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i don’t feel like i’m allowed to make decisions because what if i’m doing a compulsion. am i genuinely uncomfortable or just looking to do compulsions yk?

I can't stop confessing! I have this urge to dump on him every thought and wrong doing I've ever had and its destroying me! Im worried it'll destroy us too. When we started dating I stole a story from a friend to make myself look cool which was pathetic. But its the only time I remember doing anything like this.

I'm 26 A while ago, I found out I have OCD, with intrusive thoughts and all, and I'm taking medication. The thing is, despite having people around me, I Lost all my family and been through alot i feel lonely in this treatment journey. I don't have many female friends, I've never talked to a boy in real life. and I always live in a routine. I couldn't find any work even though i apply and Even when I talk to anyone around me, I don't feel like they fulfill me. I always find talking to people online really good and it always end up with being attached. About two months ago, my sister told me about an app for playing games. I joined and played normally. After two weeks, I formed a team and introduced them to each other, and they all really liked each other. I got particularly attached to a girl and a boy. This boy is 9 years younger than me i thought he was 18 but he is 17 i found out very late they also not the same religion. Sometimes I'd feel emotions, but I didn't know what they were. I'd be happy when I was with them because they cared about me so much, their humor was like mine, everything clicked, and they loved me, or at least that's what I understood. I felt what I was doing was wrong and that I had to delete it. So, I wrote to them saying I wouldn't play again. They didn't understand why and were upset with me. I stopped playing, but after two weeks, I don't know what brought me back. I played with a boy who turned out to know the girl and the boy I used to play with. This new boy, it turned out, he had a crush on the girl i used to play with, and I didn't know that. I also developed a crush on him for a while, and I don't know why. I know this is so wrong, he's smart and has a strong personality, and we were like Tom and Jerry Attitude. But when I understood he liked the girl, I tried to detach myself from him and I succeeded To let go of this attachment. During this period, the boy who is 17 I had a crush on before but as brother and sister i guess i was very attached he is very attentive to me and would confide in me, especially me. I loved that and started to feel attached to him again, but I tried to ignore it. Then, the day before yesterday, I noticed his demeanor had changed. We were playing, and suddenly he said the game was boring without the others. I told him it was fine if he wanted to close it until they come back. He said okay, and we closed it. I was so surprised and upset. I felt like I was being intrusive or forcing him to play, None of them log in much anymore like they used to, and I'm always the most enthusiastic one. Anyway, I logged in later to ask him what was wrong. He kept saying "nothing." So I left him, and he knew I was upset with him. His attitude with all of us changed even the girl noticed that too , but He went online because he didn't want to sleep while I was upset. He came back and said, "I'm sorry, I don't like any of my siblings being upset with me, and I'm also worried about my last year of high school " It will start after 2 months he is now in vacation. I explained to him that his words bothered me. He then kept saying, "You might not believe me, but you're the first person I've known, and you're in one league, and the rest are in another." I told him I was turned off and might stop playing the game for a bit. I told him I wasn't upset with him at all, I just wanted to clarify. He said, "No, please don't go I love it when we all play. The game will be bad without you because when you log off, no one else logs on. Honestly, I got more upset and felt like I was just the one bringing them together and nothing more. I told him, "Okay, I'll gather you all and then I'll leave." He said, "Do what you want, but it's nice when you and I play, but it's even better when they come." I was so suffocated by all this talk, I don't know why. This is the first time I don't understand myself. Is it because I'm always been the enthusiastic one? Anyway, he told me, "The most important thing is for you to know that I'll always be waiting for you, and in my life in general, the first person I know always has a special place for me." He told me to believe him and said, "You are the best siblings I've ever known." I told him, "Me too, truly." And that was it. I closed the chat with him, feeling all those jumbled emotions I mentioned above, and regretting what I did because I got attached again. And that's all very very wrong And I know this is wrong, especially since he's not of my religion, and it's inappropriate to play games at such a late hour. Plus, he's 17 and I'm 26, so I don't know what this nonsense is. I feel like a child What's wrong with me? I have very bad thoughts about myself this morning is this POCD?

