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I am currently going through really bad OCD and paranoia thoughts that are taking over my life. I am obsessing over thoughts and that everyone is out to hurt me and get me even friends and that people are trying to ruin my relationship and hurt me. I feel like people I know are stalking me and have motives to ruin my life. Even if someone texts me I feel as though it’s because they’re talking about me to other people and everyone has bad things to say about me and that I’m a horrible person that deserves bad things. I tried therapy for awhile and the therapist believes I catastrophize everything, which is true. I obsess over past events to the point where I feel like the most horrible person in the world that doesn’t deserve to live or have friends. I always feel as though people are going to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend so I can never be happy around him cause I’m always fearing the worst or that he will find a reason to leave me too. Anytime things go wrong for me I feel as tho it’s because the people above and the universe think I deserve to be miserable too and that they do it to me on purpose. I need reassurance from everything and everyone and when I don’t get it I feel as though it’s because I’m a horrible person and the universe knows it and doesn’t want me to be happy. I need reassurance and just never get it. I just want to know that people feel this way too so I can just feel a bit more normal and relax a little . I have exams in a few weeks and I can’t study or anything because obsessive thoughts have taken over my life I’m afraid to leave the house or talk to people or do anything I just sit and obsess about every single “what if” thought. I just want people to tell me that everything is okay and I never feel like it is okay. Can anyone just advise me or help me calm down or have any advice that helps them get through the days? Thank you .

Hello everyone, It’s the first time I’m writing a post about my health condition. I’m suffering from OCD. I diagnosed about 17 years ago. It was extreme in the beginning as I didn’t know anything about it. So I went to many therapists, tried a lot of medications and it had it’s ups and downs. I am now 37 years old and the last years I take fluvoxamine and I believed I was in a good condition until 10 days ago. My main OCD intrusive thoughts were about harming myself or others and most importantly sexual thoughts. Some years ago - I really don’t remember how that started - a thought stuck into my mind that I might like men with circle beards. I know that I don’t like men and I have a girlfriend for almost 10 years now. Sometimes I also have this thought when I see someone: He is handsome, could I like him? And that causes lots of anxiety. Additionally I have an extreme anxiety about some specific numbers. So in some days from now I was about to start a new job but unfortunately the interview was on one of these dates causing me EXTREME anxiety. I tried to do every compulsion possible but it just wouldn’t work. I was worse every day, I wanted to sleep only as this was the only time that my mind wasn’t thinking. A total torture. I reached a point that I thought: I wish I die so this ends. I can’t take it anymore. To make this even worse, the father of my girlfriend had sometimes a beard like the one on my thought. So the last the worst thought was that I should avoid my girlfriend because she’s his daughter and I can’t have a relationship with her. I would be gay or something. How is it possible to think like this? I love my girlfriend so much, she’s my other half. Last days I tried to do ERP on my own, exposing myself to these fears. The first hour I felt I was free and then suddenly everything went a lot worse. So I don’t really know what to do, continue ERP or do compulsions so I would feel better? Obviously I can’t start work in a few days in this horrible condition as today I couldn’t get up from bed and I was only thinking: I want to die. I’ll be sad losing this good opportunity for work but losing my girlfriend from OCD as well will be unimaginable for me. I’m feeling hopeless right now. I’m sorry for my long post and I would like to thank everyone who reads it. I’m wishing all the best to everyone.

I had a panic attack last Friday and I've been feeling derealization since. This is not new for me. I've had DR feelings ranging from "what if everyone else is fake? What if it's all a dream? Or a hallucination? How do I know if my thoughts are my own? What even is autopilot if I'm on autopilot? Are good and evil made up concepts? What is our inner voice? How can we see things in our memories?" Now my mind has decided to try this on for size: "what if I'm making everything up? People and all? What if the things I read in articles or even on here are things I've made up just to reassure myself?" Someone replies "I've felt this before" I'll be like "of course you have because I'm making this all up." And that freaks me out. I have been challenging the thoughts like I am supposed to with "okay, sure fine. So you made it all up. Does that mean you can enjoy it? What if the opposite is true? How can you be so sure it's not? And if you did make it all up, why is it bothering you so much?" I also am trying to say that I felt fine Thursday, and I haven't had a panic attack/episode like this since last October (2022) and my brain says "yea but what if that's because you made it up?" And then the panic restarts.

