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I've had my OCD for so long that the intrusive thoughts have begun to feel like they are who I am and anytime I try getting over them, it's so painful, and it makes me feel like I don't know who I am anymore

Been dealing with a new type of ocd thought it’s to do with stabbing and it now feels like I like the feeling of doing that or almost as if I want to do it or that I know how it feels to physically do that and that I ‘like’ the feeling but it feels really real that I like it and almost like my emotions like it? Like as if there’s an emotion that I like it and I’m scared that it’s real that I like it but at the same time feel nothing because I’m so use to having bad thoguhts because I’ve been dealing with ocd for two years now but I literally feel nothing no anxiety noThing towards the thoguhts it just feels real that I like the feeling of doing that and I’m worried but at the same time feel like I’m not worried because it almost feels like I like it and feel a positive emotion towards that thoguht and actually want it/like it but I’m not sure if that’s a fake feeling ocd has manifested but i feel scared and alone and don’t know how to deal with this I’m just hoping I’m not a sick person I wish I could feel normal again this is so hard to deal with, also I feel like I’ve morphed some things into my thinking like I don’t know how to explain it but you know when you see in movies the evil character like evil smiling when no one is looking it feels like I’m feeling that about myself like when i get that weird emotion that feels like I like those thoughts and want them and it feels so real it feels like I’m secretly evil and I don’t want it to be true but you don’t know how real it feels I don’t know what to do I’m scared and at the same time feel nothing. I tried to tell someone I know about how I’m feeling but they jsut replied ‘oh really’ and I said what’s wrong and they said ‘you only talk to me when you have a problem with ocd’ and then I jsut felt so sad after that I don’t know how to deal with this problem I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore I don’t even know if I’m scared or if I’m lying i don’t know

Today I’ve been having that a lot lately! Recently been having Satan/demon heart thoughts and it’s scaring me! I love God & Jesus and I tell them all the time they have my heart but recently those thoughts have come and it’s giving me anxiety! I’m trying to tell myself you don’t just accidentally let S____ in your heart but I feel like it’s a fear of evil or it “happening”! I don’t want Him near or ever in my heart! But I feel like my OCD is making me doubt myself thinking I want these thoughts or maybe I want that or what IF I’ve already done it! Like some new theme coming on. These nasty thoughts keep coming back!! Also my mind keeps thinking and questioning it straight up accusing me if I did it! I’ve apologized and beg God & Jesus to please forgive me. How can I let these thoughts go! I don’t want them! Am I okay? I only want God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit in my heart NOT the enemy. Has anyone else had these thoughts?

I’m currently obsessed with digital footprint, data leaks and breaches, as well as social media anxiety. It causes me to continually google search my name and handles, delete or deactivate my social media accounts, and even risk my safety by contacting third party breach websites to wipe my data. Has anybody else experienced something like this? I get extreme anxiety when I try to log into an old account I planned on deleting but I ended up forgetting the password. It’s harder for me to navigate my OCD when it’s something more specific and there’s less of a shared community surrounding it.

Over tun last almost year I have realised I most likely have ocd, I have done so much research, which u can probably tell because I’m on here, during late night episodes and have remembered so many signs from my childhood and started noticing things in my everyday life. I have always had a feeling that something wasn’t quite right in me and I could never put a finger on it and I thought all the thoughts I got were truth and I was a serious danger, I had no idea it was ocd! Probably because of how social media portrays it. Today I have been really striving to get my mum to get me a doctors appointment to get this checked out, which I’ve found very hard to do because I’m 16 so I still mainly relay on my parents for things like getting me to the doctors. I just want to know, did the diagnosis help? And do I even have a right to say I have ocd if I don’t have a diagnosis just yet? I mean from what I know from my extensive research I most definitely do. Some examples of my symptoms are: 1. When I was little and now as well in recent months I had a serious obsession with making everything equal on my hands and it got to the point where to stop me doing this I would say “stop Alice stop” over and over to stop myself 2. I constantly have to pick up and put down things untill it feel right, this have been happening a lot recently because it’s exam season so I keep having to pick up every thing on my desk multiple times during the exam. This also first started around the age of 9 3. I’ve been getting very vivid and convincing harm thoughts since the age of about 11 and they used it scare me so much to the point when I would make my animals leave my room or I would never stop thinking about it. I was seriously convinced I was insane. I still get these thoughts but nower dayd I get alot more ROCD thoughts but I do still get harm thought during bad flare ups The list goes on and on and on I’m just wondering does it sound like I ahve ocd? Or am i just insane and trying to convince myself other wise? Please people reply I need you guys help!!!

