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the NOCD Community

Anyone have any tips for intrusive thought and ruminating. Hope everyone is doing good tonight. Keep fighting.

My compulsion is reassurance seeking and I seek it from my girlfriend. My intrusive thoughts are usually sexual and I can admit my ocd has latched on to her and came up with some pretty terrible things. It’s gotten to the point where she’s started to call me names when I’ve tried to seek reassurance. She gets angry that I’m even asking about certain things and calls me a “nasty person”. I don’t think she understands ocd but how could she if she’s never had to deal with it and my ocd is of the taboo nature? I just don’t know what to do. It’s ruining our relationship.

I’m deathly afraid of my SOOCD it has be frozen. I feel like I’m a fraud. Reading more about it it so scary but I identify if a lot of others who experience it. I’ve been in a spiral. The last few days have been so hard. I literally don’t know what to do. I’m so afraid to move forward with my life. It feels wrong when I’m so unsure / going through a terrible bout of OCD. I definitely have confession compulsions. I need to tell my husband every thought I have. I am afraid to talk to him about my SOOCD. I guess I’m afraid of rejection. He knows I struggle with OCD. But I don’t discuss content very much. I’m so afraid of him not loving me. I don’t want to lose us. I love us. I’m so afraid I’m in denial. I’ve been dealing with this for a few years. I don’t want to change my life 😭 I’m frozen. I know everything would turn out ok with whatever outcome but I’m so stuck in terror. I deeply don’t want this to be true. Please help. Ps I’m 27 and married to an amazing man. He’s my best friend. And I LOVE snuggling/kissing/cuddling with him. I’m so distraught.

i was wondering how long everyone has been experiencing ocd? lately i’ve been making myself believe that these thoughts and feelings should have gone away by now and because they’re not, there’s actually something wrong with me. like i feel like i can’t justify these thoughts as ocd anymore and really i’m just turning into a bad person.

How did others do after first getting diagnosed? Did the diagnosis cause you to spiral initially? It feels like all the symptoms have become so much worse since, maybe because I am noticing them and focusing on them. I have been stuck on looking back through my whole life but now through an OCD lens and it’s been incredibly overwhelming realizing how much OCD has impacted me my whole life. I had previously assumed all the symptoms were part of my having ADHD and Autism, but I am now realizing a lot of my struggling was actually OCD. I’m 45 and I was diagnosed with severe OCD a week ago. Tomorrow I start ERP and I’m quite anxious about it. I feel pretty unfixable at this point, but I’m trying to be hopeful. I have my doubts that I will be strong enough to do this.

How can you tell if a thought is ocd ??? What’s the difference

Hi guys, So my wife got mad at me today. She said all we ever talk about is my anxiety, and do not usually get to have regular conversations. Does anyone else have this problem with their wife/husband/partner? Right now my heart rate does feel comfortable, and readings to what I can view aren’t to my liking. My OCD had me doing a step just the right way type of thing, I was expecting a call from one of my bosses, and other than this have no idea what caused the anxiety. I seriously just give up anymore. I don’t feel strong enough anymore to go through my anxiety, OCD PTSD, and depression.

I’m so tired of constantly being in my own head. It’s so hard to explain to the people I love/ love me. I have pocd it started 2 years ago randomly when I was a live-in nanny. I literally got up and left one day. The person I worked for thought I was selfish for leaving but I couldn’t tell her I thought I was protecting her children. From then on I’ve had this parasite (aka ocd). I have hope that things will get better one day but it affects my everyday life and my relationships. I’m scared it’s going to be why me and my boyfriend break up. Which is terrifying because I love him. He knows about the pocd and still supports me. It’s hard to have intrusive sexual thoughts about kids. It gives me immense anxiety and depression. And now after 2 years of torture it’s starting to affect my relationship with my significant other. After 6 months of being with my boyfriend the thought “what if he reminds me of a young person and that’s why I like him?” popped up two days ago. Now I’ve been stressing ever since. I want to be free of this worry in my mind. I just want to feel free in general. I feel so awful everyday. Can anyone relate?

How can you do that with mental compulsions like arguing with yourself in your mind, trying to make it go away etc?

Hey friends, I’m curious if anybody has this ongoing theme I’m struggling with which I don’t really know how to explain other than thinking phrases, and occasional profanity as unwanted thoughts. Almost like if you’re recalling something, somebody said but more vividly almost like if you’re hearing it externally, but you know it’s in your head.

I’m sure everyone reading can relate. I’m tired of over analyzing my memory. I’m tired of being convinced that my worst fears are true. I’m tired of faking every emotion to everyone. Tired of breaking down and sobbing and begging for this to get better. Tired of watching this disorder completely change me and deteriorate my relationships and my will to live and keep going. This episode has lasted since mid-November. It’s mid January. I am running out of options. You all are so beautiful and kind for being on this forum and offering each other support. I can’t keep living like this. Every single morning I cry, then cry throughout the day, and can’t really explain to my loved ones/friends what’s going on, because OCD is such a nuanced disease. False memory has completely taken what’s left of me. I legitimately just feel like there’s nothing left of the real me. All I see everyday is this anxious creature trying to survive and begging for the suffering to stop.

hey its been a while since ive last been on this app. tbh my health ocd has gotten a lot better since the last few posts (yay to that!!) but ive been struggling soo much with pocd. i used to struggle w/ intrusive, obsessive thoughts like these before but they werent common and they were bearable. not anymore apparently. im so scared and disgusted at even the idea of having these thoughts, i know i would never actually do something to anyone but i keep on ruminating and its been taking me into mental crisis. anyone that could help? ive been off therapy for 2 months so im thinking that maybe that caused the obsessions to get worse but idrk im 17, about to turn 18 this year. i feel gross