Hi. I get a lot of anxiety driving. My ocd likes to make me think certain things happen when they didn’t. I was driving home from work and just leaving the parking lot. Someone walked in front of my car and I didn’t see immediately but they were far enough away for me to break. Literally like 2-3 parking spots away from me. They crossed the street. I didn’t hit them. But my anxiety is making me believe that I did. I even looked in my rear view mirror and saw them walking into the store to show myself that I didn’t hit anyone. Yet I still have this anxious feeling. I know for a fact I didn’t hit anyone. It’s like I have to try to convince my brain that I didn’t. I probably sound stupid.

how do i know if it’s a real thought or if it’s my ocd ?

Ok so I'm just wondering if the compulsions are what's making this worse? The checking and need for certainty? I get groinals alot especially when triggered and it always makes me do a compulsion because I don't want to feel it, it makes me so I comfortable. I got no desire for sex with a man neither have I ever wanted it or had a crush on a guy but ever since this I'm so triggered by any gay feminine looking man. All my relationships since I was 16 has been ruined because of this I always had crushes on women, always loved women and fantasies about them all the time I only wanted women not men I respected others sexualities since I'm not homophobic but me myself I wanted to be with a woman that's my preference but if that's true why do I feel things below when I check porn? Why do I get false urges that cause me distress? How do I stop this it's been years and I'm still not willing to give up fighting I'm still holding hope that one day I can be happy with my girlfriend I love her so much and I feel like I need to breakup when I deal with this ): I hate it so fucking much I'm alwaus so happy when i feel straight and don't have these doubts. I'm happy admiring men and finding them handsome time to time but sex and romantic stuff I don't want win men its not desirable for me it wouldn't make me happy I want those things with my girlfriend ): pls someone help I need advice I got no one to talk to and it's getting bad again.

TW - religious and social issues I'm just venting. Besides, people won't understand, so I'm not asking anyone to read, but if you wish to I won't stop you. Don't try to understand too hard, because again, you probably won't. (Nobody has in the last few years) I just don't know what to do. Every time I bring up a few particular things I'm upset about -- things that are more than simply OCD (which is a pain to try to talk about when you have OCD) -- people try to disagree with me; and sure there's no problem in disagreement, but they bring it up every time I talk about it without fail and it's so frustrating, especially since they don't seem to understand why I'm really bringing it up or what I'm trying to say and they keep talking about it as if they understand. Then people are hypocrital about it, arguing against me, but when we aren't talking about it I hear them and others say all the time the exact same thing I'm upset about. It's so frustrating! And I don't really feel like they understand me or want to listen to me. It's gotten to the point that whenever I journal about it or pray about it or even just think about it, my mind automatically assumes the defensive position and makes my thought process be as if I was arguing about it and trying to explain what I'm saying, I guess because nobody listens. This has been an absolute nightmare, I can't find any way to explain it, and people don't seem to want to hear the explanation anyway, on top of the fact that these things are soul-crushingly depressing. On top of that, these are really obscure feelings and thoughts that I really feel like I'm the only one to have. (Nobody, not even others with OCD, have seemed to understand them.) The only solution I can really see is to just keep it to myself. I've learned more about it when I stopped talking to people than when I was. And hearing people suggest that "talking about your feelings is the right way to go" doesn't help. And I often feel like maybe I'm ALL WRONG about how I feel others are reacting, but every time I see the same pattern and then it just comes right back to me.

I'm wondering if I should be worried about a dream I had where I enjoyed snuggling someone other than my girlfriend and the thing that stopped me from getting on top of him was my morality, or if I'm just ruminating because dreams are weird as crap? I'd really appreciate some help cuz I don't really want to stress out my girlfriend with this.

Any advise on how to over come cannibalism thoughts. I have thought about it to much where I feel like there is no return. It made me question everything.