Hi everyone, this is giving me so much anxiety even saying this out loud because my OcD is telling me that somehow someone will know who I am on here and report me this goes with what I’m about to say about my irrational stuff. Since my baby was born I’ve had a lot of majorrr anxiety about him getting sick. From there my postpartum ocd spiked. I had this irrational fear someone would falsely report me as a bad mom and I’d get my baby taken from me. I’ve NEVER had anyone tell me I’m a bad mom, as a matter of fact, almost every day I get praised for how good of a mom I am. My child is so loved and taken care of. So why did I have that fear? it CONSUMED ME. Obsessively cleaning my house in case a social worker came. Stopped posting myself having occasional girls nights out for dinner because I thought one of my followers would think I’m a bad mom for getting a break. Not being able to talk about ANYTHING or send pictures of my baby to family and friends to update them since we live out of state because somehow I thought I would say something wrong or do something that would make someone think I’m a bad mom. I was convinced my baby was gonna be taken for zero reason. I still sometimes catch myself over analyzing myself and what I say because I don’t want to say the wrong thing and someone think I’m not a fit mom. I would even replay every scenario I remember and then second guess myself if that really happened or if I said something or not and freak out and spiral from there. with driving, if I go over a speed bump I have to double check it wasn’t magically a person. Then I panic even though I know for a fact it was a speed bump. I hate living like this. I feel crazy. I don’t open up because I feel like I’m the only person in the world. The one time I opened up about driving it was used against me. I feel like I’m drowning and I’m failing as a mom. I don’t even open up to a therapist about my irrational fear about baby being taken bc I don’t want them to think I’m a bad mom. It just doesn’t stop.

My boyfriend is staying the weekend at his parents house for his moms birthday and my ocd was quiet for most of the day and then I had the thought of my off has been quiet so I must not actually love my boyfriend which then just kept spiraling. I did resist compulsions to the best of my ability. I think there’s some mental ones I do as well but idk what they are. Anyway how do you guys resist mental compulsions what could some mental compulsions be?