My ocd is in a spiral. My passed away on December 30th and it’s been taking a tole on me. She was sick for a year and half. Couple months before she was diagnosed with cancer I basically told my teachers a lie saying she was I’ll in order to take my exams early so I can go home early. She had diabetes at the time and she’s a single parent but my mind wasn’t solely set on her being sick from on it while I was sending out the emails. Even she was on board with me telling them that she’s basically sick because she gave me a document that shows she’s scheduled for a colonoscopy. But still it isn’t right.!I feel so bad because as soon as I said that a couple months later she gets diagnosed with colon cancer stage 3. There’s this spiritual saying that you’re tongue is powerful, and it truly is. Now I’m having a hard time sleeping. I can’t even grieve without my ocd having multiple episodes. Everyday it’s something new. My ocd is now saying I basically killed my mother and I wished sickness on her. Please help me I cannot go to this funeral nor live with this hanging on my shoulders.

I did compulsions again after quitting that for a few days. So sad. Now the cycle is going to start again

This is my first post here and I really enjoy this app, since downloading and just reading through it has helped me already. It really makes me feel like I am not alone, and I’m not a freak, and I have struggled with that specifically with OCD for a very long time. Today I had a spike in anxiety and I figured let’s try and utilize the app for its intended purpose. I’m struggling just a bit with doubting my relationship (just married in October) because of some lack of intimacy and feeling like I am not wanted all the time. Even tho we have talked it through multiple times I still find myself having the same thoughts on loop “am I still really in love with her” “did we jump too soon” “what if it isn’t right” when I know 100% that I am in love with her and I wouldn’t want anyone else my side ever and I look forward to growing old together with my best friend. My ocd has also taken a toll on us due to the fact that I go to her for reassurance with my intrusive thoughts, which is not fair to her at all. So here I am, trying this out to see if I can get some support and relief talking with people that struggle with OCD as well. Thanks for reading of you got this far ❤️

Moms who have pocd and groinals. Can anyone relate? Intimacy is a very hard thing for me because I'm always worried of intrusive and groinals. I actually was sort of contemplating with my husband later and I wanted to. Then we ate dinner and then my son sat on my lap and it's like I was waiting to feel any feeling in my body. And I kept feeling like I was feeling something. So now I feel like it will have to be another night since I don't want to do it just in case I had some sort of groinal response. I guess my question is has any other mom dealt with this exact thing and how did you escape from this? Ugh it's been years I've been tormented by this. But I can't just go do it anyways because I'm afraid the groinal could have been real and then I'm acting on it somehow. Ughhh

I just woke up from a dream where I was helping with someone’s baby, and I was excited to help them change their diaper. I don’t think I had evil intentions in the dream because I didn’t think anything creepy, but it makes me feel weird that I was excited. I think I was just excited to help with the baby but I also in the dream was nervous because I didn’t want to look at their privates. My mom was with me and I was asking her questions about what to do, so it makes me feel better she was with me like I really didn’t have evil intentions. But it still makes me feel uncomfortable and I woke up before actually going near their diaper. I feel anxious and my heart is racing because I feel like I wasn’t in a deep sleep and like I was fantasizing. I in real like have zero desire to go near a baby and I know I would be too afraid to help change a diaper. But also now I keep having images of them without the diaper in my head and it feels like I’m fantasizing. I don’t care about a child’s privates, it’s none of my business. I think the only reason I had this dream is because I worry with intrusive thoughts about harming children a lot in the day. But I’ve been up a lot of the night and again makes me worried that I wasn’t all the way asleep and was enjoying it. People have told me not to pay attention to dreams but it’s just hard not to.

I was okay today w my bf. Still anxious and numb and a little uncomfortable, but was okay. I’m doing erp watching videos of women explaining comphet (signs you’re lesbian but society makes you think you’re straight) and I feel like I relate to them, even though before it never even crossed my mind and I felt so happy with my bf. So now I don’t know if I was just oblivious and lesbian the whole time, or my ocd is extremely good at trying to trick me. Cause now I’m doubting how “happy” I actually was

My head has been constantly pounded with intrusive thoughts to the point that I'm depressed, and the intrusive thoughts are still happening. I've got PTSD and severe OCD, please tell me there's a way to recover from this. I've tried so many things over many years and I'm still not better, I'm worse. I'm feeling very hopless, I keep throwing everything I've got at it but it's never enough.

Today has been awful thoughts. It’s just getting worse and it feels like real thoughts and feelings even though I’ve been fighting it. I wish I could explain how bad it is to my parents. How do you tell anyone you’re having horrible horrible thoughts of sexually harming others and other terrible things?And there’s events from my past that make me not want to do anything because I feel like I deserve to be jailed. I’m worried I won’t be able to get a job because I can’t act like a normal person, or learn to drive. My mom said I need something to keep my occupied, find some classes to take. And she’s right but I’m worried I can’t even focus on that and again I feel like it’s a waste because I feel like I deserve to be in jail. I’m 21 I feel like such a failure. I don’t know how to get help, I really feel like I don’t want to live anymore, it feel like the only way out. But I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want my family to feel at fault. I don’t have any diagnosis so it just all feels too real. It’s CONSTANT thoughts about harming others. It feels real, it sounds proud and almost like it’s mocking in my head. I feel like I’m voluntarily thinking these things. I don’t understand why this has happened and why it’s gotten so bad. I know in my heart I have ZERO desire to be this person. I’m sorry I keep posting so much, it’s just so difficult.