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I had dreams about my intrusive thoughts and I’m disgusted because I was thinking my dreams mean something. Trying to tell me this defines who I am?

Im new to this community, never for a single day did i ever think id find myself here, i guess i was too afraid to share what was going on until the theme of my ocd had shifted to something so deeply disturbing i had the worst panic attacks of my life. Im a military veteran and this is by far the most difficult thing i have yet to overcome.

I am a Catholic Christian, and something that has been stressing me out today is the topic of the Final Judgement. One of my OCD fears is cheating on my boyfriend and now I’m having crazy thoughts like “what if I cheated on him, and then on judgement day God judges me for it, and then me and him are eternally separated?”. I’m also really afraid to get married (the fear comes and goes) because I am afraid I will let my OCD sabotage it. I’m afraid I’ll let the shame and guilt get to me and I’ll confess to things I did not do. Ugh. Does any of this make sense?

I'm in a living relationship with a man I plan to marry in the near future. My OCD struggles include obsessing over past scenarios with other men. There are times when I interacted with my boyfriends' friends with whom I felt attracted to, and then walked away feeling like I flirted with them because of how I felt towards them and acted shy or something. There is one particular scenario that is driving me crazy. I went to a party with my boyfriend. His friend who I find attractive was there. During our interactions, I noticed that I was thinking that "I hope he likes me" or "Maybe I'm his type." I didn't say anything flirty, but I can't help but think that I acted flirty because I wanted his attention. I remember coming put of the bathroom and hoping that the friend was still around. This causes me so much guilt. I never had any intention of actually trying to be with this guy. I wanted him to like me and find me attractive. I was drinking, so maybe this played a role in how I acted. I love my boyfriend and am completely satisfied in our relationship. He knows about my OCD and I've confessed lots of uncomfortable stuff to him. He wants to help me. He says the only time I need to confess something is if I did something physical with a guy. However, this haunts me and I feel the need to confess this to him.

Anytime I have a thought or feeling that associate with my obsessions my go to winning saying is “I don’t know maybe” and if I can stick to this, no matter how exhausting it can be, freedom lies right ahead! Freedom in the unknown. Which isn’t really the unknown, I know myself and character but if we argue with our OCD it gets worse. No matter how bad your mind is telling you to figure it out right now, it will ALWAYS tell you that every time. Every distressing thought will come with that feeling f to figure it out. So take control! Take it captive!

I did an embarrassing thing that my brain keeps torturing me about. I can’t figure out a good response that doesn’t sound like an excuse or something like “everyone makes mistakes” or “I am only human”

Have doing exposures these few days as I need to go yo the university and I return home totally collapsing and crying, why my mind doesn’t want to release the thoughts?

I’m Moriah, I just downloaded this app and I’ve been experiencing some pretty intense feelings and I’ve created pretty bad habits. Not too long ago I was having a conversation with a friend and what we were talking about made me realized that when I was young I was touched by a close friend. It became a central thought and I fell into a deep depression because of it. I felt dirty, betrayed, confused, angry, and lost. I had told no one but the friend that I talked to about it. I had anxiety and depression diagnosed before this and was hospitalized at one point for an attempt before I even knew about the sa( around 6 or 7). I didn’t understand myself and who I was. I didn’t know who I wanted to be I was scared and lost. my dad and mom weren’t very helpful around this time because I would refuse the medication my doctor had prescribed. I didn’t know why I did but I hated my therapist and I hated my parents for the extra attention I was getting after the hospital. But at the same time I needed someone to try and help me understand what I was going through. They gave up giving me medication, my doctor never followed up and my therapist never asked for another appointment. Even though I was the one that rejected all of it I felt abandoned and forgot about. I did every now and then when it got bad ask my mom to schedule an appointment with my old therapist and she said she would, but she never did. A couple years go by and I give up. Around this time was when I found out about the sa. and I eventually told my dad. My moms getting me back into therapy and I think I understand myself a little better but I still can’t seem to grasp who I am and what my personality is. Everyone I tell looks at me like I’m genuinely insane. my parents don’t understand I even got bold enough to say something about it. nobody understands and I’m hopeful someone on here does. That someone else went through the same thing I did. And feels similar to how I do. It’s so hard to explain how I feel and this is my last resort. But I feel slow and stupid, that everyone knows something is wrong with my and my friends are only there out of pity. all because of how I think about myself. I started pulling at my hair. And I do when I get anxious or (now) when I focus, also sometimes subconsciously I’ll catch myself doing it. I don’t know how to stop and I need someone that understands.