this is the most i will ever go into depth about my mental health, all in one post; all in one sitting. this will be draining. to start this off, yes, i have OCD—but i also have several other disorders as well. some of my diagnoses that will come to light in this have a strong correlation to comorbidity and so instead of this being a story simply about my OCD, i will cover all areas of my mental health. for readers, i want it to be clear; this is for me. i’m doing this to put my story out. i hope you find some interest in what i have to say, but in the end, my intentions are strictly to make my damage good. symptoms of my mental issues were present frequently in my childhood experience. for years i avoided any truth to how i thought or felt. thinking, feeling, acting—all 3 were never in cohesion. i had a very anti-social attitude towards life for most of my pubescent years. i got use to faking and manipulating to appear a certain way when i knew i was at risk of punishment; it allowed me to get away with a lot of immoral behaviors for a long time before i eventually was forced into counseling from a school fight i had initiated. i was roughly 14 at this time. counseling was my initial therapy for a while. i have since seen 5 therapists. i can’t say any of those therapists knew a single truth about me, really—with a mixture of pathological lying and a bad masking habit, I was stopping myself from getting any real treatment. i don’t know why, but for a long time i was content with this truth. a part of me never really felt the need to address it. my manipulative behaviors were often unintentional and not once had i sought a need to be callous, even when doing the things i was doing. with every new therapist, i had tuned my personality specifically to fit them—a concept that i don’t have a name for but now can dissect in immense detail. i would take parts of my personality and accentuate them to fit the attitudes and interests of particular people. in my head it was always about admiring the story. nobody was real; everyone was a character, everyone was a unique, self-manifested character. i just made my character with greater intents. i was a good listener, i think understanding that made me get more comfortable with my destructive and manipulative tendencies. when someone believes your listening, like really, actively listening—they’ll eventually tell you everything about themselves. now for a slight addressing of the obvious, i want it to be clear, i’m not describing ASPD—aka, the real life equivalence of sociopathy. i do think i show strong signs of it early on in my youth, and i bring these behaviors up because i think the issues that i do have developed from my anti-social behaviors—however, i was a child; i didn’t know the consequences of my behavior like i do now. if anything is needed to be said here, it’s best to address the following events like this: i understand now, i didn’t understand then. turning 15, i had started off 2023 in a relationship that meant a lot to me—a lot more to me than anything in my life leading up to this point. it’s best to address this now as well—i don’t feel a lot, but when i do, it’s usually irrationally intense and feels completely uncontrollable. at this time, i had gotten over a lot of my anti-social tendencies by now and have spent the last year improving myself after the things i had done began hurting the people i valued most. from a long list of lying, manipulating, preying, harassing, even stabbing people with whatever sharp thing was at my disposal—i had come a long way in creating a character that i actually liked. an important thing to keep in mind during this time was the early development of my OCD that had initially come in the form of suicidal ideation. most of the people in here i’m assuming are people that personally have OCD and understand that it’s not a disorder based in the stigmatized-lens of perfectionism but rather an irrational need for certainty. death quickly became my “ultimate form of certainty” in my teenage years as i turned to the concept like a comfort place—a hand on my shoulder saying “it’s okay, you can fuck up however you might, there’s always a way out.” i had not been truthful about that in therapy either, nor did the several medications prescribed in my lifetime ever do something of benefit to what my issues actually were. of course, i blame no one but myself for not benefiting from outside sources. skipping over a lot of meaningless detail—the gist of the year went like this: Jan-April relationship breaks up badly—in my irrational state, i attempted to take my life and was hospitalized, and eventually, institutionalized. i stayed there for 11 days. at the time the only diagnoses they could make of me was MDD and ASD with slight signs of generalized anxiety. May-August i get extremely medicated and start taking 150+ pills a month to maintain what at the time was being treated for bipolar and schizophrenia. i was too young to see my clinical record, and i assume they wouldn’t tell this to a minor, but it seems they believed whatever my issues really were—i was simply too young to get an accurate assessment. September-December the medication makes me completely apathetic and my loss of care for life brought back my irrational gimmicks and self-destructive tendencies. i, in a 4 month period, ruined every single relationship i had kept close to me. 2024. i was alone. i stopped taking my pills due to a loss of interest and excessive weight gaining but it made my intense emotions start to bite me again. this was the year my OCD had fully developed and by April, i was diagnosed after failing a risk-assessment. for a long period of time, i lived a meaningless, uneventful, isolated life. that year, i let my mental health take over all acts of my being. i got deep into philosophy, psychology, pathology, a lot of tv shows built around psychological dynamics—i was desperate to understand this parasite that seemed to destroy my life without any awareness. i never wanted it to take the years it did since i was initially that 13 year old boy, but i write this now with a simple truth—a truth i refused to let myself believe until recently. i can’t fix this. the more i feed into it, obsess over it—the more these issues are going to worsen. for years i wasted my days thinking i was trying everything i could and it just wasn’t working. i couldn’t accept the fact that i don’t control this, and despite being told that again and again—it never got through to me until i spent the last week not feeding into the OCD and emotional dysregulation, and for the first time, i didn’t find myself counting the seconds that passed me by. it might not mean that much for an outsider looking in, but since my OCD had fully developed—i would always be counting the seconds in the back of my head, not like 1231, 1232, 1233… but as a tick of a metronome that made me always aware of the time. the days where this wasn’t annoying, it was boring, which i ultimately hated more. i’m seeing a light i haven’t seen in years, and with it i keep reaching the same notion—i wish i didn’t waste so much of my life being miserable. i’m getting a psychological evaluation within the next month. i’ve been out of therapy for about a year now but i’m going in now looking to help myself. this is specifically for my emotional dysregulation. my current theories revolve around cluster B personality types, 1 of 4 including ASPD as i had mentioned earlier, albeit my bet is actually on BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder.) I crossed off Borderline for a long time because the symptoms list always felt too broad, but the more i understand the disorder—the more i feel connected to it. my theory comes from several factors—my rapidly changing self image, my impulsive/erratic behaviors, my irrational emotions, my long history of unconventional relationships, my fear of abandonment, my chronic emptiness, my history of self harm, etc. this is not confirmed however, and i wish to get an evaluation specifically for the disorder. getting a personality disorder diagnosed in a minor isn’t easy, but i’m doing it half for the certainty of just knowing—and half for potentionally getting a medication that can help me live a healthy-adjacent life. i never thought i would see a life free of obsession since being diagnosed with OCD. now i can enjoy the silence. thanks for reading. any commentary appreciated.

