topic I don’t find much discussion about online, and I’m wondering how many of you have experienced this. Have any of you been prevented from engaging in intimate acts by your OCD? Has your OCD affected intimacy between you and your partner/s? I’m discovering that this is very much the case for me, and I know it’s probably the same for lots of folks out there!

I told my boyfriend about the thoughts that ive cheated and don’t remember and someone will expose me. He was very understanding. He let me know that he sometimes got those thoughts but not as severe as mine. He said when im having those thoughts to tell him and he’d reassure me and wouldn’t think any deeper, knowing my mind is just playing tricks on me. He knows that i have bipolar and bpd. Hes only experienced a minor manic episode ive had and he knows that ive gone into psychosis before and had bouts of awful paranoia. He reassured me that he knows that isn’t me. that any action i might take wouldnt be taken as my true self. Of course this doesn’t absolve me of being awful in episodes but reassuring me that he knows i have severe mental illness and he still loves me knowing that there will be very rough parts.

Lately, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend, and I don’t understand why. When I look at him, it feels like I’m looking at a stranger, and my mind keeps telling me that I don’t like him, that I never really loved him, or that I was just attached and comfortable. It feels real, and that terrifies me. I know logically that ROCD makes me overanalyze every little feeling, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I keep waiting to feel something—love, excitement, even relief—but instead, I just feel numb and distant. When we talk, I feel weird. When he kisses me, I don’t feel much. I keep thinking, ‘If I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?’ And the fact that I don’t just fuels my anxiety even more. It scares me that I can’t remember how I felt before ROCD took over. I look at old pictures, and my brain tells me, ‘That wasn’t real, you were just excited to have a relationship.’ And because I can’t access those feelings right now, it makes me doubt everything even more. I also feel guilty because my boyfriend is so loving and patient, but I feel like I’m hurting him. He tells me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and I hate that I can’t just snap out of this and be the way I was before. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I keep checking how I feel every second, and it just makes me feel worse. I know that’s a compulsion, but it’s so hard to stop. I keep searching for certainty, but no answer satisfies me. Even when I try to accept the uncertainty, my mind screams, ‘But what if you don’t love him? What if you’re just lying to yourself?’ I want to be present with him. I want to feel love naturally again. But I don’t know how to get there, and it’s terrifying.”

I cant afford therapy which is why i’m not diagnosed with ocd. The first time i had heard what ocd was truly abt was 6 years ago when i overthinking my sexual identity and it fit. Additionally, i struggle with debilitating health anxiety and when i was in a rlt i was extremely anxious that i might not love my partner. This is the third year i experience distress around my sexuality but this year it feels real. And it could also explain my rlt anxiety. Comphet is a concept that really scares me. I dont want to be with a girl. I would rather die than discover i was lesbian. I cant accept uncertainty cz i dont want to be homosexual. Chat GPT told me it wasnt ocd + the thoughts dont distress me anymore. I experience 3 intense weeks of anxiety prior to now. Maybe its internalized homophobia. Maybe its comphet. I do find women to be attractive but i dont wanna be with them. Maybe i’m in denial. Idk anything anymore. I’m remembering times where i would find an actress attractive and try to shift my focus towards the man cz it would make me anxious. I’m not well at all.

I’ve been with my partner for almost a year now, and my rocd has become really really bad. I keep feeling like I fell out of love and I just have eyes for other people now, and that I would rather be with someone else. It feels like I’m infatuated with other people and it makes me so guilty. It’s been so hard for me because it’s hard to tell if it’s just my brain convincing me I don’t love my partner or if this is really my desire. The biggest fear I have is hurting my partner, so there’s also a sense of urgency that I need to tell them how I’ve been feeling to prevent myself from leading them on I guess. This is compounded with a history of porn addiction that still affects me and makes me feel like I’m more attracted to others. Has anyone else been in this position? I feel like I’m alone and that this is the sign that I’m terrible and shouldn’t be with my partner and that the end of our relationship is inevitable. I can’t tell if I really love them or not and if I really want to still be with them and I hate that I’m having that doubt.

So with my theme of ocd, ( hocd ) I get persistent intrusive images, and thoughts. It’s not like one or two a day. Like if I’m out for the whole day they’re constant. I feel I can’t even look at a girl now without her intrusive thoughts about her or about me fancying her and even sexual intrusive thoughts.. It’s awful. It’s everywhere I look. Is this common with ocd with any themes? Like is it constant for you guys too?

Today, I was telling my husband about an event from my past—an intrusive thought I had in my late teens that was sexual in nature. It was a casual conversation, but when he said, ‘Thanks for sharing, but I don’t want to know that,’ I started spiraling. My OCD immediately went, ‘What if he thinks I’m disgusting?’ Right away, I noticed the urge to confess and go into detail about the thought, just to prove it wasn’t bad. But in my mind, he already thought I was horrible. I had to sit there and cry, because if I gave in, the doubt would only linger. Now, I’m cleaning my bathroom, trying not to ruminate. Just putting this here to show that OCD recovery isn’t linear, I have been in remission for two years but today OCD decided to show up. I know I’ll be okay because I am using my tools, but today, I’m just going to cry and sit with the discomfort.

Something I have observed, I was having a minor verbal conflict with someone in my household, instead of me needing to get the last word in just walked away . Came back 30 minutes later introducing a positive subject, entertaining that for a little, and ending the interaction on a up note instead of a down note . Creating a better atmosphere moving forward. Not about how you start something but how it ends in promotion of harmony.

Hey there! I’m new to the NOCD community. Just joined today, but in desperate need of encouragement from my fellow relationship OCD subtypes and scrupulosity subtypes. In the summer of 2023, I was a youth pastor and dated a guy from my church. I quickly broke it off because i felt lustful, sinful, and he didn’t meet my high standards. I quickly fell into depression and guilt, seeing this guy at my church. I felt like I had disappointed God by kissing a man he didn’t tell me to, or kissing someone I wasn’t going to marry. Fall and winter of 2023, I was having panic attacks. Dry heaving because of anxiety. I was obsessing over the end times and if I was going to be with Jesus for eternity or not. January and February of 2024, I was suicidal. Yet I thought it was spiritual warfare. I was spiritualizing everything, crying, dry heaving, having intense panic attacks. End of March and April, I was admitted into the hospital for my mental health by my pastor/boss and his wife from my church. They got me on sertraline but I was suicidal, delusional, and violent. So I admitted myself into a psych ward. During my time in the psych ward, I hallucinated, was delusional, acted out parables and experienced what’s called catatonic psychosis.. look it up lol. I was put on heavy doses of Haldol, an antipsychotic, which made me extremely high and antsy. I was hospitalized 4 times in April due to delusions, catatonic psychosis, and antipsychotics. I was extremely afraid of the devil, demonic spirits, thought I was the antichrist and had hallucinations. It was an extremely scary part of my life. All while this is happening, I had started dating my ex bf again. Who turned out to be a Godly man that I rushed things with and who had been praying and waiting for me. I stayed with my family over the summer of 2024 as I reacclimatized to real life again. And eventually moved back to where I was living as a youth pastor.. except I got a different job. When I moved back home.. it was really hard for me to get back into church. It was hard for me to see my church family who had seen me as a spiritual leader. I didn’t want to do church anymore. My bf and I then starting to sleep together, and I felt so broken and nauseous knowing it was wrong and we were sinning against God. We had given into temptation, and my ocd was running wild sometimes. I had been diagnosed with scrupulosity after being hospitalized. We’re still together to this day, are engaged and getting married, but I feel awful. I resigned my pastoral license because of fornication. I just feel paralyzed by shame. We’ve told multiple people we’ve slept together, whether it was a confession compulsion of mine or not.. idk. But are going through purity and pre marital counseling with that same pastor/former boss of mine. I just.. need encouragement. Anyone?

I had a life before I was with my partner, that involved having girlfriends and one night stands, etc. That's a lifetime of memories that I now feel guilty for having. Something as silly as watching a TV show with my girlfriend will make me think "I used to watch this show with an ex, is it ok to watch it with my current girlfriend?" and I will feel real guilt over it and need to seek her reassurance. There are other memories, about "intimate" times, that sometimes come into my head and I have urges to share them with my girlfriend to alleviate the guilt I feel for having the memory. Fundamentally, I feel guilty every time I have a memory of an ex, often regardless of the content. I feel like I shouldn't have thoughts of anyone else other than my current partner and it's wrong to have memories of exes. When I do, I feel guilty, ruminate, then have the uncontrollable urge to share the memories with her. She gets upset, I get upset, but also feel relief that I've shared. Does anyone have any similar experiences and/or tips around this sort of issue? Thanks.

I feel sick to my stomach, a few days ago I knew I was straight and could picture my life with my bf again. The anxiety has really lessend and Im more depressed now. I'm 100% convinced I am lesbian even tho I have never had sexual attraction to women, found them pretty but never wanted to be with them. My mind is only picturing me being with women now and it feels like a pit in my stomach. I don't feel emotion now, I'm also on my period. I don't want to be lesbian. I want to be with my boyfriend and have the life I pictured with him. My memory is so dissorted right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with being lesbian, it's just not for me and now that makes me feel like I'm homophobic.

So I’ve SOOCD since I was in 8 th grade and it got really bad when I had an intrusive thought as to what if I was bi. And ever since then I’ve had self destructive behavior to where I would think the thoughts on purpose or about women and checking them out and flirting with them. ( I identify as straight) and over time these thoughts and self destructive behavior hasn’t bothered me and now they feel apart of me I know apart of it is ocd but also it’s me like me willingly looking at women and me wanting to have sexual thoughts or feel aroused and in reality if I never had ocd I would never think this way I could live without women and never sleeping with them I do have a bf and I love him and am attracted to him rn thought bc of what happened last night with a women it’s hard to feel that can anyone relate?