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The compulsions are just terrible. I don’t want to do them but some are so automatic and I need the relief so badly. I try to hold them off, and I stopped ERP but I think I should restart it.

How is one supposed to be okay with uncertainty? I don’t think I ever will be. Uncertainty on wether I am a monster, or if I’ll go to jail, or that my family and all of society will shun me and be disgusted with me. I have a real event with false memory and the number one think I find myself saying is I don’t know. I don’t know if I did or didn’t do that I don’t know if my memory is accurate or not I just don’t know. The guilt I wake up with everyday is suffocating and I don’t even know if it’s deserved or not. I don’t know what to do anymore I fear death is the only way out. I hate that I feel sorry for myself I don’t deserve anything at all.

About eight years ago now someone started impersonating me and posting sexually explicit messages on Craigslist using my phone number, instructing people to call or message me with a code phrase that included a comment about my vagina. He also opened an email in the format firstname.lastname@domain.com and messaged a bunch of casting directors and agents with photos pulled from my Facebook page and suggesting that I would do sexual favors for an opportunity. As an example, one photo was me in the booth doing voiceover and the text underneath was “Wait til you see what else I can do with my mouth…” The only reason I was able to get my Actors Access account back was one of the admin noticed that the explicit email’s address didn’t match what was registered in my account. I remember she just said “Poor girl” before we hung up as this was obviously something that was just… going to happen I guess. He also sent handwritten letters to prisoners —mostly convicted for violent crimes—which included more photos pulled from my Facebook account. I’m in the process of looking for other career opportunities, and one person I was in communication with hasn’t reached out in a couple weeks, which is a little concerning as he was pretty quick to get back to me before, but also a little par for the course in the entertainment industry. And I think I know who the impersonator was and he seemed to only operate using info he had: photos from social media bc we were online friends, my address bc he had come over before, my phone number of course because we would text. And he’s blocked everywhere and I’ve moved and we haven’t spoken in years but every time I don’t get the job or I don’t get a call back or whatever that sticky thought just won’t leave and it makes me so anxious about persuing better opportunities and it’s so unfair how much that experience can still effect me and I can’t stop thinking about and I know that I’ve done all that I’ve done and I’m continuing to stay vigilant, but it’s this thing where I *have* to know whether or not it’s him in the background pulling the strings. How do I live with this fear and keep going?

Hey everyone, Ive recently started taking meds for my ocd which has gotten bad over the last year. Ive done some light research on the side effects which has me worried a bit. Havent faced any so far but I am scared of having sexual dysfunction, decreased libido, or massive weight gain. Would love to know your guys thoughts on how you’ve navigated this.

Everyday I wake up and I work hard to figure out how I can become a better version of myself, as if myself at this point in time and anything before this was a “worse” version of myself. I didn’t realize this was ocd until I was diagnosed but ever since I was young, I have never felt ok with who I am and it’s the reason why I even persue my dream so ruthlessly, Making music is my passion but ocd completely ruins it for me. Does anyone else feel like their ego is shattered or that they are stuck in their own head and can’t see through their own eyes?

Been having some harm intrusive thoughts tonight when trying to sleep and I really wanted to vent but then I got scared that if I discussed it out loud or wrote it over text that the devil/one of his demons would hear and tempt someone to do something harmful to me/those I love. I have therapy tomorrow but now feel like I can’t tell her what I’m going through because of this fear. Any help?

i wake up with bad racing and intrusive thoughts. had a super bad one about hurting my dog and now i’m having a hard time being around her. i’m so sad

Am I the only one that, when gets disgusted at horrible intrusive thoughts or images feels like I'm faking it or isn't disgusted enough? When I see those intrusive images in my head I feel shaken and like about to cry, like when you see something from the uncanny valley. But then I feel like I'm faking being disgusted at it, and I'm so afraid that I might be secretely liking it. Something like that just happened now and I was triggered so much by it.

So, this evening I was cutting my kids nails and toenails and when it was my son’s turn, i was cutting his toenails and one started bleeding, well I’m like oh my gosh, did I mean to do that and so on. Well in my mind I was like what is that happens again, it did on the second one, mind you his toenails are weird. But I start stressing and think what if I wanted to and thought what if I meant to do it. I just need to ask has this happened to anyone?? I’ve been going through a lot of stress lately. And when I cut my daughter’s nails it was fine.

When you struggle to stay present, what’s something you can do to help that isn’t compulsive. When I loose my presence I become very vulnerable to sticky thoughts. Or maybe sticky days create a loss of presence. I’m thinking about making a few rules of thumb like: avoid confrontation, stressful media, making big decisions and maybe sticking to a to do list that includes extra self care. I’m on the upward swing but still have these days where I’m lost inside my head. Probably around 4-5 a month. I’m trying to accept that it happens without making OCD worse. Love some feedback.