I’ve felt like I’m in danger all day long and that something bad is about to happen to me 🙃🙃I realize this is probably just a compulsion to think about it. I ruminated and obsessed basically all day. However In therapy today I played with a food that I’m terrified that I’m allergic to! So that’s a win 😊

Hello i was not diagnosed with ocd but I've been told I'm getting intrusive thoughts . I'm at an IOP and they want to put me on seroquil. Im so upset and scared something is terribly wrong with me already . I'm scared now they think I have bipolar . Can intrusve thoughts be phrases in your own dialouge like your a loser stuff like that ?

How do you guys manage compulsive self-talk?

I have been getting better and better but I've been experiencing this one theme, i'll refrain from mentioning it so I don't trigger anyone accidentally. It is something I know is against my values, beliefs, what I know to be true, and it is something i'd never do but the moment the OCD happens the urge i'd of course never act upon that is there is so profound it is honestly so distressing and then I do not know what to do other than wanting to lock myself in my bedroom and hope for this to pass. What do you guys do when a comand-like/urge intrusive thought pops into your mind? I know it is not my thought, and I would never act upon it of course. But how can I calm myself and be rational in such a moment?

I've battled OCD since I was a little kid. Until a couple of years ago, I sort of learnt to live with it. The last 2 years, intrusive thoughts have ruined my life. Let's just say, everything I dont want to think about, pops into my mind. This leads to immense guilt, shame and fear I will feel like this forever. Ive done ERP, seen roughly 8 psychologists, did a 3 weeks stay as an impatient OCD program and am taking Fluoxetine daily. I know all there is to know about OCD therapy, minimising compulsions, ACT, mindfulness etc. Why cant I seem to get on top of this? I know it takes time and practice and eventually I will change the way my brain is wired. It's days like today I feel that I will never be able to forgive myself for the content of the thoughts that have resided in my mind. Sometimes I wish I could use the memory wiping device used in Men in Black, so I can forget everything Ive ever thought. I will keep fighting and hopefully one day I can use what I have learnt to help others OCD sufferers. You are all so frickin brave for getting out of bed every day knowing what awaits you. I wish nothing but happiness, peace and a clear mind to you all xxx

I am honestly feeling terrified and here’s why… My partner is currently in New York with his family and while that is more than okay, I feel anxious. It has nothing to do with him being there but instead it has everything to do with me. I play this game online and came across someone. I started playing with them, we played for about six hours. I am not sure if it’s because this person is a guy but I have this fear that I will cheat or leave my partner even when that is the last thing I want. I thought about never playing with this person again but I enjoy playing with them. I just can’t stand the intrusive thoughts my mind creates about this person. I have no clue how this person even looks, I don’t know why my mind is playing these tricks on me and causing me these intense feelings of anxiety. Help?

This is a very specific and unique situation that I don’t think many (if any) will be able to relate….and I am not sharing this to get validation. Its more of a lack of connection and lack of understanding situation. I feel really alone. I have had OCD since I was a child. I truthfully think it happened because of some not okay sexual things happening at home. To add fuel to the fire God decided to give me type 1 diabetes as a child…which only intensified the OCD. Especially because the mother he assigned to me is extremely controlling and emotionally abusive. I am 33 years old living at home- I would have never dreamed my life would have ended up as terrible as it did and I have no words to express that. It isn’t for lack of trying, ive been working since I was 14 years old. But With the economy and the cost of my disease (that is out of control) and disability only offering me $800 a month, i am stuck at home. Pity party starting now: Imagine for a moment your OCD is cleanliness. And you have a disease that not only causes you severe pain; but causes other issues such as but not limited to, issues with going to the bathroom. ie: if my sugar is 400 like it is currently the piss Will spray out of me like a broken faucet and get on my inner thigh like it has just done. Not only this but anyone who has experienced blood sugar this high would know it causes scary cognitive function issues and dark thoughts, spiraling thoughts. So I can’t just work through the thought of being dirty..ive tried..i spiral. Then my sugar gets worse, i faint and have to call the ambulance. Imagine having a mother who after 20 years of you being sick can’t understand it. And doesn’t care how sick you are or how you feel in regards to your diabetes. And who laughs and makes fun of you in regards to your OCD. And now imagine you live in America where everything is so expensive that you can’t leave.

