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I keep getting intrusive thoughts of the word "boyfriend" and intrusive thoughts of being in denial constantly... what do i do... 😞

Ok so I'm just wondering if the compulsions are what's making this worse? The checking and need for certainty? I get groinals alot especially when triggered and it always makes me do a compulsion because I don't want to feel it, it makes me so I comfortable. I got no desire for sex with a man neither have I ever wanted it or had a crush on a guy but ever since this I'm so triggered by any gay feminine looking man. All my relationships since I was 16 has been ruined because of this I always had crushes on women, always loved women and fantasies about them all the time I only wanted women not men I respected others sexualities since I'm not homophobic but me myself I wanted to be with a woman that's my preference but if that's true why do I feel things below when I check porn? Why do I get false urges that cause me distress? How do I stop this it's been years and I'm still not willing to give up fighting I'm still holding hope that one day I can be happy with my girlfriend I love her so much and I feel like I need to breakup when I deal with this ): I hate it so fucking much I'm alwaus so happy when i feel straight and don't have these doubts. I'm happy admiring men and finding them handsome time to time but sex and romantic stuff I don't want win men its not desirable for me it wouldn't make me happy I want those things with my girlfriend ): pls someone help I need advice I got no one to talk to and it's getting bad again.

I'm wondering if I should be worried about a dream I had where I enjoyed snuggling someone other than my girlfriend and the thing that stopped me from getting on top of him was my morality, or if I'm just ruminating because dreams are weird as crap? I'd really appreciate some help cuz I don't really want to stress out my girlfriend with this.

I go through brief moments where I gain my attraction back to men, and I’ll feel good for a brief second and then feel like I hear OCD scream at me I don’t want that. It’s like it won’t let me have a moment of enjoyment in peace. I hate this so much. Beforehand, I’d be able to create whole storylines and daydreams about guys and now I can’t. I know daydreaming is an unhealthy coping mechanism. But can I please have a moment of peace and not panic?

Just a question, what is the definition of checking someone out? I have sexual ocd so it’s always saying I’m checking everyone out if I take my eyes off their face for even a second… I have a bf who I never want to betray… is it inappropriate if you think someone is attractive and look at their body? Not in a way of oogly googly eyeballing them or sexualising them, but my mum and partner both tell me it’s normal to see people as “a whole person” like not just concentrate on their face the whole time you’re aloud to look at the persons face and body without it being sexual - my brain doesn’t allow me to understand the difference :( I’m trying to do little exposures and even if I find someone attractive just trying to look at their face, their outfit, their body, etc, without paying attention to the thoughts. I guess I just am concerned about ever being inappropriate. My partner can look at a movie and not be worried if the girl is in a bikini for example he just looks wherever on the screen…. Is checking out when you have intent and you’re looking the person up and down trying to sexualise them?? I want to just be normal and have a hard time understanding what normal is - because a lot of my thoughts are unwanted sexual ones… I’m scared what if I had a thought saying “that person has an attractive body” then I looked down at their body, is that checking them out? Or is that just me going “fuck off ocd idc what you say” I just am genuinely confused and hope someone can give me some insight into what is normal and what is not, and what it means to actually check someone out… sorry for the rant, hope someone can help me cause I’m just worrying alot. Never wanting to be unloyal or disrespectful to my partner or relationship. I know everyone has different opinions on things but if a couple people could maybe give me some advice that would be appreciated? 🎄 merry Christmas everyone

My name is Luciana, I'm 22 years old from Argentina. I'm currently battling with generalized anxiety disorder and a really intense period of panic attacks. It all comes from my uncertainty in regards to my relationship. I never knew such a thing as ROCD existed, but when I read about it I couldn't help but feel like it really matched ALL of my symptoms and worries. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD though. I'm currently taking 50mg Zoloft, 1mg Klonapin and I recently (2 days ago) finished taking my last Risperidone (anypsychotic needed for my self-harming thoughts and actions). I would like to get to know more about the whole ordeal, as I'm succumbing to the panic and feeling like I might have to leave the beautiful relationship I have (for the last 5 years) and ruin everything. I know my unconscious is being dominant right now, and the pressure in my heart is unbearable. Please, help.

I’m having a pretty bad relapse on my ocd and I feel insane. It makes me think I’ll ruin my relationship or that I’m disappointing God. Sometimes with the repeated thoughts and nightmares for a week or two and then being fine next , does this insinuate bipolar???

