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the NOCD Community

i have my first therapy session on here in a couple of weeks. i was going to wait until i had my first session to stop doing compulsions and stuff but i decided to try erp on my own and see what happens.

One more question for y’all! I’m sure this is many of us, but I literally cannot sleep. If I do fall asleep, I maybe drift off for an hour or two. Then, I’m startled awake….intrusive thoughts running wild, heart racing….and then I lie awake the rest of the night. Just stuck in panic mode until the sun comes up. Then I have to start the day…already being in the rabbit hole for hours. I’ve tried every natural “remedy” nothing works. I’ve tried the pharmaceutical route…that also doesn’t work! Sleep has now become the enemy and I’d rather just stay awake all night. Does anyone have anything that helps them?? I’m desperate. The body/mind can’t heal without proper sleep. Also…and maybe folks can speak to this too. I’m back on my SSRI (3.5 weeks in) after being off for a few months (mistake). It’s torture waiting for the effects to kick in.

I keep having horrible nightmares of me doing terrible things to people. Like being a sexual deviant or something and it scares me and makes me feel bad about myself. Is this normal?

i’m sorry for posting a lot but i’m relapsing again and it’s hitting hard this time. It feels so real the thoughts feel like they are becoming mine and I thought i was doing better but no Im not because im suffering again. I feel like this time i can’t ignore them if i do they will be my thoughts. i will become who i fear becoming. i don’t want to die but i don’t want to live like this. i’ve never been more suicidal then when this last ocd relapse hit. this is the 3rd month im going through this theme and it’s relentless and painful and attacks every.little.thing. i doubt everything. i’m sorry for posting so much but. i’m afraid i can’t keep on moving. my heart is tired and beat up and broken and my mind is against me so how can I trust it? idk i don’t want this. it feels so real.

I was just diagnosed with severe ocd. I had no idea I just thought my adhd or cptsd was to blame for my weird thinking and how it'd seem to be stuck in my head uncontrollably. And now I'm struggling with acceptance that I have ocd. Like I'm happy I know so I can begin treating but I'm also so worried because I've been like this for as long as I can remember... And it's been all wrong? I feel so alone sometimes

Hi I'm cassi, and I am pretty new to this, and I have been reading all of your stories and shares, and I was hoping this might help me in some way. So I have always been extremely close with my mom, I am 26 and I love our relationship, she is the best mom, but lately I've been having intrusive thoughts and anxiety about how much I rely on her, and what will happen the day she passes, I know thats a long time from now, but all I can think of is what if I have a mental breakdown? What if I can't survive without her in my life? And she knows all of this, she is the main person in my life that I take to about these things with. I was just curious if this has crossed anyone else's mind. I hope everyone is having a good day!

so i cant seek reassurance and i cant confess. so what. i bottle it all up until i burst into a million little pieces??

I have another question about moral OCD. For me it affects my partner. I once wrote to a streamer with whom I was regularly in the live streams, a relatively well-known one. It was so moderately “fan” writing. I intentionally “sneaked” myself in so I could become his moderator on his live streams, which was the reason I interacted with him in the first place. There were small talks about life, the live streams (as I said, just so he might use me as his moderator because I'm a fan he knows better and can rely on) and nothing more. Now I feel like I cheated on my boyfriend all the time. Since it concerns my relationship, I'm not sure whether I should confess this or not. I always think to myself that I haven't done anything bad per se and that's how I neutralize it. I'm currently unsure whether this is really a compulsion. Can someone help me with that? :) I feel so much guilt i can‘t do this.. is this OCD?

During school, I went with my friends to get food but there wasnt enough room in the car so my friend offered their lap to sit on. I said yes and went to sit on her lap but there wasn’t enough room vertically for my head so i ended up laying down across the people in the back seat. I made sure my head and butt were on my female friends but there was a guy sitting in the middle so i arched my back a bit so it wouldn’t touch him. i felt really uncomfortable the whole time but there wasn’t anything i could do because we already started driving. I made sure he didnt touch me and i didnt touch him but i feel really guilty and i dont know what to do. I dont know if i should tell my partner or not. My friend that offered me her lap was trying to console me saying that its okay and that i didnt touch him and she made sure that he didnt touch me but still. please help

Now i know i need to accept when i feel anxiety or fear, ive been avoiding it or pushing it away.l, cause im afraid ir will take me and to be honest i cant really deal with fear. I noticed when i feel it a I say its okay, im feeling this but theres no danger and by this i pushing it away. But when theres is signs of an aczual danger i ho crazy. I try to push away the fear but it says that "there is a sign, we are in danger, are you crazy?" Ane i keep spinning. I heard alot about accepting thatbwe feel anxiety or fear but thats always makes me accept that theres a danger. Cause im accepting what i feeling but then my mind wants to know if theres a danger and im spinning over that, then i feel like i need to avoid it cause i cant handle... or if i say theres might be a danger or there is i go crazy... then i start to have the selfharm automative thoughts and in the panic i cant see that its ocd, im trying to say it but i feel like im lying, then everything feels true... i cant accept that i feel anxiety but its not a danger but even this you can see i start to rumminate over "okay i feel this but is there a problem? Yeah is see this this is a problem, im avoiding, i have to do something about it quickly, then i try to stop to not act based of fear but i feel bad cause im avoiding. I cant see the reality when i feel panic or afraid, even trying to see reality becomes compulsive. What im dealing with now is that i get hit by anxiety, i accept it and i get a feeling that but theres no fear and i get hit by this toxic good feeling like i avoided a danger and i dont like it cause that feeds the fear