So my SO OCD has been crazy today. I’m in a very committed relationship with a boy I love but now I think that I may have a crush on a girl I see in rehearsals for this play I’m in. Funny, but I didn’t think of her that way before I started ruminating. I feel like I sort of willed this “crush” into happening as a sort of way to figure out my sexuality. She is very pretty and there are aspects I like about her, but there are also things about her personality I don’t like. Granted, I’ve never felt romantic or sexual attraction to women. All my crushes have been men and I’m 27. Has anyone ever felt this way? I feel a tremendous amount of fear and guilt. “What if I like this person?” “What if I’m Bi or Bi-curious?” “Should I leave my partner?” I don’t feel like I align with dating women and I don’t feel comfortable having romantic feelings for a woman, but I feel like I do. I certainly don’t want to have a crush on someone while in a committed relationship. Any advice or well wishes would be nice….

i remember feeling more hopeless in the past, having lower moments, mentally, you know, in 2022 i completely lost it. and i remember being 14 in 2020 and for the first time really considering ending my life. but still every day i wake up and go to sleep in the ocd prison, i am so tired, no one understands the patterns are the same, have been the same for years and yet i don’t know how to cope. it’s so exhausting.

I have really bad intrusive thoughts and I feel like I can never get rid of them they’re always there and I can never get them of my mind can someone help me ?

After that triggering dream where the worst thing could have happened, I don't feel legimitated anymore to feel genuinely distressed by triggers, to call compulsions as such. It all feels disingenuous. They don't feel valid anymore. Like crocodile tears. Because the one thing I didn't want to happen probably happened, that undoes everything else. I feel like a hypocrite, to feel distress and worry about those things, being anxious of that particular fear because in that dream it happened. I felt arousal and probably genuine attraction, I'm afraid that I could have agreed with it. Maybe it isn't true, maybe it didn't happen, maybe I'm misinterpreting, but then why I was left with that impression? All because of a damn dream, because ocd, all my triggers intrude even in my sleep, because I can't even be safe in my dreams. This is the worst mental illness.

I think I have suffered from some forms of pure ‘o’ OCD for a while now, but I am not sure as they come and go and change with time. At the moment I cannot stop obsessing over the thought that I must be a pedophile, despite having no desire to harm children and no attraction to children. Now even the thought of the word ‘children’ or the sight of them makes me feel anxious and on edge that I will for some reason harm them or everyone will know that I am a molester even though I am not and would never want to be. I also cannot stop trying to look into the past to see if I ever behaved inappropriately around children and testing/bargaining with myself when there are children around to prove to myself that I am in fact normal. It is very hard to focus on anything, so sometimes performing weird rituals like counting to 8 and not stepping on the cracks helps to soothe me, but I have resorted to harming myself at worse moments. Also, when I was growing up, I thought I had sexuality based OCD or anxiety because I was terrified of being a lesbian. I would try and bargain and explain myself out of the idea that I could be gay, and try to find evidence that would prove to myself that I was straight. However, I have since accepted that part of myself and dismissed it as denial, but now I am experiencing similar anxiety levels with this suspected POCD. Now I am afraid that this means I am not truly queer, or even worse, that it is not POCD and I am in danger of becoming a pedophile in the future. However, when I was anxious over my sexuality I think I did on some level know that I was attracted to women, whereas I don’t have a clue where these thoughts that I would harm children have come from. However it was a while ago and I can’t stop obsessing that they are the same thing; these thoughts are extremely distressing so I don’t know what to do.

