Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I have intrusive urges and thoughts come into my head how do stop them ? Or accept them ? 🙏

So I've been doing a lot of introspection in order to FastTrack my recovery for OCD. I am now finally able to share to you guys what I came up with, and I know this is gonna help a lot of people on this forum if you take this seriously. Its called the AUL principle. To remember this better, think of someone from the American south pronouncing the word "All" Here's how it works by letter: Awareness: become totally aware of your intrusive thoughts. DO NOT try to hide the intrusive thoughts through compulsions and reassurance. This is obviously the hardest step because the thoughts are so vile, heartless, destructive that we just want to turn away and run from them. But don't, confront the fears. Uncertainty: live with the fact that you don't know what is going to happen to you. For example, if you worry that someone is gonna hurt you if you go to the store, think "maybe I will get hurt" "maybe I won't" live with the fact that we don't know what is going to happen to use every second of our lives. Lack of caring: after completing the first two examples, your brain should simmer down and you can live on with your life without obsessing. This will take a lot of practice and mental fortitude, as well as a support group of people who know not to ressassure you, which will bring back the OCD. I myself didn't want to change my behaviors because everyone in my life treated me like absolute garbage or was being way to reassuring. It was not until I was court ordered a therapist who wasn't either of those things I wanted to improve myself This is a better way of thinking about ERP at least in my mind. Hope this helps someone

I am so tired of feeling like this. I feel so hopeless, I’m having intrusive thoughts about my mom and children but it’s not what if it’s “you’re going to do such and such” I feel like my brain has taken over me. I don’t feel happy and I just sit around everyone and pretend like I’m okay when really I’m having horrible thoughts. Also I don’t feel like myself feels like someone else is controlling me. When I think of myself it’s like in 3rd person, for example when I look at my children my brain is like “those aren’t your kids those are Breanna’s kids” or when I talk to friends and family my brain says “those are Breanna’s friends and family” then It’s like I’m just not scared anymore but I want to be like I need to be scared to be normal if that makes sense. I feel like it just took over and I’m going to give in but it doesn’t scare me so now I think I’m just crazy or stuck like this. I feel numb and just out of it like I’m losing hope. Also I had a nightmare like in my dream I had intrusive harm thoughts like I can’t get a break even when I’m sleep or when I wake up. I haven’t really been able to eat because it makes me nauseous I just feel pointless ugh 🥺

I recently discovered that I have maladaptive daydreaming disorder which is common for people who have OCD. I was diagnosed with Pure OCD six years ago but I felt that there was something different about my condition. My compulsions were daydreams and fantasizing about changing past events. I would do this on a loop and this behavior could last for hours. Has anyone else discovered this about themselves?

Thoughts and feelings about a specific person I feel horrible. My old friend triggers me so much. But thoughts about him don't feel like my other triggers. It's like there's a likeable, pleasant feeling, but I don't want to feel like that. All I want is to feel bad about these thoughts. When this happens, I feel as if my feelings and thoughts are real, as if I actually really love someone else, as if it's okay to love someone else other than my partner, as if I agree with it and keep it a secret. I feel something like a false comfort. But why do I feel false comfort towards this person in particular? What if I love that person and I don't love my partner? Why do i feel these feelings and what does that mean? Does that mean i actually love that person but i deny it, but also i actually know thw truth but im hiding it? What if i want to be with that person? What if my thoughts and feelings are the truth? I don't want any of these to be true, i don't want to feel any romantical feeling towards to anyone other than my partner. I don't want to love anyone else other than my partner. I don't want to be loyal to anyone other than my partner. I don't want anyone else and i don't want these horrible unwanted thoughts and feelings. I don't want to feel a comfort or likeable feeling when the unfaithful thoughts I have about others comes this time about him. I don't want someone else to have a different place in my consciousness. When I think about that person, I don't want to have thoughts and feelings saying "There's no problem in loving him, in fact, you love him anyway, I don't mind that." I don't want thoughts and feelings that normalize the things I hate. Additionally, I am very afraid that God will take my partner away from me and give that person to me instead.

I've been shutting myself away lately because I'm so fu^king sick of this cycle of me turning into a g0ddamned baby and then hysterically crying for hours on end and having my family helplessly watch and not know how to help. Nobody knows how to help. I don't even know what I need. I want to give up and just stare at the wall until somebody can save me. If my brain isn't constantly distracted and numbed I'm spiraling. I switch minute to minute from being super depressed to hyper and talkative yet somehow I manage to hold it all inside. It's getting very hard to communicate/mask. Every night I feel fine. I feel scared and sad, but I feel the most normal at this time. When I wake up, it starts all over again. I wake up in panic attack mode and drag myself to work. I swear to god I can't help myself anymore. Nothing I do helps and it's too exhausting. I think I'm just gonna keep letting myself suffer because I'm so sick of trying to get help and then have it not help. I know this is just an episode but jesus christ it's so f^cking scary. I believe everything my brain tells me but I don't even know what it's telling me. All I know is there's this extreme PUSH to be flooded with extreme sadness and anxiety, and it's very REAL. I feel like I need to be locked up and studied. I truly feel alone in this condition because I genuinely believe there is no one in this world who has been having these symptoms the way I do. Four years of this, several mental health professionals, and I still don't have an answer. When will I be able to rest? Even reading this message makes me think "that's not me. where did I go?" There's not even a specific reason why i'm feeling so extremely horrible. It starts as a pure OCD attack about something and then before I know it I spend a week crying. Anyway I have work in the morning I don't know how I keep going and getting out of bed every day knowing that ending up like this is definitely a possibility. I really don't know how I'm still alive. Something is extremely wrong with me and no one seems to understand just how bad it is. What do I need to do in order to get someone to understand the severity of it all? I wish nothing but healing and peace and permanent remission for all of you tough souls ❤️

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 22... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

I disclosed my disgusting intrusive images to my husband and he's used it against me. We've been fighting and if we get divorced I'm afraid he's going to tell people. If people knew they would be horrified and I would lose all the people in my life. I shouldn't have told him. I'm so scared and angry at myself that I told him.

So I was recently diagnosed with ocd and I have always been told since I was little that I have ocd tendencies but I worry that I am not ocd enough. Like what if I don’t have enough like things to address. Sometimes I worry that I’m faking it but I can’t tell the difference between what’s fake and what real

does anyone here suffer from both ocd and social anxiety? my ocd has been getting worse and i’ve recently realized that i also have social anxiety in new groups of people. my anxiety is so intense it drives me crazy. i wasn’t always like this. when i was a kid i used to be very confident and had a lot of friends. i always subconsciously shame myself for feeling this way and even though my ocd just let go of the last theme it had, my social anxiety has been making me even more miserable. social anxiety just seems to be such a loser disorder like «ooh i’m insecure and anxious and i’m afraid people will judge me» it makes me hate myself and i haven’t felt this way in a long time

My ocd is making me think I actually want to commit these hanus acts and I’m scared it’s something I actually want to do but I don’t want to do it and I’d never let myself

I’m really pushing myself to do exposures on my own and though I know logically it’s the right thing to do it’s so incredibly hard. I’ve overcome so many triggers and I know this is possible but it’s taking everything in me not to give into compulsions. Every second ocd is trying to grab me and lead me down the rabbit hole and it’s an exhausting fight. Just looking for words of encouragement ❤️

I am recovering from a pretty intense relapse with my OCD and it’s left me with different desires for my future. I have always wanted a family, but I am so deeply afraid of relapsing when I am married or have kids. I can’t even take care of myself when I’m like that much less children or hold a job. I’m afraid if it comes back I’ll ruin everything I’ve worked for and ever wanted. It petrifies me that it comes with out warning. I don’t want to get close to people in fear they will catch me at a time as such

My husband thinks he knows so much about OCD, like he’s an expert or something. I really struggle with confessing things with OCD, but any time I go to talk to my husband about something that actually happened and is not just a false memory, he doesn’t let me talk to him about it, but I just need him to know what happened. Of course, I know that I am probably blowing the thing that happened out of proportion, but how do I navigate this? He won’t let me talk to him about anything related to OCD really because he thinks I’m constantly “confessing” things to him.

I’m exhausted and feel alone with my ocd. I’ve had it for 17 years and still feel like I need to beat it but I’m never going to get to that point and then if I’m starting to get better it feels unsettling. Can anyone relate? 💜

Does anyone else feel like OCD has become part of their entire life? Like I struggle with showering, using the bathroom, driving, trying to leave my house, cooking, eating, and doing my job. I feel like I’m drowning in it and it’s consuming my entire day and I feel like just breaking down and sobbing everyday over it. I see a therapist, and a psychiatrist but it’s been so bad that it’s taking a huge toll on my mental health and just my quality of life. I have gone through remission before, but it just feels like it has come back stronger and it’s just like seeping into everything in my day, it’s like I can’t ever escape it.

If I think all things done wrong are personal failures for erp are they going to make me do personal failures?