About 2 years ago when my daughter was younger she would get scared at night sometimes and come sleep with me. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy!” So I briefly woke up and said “sorry mama” and moved over and fell back to sleep. When I woke up in the morning I thought nothing of it at first figuring I probably just rolled over on her but then my ocd kicked in making me believe I must have done something horrible to her and it has bothered me so badly ever since. While I know people without ocd wouldn’t think anything of it, I have been questioning myself and feeling so depressed ever since. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

sometimes when I read all these posts I just start crying 😭😭 I hate that we are all suffering like this… ocd is not for the weak and its so frustrating 😭 Im really tired honestly… my ocd has its good and bad days but im just exhausted by all of it. I cant enjoy simple things because my ocd has to overcomplicate every little thing and create these “signs” as to what I am and what I am not. Ive had ocd for over a year now im a just upset 😭😭😭 I dont want to live like this forever… I have a lot of people who say, “you can talk to me if you want” and its really sweet 💓 but I dont think anyone can understand what I am feeling because even I cant… I dont know what im doing- how im feeling- who I am- or even what my values are 😭 ocd just makes me question everything. I am a 14 year old girl 😭😭😭 how am I supposed to know what to do? Ive talked mom about my ocd a few times and she tries to help but she doesn’t even understand 1/5th of what I go through daily. I appreciate her caring even if its a little but I just want some help 😭😭 I am a bit scared of therapy though. But im willing to try but im not sure if my mom will let me… Ocd just makes me feel so unlovable. I hate it.

My OCD is getting really exhausting, it makes me take double the amount of time in almost everything. I really don’t want it to be part of my life. I have had OCD for as long as I can remember, and mine goes through phases where some months it’s less things to do, but for the last few months it has been crazy. I have intrusive thoughts and bad anxiety, if I don’t stick to my routine or do things a certain number of times my brain involves it with something bad is going to happen, and if it doesn’t feel perfect to me I have to do it again. It is just getting so annoying at this point and I need to learn how to always stay at a low amount of OCD, because I know that it will never fully go away but I want to get it down as much as possible.

i think doing erp is making my obsessive thoughts worse. i feel like im ruminating more and triggering myself in my sessions. is this something other people have experienced?? does this mean erp isnt for me?? someone please help me )-:

I fear that my ocd will cause psychosis or that it already has..

I really can’t deal with this anymore I question everything about myself every second of everyday. The I intrusive thoughts never stop and they make me feel like such a terrible person. I really don’t know what to do I’m scared to talk to a therapist or anyone because I feel like people will think I’m crazy. Is there any medicine I can take that may make me feel normal again that really all I want is to be happy and feel normal again

Yesterday I had an ending session with a therapist I had been seeing for almost 2 years. This is because she doesn’t specialise in OCD and actually when I spoke to her about my diagnosis it was quite triggering for me as she didn’t think I had OCD (she thinks it’s only excessive cleanliness etc). She’s a humanistic therapist and I have worked with her through so much that i’ve formed a really strong attachment. I’m so nervous to start doing ERP/ CBT work and i’m really frightened that it won’t work for me. My old therapist has said i can always come back whenever, but I feel alone and scared and like my safety blanket has completely gone. I realise this is probably because she provided me with so much reassurance. Does anyone have any advice or can give me any words of wisdom if they’ve gone through similar things? I can’t stop crying and feel very depressed.

Has anyone experienced OCD regarding a particular individual? This person is absolutely meaningless to you, yet your brain has been giving them a sort of “god complex.” This all started a few years ago for me with a classmate from college when Covid began and this individual made me feel bad about something, although they didn’t know they did. This particular thing really bothered me and I was never sure why. They did nothing wrong, my brain did by latching onto that trivial thing and feeding the obsession. I still struggle with it and sometimes it feels like it’s constantly in the background and it causes severe anxiety at times. Anyways was just wondering if I could get anyone else’s input or thoughts on this particular issue.

I’m kinda going through a crisis with real even ocd . So basically me and my now bf had started dating back in December of 2020 but that only lasted 2 or 3 days and then we eventually dated again in may of 2021 and been together ever since . Okay back to December of 2020 I was a cashier at dollar tree and this man asked me if I play call of duty . I honestly don’t rmeber how it went . The convo since it was 3 years ago . So I wrote down my gamer tag. I think he was trying to flirt with me I seriouksy don’t remember how the convo went but I think he was trying to get at me if you know what I mean . but all I know is I remember writing my gamer tag down and giving it to him but I did not add him back. I think I was fond of the gesture tho . But I’m trying to figure out did this happen while me and my bf was dating during only those 3 days . Back in 2020 of December . Bc I rmeebr it haponed around the same to but like did it happen before we decided to date even tho it only lasted 3 days . My cheating ocd is eating me up and guilt . I feel like I should break up with my bf . Mind you I have obessed with this and I think talked to my bf about this already and he said it’s fine don’t worry about it but what if it’s not really fine morally even tho I can’t remember when I gave that boy my Gamertag. And by dating I mean being in a relationship *********

Yesterday I was in shambles and in the evening/night I was somewhat better. Then this morning I still felt weird like im a fraud and not normal etc… but this afternoon I feel a little bit like myself but still know my OCD is around. Im going out to dinner with my aunt who knows I have a flare up. Probably going to end up talking about it. Anyways, every time i feel like I do get better or feel like myself again, i think to myself I might be coming out of it…. Then boom…next day I go back to square one. Is this common? Is this signs of recovery?