Ever since mama and dada had an argument few days back, I've been throwing up due to stress. Things have gotten so weird.. idk I feel weird for some reason.. I can't take family drama anymore, it instantly makes me sick and not just mentally sick but physically. Now my mind's going back to the days I've been in hospital and this one doc said that due to all this stress I'm gonna get diabetes cuz I've already gotten PCOS and I might be at a higher risk of being a diabetic... Idk I hate feeling this way my mind won't shut up I want to sleep

I have been with my partner for 4 years now and he is the most wonderful man on the planet. We started dating when we were both 16 and now we’re 20 and going to college together. When we first started dating in november of 2019, he had a crush on this one girl but he told me that the crush went away as soon as we started dating (he friend zoned her too). He has sworn this up and down for all four years. This christmas I asked to use his phone (mine was dead) to look back on our messages to see what we did that first christmas together. the only thing is that i misclicked and read a text from his mom on that day that said (this is paraphrasing) “it’s christmas now… have you decided what you are going to do? and are you still interested in the other girl you said you just wanted to be friends with?” to which he replied “i think i’ve decided that i’m going to break it off soon. yeah, i’m interested in her but i think i burned that bridge.” I read that and had a full-blown panic attack because of the betrayal and deceit I felt in that moment. He had been lying to me, again and again, for the past four years. About the girl, about the fact that he said he’s “never had second thoughts about our relationship” and that he knew i was “the one since we first met.” He was beside me when I read the text and couldn’t come up with an excuse good enough because he was shocked too. I have no idea what I am supposed to do. We’ve tried talking, but I begin to panic every time I try and my OCD won’t let me forget about it. The worst part is that the crush is not a false memory like i thought it was all these years… it’s real and that’s worse and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

Have you reached a point where you’ve cried so much to the point where you feel numb and feel like you’re experiencing depersonalization and dissociation and just don’t know who you are anymore? I tried my best to be present and felt like a ghost around my loved ones. I went to my room and cried a handful of times. My family knows I deal with OCD and this specific theme. I just feel numb, I miss my attraction to men. OCD keeps telling me I’m in denial but I really don’t want to be with a woman. I remember having dreams ever since I was a kid about marrying a guy and even would play being pregnant by having a pillow under a shirt, have clothing for my future children, even a playlist of songs I wanted for my dream wedding. I’ve dealt with this theme for almost 13 years now. But I held onto that dream. It makes me feel like my attraction to men was false. I miss who I was, who was able to cope with this theme. My brother who came to visit stopped by my room and held me as I sobbed. Saying he missed my laughter and jokes and said it will pass and it’s okay to cry. I miss my nieces and nephews and being able to be present. I’m so thankful to have a supportive family, especially as a first-generation Mexican-American. We’ve come a long way talking about mental health, especially as my mother has suffered from depression. It feels like my identity and values and my being were stripped from me. I know they’re still there, but I just feel so far from who I was two weeks ago. I’m grieving.

I know it is Christmas but my anxiety is about NYE. Every year my friends want to celebrate it together and for the last years we have done so. However this year, I have not been much in contact with them and some friends organized a night, excluding other common friends of ours because they are not “party animal” and they want to be arty animals. Now on one side, I am not a party animal at all (even though I have been invited) and the idea of being forced into party animals celebration is horrible to me. However, my OCD is triggered by the fact that there are some girls that I do not know and my brain is already in OCD mode, telling me “You are going to be attracted by one of these girls,cheat on your bf and lose him forever”. Of course, this causes me tons of anxiety even though I know I am in love with my boyfriend and it is OCD talking. On the other side, my family is reunited to celebrate nye at my grandma house (she passed away in May) and they are all celebrating there and I feel like I will be happier there with them. However, I don’t know if I prefer that because I am compulsively avoiding the plan with my friends and feel safe or because I am truly happier with my family. I don’t want to do a compulsion, but at the moment I am so into the OCD cycle that I cannot distinguish anything anymore.

i had breakup nearly a year ago but i cudnt process or grieve my emotions as ocd was at its peak during that time. since then, ive always been occupied with ocd and the emotions of the breakup have been repressed. i really dont know how to release these trapped emotions. i want to move on but im scared that i might not move on and ocd wud act up. any advice?

is it alright to say that at times I really long for a friendship even tho I'm the type to disappear in between but idk it feels like I'm looking for approval from people and when I've gotten it.. I quietly slip away ... Yeah that does sound like ocd idk tho

