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When you get a stuck thought in your mind, as stupid or untrue as it may be, how do any of you block them out, or try to at least? It’s like my mind has another voice telling me making up the stupidest things?

I've been struggling with feeling like a "bad/weird/wrong person" for a while now and I feel like every day I'm hyperaware of things I say and do, comparing myself to others (especially "bad people" from movies or documentaries), feeling like I have to figure out what's wrong with me, feeling vulnerable in public, etc. This has put a huge strain on my relationships and school work, where I feel stuck in my head constantly unable to focus. When I talk to people I feel hyperaware of how much I use the word "I" in my conversations, and I beat myself up after for being selfish. I've been crying a lot, almost everyday, especially when I go digging through my memories to figure out if I've always been "bad" and trying to diagnose myself. On one hand I feel as though I should dig all these things up in order to fix myself, but on the other hand I find myself becoming more irritated, isolated and depressed whenever I go down this road. I thought doing all of these things would make me a better person but I think it's just making myself and everyone around me miserable. So I'm wondering, is all this comparison, rumination and hyper-self-awareness just a compulsion that must be resisted? I'm afraid if I don't do these things my "badness" will go unchecked and get worse. (As I type this I feel like I'm also probably lying/exaggerating).

Hello! I just got diagnosed with OCD a week ago and joined the app today to find a sense of community. Since my understanding of treatment is minimal at this point, I'm confused why everything on here tells us not to seek or give reassurance? If someone could explain the reasoning behind that it would be greatly appreciated, as I want to make sure I'm not only watching out for it in my personal life but also using this app appropriately.

Hey all. I’ve been on NOCD for maybe two months, or three? and I’m still struggling. My episode of “OCD” started at the end of September last year, and ever since it’s been hell. The first month was what I can only describe as torture. I was crying every day, vomiting from anxiety, and the moment I woke up I was seized by panic in my chest and fear of the day to come.My favorite part of the day was nighttime because I knew I could go to sleep and have the briefest respite from the constant stream of intrusive thoughts. The very first thought I had was one of POCD, and it terrorized me for days on end before I finally told my mom and boyfriend out of feeling the need that if they knew and knew how scared I was, they would be able to help me and stop me from doing anything. It felt good to know that they were still there for me despite what I was thinking, but that relief didn’t last very long. Soon nothing they could say was enough to calm me down, and I was put on 50 mg of sertraline. I barely ate and found that one of the few things that brought me comfort was researching my symptoms online. I came across OCD and then NOCD, and to this day am fairly convinced I have “pure” OCD. The three psychologists I’ve visited say, though, that I’m not showing any compulsions like magical thinking or counting, and that then it’s not OCD and I’m suffering from a severe depressive/ anxious episode. I’m struggling a lot with this because it’s almost as if I need to have OCD, because then that means I have a condition that’s been studied and that I can be helped. Then I feel as if I’m trying to manipulate my psychologists into diagnosing me with it. My current psychologist recognizes that I’m dealing with obsessive thoughts, but since I haven’t told her about any conducts she believes that my intrusive thoughts are a result of depression or some trauma that I haven’t fully processed yet. I’ve lived through some stuff, but I struggle to understand exactly which one of them was so bad and harmful to me that it’s destroyed me like this. I’ve always kind of moved on from things and thought that I’ve healed from them, because nothing has ever hurt me like this. As such I’m feeling extremely hopeless because no matter which name is tied to my condition, I get the idea that I’m going to continue thinking about it every day for the rest of my life because I’ll never forget I thought of such horrible things. That makes me feel like I don’t want to live anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to kill myself, I desperately want to live and be happy again and accomplish all my goals. But the idea of dragging this with me for days upon days upon days is so tiring, that I wish my conscience could just cease to exist. I’ve thought of hurting myself just to show everyone how bad I’m hurting, and how desperate I am. That would bring no good and I can only imagine how that could hurt my parents. So I’m living each day and holding on. Sometimes it gets better, and sometimes it gets worse. Today is the latter and I just felt like I needed to vent. Thank you if you read up to here. I wish you all the best :)

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? Can someone help me because I'm really hopeless?