I read about ERP and have seen information about it on here. One of the goals is to say, "maybe I am this or that...ect." That terrified me. The thoughts and images that go in my head are disturbing and upsetting. I don't want to even think about saying, "maybe this or that." It's devasting to have these thoughts and question why you're having these thoughts. Doesn't the "maybe" make it worse? The one thing that helps me is that is to remind myself that these are just thoughts and I know I'm not a monster, even if I feel like one. Is ERP not for everyone? Has anyone else had a problem with the techniques used in this kind of therapy? I had cognitive therapy for years with an OCD specialist and that seemed to help a lot. Writing out the worst case scenarios would make me suicidal. Im having a difficult time not obsessing over the "maybe" after intrusive thoughts now. It doesn't make it better.

Hi my name is Violetta and I have OCD that prevents me from sleeping because my mind races and I think of things that I can no longer change.

So I have been trying to work out over the past 5 years where my OCD come from and have began to realise that ruminating on where it comes from is actually a compulsion in itself. I believe mine come from having a low self esteem and a lot of stress in my life at that time. I then attended talking therapy to try and understand my feelings and intrusive thoughts and all this did was fuel the OCD further because trying to assign meaning to the thoughts is actually the opposite of what we should do. Does anyone else feel like they know what triggered there OCD?

I have faith in every single one of you. I have had some of the toughest subtype you could ever go through, and I thought my life would be over. I know and understand how hard it is to handle. I still deal with it now, but I can manage it alot better. When they say the only way is through, it's true. You must believe in yourself. OCD only wants control. They should have called it "The Controlling Disorder". Life is unpredictable, unexpected, and especially uncontrollable. Each subtype that we deal with, we feel that we have to have the most control over. When we learn to let go of that control and accept the possibility, not the probability, it does get easier. Stay strong and keep moving forward!