I've been told before that I have a "victim mentality" due to the OCD. I disagree with that statement and here is why: • I still fight through my anxiety every single day. I fight OCD like my life depends on it. I do things & have learned how to function even though I'm in public or socializing & all I wanna do is go home & scream. But I can't do that. I have to fight to be healthy, as all of us do. • When I have TRULY been panicking or grieving (my dad passed almost 8 years ago, & it's been very hard for me to "get over"), I'm told I'm "living in the past". But...you don't just "get over" a loss like that. You don't. You just learn how to live around it. • I have placed myself in some bad situations because of my lack of self-love/self respect and THAT is my fault. What isn't my fault is how another person treats me. That is on them. Not on me. My responsibility is only how I choose to respond. But, in essence, I have been told numerous times that I have a "victim mentality" and I'm confused as to what people mean when they say that. Yes, I have put MYSELF through the ringer; but what the other person did to me was THEIR action. I didn't cause them to do what they did. • I live in poverty (as most of us do, especially in this economy) & everyone thinks everything is so simple. "Oh, just go trade your car in for something better!" "Oh, just pay off $2k for a government grant to go to college, then you can go!" No. That includes money I don't have. I don't HAVE $2k laying around to go and do whatever with. (I should have listened & saved my money when I turned 18, and that part IS my fault, but I digress). Has anyone else ever experienced shame or guilt related to their OCD & how, sometimes, it's hard to function? Or just be a typical "adult". Because we're not typical. It doesn't make us bad, or bad people, because we aren't. But as I'm growing older I'm finding that more and more often this world & the way it's run just isn't built for people with mental illnesses or OCD.

i just need words of encouragement. it’s been too much in my head today. i can’t ever be in the moment with family.

Hi guys :) I am new to NOCD after seeing an ad for it on tik tok and am really hoping this app helps me find ways to help my OCD thoughts. Growing up, I always thought OCD was limited to being overly neat and tidy but it turns out, after going undiagnosed for 25 years, I have been diagnosed with OCD based on my obsessive thoughts. It feels as though I am unable to turn my brain off when I’m obsessing about something - tonight I was that I realized I forgot my pair of my favorite leggings at my parents house and wanted to wear them to work tomorrow. My obsessive thoughts took me down the rabbit hole “what if the dog eats them” and other ridiculous thoughts. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I also exhibit relationship OCD, constantly thinking “am I with the right person”. This usually happens after me and my partner hang out. During the hangout, I feel fine but afterwards, I begin obsessing over every little detail from the hangout and it feels like I have no control over my thoughts. If you have any similar OCD qualities to the ones I described, feel free to comment and we can be in touch. I don’t know anyone who has OCD and am looking to find people who experience similar things to me and get through these thoughts together.

Am I the only one that feels immense guilt about my past? It makes me feel so alone and so lost. It always leads to me trying to com-pulse it which results in temporary relief, but it always comes back and is always in the back of my mind. It leads to me having suicidal thoughts because I can’t take the pain anymore. It feels like I’m trapped in my mind and in my thoughts and the only way to escape is through suicide. I really hate myself. I also cut myself because it relives the mental pain. I lift weights and put my body through hell running which ik isn’t healthy but it makes me feel better for some time. The thoughts tend to go away. Something about it is comforting? Idk how to explain it. I feel so messed up and alone. Just gotta keep trying and keep pushing.