Just kind of putting my thoughts here in hopes it lifts a weight off my chest because I've been feeling very hopeless lately with my OCD. Having just graduated college and being unable to live on my own or have a job because of OCD is really getting to me in addition to my living situation with my family being somewhat of a toxic situation. I feel like I'm stuck in a box and at the all time lowest point of my life which I at first thought was a blessing because when you're at your lowest you can only go up, right? Unfortunately, it seems like I keep outdoing myself when it comes to my lows or just remaining stagnant. When it comes to my OCD, I desperately want to get better and I have an amazing therapist now that I feel like is really helping me but I just can't move forward. It feels like there's some sort of mental block that I just cannot get past when it comes to any clear progress with exposures and treatment and I just feel so awful about it. I find myself so exhausted these days from the constant compulsions and mental stress from being frustrated with myself for giving in to the compulsions. I've always been fairly hard on myself and I feel sure that that's one of the reasons it's so difficult for me to make progress, but it's really hard for me to not beat myself up when my OCD keeps me from doing unbearably simple things like using the bathroom normally. I've forgotten what it was like before my OCD became so severe and I feel almost like a ghost some days. I tend to experience very intense emotions and have very severe lows but recently I find myself feeling more and more resigned to my situation and wanting to put as little effort into my everyday life as I can. Living with OCD is just so exhausting and I feel so weak from it. Every day feels either exactly the same or catastrophic. There's little I find myself looking forward to. I wish for the feeling of safety again that OCD took from me. I want to continue holding out hope that things will get better but I worry often that I'm far too weak to do anything about it. Sometimes it feels like all I can do is drown in my own disgust with what's become of me. I hope this is not forever.

i don't think i ever felt this bad before. ive had ocd since i was 14 or so, almost a decade, but now it's truly the worst it's ever been. i can't even enjoy being with the love of my life anymore, everything about our intimacy triggers me, im costantly afraid that i abused her in some way and that she doesn't remember because she's in denial, or im always terrified im having some horrible intentions towards her and that i always end up forgetting them. it's so deeply confusing, she seems so happy being with me she says she loves me so much and i can see it in how she looks at me, but i feel like a monster. most of the time i wish she could find someone better, if she asked me j would break up with her and do anything in my power to make her have the life she deserves. i don't know what to do anymore im exhausted. therapy is not helping at all, i Just get told constantly that i shouldnt think about these things, that its illogical, and it does nothing for me.

I’ve been ruminating since Friday. My ocd is beginning to feel pretty real. I wanna get back on track with my life. I’m really tired. I can’t bare with these intrusive feelings and thoughts. I feel like I’m sinking again. I’m so desperate. I’m irritable , exhausted , I wanna just yell.

I’m 18 and very new to my diagnosis, I’ve had symptoms my whole life but it’s gotten significantly worse within the last few years. I’m honestly just looking for advice. My days feel impossible, I wake up and have to convince myself I’m real, and I continue with that battle my entire day. Sometimes this battle happens and i start worrying that I can’t breathe. When I eat I get worried there’s fentanyl in my food that I will overdose from. My life feels impossible and I can’t see how this will get better or when it will. I’m on medication, and am in conversational therapy but I’m still learning about myself and my triggers etc so it’s hard to know what to talk about, how to explain it best and what can help me overcome my struggles. Anyhoo any advice would be so insanely appreciated. I don’t have a very supportive community around me. they try to be supportive but I don’t think they understand what OCD is or how mine works.

OK, this might sound really dumb, but when you guys get intrusive thoughts, do they just come once and then go away? I’ve heard that repeatedly thinking about an intrusive thought is considered ‘checking,’ but it doesn’t feel like I have any control over how many times it comes up in my head. It’s not like I’m trying to check anything—it just keeps showing up, almost like it’s terrorizing me every time. I can’t seem to stop it from looping, stop remembering it, or prevent it from coming up. Every time it does, I feel horrified, and I already know it’s going to horrify me. I don’t think I’m actively trying to see if my feelings have changed, so is this still considered checking? How do other people get an intrusive thought and just move on? Doesn’t it pop up a million times for them too? I always thought that was normal, but now I’m hearing this could be a compulsion, and I feel really confused, scared, and lost. Is this why my OCD feels so extreme? Because I really don’t feel like I can control how many times the thought pops up.

(what i'm going to say here may not make sense to many, but i want to hear words from real people, i'm tired of searching in the GPT chat) since i was a teenager i have developed certain "fetishisms" with the theme of incest (specifically between cousins), because there was an episode in my childhood that marked me enough for this to happen. i remember consuming a lot of this content (in stories or videos), because i felt a groin sensation (or i was genuinely arroused). i never actually felt mental and moral approval for it, for obvious reasons. i knew it was wrong! but i consumed it because of the feeling..it vaguely reminds me that i didn't feel guilty or anything like that, because unfortunately it's a very commonplace topic and a very collective experience, this "contact" between cousins, however wrong it may be. i recognized that this feeling was wrong, so i simply stopped wanting to have contact with it when i reached a certain age where i was already sufficiently aware of its harmfulness. but now, suffering from these pedophilic-themed thoughts, i realized that the "groinal feeling" i have when these thoughts come to my head, It's the same one i had when i thought about this incestuous theme with my cousin. this made me a little desperate, i went to GPT to look for a plausible answer to this.. i basically said that thoughts about my cousin didn't make me as desperate and agonized as these pedophilic thoughts, and i had the moral conscience behind it, although harmful, it was not AS sick as pedophilia. today i relapsed into pornography again, but i think it was a form of compulsion, perhaps.. i know that my thoughts regarding pedophilia are completely ego-dystonic, because i don't want them. but i don't know, a professional will give my final verdict. I just know that today I researched pornography with an incestuous theme and despite the physiological reaction, i couldn't feel any kind of adrenaline or pleasure in my brain. none. could it have been a compulsion? idk. i don't know anything else.