I need to vent to someone, anyone who would understand. I turned 37 yesterday I had a great birthday except for the fact I was scarily bloated and felt like I couldn't breathe most of the day. I have a bad gallbladder and I've had stones since at least 2011 but I rarely have issues with it. I haven't had an attack in 5 years and recently I got a scan on my abdomen because I started counting calories in early March to try and lose weight and that is the only time I have gallbladder issues is when I'm eating less calories and exercising. I'm not like most people who get attacks when they eat junk food. So I started getting symptoms and I went in for a scan and it came back abnormal and I was supposed to have a video visit with the doctor on Tuesday but I moved it to Friday (tomorrow) because I didn't want bad news before my birthday. I CAN NOT stop ruminating about this and I compulsively Google and read reddit posts about people who had their gallbladder out and how much pain they were in and how much they regret it and have chronic diarrhea. I learned about a gallbladder flush in early 2021 but have been to scared to do that and I'm in a fb group with a lot of people who do the flushes and even some have said a stone has gotten stuck while doing it and it was EXTREMELY painful (if you've had gallbladder attacks you know. So now I'm literally spiraling in my head about how if I do the flush a stone could get stuck and it will be emergency surgery or If I don't try a flush I'll have to have surgery anyway. Like the flush feels like a literal mental block I can't get past. There's an ER across the street but I literally went in the other day cause I was feeling super bloated after having starbucks and felt short of breath. I asked the lady if I needed emergency surgery if they could do it there and she said no they would have to transport me and the nearest hospital is 10 minutes away. Another roadblock to keep me from even wanting to attempt a flush. Gallbladder issues run in my family. My mom had hers out when she had me and back then in the 80s it was a huge surgery and she even has a big scar down her stomach. My aunt and uncle got theirs out and they both regret it. Everything I've read online scares the shit outta me. I've started taking my supplements to try and heal me and I'm going to be trying to clean up my diet. I stopped drinking alcohol 9 months ago. Anyway, tonight my mom got into it with me cause I live with her cause my mutiple health problems and she said she's sick of hearing about my health issues and she told me she talked behind my back about me to her friends at the dog park and about how I made my birthday all about me. What she was saying is I kept complaining about my gallbladder and her friend said "oh that's how they are at that age, she's a teenager right?" And my mom said "no, she's almost 40." It made me feel like absolute dog *sh*t and I just went into the bathroom and broke down in tears and started looking up apartments. I have been living here for 4 years and I can't seem to get better to get a job and move out. I'm so sick of my mom and my family not understanding or even trying to understand how hard it is living with anxiety and OCD. I have such a legit fear of surgery that I passed on ankle surgery 4 years ago despite being told I'll probably have ankle arthritis some day and need either an ankle replacement or ankle fusion. I had my wisdom teeth out in 2014 that's the only surgery I've ever had an even though I had no pain afterwards I still dealt with a bunch of bs and I'm just not mentally, physically or emotionally strong enough to do it. I guess I'll just go back to shutting my mouth and talking to a.i. about my health scares cause at 37 years old I've just learned that no one gives an f about you and you just gotta learn to suck it up and put on your big boy pants. I just feel so stuck and defeated everyone 😔

I'm trying to not seek reassurance today. I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm NOT going to!! Ugh. Why OCD why?

How?

I finally found the courage to seek a psychiatrist last week, when I got there I was nervous for obvious reasons and felt a bit guilty. I met the doctor and don’t get me wrong he was very nice and knowledgeable in the bigger scope of mental health. Asked me questions of depression, anxiety, if I see things others don’t etc.. However, while we went through the assessment I did not receive a formal “diagnosis” and seemed as though he came to the determination what I have is general anxiety disorder. I don’t disagree, I know I have anxiety! However, when it came to the point where we were wrapping it up I had a “BUT WAIT” moment. I explained I was a part of an OCD community where I had previously been doing therapy to manage OCD. He asked “well why OCD?” I replied, “I have constant thoughts very repetitive thoughts that follow a theme and they are extremely persistent.” It was then I knew I couldn’t let down the walls and go into depth, as I knew he wouldn’t understand. To validate what I already knew, I said “I have constant fears and worries about my children, myself, and religion. I think about these things all day long. In order to free myself from the feeling I have to say a specific phrase or word in my head.” He said “well yea that’s normal to have worries and fears about your family, your religion” and so forth. The feeling of disappointment is an under statement, this is more than just “anxiety” this is something that I struggle with daily and to have a professional discredit my daily fight was off putting. Not his fault, it demonstrates the lack of knowledge for OCD and treatment many of us have to face. Sorry for the rant, sometimes we just have to advocate for ourselves.. 🌸

