- Date posted
- 43w ago
Am I the only one
I have really bad intrusive thoughts and I feel like I can never get rid of them they’re always there and I can never get them of my mind can someone help me ?
I have really bad intrusive thoughts and I feel like I can never get rid of them they’re always there and I can never get them of my mind can someone help me ?
When you are fighting your OCD or try to in this case get it,  that will just make the OCD continuing to stay . you kinda of have to learn to sit with the OCD and let it be there. I highly recommend looking up the term ocd response and exposure and what compulsions are and how not to do them. OCD is treatable, but it’s hard and it takes a lot of work to do so. I can feel you why you want to ride it and get rid of it I have harm OCD so I see graphic images of hurting people that are important to me or even killing them. It’s quite disturbing and I really hate them but I’ve learned not to react to them even though it’s really hard and they don’t cause me great distress anymore, but it took me a long time to get that point.  I wish I would’ve looked up more about OCD when I was younger so I could have got properly more results faster when I was younger.
I've never been worried about acting out my thoughts, I just feel terrible and extremely guilty for having such repugnant thoughts. My thoughts realistically cant happen, but everything I dont want to think about seems to pop into my mind. I feel as if I need to be forgiven to move forward. Im a loving dad and husband with 2 amazing children and all I want is to be happy again. Some days I know that I am not my thoughts and other days I can barely function because of them. Im what I would consider very educated when it comes to OCD treatment, but I still cant seem to get on top of it.
I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
I struggle so bad with intrusive thoughts. They can be so bad that I'll cry because I KNOW that's not how I feel or want to do. (Too embarrassed to say what they're about) I'll constantly try to figure out why I have them, and constantly figure out what they mean, causing me to constantly circle around and around. I had to get on anxeity meds, which helped a little but the thoughts still happen. How do you help yourself with this? How do you know that you're just not some physcopath? 😅
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