Codependency and lack of understanding personal boundaries is ruining my life. Can anyone else relate and offer help? I need help. I posted this in the CPTSD subreddit to I need help figuring out how to stop falling back into patterns of behavior I’ll stop for a week or two or a month but then it all comes back -I lie to my dad about stuff I need for school so I don’t run out of money Becuase I have really bad anxiety surrounding money since I don’t have a job at school (I’m working on it) -when love interests or friends don’t respond to me for long periods of time it’s hard for me to not constantly call them and text them to ask them if I did something wrong or if they hate me -I have OCD that convinces me I’m evil or have NPD so instead of improving I just accept that I’m bad and it makes it hard for me to get myself out of the shame spiral -no emotional regulation skills (I smoke multiple times a day and I drink often to sleep at night because my thoughts are so brutal) -it’s hard for me to be happy for other people due to my own perfectionistic tendencies that paralyze me and so instead of being “the best” I am actually nothing because I am too afraid to fail -I think I am special and more capable than most because of my trauma and what it has taught me. I also was born with perfect pitch and the ability to play the piano so I’ve had this pressure to “be something” forever and I don’t want to feel Like I need to do that anymore but my ego won’t let me go. How do I stop believing I have NPD or that I am evil ir a bad person for thinking I am special? I don’t know what’s wrong with me ever since I was little my mom would compare me to other kids so I think it’s hard for me to not be resentful of people who are good at the things I want to be good at since I never felt good enough. Sometimes I’ll feel okay with myself but then I’ll see someone doing the same thing as me even if they’re just as good or not as good or better it doesn’t matter I still ge this feeling inside of anxiety and jealousy and shame and doubt it makes it impossible for me to be happy for them but I want to be I am supportive to my friends and family on the outside because I don’t want do hurt anyone or make them feel how I do but I don’t know Sincerely, The black sheep scapegoat Edits: -how do I stop needing so much validation for everything I do? -how do I stop engaging in self destructive behaviors? -how do I just ask for what I want without feeling like I need to make up an excuse or lie in order for my needs to be valid? -how do I stop wanting to be better than everyone else so I am not rejected ever again? -how do I not care if I’m rejected?

Sometimes I notice my intrusive thoughts cause me to spiral and sometimes not. I've been practicing ERP for quite a while so it's a bit easier for me to not spiral. But I wonder why that happens. Does anyone else have it? Also I'm on medication idk if that plays a role.

PLSSS READ!!! TW: Hi. I’m not diagnosed with OCD, but I wanted to say that I have been wondering if I am. I’m not on here looking for a diagnosis. But 4 months ago I tried an edible for the first time and had a terrible experience. I was feeling like I wasn’t in the same dimension or anything. I was scared I wasn’t in control of myself and I thought I might hurt my friends. (I didn’t) but it was awful. That led to agoraphobia, and harm intrusive thoughts. I started sertraline but that had me so emotional and caused SI. So I decided to stop. Shortly after that I started experiencing panic attacks and DPDR. At first it was just the dp now I just feel like nothing around me is real, like everything is a figment of my imagination or fake. It’s super scary because there is a battle going back in forth in my mind all day about being real or not. One I try actively not to engage in. But it just takes that one thought to snag on to something I really care about like my mom being real or anything. I still experience intrusive thoughts but they are not as loud. The logic side and the irrational side of my brain bicker all day and then I’m like what should I listen to. There is this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach when I have the thought that nothing is real especially my mom. Then recently I’ve started to fear I’m hallucinating or schizophrenic. Or that maybe my mind is here but my body is else where doing something horrible. This is so hard to explain to family and friends. I am just drained. Insurance is off right now and NOCD doesn’t accept my insurance. I’m talking to a counselor and my therapist before the insurance got cut off practiced cbt with me and I was about to start a dbt program. But I guess I’m just so lost. Like I’m scared for when insurance comes back on to get a diagnosis because if it is OCD I’ve had it for all this time and haven’t know I guess? And I do a lot of mental checking but not physical. So idk it’s confusing it’s hard to feel like I could live a full life like this. most people make it seem like they can’t be happy and get married, etc with OCD. I’m terrified to find out if I have it or not and I’m not sure how to manage anymore. If you take medicine and have OCD or painful rumination does it help? I’m really scared to try again because I don’t want to feel how I did before and have to stop. I’m terrified. I’m also a Christian so I’m trying so hard to trust God didn’t bring me this far to leave me just because of one edible! But I’m miserable!! Thanks if you read to the end