I feel not interested in my partner. I look back on good memories and they turn to cringe. I keep cringing and I don’t understand why. He’s so sweet and perfect for me just I just keep getting the ick. Please help

i’m having such bad anxiety right now to the point i could break down. there’s so much going on in my head i cannot think straight. long story short: my boyfriend a few months back was sending pics and videos of other girls to his friends and he sent a pic of one of them that made a move on him during a night out and said he “shagged her”. he said he didn’t, said i could ask absolutely anyone and he regretted saying it as a joke so much. anyway, since then my self esteem has been so low bc of it and i THOUGHt he understood that bc i bring it up a lot…a few weeks back i see him sending the same type of videos and pics to his friends 😔💔 made me feel so sad and i broke down. i practically kicked him out of my house bc he refused to show me the rest of the messages and deleted them. anyway, we’re okay ish now but here’s the issue. i have such bad cheating ocd when it comes to me. i don’t like being around the opposite sex as i get bad ocd thoughts / urges and i actively avoid walking near them. i even refuse to go on social media past a certain time incase i message someone and forget. even tho i never want to. i hold so much guilt. i had a family party yday (i feel so awful saying this) but my rocd was still playing up but i didn’t feel as hyper aware and the urges and “attraction” and “gr” felt so real. there was a few guys that walked past me and i don’t think i moved away like i usually would have. i remember feeling the strong feelings and im sure the gr was there but im so so scared that i stepped towards them when they walked past me? i must have done otherwise why did i feel so much guilt when it happened? it makes me feel like i’ve cheated bc of all the feelings that felt so real and strong. i feel like an awful girlfriend. i felt so much guilt after. like i know i didn’t step away from them but im so scared i stepped towards them. if i did that means i cheated right? im literally panicking so much rn feeling so much guilt ive barely ate. i don’t know why i always punish myself. i’m not even trying to justify my behaviour bc of how my bf’s treated me. i just feel like such an awful person and the last few weeks have been such a bad impact on my mind. i’ve cried so much because of everything and now this had to happen. i know reassurance isn’t good but it feels like im such a bad person & girlfriend 😔😔

I’ve never been in a relationship, not even held a hand let alone kiss anyone or be in a relationship with them. I’m a female in my 20’s and OCD sees relationships as ⛔️⚠️danger. the older I get the more scared I become and I don’t know if to take the leap of faith and learn along the way or work on the OCD around it first. Any advice or if you can relate please share thank you 💜🧠🙏 Context: ( I like a guy he likes me but he didn’t know do he was ready for a relationship, I didn’t want casual then we spoke again a while later and he said he could see a relationship in the future and I shut it down and explained it was because of my OCD but I still like the guy and I’m worried I’m going to lose this opportunity with him but at the same time I don’t want to rush into it and hurt him because he will be with me + OCD )

I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop ruminating. I can’t get over the false attraction. It is all so painful. I just want to feel like myself again. Are there any other lesbians on here who have ocd???

Hi guys, I’m new here not sure if I have ocd yet have not been diagnosed. I have a therapy appointment on January 8th so I’ll know for sure then. Anyways for the past few months I’ve been feeling like I have so ocd. I’ve liked men my whole life and have always been attracted to them but I’ve also never had a boyfriend or any experience in that area because I got my heartbroken in highschool and have stayed away from it ever since. I’ve been constantly googling and searching on tiktok to figure out who I’m attracted to and i still can’t figure it out. This one girl on tiktok who is a lesbian said she thought she had soocd until she talked to her therapist and turned out she was acc just a lesbian with ocd so that kinda freaked me out because what if my therapist tells me that? I also saw another tiktok of a girl that said attraction doesn’t always mean sexuality so what if im not attracted to men at all? I mean it’s fine if I am lesbian or bi but I just can’t see myself being with a woman in any way. But is that just internalized homophobia? I was diagnosed with anxiety a few years back and was put on novo sertaline, does anyone know if this helps ocd? I have a party for new years in a week and would rlly like to feel better by then and stop obsessing over this all day every day and making me feel distress. Not self diagnosing myself just wondering if sertaline has helped anyone else on here.

Hi all! So I’m home from college now for winter break and I was just curious: does anyone else’s OCD spike when coming home for the holidays? Like having an uptick in intrusive thoughts related to family members, being home, just surrounding that theme? Would appreciate input! It makes me feel so isolated. ..

Hey everyone - I've been reading about real vs false attraction, and I find myself falling under both categories for an individual in my life. It's making me really anxious, because I don't want real or any attraction to anyone other than my partner. It feels disgusting to say I had it, much less than I had some feelings of enjoying it (even typing it is making me feel sick with anxiety) Has anyone else ever experienced this? If so, how did you cope with it? Is this OCD? Or is this a real problem? Is attraction like this bad?