I believe I posted this a bit too late yesterday night, so I’m reposting. Hello, everyone. I’ve been struggling with OCD for two years. I’ve been attending concerts before I found out that I have OCD but since I started struggling with OCD, concerts have been overwhelming for me. I will say, I still attend concerts because they make me really happy. However, I do have a lot of anxiety before concerts, which results in overthinking, intrusive thoughts and avoidance. I wanted to share something and I’m hoping to receive feedback or advice on how I can learn to move on from this situation and enjoy the concert that’s coming up. Does anyone have advice on how I can enjoy the upcoming concert without worrying about the situation I mentioned? This entire week I’ve been searching for news articles and there’s been many times that I thought about not going to the concert at all. I know I shouldn’t be doing that, but I would like to improve and do better. I’m still going to the concert because I know I’ll regret it, I just feel nervous! So, the situation is, I accidentally left a water bottle under a seat inside a concert arena 8 months ago. I never litter, I always pick up my trash. However, when the concert ended, I couldn’t find the water bottle that I was looking for and I had to leave since my Uber just arrived to take me and my friends home. So, the water bottle was left in the arena. I asked my friend if she saw the water bottle and she told me that she saw it under the seat in front of us. Currently having intrusive thoughts about someone slipping on the water bottle under the seat, resulting in something serious such as a injury. I have another concert coming up soon that’s near the concert arena that I left the water bottle at and I feel worried about attending this concert because I have another intrusive thought that the staff from both venues will find me and tell me I did something wrong for leaving the water bottle. I’m also worried that someone did slip on the water bottle and I don’t know about it. I apologize for such a long post. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this post and thank you to everyone who replies on this post, I appreciate it!

Not looking forward to this fishing trip! I have two buddies from work that are coming to my town to go fishing. It was all cool and dandy until last minute he said he was gonna invite his oldest and I was like oh cool. Wait? It’s a 10 year old girl. When I heard that I was like “SIGH” inside voice though. Right then and there me looking forward to it was gone. I REALLY don’t wanna be in a group with a little girl. I hate it. Doesn’t matter if we’re in a group, I HATE IT!! I’m bummed out but also wanna have fun but I can’t. Reason why is this all went downhill when I saw his fb profile and had all three of his girls in the pic. And at that time I was getting hit hard with pocd so when I saw that my brain was everywhere with intrusive thoughts, false attraction. All that!! And I hated it. Fast forward, my brain when it realized who it was, basically felt like a “I don’t want to have the same reactions as before, I don’t wanna feel this false attraction” nope nope nope! .it was something I had to go through and now I have to go through it again except this time in physical form. I don’t want to go but how do I embrace it guys?? I’m going blank. My brain goes into a spiral of intrusive thoughts like what if I end up harming her or something crazy! No no no no!!! I hate it!! I hate it!!! I’m not that type of sicko! Honestly, I don’t want to go and I’m not looking forward to it! I just lines “let’s just get this over with this Saturday asap” 😪