Just a question, what is the definition of checking someone out? I have sexual ocd so it’s always saying I’m checking everyone out if I take my eyes off their face for even a second… I have a bf who I never want to betray… is it inappropriate if you think someone is attractive and look at their body? Not in a way of oogly googly eyeballing them or sexualising them, but my mum and partner both tell me it’s normal to see people as “a whole person” like not just concentrate on their face the whole time you’re aloud to look at the persons face and body without it being sexual - my brain doesn’t allow me to understand the difference :( I’m trying to do little exposures and even if I find someone attractive just trying to look at their face, their outfit, their body, etc, without paying attention to the thoughts. I guess I just am concerned about ever being inappropriate. My partner can look at a movie and not be worried if the girl is in a bikini for example he just looks wherever on the screen…. Is checking out when you have intent and you’re looking the person up and down trying to sexualise them?? I want to just be normal and have a hard time understanding what normal is - because a lot of my thoughts are unwanted sexual ones… I’m scared what if I had a thought saying “that person has an attractive body” then I looked down at their body, is that checking them out? Or is that just me going “fuck off ocd idc what you say” I just am genuinely confused and hope someone can give me some insight into what is normal and what is not, and what it means to actually check someone out… sorry for the rant, hope someone can help me cause I’m just worrying alot. Never wanting to be unloyal or disrespectful to my partner or relationship. I know everyone has different opinions on things but if a couple people could maybe give me some advice that would be appreciated? 🎄 merry Christmas everyone

I’m having a pretty bad relapse on my ocd and I feel insane. It makes me think I’ll ruin my relationship or that I’m disappointing God. Sometimes with the repeated thoughts and nightmares for a week or two and then being fine next , does this insinuate bipolar???

Today I met a good friend. I woke up with compulsive thoughts (suicidal, and I am NOT suicidal, so it's completely horrible; it takes over in every thought I am trying to think about my tasks- I am deeply sad and disturb about it, but ok- so used to it, so extremely used to it)- it's been happening every day for three decades as I at the same time been running a " normal life" so my friends find me entertaining, interesting, and they are all full of confidence in my plans, they take my sanity for granted - as I have trained myself to do- but after my cresendo in 2022 and finally breakdown January 2023 I been quite open about the diagnose I got from my doctor-I have OCD. Today I said honestly that my compulsive thoughts are more active again, and my friend, which I love and think she is wonderful- and then she suggest if I maybe have ADHD- and I answer that no, I have OCD, I have the correct diagnosis, and I an not doubting this. One of the good things in my life is that I am 100 prosent sure I have the right diagnosis- but- how to tell the truth?? My compulsions are internal ,and today I am struggling in every shift of the day, getting dresses triggers my compulsions, going to swim triggers, even if exercise helps after some minutes I have some good minutes in the water, then coming back home, starting to work on my projects that I am doing alone as I work alone, then getting dressed to meet my friend- all actions, getting dressed, getting a taxi,waiting at the restaurant, thinking about my future plans, every single thought triggers the compulsions ad if they where an Ecco, and then she arrives and I am enjoying it, but simultaneously my compulsions are Constantly in the background and they continue after we say goodbye. I go from the restaurant to my yoga studio- it's a 15 minute walk- each step I take comes with the suicidal thought: go shoot yourself, go hang yourself- arriving at the yoga- and it's so intense that I must stay flat on the floor the entire class and try to calm down my mind as I am feeling more and more afraid I will never get well, my life is over, it's getting worse and I am convinced my friend thinks I am making up my OCD. Now I came home and my significant other which I still hide 90 prosent from ask what's wrong and I start to cry, I can not tell, I feel certain he will think I am so nuts that it's not possible to live with me and as I write this I know how far fetched I am, and the fact that I write this and post it is my best moment today- because I am determined after I got my diagnosis: I want ro be completely OPEN- I refuse to drown in my shame and worry, I understand I can't help this, and I will do whatever it takes to become better abs better and rise awareness so it's possible for me to maintain my friendships, my relationship, my life. Thank you all for reading and sorry for my misspelling- I am just so greatful I came back to this app, to have somewhere to put this terrible life experiences is crucial now. Don't give up my friends with OCD! Keep going , we are getting there!

