Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I have pure ocd i think , i always gotta make sure i do certain things like tap things , light switches on n off , shut things few times and re open them till it feels right . Walk in a room go back out and back in out in in till my mind is right Its exhausting

Does anyone else feel that the feeling of anxiety that they associate with OCD is different from normal anxiety? For me, it’s like a distinct sense of dread and fear that starts in my stomach and makes me feel so dissociated from reality and trapped. I don’t know how else to explain it other than it’s very intense and distinct for me. Because of OCD I associate this feeling with feeling dangerous (like I will go crazy or hurt others). Occasionally (usually in moments of high anxiety due to personal relationships having difficulties), I get this feeling unrelated to OCD and it makes me completely spiral. I have intrusive thoughts, but I also just drown in the emotions of the feeling. I completely panic and break down and feel hopeless and powerless. It is so painful and it feels impossible to bear and like there is nothing I or anyone else can do to make this feeling go away and all I want to do is get it out. I will obsess over it and therefore always feel it which makes me horrible and completely relapse. I never know how to let it go even though I know there is nothing in particular “wrong”. It just makes me feel like me/the world is wrong, but in a vague way that just feels insurmountable and terrifying. Even once I start to feel the feeling less intensely I sometimes just remain trapped in thoughts and fears that don’t allow me to let it go. My girlfriend and I recently have had some tough conversations and I have been experience this anxious feeling recently as a result and I don’t know how to cope with it. It feels so overwhelming and insurmountable. When I feel like this I feel so hopeless. And it also makes me feel like I’m going “crazy” because there’s nothing I can do to make it better and I just want to get it to go OUT if that makes sense. Sorry for this ramble, but I’d really like to know if anyone has ever felt this way because I never hear people talk about an “OCD feeling” and I never feel like therapists understand. Of course, advice is welcome as well (please)!!!

Helppp😭 what do I do? I'm going to hell for blasphemy. I can't get it to stop and that's the sin that is unforgivable. How do I beg the holy spirit, I have prayed many times? Please can he have Mercy on me? I didn't do it intentionally. I don't want to do it or or go to hell. I can't even go to sleep rn because I'm scaredd... please am I alone😭😭 please someone say something 😭🙏🏼 I'm a believing Christian and can't believe I'm doing this...I have failed...I keep on saying derogatory stuff about HIM, please helpppp

I’ve been single for a very long time. I’ve always attached really heavily to people and highly prioritized being in a relationship. I know I can be happy on my own but sometimes all i can think about is how I wish someone loved me like that, it consumes my entire brain. For that reason Valentine’s day feels pretty sad to me. I’m gonna have to stay off social media so i don’t see people posting about how much they love their significant others because i know it’ll make me spiral. Also since it’s valentine’s day i keep having intrusive thoughts of my loved ones having sex and it feels really gross.

6 months ago I had a severe panic attack and it’s changed my life. Scared of 99% of foods, can’t take meds out of fear, been hospitalized a few times cause of blood sugar drops and other health scares due to poor eating. I’m constantly scanning my body finding any little thing that’s uncomfortable and then fixate and panic over the smallest things. Whether be a smell I’m unfamiliar with, a weird sensation in my arm literally anything freaks me out….. who has had success with exposure or has dealt with similar issues. I feel like I’m unintentionally slowly killing myself but I’m too scared for meds and therapy doesn’t seem to make much of a dent right now. Please share some success stories I need hope.

I’ve been dealing with ocd for years when it first happened it tore me apart I completely convinced myself I was the worst person on earth and I could not continue after months my ocd jumped to different themes and each one usually distracted me from another. Fast forward I recently went through another bad episode constantly focusing on the past and how I’m a horrible disgusting person comparing my story to everything I could and coming to the conclusion mines the worst and therefore I’m X or Y then it went into somatic/idk if I actually have this incurable condition that terrifies me but now it’s both it’s the uncomfortable sensations and going back on certain memories that I can’t tell if are real/don’t want to be real/ don’t make complete sense but feel real and now I can’t get out of the idea that even ifs not real I’m always gonna think it might be idk it’s a lot I just know I don’t want to be these things and never will ever want to be. I want to confess again so bad but my bf is not understanding at all like these “memories” or thoughts genuinely traumatized me when I remembered them.