Can somebody relate to these terrifying and reality-shattering doubts? Today I went through a very bad ocd episode after reading a triggering comment. It felt like we don't actually have innate morals, that there is nothing separating me from being a monster. I started spiraling into disturbing questions and I got scared a lot. "If you try to like it maybe you could like it". I was so scared how easily I could see myself becoming a **** who's attracted to that horrible stuff. I was too terrified about the fact that maybe I could start being attracted to that stuff in my head, and that scenario happened TOO easily. I'm not attracted by that stuff, it makes me throw up and cry, but in my head it felt so terrifyingly easy to become a deplorable monster like all those abusers in the world, this parallel reality felt so real and easy. Like all the **** on Hollywood must have become like that because they were exposed to it and they learned to like that perversion right? They're all in it. I got triggered very badly about that scenario, that if I got exposed to it I could start to like it. That my brain could adapt itself to liking it. I don't know how to explain it, I don't even know if you guys can relate to this terrible feeling. It felt in my head like there is a very thin wall separating me from being like a ****, that there is very fragile wall for me, that if I were to be exposed to that stuff that I could actually enjoy that horrible stuff. It's a reality that terrifies me, and in my head this scenario happened too easily, like I'm destined to it or I'm in denial, like "it's a matter of time", and once I try to check if I like it I could actually like it. Like I always avoid little girls, and everytime I notice them I always get triggered and feel distress, but I tried to accept the distress and move on, thinking that it was ocd making feel like I was falsely-attracted, and that I was actually only triggered and nothing else - I never went beyond that - but what if I put it in my mind to accept that I actually liked what I saw? How easy would it be to realise that maybe I was actually attracted and in denial? Or maybe if I crossed the veil of OCD I could discover a horrible truth that I never wanted to know? It's the distress that's making me feel sane, but if I went beyond that? If I tried to experiment the liking would I actually become what I fear the most? Just like that, easily? I'll never cross that veil, because I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. But the fact that maybe under it lies an uncomfortable truth will always keep me in uncertainty and unclear about my identity. Of course I would never look up that stuff, I would kill myself, but my head conjured me that I could like it, that it's like something sleeping that it's just waiting to be woke up. I can't tolerate it at all. Those horrible people in Hollywood, they discovered that they liked it after being exposed to it, what if I'm just like them? I could go live all my life just like now, without knowing, but what if in their same scenarion I would have been one of those person that could have like it just like them? I also suddenly got remembered again about that traumatic memory of that person sending an illegal gif out of nowhere, and it was accompanied by this disturbing thought "maybe you could like it". I also had another triggering episode, I was on instagram and a trigger appeared, and I start checking it repeatedly. I was afraid that because I noticed the trigger I was attracted by it so I was trying to find an answer. I need answers, not reassurance, I need to know if you guys experience this too.

I am at my witts end with struggling with this. I can't talk to my partner because they don't seem to understand what I'm going through. Not sure how to tell them they are triggering me when they talk about certain things that make the OCD rise in me. Life has been incredibly stressful. I'm ready to give up on everything.

On December 29, 2021, I experienced my first intrusive OCD thought. When I realized I couldn't shake it, immense dread seemed to overcome me. I spent the next 5 months in my own personal hell, flinching at every single thought, feeling, sensation, and urge. For months I wondered "What in the hell could have caused this to happen? Why am I losing my mind?" It was actually In April though, when it hit me. "Could it be the weed I was smoking every single day to calm down my nerves even though it hasn't done shit but amplify the sensations?" Nahhhhh. But internally, I was considering it.(This might be crazy and possibly triggering so do proceed with caution) Then I had a family trip planned. My immediate family and some older cousins I thought I could trust (One being in her late forties and the other in her twenties, after all.) I got in their car instead of my mom's. Why? Because I felt that stupid dread and wanted to break out of it with my fun cousins. I was determined to relax that day. As I got in, they offered me some weed. At the time, I was 15 and all my family knew I smoked so it was alright with them. I was hesitant at first and declined, but again, I thought fear was trying to tear me down so I said yes. Within 5-10 seconds, the high hit me like a truck. The sky turned red, and they had the music up at full volume playing the same fucking song over and over until we got to my grandmother's house to pick up my younger cousin. They drove like a bat out of hell the whole way there. I was in hell. [I realize this is getting way to long so I'll summarize] The trip sucked, everyone acted like I was a nuisance,we got home at 2 AM, and I didn't sleep for four days straight. It wasn't because of thoughts, anxiety, or anything else OCD related, it was because they laced their weed with something and to this day Ii still don't know with what. I haven't smoked weed since, and a lot of my symptoms are gone from resources I found online (OCD recovery on IG), but I miss the relief weed brought me. . NOW for my important question. Would it be possible for me to smoke weed again, preferably some that's unprocessed and homegrown? It was deeply benefiting me before OCD, but I genuinely believe it was the unnecessary processing and addictives of weed that was hurting me.