I get asked about the name NOCD a lot. People might want to know how it’s pronounced, and they’re curious about our story. Every time, I’m excited to share a bit about what the name means—in fact, it’s an opportunity for me to talk about something everyone should know about OCD. First things first: it’s pronounced “No-CD.” And it actually means a couple things, both central to our mission: To restore hope for people with OCD through better awareness and treatment. The first meaning of our name is about awareness: Know OCD. Though we’ve come a long way, not enough people truly know what OCD is or what it’s like. How many times have you heard someone say “Don’t be so OCD about that,” or “I wish I had a little OCD. My car is a mess!” Things like that may seem innocent, but they trivialize the condition and keep most people with OCD—around 8 million in the US alone—from getting the help they need. The second meaning of NOCD is about treatment: No-CD. To go a bit deeper: Say “No” to the compulsive disorder. On one level, this is also related to knowing OCD—noto means “to know” in Latin. This inspired the name NOTO, the operations and technology infrastructure that powers NOCD the way an engine powers a vehicle. But this meaning goes even further. It has to do with how you can manage OCD symptoms—learning to resist compulsions. This is the foundation of exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, the most effective, evidence-based form of treatment for OCD. Learning how to resist compulsions with ERP changed my life, and it taught me how important it is to get treatment from a specialty-trained therapist who truly understands how OCD works. I’ll give you an example. When I was 20, my life was going according to plan. I was thriving on the field as a college quarterback, doing well in school, even winning awards—until OCD struck out of nowhere. I started having taboo intrusive thoughts, things that horrified me and went against my core values and beliefs. Desperate for help, I saw several different therapists—but no one diagnosed me with OCD. At one point, I was instructed to snap a rubber band against my wrist whenever I had an intrusive thought. It was supposed to stop the thoughts, but it only made my symptoms worse. Driven into severe depression, I had to put my entire life on pause. Once I started ERP with a therapist who understood OCD, I learned why: you can’t stop intrusive thoughts from occurring. Everyone has them—and the more you try to get rid of them, the worse they get. Anything you do to suppress them is actually a compulsion, whether it’s counting in your head, snapping a rubber band against your wrist, or using substances to drown the thoughts out. To get better, you have to learn to resist compulsions and accept uncertainty. OCD doesn’t get to decide how you live your life. How do you educate the people in your life about OCD? Whether friends, family, or strangers, I’d love to hear how you share your understanding and raise awareness about OCD.

I always wake up full of dread and fear. My anxiety is through the roof two seconds after I open my eyes. Someone on this app gave me a similar insight once I believe. But I think anxiety is just the urge to ruminate. About what? It probably doesn’t matter, as long as I can torture myself, as OCD loves. Does anyone else relate to this or agree maybe?

I come on here and I see everyone’s situation with OCD and I feel so bad for everyone dealing with this because I know like people don’t deserve this but I feel like if you guys were to know about my actual situation you guys are probably tell me I’m doing this to myself because I feel like I’m definitely the exception Here like it’s getting into a poem. I’m just like I don’t think OCD gets this realistic.

Idk my brain is like “you’re only staying with your bf so you can suppress your feelings cuz you’re too scared to be a lesbian/trans” I just want to be a bi woman leave me and my bf alone I was so happy before. Now I feel a weird anxiety in my chest and idk if it’s good anxiety. My friends and I joked about me getting married to him one day and I didn’t feel butterflies I didn’t get all teary eyed thinking about it then I got in my head “oh god am I a lesbian? Am I trans? Do I want a white dress moment?” But I think I’m not excited cuz we aren’t there yet. And I know myself. I’m gonna be anxious as all hell, ROCD or not, about this wedding going off without a hitch cuz im a perfectionist. Part of me worries that my perfectionism is me suppressing myself I’m worried I’m forcing myself to stay. I’m worried I wanna take a break. Im worried if we do take a break everything will come true cuz I can finally “express myself” but I can express myself here. But the ocd is making it feel like im not or can’t? If that makes sense? Like im worried im not fully being myself and yeah there are definitely things I don’t talk about with him (like RUPAUL’s drag race, he’s not a fan, I kinda am). It’s not out of fear of him hating me it’s just not smtjn we talk about. Idk now im worried it’s not ocd and km actually in a restrictive relationship but im not. I don’t feel a lick of anxiety around any of this tho. What does that mean.

These thought make me doubt my self so much it makes me think that the thoughts are real and it’s not my ocd I just want to be my old self I didn’t think about anything I can’t looks at the same gender because then my brain tells me I like them. But I just don’t want to lose my girlfriend I love her so much she’s the one who cures my ocd when am with her I don’t think about anything

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those secual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself allover again Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD?