Codependency

Recently I’ve been finding it really hard to enjoy moments with my family because I am so worried about them all the time. When I’m with them it’s great and I love spending time with them but I can’t help but worry about all the things that could happen to them at any given moment. These feelings started becoming much stronger after I lost both my grandparents a couple years ago. I have never experienced that kind of grief before. I constantly am thinking about how I am so scared for when they die and I have a hard time accepting that the people I love won’t be around forever. Im scared I won’t survive on my own without them because they are so important to me I worry I will be consumed with the grief. And it’s not like my parents are old and withered they are still relatively young. It’s really distressing to feel that way about family all the time. I don’t think it’s normal to be thinking about this as often as I do but I guess that’s why I am here lol. Anyone else relate?

Recently I’ve been struggling with obsessing about becoming depressed and not being able to control myself. It started when I was trying to be empathetic for my friends who are going through depression and suicidal thoughts. After hearing about all of that I started to obsess about those feelings. I bought books about how to not be depressed and listen to music that is anti depression. I’m so scared of becoming depressed and having any negative self harming thoughts. I was so scared of rope that was brought home, that I told my parental figure to remove the rope from the house out of the fear of harming myself. Hi my name is Anais, I am 15 years old and I go to a prep school. Currently I am on summer break.All of these feelings have all suddenly spiked during the summer. At school I had none of this. I am reaching out because I don’t know how to cope with these stressful feelings. I am scared of being depressed and self harming. Every day these what if thoughts about self harm are on my mind. Like example “what if I’m depressed” “ what if I’m like suicidal” and I become super afraid of myself. Do you have ways to cope. I think because of these obsessions I am slowly gonna actually be depressed and that scares me more. Like my mind is trying to put me in the shoes of someone else even though I know I’m not depressed. This literally spiked over summer. I have had obsessions before like constantly being scared that my throat was closing so I avoided foods that I didn’t regularly eat. I don’t know how I got over it. I constantly read books about depression, listen to podcast, and make sure I can do whatever I can to not be depressed. I also talk about my feelings to loved ones and friends all the time. I’m scared of being depressed. Does anyone have advice to overcome fear of harming themselves or advice for overcoming feelings that aren’t mine. My mind is trying to trick me into feeling sad so it can prevent me from feeling depressed ever.

TRIGGER WARNING TALKS OF CANCER AND INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ARE TALKED ABOUT. Hey everyone just kinda wanted something to vent to. Unfortunately my mom got diagnosed with cancer again and my intrusive thoughts centered around her when my harm ocd was bad. I feel so guilty and ashamed for these thoughts I almost feel like it’s triggering to be around her since the recent relapse in the ocd cycle. I just want to hug her and be there for her and tell her everything is gonna be ok. I start therapy again tomorrow which is good but I just feel really bad. Thanks to anyone that reads.