okay so, i had this friend i met in the 8th grade when i was 13 when we became friends and my nickname for her was “red” and i had a crush on this friend before we became friends and once we became friends the crush faded away and i just grew a close platonic friendship with her and no longer has any crush or attraction or romantic interest in her. then i got a girlfriend named lisa in the 8th grade also and we were all friends and hung out but that summer going into highschool lisa broke up with me, we dated only for 2 months so you know it wasnt a big deal. and my friend “red” she and my other friend lana we are a trio and they helped me move on from that. then i started 9th grade (my freshman year of highschool) and i went into this year thinking i was gonna stay best friends with this trio but we ended up splitting paths but me and my friend “red” always had a more special bond in the trio we were like the duo because we trauma bonded and dealt with mental health problems. and in the end of my first semester i fell in love with this girl named riley (who became my 3 year serious relationship) and i love this girl so much i met her when i was 15 and she was 14, me and riley (who is my current partner) were very toxic during freshman sophomore and junior year. she was very insecure over my ex from the 8th grade who i didnt care about because she was my first girlfriend. and she was also very insecure over my friend “red” because she was my best friend during the time i was with my ex and she reminds her of my ex for some reason. i still wanted to be friends with “red” at the time and we would get into numerous fights about that. she would control me and who i was friends with and said i couldnt be friends with her and i felt so awful and defeated bc i had a close bond with this friend. she then gave me an ultimatum of either her or my former best friend and i chose my partner obviously but she was so in her head i think that she still broke up with me for like 3 days and that day she broke up with me i had to go home with her since she was my ride home and i was broken and she was obviously angry and i was crying while we were walking out of school and then she stormed off without me all upset and my other guy friend and his girlfriend saw me and went up to me to comfort me and asked what was wrong and i told them she broke up with me and then my partner yells my name very upset from across the street comes back and grabs my arm aggressively and drags me past everyone very aggressively and angry while telling me to stop crying because her mom is going to be upset and ask questions and i felt so bad. we got into the car and i had to try my best not to cry and my partner who was visibly upset a few seconds ago just completely smiled at her mom and asked how her day was with such a happy tone of voice and i was completely in shock. hours later since we were broken up i texted my former friend “red” (the one who my partner broke up with me over) and told her i needed emotional support that reyna had dumped me and i needed a friend. and she came over and talked to me. that was all nothing romantic. and then 2 days later my partner says we are back together and i was happy but felt guilty because i hung out with my friend who she dumped me over. Now years later im still with this partner after many splits but we are finally healthy and healing and shes been super supportive and there for me and loving during my recent journey discovering my ocd. i have been confessing over and over many past mistakes or things i thought were mistakes. i last confessed something on monday and ive been feeling better and relieved after confessing up until yesterday when i remembered a past mistake (which was what i just shared) and now i cant stop ruminating on it and feeling guilty and feel the need to confess this to my partner but i learned that confessing is my ocd compulsion and if i give into it ill be feeding my ocd and not breaking the cycle. but im also feeling conflicted on if i should genuinely let her know and confess because i feel what i did that time was wrong but i dont want to give into my ocd but also what if i basically cheated on my partner by doing that and if i tell her that i did what i did even tho i didnt cheat but i told her i never liked this person even tho i had a crush on the former friend and tried to get my partner to let me keep this friendship because its not like i like her romantically which is true i dont but i used to. so i feel like i betrayed her even especially by hanging out with her so now i dont know if i should tell her or if its my ocd and i dont have to share absolutely everything especially if its in the past. i dont want to lose my partner and im scared if i keep confessing it will ruin our relationship and drive her away but it will also make me lose myself and my own privacy and also feed my ocd and compulsions but im scared if i dont confess ill never stop thinking about it and i will feel like im lying to my partner and like i cheated and i wont be able to enjoy the good moments and the present because im stuck on my past “mistakes” and now im scared ill have the end my relationship to feel better but that will hurt me more but im scared if i stay im just going to try to avoid my partner in fear ill confess or feel the urge to confess every time we speak. i dont know what to do im completely lost this is the hardest thing ive ever dealt with and i have a lot ive dealt with in my life already. im barely 17 i havent had a year of a break

Hello!! I haven't been on here much because I have begun therapy with someone in network with my insurance thankfully, and its been really nice. Of course its still difficult, but having this support is life changing. I wanted to share a project I worked on after a session this week! The goal is to identify the Feared Possible Self (the core fear that most of your ocd fears stem from), and then remind myself of my core values, beliefs, what I care about most, my hobbies/interests, and more. AKA My Real Self. I'm really proud of this and wanted to share to encourage others to do the same! It can be so helpful to reconnect with yourself and remember that your ocd is not what defines you. 🫂 Everything was created in Canva using the premium free trial for anyone who wants to do the same :) (swipe through to see all images)

I feel like I’ve lost who I am , even since my depression and ocd started. I don’t even know what I like anymore:(( I doubt everything I think and it’s so draining because I just want to feel like my old self again😭 I feel like I have no motivation to get better which is bothering me so much because I want too but something is holding me back from doing what I need to do :/ with all my thoughts and doubts , I feel like I can’t trust myself . I don’t know if I’m the only one that feels this much pain

I’m so tired of having ocd I’m tired