Last night my friend and I did edibles for the first time. We accidentally did too much and we both became incredibly anxious. For me it made my ocd bad I started constantly checking to see if I was aroused and I got paranoid that I was and then kept checking and it really just triggered my ocd. I was wondering if anyone else has gone through similar things? I got really bad sexual and violent intrusive thoughts.

Hello, so I had some pretty bad OCD. I had intrusive thoughts and I would do very disturbing rituals/ compulsions to try to suppress the thoughts. It was extremely unhealthy. It pretty much took over my life. It was non stop. I got the help I needed. I saw a physiatrist and she put me on medicine. We found a good combination of medicine that worked great. Over time I felt the best I had in so long! It was great! But then we lowered the dose of the medicine and eventually I stopped taking it. It turned out I didn't do it right. The first mistake was at this point I had not taken any therapy, only medicine. And also I believe I didn't take enough time lowering the dosage before I just completely stopped taking the medicine. So basically at this point I unfortunately relapsed and started doing all those terrible compulsions again. It was horrible! It was a nightmare. So I obviously saw my physiatrist again and we went back on the medicine. And she then strongly recommended I see a therapist. So I did. I signed up to NOCD and started taking sessions. They taught me a lot! It was extremely helpful. So after the therapy and continuing taking my medicine I got back to where I was before the relapse. I was in a great spot again. At this point my physiatrist recommended we start to reduce my medicine again.. but this time we did it way more slower. I would take lower dosages monthly. I would cut my pills in halves, then quarters, then I would take a pill every other day etc. We got to a point ( about 3 months ago) Where we decide I stop taking the medicine. Now here I am now. So I haven't relapsed. What I mean is I haven't done any of my terrible rituals/ compulsions that really spiral me out of control. So I'm proud of that. But unfortunately I just feel like some of the symptoms are returning. I find myself doing very small ticks to try to suppress some of these thoughts. I guess you can call them compulsions. There not anything bad but I know I'm doing them. I know I probably should stop because I fear that could lead to worse compulsions. So basically after I stopped taking my pills I've noticed a difference. It's no where near as bad as it was!! I'm able to live with this. Thanks to everything I know from therapy etc... but to be honest I kinda feel a little depressed because I know there are symptoms returning. I can feel them. So it kind of sucks. I'm trying my best to not do any compulsions. But it's been like every day where I'm dealing with these symptoms. And it's got me down. I'm seeing my physiatrist in a week. And I'm going to ask her if she thinks I should get back on some medicine. The best I ever felt was when I was on my pills. There were some side effects but nothing to bad. They weren't an issue. I felt amazing when I was on them. I just don't feel the best right now. It's it OK to be on medicine (at least a small dosage) for long periods of time? Potentially life? I really appreciate anyone who reads this! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm 31 years old. Thank you

Hi everyone. This isn't as much a cry for help as it is a confession. I was out to brunch, and had a drink, felt a little tipsy and then went grocery shopping. All was fine and well until I started having intrusive thoughts about POCD. At first I was mentally saying no and disagreeing, but then I kind of started to ignore it. Well I went to the bathroom, and when I was washing my hands, I had more intrusive thoughts (or I was acknowledging the OCD I was having, I don't know for sure) but then I had a groinal response. It felt like pleasure but I knew I was also having OCD AND I convinced myself I had pleasure to the intrusive thoughts about POCD. I was numb and drunk and honestly I didn't even have a reaction besides I just let it happen like I didn't say no mentally I kind of just stood there with dead eyes at the floor. I feel absolutely disgusting and I feel the need to confess to my boyfriend everything. I feel disgusting. It feels like I was having pleasure to those intrusive thoughts and I'm disgusted with myself that my brain and body would do that. The problem is- I can't remember if I was just numb and not reacting, or if I keep doing it? It happened like 2-3 times that my body had that groinal response. I don't really remember thinking about a particular intrusive thought or I know I didn't like imagine anything TO have pleasure to, but I can't ignore the what-ifs. Someone please help