I cannot for the life of me stop ruminating or checking how I feel about thoughts or focusing on thoughts or creating more thoughts. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I want to scream. I try not to ruminate about the thoughts, but trying not to just makes me think about them more. I try not to check, but somehow, I still check. I want to let a thought sit in the background, but the more I try not to focus on it, the more I end up focusing on it. I don’t want the thought to expand because that feels like engaging with it, but I can’t just stop it from expanding. It feels impossible. People keep saying I’m in control of my compulsions, and maybe that’s true for the physical ones. But when it comes to the mental compulsions, I swear I have no control. It feels like I’m missing something that everyone else seems to have, like there’s some tool they’re using that I don’t have. Controlling mental compulsions has never felt possible for me. I’m starting to fear them. And every time someone says I’m in control and can just choose not to do them, I end up beating myself up even more when they happen. Or when I *choose* I guess. I don’t know anymore. If this is my fault, if I’m responsible for this, then what does that make me? I feel like a monster. I am at my wits’ end. How am I supposed to control mental compulsions when it feels like they control me? I freak out when they happen. They don’t bring me relief, they just make me panic. I want it to stop so bad.

Had a false memory that I touched somewhere inappropriate to my cat while petting its mid / lower belly so ive been compulsively petting my cat on its belly to make sure I did it “just right” and to replay my memory and show myself I didn’t pet my cat wrong. Now I feel much worse. (Wrong meaning scared when I was petting it my arm touched its groin) so I put my arm in the way I was petting it in my head (regularly) and trying to see if any way I moved it was inappropriately touching my cat. I was sitting here inspecting my cat (not touching it inappropriately) but just making sure wherever I pet wasn’t touching its groin. Or trying to see if the false memory in my head could’ve been real. So everytime I pet it’s lower belly I was checking to make sure and see if my cats groin was touching my arm (which it wasn’t) but now im scared if I accidentally did while doing this compulsion and I would’ve known but im just scared. Compulsions make me feel worse ik this I just was scared and trying to make sure

I’m curious how many other people experience this! I’ve been diagnosed with severe OCD for 20 years now, about 10 years ago my little OCD brain came up with a series of words. It is saying everyone in my families name and then something negative, and then something positive. Since my brain attached to this series of words, it hasn’t stopped repeating in my mind. Like I said, it’s been 10 years, and this “phrase” is constantly repeating over and over in my head. When it’s finished, it just restarts again. My brain is constantly exhausted since it’s always talking. It’s kinda hard to word this so idk if it’ll make sense to you but let me know if this is something that you might experience as well!

I used to be such a rude person, and now it feels like it’s all coming back to me. I don’t really know how to explain it, but there was a time when I wanted so badly to be seen as a bad person. Because of that, I would say awful things to random people online, even telling them to kill themselves. I know now how harmful and disgusting that was, and I would never do it again, but I can’t stop overthinking the possibility that someone actually listened to me. Maybe they were already struggling, and maybe what I said pushed them over the edge. The worst part is that these were completely random people—I’ll never know if they’re okay or not. If I could go back and undo it, I promise I would. I know this is my karma for saying such horrible things, and I feel genuine regret. But regret feels meaningless if someone actually ended up taking their own life because of me. I get that I have to sit with the uncertainty, but my mind keeps fighting that, telling me, Why should you just accept the unknown when you might have been the reason someone took their own life? Maybe this feeling is exactly what I deserve for being so cruel in the past. I feel awful for all the people I hurt.