Hi guys! I believe I have an OCD since I was around 12. I remember then I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about religious things and I had a counting compulsion (I thought that If I don't count to 8 in specific moments, someone gets hurt) During later years it was really changing - I stopped being religious, so the OCD theme also stopped. Then I had I reckon SOCD, harm OCD and many others. But for know my main topic is ROCD. But because of the fact that this is my main intrusive thoughts topic I start to have this awful thoughts that this is not OCD, I'm just with the wrong person and I need to accept this fact. This is really struggling for me, because i really love my bf and Im in the healthy realtionship but Im so tired of having this kind of thoughts, sometimes I cannot sleep because of them. Also the fact that I've never been diagnosed (I cannot go on theraphy right now unfortunately) is another trigger because I have thoughts that I dont really have OCD, I just making this up, because I cannot accept the truth. Is there someone with similar experiance? Or maybe someone who can have advice for me?

Does anyone have any advice for dealing with rumination? I’ve been ruminating on every possible thing I have done and have potentially done wrong but don’t have clear evidence or memory of for so long now and it’s so difficult to deal with. I’m hoping to get a therapist this year, it’s so hard feeling like a horrible person but not being able to do anything about it until I can seek help.

TW for ppl with existential or moral ocd! 🙏 So about a month ago I got a random thought in my head, “what if morality is a made up concept? what if love, compassion, goodness, kindness are all made up concepts?” Dang, those were (and are) things that were very important to me and my biggest fear was to become someone amoral! So i got anxious, and i couldn’t shake the thoughts off and the more i fought them the louder they got. I cried at school bc i didn’t want to feel that way, i felt like everything was fake and that it was all made up which scared me to no end, and i also felt like this was the end of the world, i was losing my morals, etc. like i didn’t deserve anything and i was just wanting to go back to normal. And i always feel like i have to fight the thoughts, i need to prove them wrong right now or i will believe them! And now they are mixed in with harm thoughts, checking to see certain immoral scenarios and how i react to them.. if im not disgusted enough maybe i don’t believe in morality anymore or something and i will become a bad person! Doubts flood in all the time bro idk what to do anymore but im starting therapy tmr.. Does this seem like OCD or am i going crazy? 😭 Has anyone gone through this?

I feel like giving up. Idk what to do anymore. All of these intrusive thoughts idk if they are real or not. I wouldn’t ever hurt my daughter but I feel like I can’t be a father or am capable of it anymore. I’m so down and out of it.

I made a friend recently online and we get along great/talk everyday/etc. But today they told me they've got like an internet stalker who doxxed them and knows where they live and has threatened them and stuff and won't leave them alone. Anyway, not long after someone messaged me saying my friend is actually 12 and is super racist or something, and that they have proof and need me to believe them. I dont interact with minors, it triggers my POCD. Secondly, I'm anxious because I don't want to get involved in drama at ALL. and I'm scared of just blocking them because I'm afraid I'll get doxxed or harassed. My anxiety is really bad, I don't know. I compulsively want to just cut off this friend but they told me they don't have friends because of this so I feel bad. Besides, I do like them as my friend but. I dont know. I'm not built for this kind of thing I just want to be safe.

I’ve been having this thing going on where I can’t remember if I did something and I retrace every step and everything I did. And the something that I “did” is an intrusive thought. For example, last night my father in law was outside until the early am and I had an intrusive thought like what if I went out there with him and we did “stuff” and I just don’t remember. I don’t know why my ocd is obsessing over this, this isn’t the first time. I don’t know what to do ): I know I would never do something like that so why is this happening? I can’t stop rethinking everything to make sure nothing happened. Please leave your thoughts

anyone else just feel waves of anxiety even if they aren’t currently having an intrusive thought? like i had some thoughts last night and ever since ive just been getting really intense waves of physical anxiety feelings like in my chest and stomach is it like subconscious rumination about the thoughts?

Hi, I need an advice, I can't trigger myself! I want to do ERP but Everytime I try to trigger myself I feel nothing so it won't work. On the other side OCD triggers me outside of my ERP and I react wrong to it. Has anyone an Idea how to trigger myself properly, or should I wait for OCD to come? But how can I be prepared for it?