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the NOCD Community

For me it’s quick flashes of images and racing thoughts. It’s really scary and I feel alone

Hi everyone. I really want to go back to enjoying my life. I know its possible as i felt like this before 7 years ago but i am to much in my head to remember how i snapped out of it. I keep having panic attacks. I know there panic attacks. I know there is nothing seriously wrong with me. I know im not gonna just drop dead. Yet i keep getting anxious. I absolutely love my life. I have a job i enjoy. A loving husband and two beautiful children. Although we have normal life struggles i am still happy with my life. Yet 4 weeks ago my panic attacks started again. After being dormant for 7 years. Im afraid of death and leaving my family and life. I dont know why i am so afraid. I am a Christian (although i dont go to church) i believe in God and i believe my life is planned out for me. I believe whatever is gonna happen will happen and we are just along for the ride. I know whenever my times comes it will be my time. No amount of panicking will change that. I guess despite my faith i am human and the unknown of death and the fear if what i believe isnt real i could cease to exist and thats terrifying. I just want to be able to take on life not living in fear.

Is pushing away intrusive thoughts a compulsion?

i feel like im being crushed by the weight of deadlines and my thoughts. i have so much to do in the next 3 weeks and i feel so distracted by my brain. i just got diagnosed with OCD and it feels good to put a name to all these endless thoughts i have. i think so much and never get a break and on top of it im so overwhelmed by assignments i feel paralyzed (i have adhd, too). even when i do things i enjoy my brain still somehow thinks of something to ruin the moment. 🫠

Does anyone else feel like they’ve really just convinced themselves they have OCD just to feel better about the thoughts and feelings they have? Sometimes I feel like a liar or a fraud. I’m undiagnosed and sometimes I feel like an imposter on this app. I worry that I’ve just convinced myself of having OCD as an excuse for my thoughts and feelings, so I can feel better.

How do people handle confessional compulsions? I feel like I have to confess everything all the time or else I'm a liar and a bad person and not confessing makes me feel sick to my stomach. Any advice for overcoming this? Ive tried to not confess but I just get so ill

Hey so I took 2 ocd test I know I probably shouldn't but I just couldn't take it anymore I've told my experience here to all of you twice and yall help seebthat yes it is ocd. The obsessive intrusive thoughts, images, urges. Not to mention my compulsions researching,ressurance,self reassurance, debating the thoughts, saying no out loud and rumination. And this takes up almost all day but my counselor says it's just severe anxiety but I think it's because I didn't answer correctly when he asked me a question about catastrophizing I barley do that anymore but these thoughts scare me not to mention when I took both ocd test online they both said I have ocd tendencies like high tendencies

One of my biggest fears is, having feelings for someone else other than my partner. I don't want to have crushes, i don't want to get attracted, i don't want to love anyone other than my partner. I hate having feelings for anyone else and i hate the idea of this happening. I can't distinguish false attraction and feelings from the real one because my trigger feeling is same as the excitement feeling. I don't care if having crushes, getting attracted is normal. I don't care and i don't want it. I don't even want to normalize it. No matter what i feel, i will choose to love my partner and my partner only. But having these thoughts and feelings are enough to make me feel like i cheated on my partner. I want to stay faithful to my partner. With my actions, but also with my feelings and thoughts. My partner is my everything. And i don't want to hurt him in anyway. I don't want to hurt him in my mind, with my thoughts. Everyone triggers me, especially some specific people. They are my biggest triggers. Making eye contact with them, even being in the same environment with them kills me. It makes me feel like i actually love these people and i have a crush on them, and i stopped loving my partner. I don't want to love anyone other than my partner. I don't want to have crushes. I feel so horrible and disloyal. I don't want these thoughts and feelings. I also feel like i always try to impress people. I feel like I'm the same disgusting person I used to be and I haven't changed at all. I feel like an attention-seeking, disgusting person who talks to everyone, constantly tries to attract attention and impress, and is unfaithful and disgusting. I feel like a wh*re who wants people to chase her. I feel truly disgusting. And i feel like i normalize this. I feel like i actually have a crush or love that person who triggers me and i try to impress them. I feel so horrible and i have so realistic feelings for them. I hope these feelings are all fake. I don't want to develop any single feeling for someone other than my partner. I feel like i actually want them, prefer them. My mind creates scenarios about him and repeats the images about him. Im having a panic attack. And i truly feel like i want to cheat on my partner and this never felt that real before. I feel like a unfaithful whore who keeps secrets from hee partner, wants to cheat, love and lust chaser. Etc. I feel like i don't care about my partner and i don't love him anymore. I feel like i actually love that other person and not my partner, i have SO MANY UNFAİTHFUL and disloyal thoughts and FEELINGS. Im just hoping, and begging to god, i hope these are fake. I feel so disgusting. I feel like i don't even feel guilty, i actually love that person. Idk if im being clear enough, i feel like i can't explain my feelings properly. I need some help, advice or support. What id i love that person? What if i have a crush on them? What if i don't love my partner anymore? What if im not loyal? I choose to stay faithful and not act on these thoughts and feelings. But having these thoughts and feelings are enough to make me a horrible, disloyal person. I feel like i nornalize, enjoy being a disgusting person.