Can OCD mimic depression? With this theme I’m always wondering if I have OCD or depression. It first started out as harm OCD and now this. Today I told myself if I did have depression then it’s treatable and I would work on it. Then I started to feel depressed and emotional and like had an urge to google the difference. When I did this I just broke down because I felt like I related to them, it made me worse. However when I look up OCD symptoms it makes me feel better. So now I’m unsure. Almost like OCD wants me to believe it’s depression

I’ve been in an OCD loop for a month now and Im struggling so much alone, no one in my family get what Im going through and are just ignoring me, and I got no friends to tell Im stuck in this cycle and it feels like Im lonely in a dark place, Im writing this right now cuz u guys know the struggle, if it’s okay can u please leave a comment so I don’t feel alone in this, can u please share tips and advice so I can go through this, I feel like Im losing it

Since I read that it's symptoms of schizophrenia voices in head who order to do bad things Usually I can deal with it but when I'm highly stressed I start to panic and idk if I believe voices and then I imagine living with it 24/7 it's horrible Im like it's unblerable part to feel pot in my stomach .. Am I in psychosis guys My psy is on vacation help ..I feel hopeless 🥺 Every time I read an symptoms on internet my mind manifest it but it's been a while my mind imitate voices because it's what scare me the most 🥺🥺🥺 A side note : I can attest that before reading symptoms it never even happened to me in my whole life

I have lots of tattoos that are meaningful to me. I've always been proud of, affirmed, and encouraged by my tattoos. Last year I got an extension on one of my favorite tattoos in the midst of a huge change I was going through, and my OCD immediately latched onto it because it was different from the original. Months later, after therapy and reflection, I decided to get half of the tattoo removed due to its placement. I kept the other half (it's a long vine) to remember that change is the only constant, and to commemorate the great experience I had with the artist. Now, though, I'm obsess about the tattoos I've had before this one. I constantly question their placement and my decision to get them, and I'm 24, so sometimes I question whether my brain's development has anything to do with my choices and current obsessions. I'm a mature 24, though, being in a PhD program and having experienced some real life shit. Anyways, anyone ever experienced this or have any insights? It's not easy. It's confusing. I can't tell who is me and valid and who is OCD.

my therapist told me that there's no point in trying to stop having OCD because it's my defense mechanism and it's useful so that my mental health doesn't deteriorate.

Anyone ever have a conversation and think you said a intrusive thoughts out loud. Then you panic and go over and over the convo , reviewing it and remembering people's reactions,to see if they noticed your thoughts or read your lips? Sometimes it feels like I have to look away when talking as the thoughts could be shouted out if we make eye contact .such a powerful erge to say thoughts out load . . It's like the more you fight off the thoughts the louder they want to be . You can feel your self bubbling up inside . Then you get one and boom ,you think you've said it out load.

I’ve always been someone who likes to daydream or fantasize about scenes from books, like a passionate kiss or something similar. Sometimes, I act it out by kissing my hand, or occasionally, I might kiss my partner. However, lately my POCD has been acting up, and now I’m worried about imagining something inappropriate. For example, I might kiss my hand and then have the thought, What if I imagine this kiss being with a child or a family member? I’m not sure if I feel tempted to do this out of curiosity, or if I’m trying to prove to myself that it’s just my hand and nothing more, but it’s scaring me. When I kiss my boyfriend, it feels easier to acknowledge that it’s just him, and there’s no issue. But with my hand, I’m scared that I might be tempted to check or do something wrong, even though I know deep down it’s just my hand. Same thing for m*sturbating. I feel embarrassed for being scared of my hand, but the anxiety feels real, and I’m afraid of checking by kissing it or self intimacy because I worry that would be wrong. I’m feeling really confused and don’t know how to handle it. I won’t see my therapist for another week, and this is starting to bother me more than I’d like to admit. If anyone has advice or guidance, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.