This is a little new for me. Each time I figure out or find peace with the OCD to the point where it’s practically nonexistent a flare up happens and suddenly I’m back to feeling “off” and not normal and thinking in my head all day all kind of ocd related thoughts. Endless questions and connections of things that are not at all related. Soo darn annoying. You guys, how do you keep pushing past this!? What tips do you have for this dealing with the feelings after the flare up. The worst part is being able to laugh and smile and just live life again and then just boom feeling soo awful again. Anyone experience feeling off after flare ups??

What differences did you notice when you started to actually resist compulsions? Are intrusive thoughts less frequent? Less intense?

Isit me alone or anyone experienced this. My anxiety and worry somehow at the peak every night before i sleep. I have never fall sleep on time because of my intrusive thoughts. All the worry, bad thoughts, anxiety of something bad will happen, guilt, you name it, entire world problems will run in my head. I end up using phone so that i wont think, just scroll social media or read articles to divert my mind until im so exhausted and my mind shut down. This is very exhausting and tiring. Anyway to deal with this?

Hi, i have been on and off with my SOOCD and I have been really good at understanding that my thoughts are just thoughts, yesterday i seen a masculine lesbian and it triggered me and I got severe anxiety because I was expecting some thoughts to come as I had been triggered. I then got thoughts “you find her attractive don’t lie”, when I seen her I do not personally think she is attractive looks wise and all that, but all my mind is saying to me now is I do and I am lying and it’s started to just get to me i just want to shut off and get the thoughts away from me😫then I seen on tiktok this person had SOOCD and then turns out they were gay and I just am spiraling.

My husband has been struggling with ocd for honestly I think most of his life. Officially diagnosed in the last two years now with paranoia as well. It’s difficult. I struggle myself with some anxiety and depression and overthinking situations. And we both have struggled self insecurities and insecurities in our relationship. He always tells me I don’t want to loose you after he has been is a dark place and needing reassurance. Right now we just feel very disconnected after a situation. I been trying to be as understanding as I can. And acknowledge that we both need to not seek so much reassurance from each other. Anyone have any tips on ways to feel connected again after an intense ocd episode?

Hello I've been on fluoxetine for 3 weeks now The first two weeks my intrusive thoughts got much much worse Almost to an unbearable point Now I feel restless legs and hands Also my sleep hasn't been so bad since I've been taking alprazolam but still I wake up some times at night I'm taking 40 mg a day Should I be worried?? I was reading about some real crazy side effects and bad stuff that just made me fell worse And right now I'm not sure I'm really in danger or it's just my ocd attacking me I don't wanna develop akathisia And I've been feeling some uneasiness in my limbs but not to that point I think

These past couple days, Ive had 2 huge panic attacks in a row. I’m getting worried because they were kind of the worst theyve ever been. I couldn’t function at all and if my partner weren’t with me, I’m afraid I wouldnt have been able to move or get up. I was convulsing and couldnt stop having the worst intrusive thoughts. I was so disappointed in myself that I started having super intense suicidal thoughts and couldn’t speak. I really hate ocd. I ruined some of the most fun days that were planned out in a trip too. Idk what to do anymore

I wanted to ask because I have this problem that my intrusive thoughts have completely attached to my ocs. There's one character I have, she has blonde hair and has a name pretty similar to my younger sister but not (the oc's name is Charlotte Wine who is a 32yr old women) and I had this for a while. I don't know what to do about it and now I completely avoided drawing or sexualising her because it now mixed up my little sister's name with hers and vice versa. I'm scared that if I do that I would be doing something horrible and criminal. The character was never based on my little sister so I don't know what to do about this. And I've just completely avoided drawing her and stuck to what's safe. It makes my uncomfortable just drawing her now because my brain attached itself to it

Just feels like i can never win in life... I dont ever have a special talent that makes me stand out from anyone... I cant win at games, nor ever have a victorious moment based on my skill instead of luck... i just lose and lose and lose... from having OCD based on real events, to my OCD gaslighting me into thinking my fears are true, to just never being able to ever win in life once in my life... i have no one in my college who understands... let alone anyone who cares... Maybe I deserve this because Ive done bad things in life... maybe I deserve this because of my childhood mistakes... who knows... Im just in a state of giving up on ever being happy because I genuinely feel like nothing works out for me, either by my own stupidity or just life being a bitch...

So writing this again My mind usually do negative swears with God so I have already prayed to God that don't listen to those swears which happens in my mind or my mind says so this time I already told God not to listen to those thoughts and ignore them so tell me will God punish me in any way I don't think so but my OCD does think this way