Growing up i never felt forgiven for anything. No one ever said “it’s okay I’m not mad at you”. As an adult I don’t know how to forgive myself for anything. I feel like a bad person for absolutely everything even my own thoughts. I don’t know how to stop telling myself that I’m the only person like this and that everyone around me is normal.

The other day I was in the kitchen and the children I work with were in a rush and I was trying to push them out of the kitchen. When that happened, I was nudging them out with my hands and legs. When I was nudging a child forward, I noticed a sensation in my leg near my crotch area that I was pushing, but it wasn’t gratification and it wasn’t sexual. But I feel awful because I recognized the sensation but didn’t move my body. I continued to push forward. Now I feel like I’ve committed a heinous crime. When it happened it was very subconscious and unaware. I was not imploring myself to do anything else or really anything at all. It was just that weird feeling in my leg but I still feel awful that for 2 seconds I continued to push them forward. It’s driving me insane that I feel like I tried to continue to push forward. Now that I’m writing this, I can recognize that I was not trying to be weird or anything and I think my mind is tricking me. But it still SUCKS!!!!!!! I hate having OCD!!!!! I know I didn’t do anything and I’m a good person. But I don’t know how to be comfortable with this one.

My images are weird, they feel “close” and it’s strange that they are blurry with a background yet I’m still sort of aware of my actual surroundings whilst my intrusive image can be taking place anywhere. What about you?

If you’re like me, you use alcohol to cope and it kinda pushes the OCD thoughts way down - temporarily. My question is, does quitting help in the long term?

My brain keeps saying what if it’s not OCD and you are in denial and you are just using OCD to cover it all up…

So sometimes I feel fake and evil, like everything I do or say is fake and that I’m gonna do something evil or apparently already done (false memories). Like I know it’s ocd cuz I got the symptoms, but i can’t get diagnosed yet, which then makes me doubt if I’m faking that as well. I’m kinda scared tbh and saying this makes feel like I’m lying and then lying about not lying and yeh

Ever since I caught my... now-ex, I guess... having cheated, and I worked the nerve to talk to him and break it off in a surprisingly strong and boundary-concious way for myself, I have been looking at housing areas around me. I can't move out soon even if I wanted to since I want to apply for disability and that can take a year or so, I have no job and no saved up money because we used it all when he had no job/refused to get one and was hoping it would be quick and easy for him to find one (took him 4 months). I have no car so I was/am checking mover services over and over. I keep looking at the bus routes in the city to make sure the apartments that are available NOW are around them, which I know makes no sense because there is job guarantee they will be available later. Which... leads me to checking again the next day. Or later that day. All stemming from discomfort that he is just still lying even "just as roommates" and it is a trigger for my ROCD even without being in a relationship anymore. I am so frustrated. This would be my first time moving out on my own. The uncertainty and fear and distrust here is eating at me but I have no friends or family to go to so, I'm just... stuck.

So I just did the DOCS assessment my therapist assigned me after my first appointment and I got a low score on on it (14) which means I don't have OCD. Did this happen to anyone else? I finally thought I knew what was wrong with me and that ERP therapy would work, but now I'm worried that my therapist won't be able to work with me or that my thoughts actually mean I'm a terrible person because I don't have it.

I’ve posted on here about recently losing my cat. When I get really upset and cry about her not being here anymore, I have thoughts that I’m not actually upset and it’s just an act. I know it’s not, she was my baby and I miss her and love her more than anything. These thoughts are so horrible, how do I make them stop😞

Lately my intrusive thoughts are centered on my kids. Why is ocd coming for what is most precious to me?? This is so painful and the hardest i’ve ever had to deal with. The more I tell the ocd it isn’t true the more it tries to make me feel that it is. I can’t live like this😢

OCD is excruciatingly painful. I don’t think any other forms of torment on earth can rival it, except maybe schizophrenia-type disorders or physical torture. I have come a long way from where I started. I don’t believe I have OCD, as it is clinically defined, anymore (though some experts might disagree). I no longer have any intrusive thoughts. I have the silence and freedom in my mind that I always wanted—but never could attain before. But I remember the days when the thoughts ran like wildfire through my brain, each thought scarier than the last—the never-ending, repeating sentences that were like frightening music 🎶 that never shuts off. Only people who have experienced these thoughts can understand the mental pain and anguish. Even on the other side of the disorder, where I am now, the OCD still haunts me every day. It’s mostly in the background, but I can always feel its shadow. The roots of perfectionism and fear still run very deep. Every day, as I work on further recovery, I find that I am peeling back more and more layers that I didn’t even know were there. I understand everyone who says they despise their OCD. I find it hard to convey to other people the amount of pain this disorder causes. But every day now I have an opportunity for joy if I choose it. And I love that. Some days are mostly normal. I can almost forget about the OCD for hours at a time. I always sleep in peace, even my naps. And even though every day has significant OCD-related struggles, I also know that every day I am getting better.

I see a lot of people posting the same posts here (myself included at one time) to get reassurance. but there is a sad truth here: no one can help you but yourself. the only thing that will help you is therapy and acceptance of uncertainty. you are literally fighting your brain and you will NEVER win. There will never be enough reassurance for you and yet you can't accept the worst case scenario. there are even people who post the same thing in order to draw people's attention to their posts. but it won't happen. you are your own worst enemy, you are your own best friend, you get to choose whether to be enemies with yourself or friends.