I genuinely feel like such a horrible human being. I’m in this group server with 10-15 other people (including my partner) and I have a bit of a crush on one of them. I keep feeling like every time I stay up late talking on the server that I am cheating on my partner. I should note that I make a very conscious effort to NOT reply to the messages of this person on the server when we’re having a group discussion, I rarely ever address them directly, and I make sure to only ever talk to other people on there. I have replied to this person’s messages about 25-30% of the amount of times i’ve replied to other people’s messages in the server (I checked). I was also extremely active and staying up late in this server WELL BEFORE they joined it. I constantly feel like I am cheating because sometimes when we have deep discussions on the server, I feel a bit of excitement at reading their messages and getting to know more about them. But again, I have made it a HUGE POINT to rarely ever reply to their messages or to address them directly, to the point where I will never ever reply to or acknowledge a single “deep” message from them. I always make sure to only talk to other people and not engage directly in a conversation with them. However I feel like it’s still cheating because I get internally excited at reading their messages. This phenomenon has absolutely wrecked my psyche over the past few weeks. I have been having constant nonstop 24/7 anxiety, I am wrecked with guilt and regret, and I am just so insanely depressed. I’m going to bed late, barely getting any sleep, my eating habits are garbage, and my grades are dropping drastically because I’m just not doing my assignments. I’m having such a horrifically difficult time getting anything done. I just slog through every single day, doing the bare minimum, I don’t do my work, I don’t engage in fulfilling hobbies, I just kind of float there and get the bare minimum done while ruminating, constantly trying to figure out if i’m cheating. I am just constantly compulsively googling, “is limerence cheating,” “can you have a one sided affair,” “what is emotional cheating,” “is it cheating to talk to someone in a group chat,” I have googled the same exact things hundreds of times at this point and I don’t know what to do. I feel horrible. I am growing distant from my partner because i feel like I don’t deserve him and it’s really hard to enjoy time with him when I feel so guilty.

Back in October 13, 2017 which was a Friday to add I had an intrusive thought that I became obsessed with. I kept asking myself am I thinking about, if I am thinking about it so much then it must be true and I have to do the compulsion. Eventually I started taking medication and going to therapy to feel better and it worked, but I have a weird thing with the number 13 or even 31 because reverse that and that's 13 again. This has affected by love life with the amount of people I have been with, my thoughts tell me to be with someone else so it can be an even number. I do not want to do the compulsion because that means I would have to leave my current boyfriend who I love deeply. But I am scared as what if it is the only cure for my thought to go away and what if I am going crazy. I told a previous psychiatrist about the thought and they said they have never heard of that before which made me feel like more of a nut case. Also, my previous therapist got frustrated with me because I was not getting better. Makes me feel like a lost cause.

any advice for this? just trying to not seek reassurance. Anything helps!! Hard time moving on Ages 5-12 OK, so as a kid I did go through COCSA from different individuals (I don’t really know how many, I can remember one in good detail!), and also had a family member try to do something to me and also was gr0 om online. But anyways, I was a victim, but then I also did it to other kids. I would try to kiss, or ask them to do very grown-up things with me . I had very poor boundaries, was very pushy, and even sometimes manipulative and didn’t understand why they didn’t want to do it. I thought all friends were to do something sxual. Also fast-forward to middle school , where boys were very touchy with the girls including me… and did not know boundaries at all, I was a girl who was like that to some of the boys, but I didn’t think of “im going to SA”, but it was poor boundaries and I was very touchy. Just acting grown like ugh why. Anyways, that being said, I am going to be in my 20’s, and nobody has brought anything to my attention, and I know asking people I think it could’ve happened with if I SA them is not the answer to this OCD episode, but I am honestly feeling bad, shameful, and guilty. Being a victim is one thing, I am just a little upset at myself for putting other people through that. Only thing I asked about this was back in 2021 There was one guy that told me how I was a little touchy sometimes, but that’s it nothing extreme. If you read this, thank you I just need a little help.