I'm a 73yo retired physician who's struggled with OCD most of my life. While initially tic like as a child, it has evolved into obsessive thoughts (like trying to figure out what time it would be if I interchanged the hands of a clock, constantly calculating exchange rates for money when I travelled overseas, figuring age differences between myself and someone else, to the month, etc), perfectionism (like cleaning shelves and countertops over and over until it felt right, screwing in a lightbulb until it felt right, often resulting in breaking it, etc.) But more recently small physical actions (like blinking 10 times in a row until it felt even, swallowing in a certain way until it felt right, often leading to drinking many glasses of water which I'd have to diurese the rest of the day, etc.)These are but a few if the myriad of symptoms that I get. It's like my mind sticks to things to keep it occupied. It's like there's a little dictator in my head that tells me what I need to do, and decides whether or not I did it right. It has waxed and waned throughout my adulthood, but I've managed to have a successful career and social life. I'm married and have a 24 yo daughter. But it sabotages enjoyment and peace of mind. There seems to be no definite triggering obsession other than the stress of aging and retirement, but over the last few months it seems to be getting worse. I had traditional therapy as a teenager, before OCD was considered a neuro disorder rather than from dysfunctional past experiences. I've had OCD targeted therapy including groups with the Anxiety and Panic Treatment Center in Portland, OR, which kind of helped for a while. I do see a family oriented therapist for other issues. As far as meds, once I conceded that I needed them, Paxil worked for a while, but had a side effect profile. Lexapro, although promising at first, doesn't seem to help much now. So I'm considering entering more focused therapy. I'm open to whatever ERP can offer, although the symptoms change continually. And the role of mindfulness... Sent from my iPhone

I’m really worried because I just remembered when I was I think either 19 or early 20, I’m 21 now. I was trying to stop watching porn and I remember googling hentai gifs a couple of times. Why why in the world would I have looked that up and not expected to not accidentally see younger characters I don’t know. But I just remembered I think there were some gifs of characters that looked younger and I think there was one with a girl in a schoolgirl uniform. I have so much anxiety in my chest I’m so worried. I was telling myself I probably scrolled past it because I do remember scrolling past things and I never ever looked specifically for characters that were younger because that’s gross. But obviously I have a memory of that so it doesn’t change the fact that I saw that. I’m so worried what if I touched myself to the younger looking characters??? Even if I just saw the gifs it’s gross. I feel like I’m not as worried as I should be but I know that’a not true. I’m scared, I don’t want to be a p. I really don’t wang to hurt children I don’t. I’m terrified of being a p. I’m worried because I think one gif I saw was a character on a work desk and I think I touched myself to that but what if it was a school desk and I’m remembering it wrong?? What was I thinking??? I’ve never ever looked up loli characters or loli hentai or looked specifically for underaged characters that’s so messed up. I’ve done so many wrong things I’m so messed up. I’m so worried that counts as underaged porn please god I hope I’m not a p word. Can someone help me?

Today I woke up with the intrusive thought „did I harm my dog sexually during the night?“. My brain is specifically relating to the time of 3:57 when I woke up once. From what I remember I only woke up and thought abt going to the toilet but being too lazy and scared of the night so I went back to sleep. But I keep being worried I might have actually been up before that time and done sth. Like I seriously have no Memoires of doing so. Only things that I know were produced by my imagination bc they’re not really possible. I’ve already asked my mother if she had heard me go downstairs at night (we have like some kind of door that keeps you from falling down the stairs which is quite loud to open) but she said she doesn’t know and she hadn’t heard anything and said she’s 100% sure nothing had happened due to how my dog doesn’t seem to care at all and seems to not be scared of me. I’ve also thought abt asking my father and sister but they can’t actually hear anything. Maybe at like 3 am they were up tho for a snack? I know my father often goes to the kitchen at night to eat sth and my sister too. I guess I’ll ask both of them tomorrow. And the thing is that we actually have a camera in our garden which captures a bit of the door where my dog always sleeps and we have a light there so I could’ve been able to check up for my dog in the cameras. Turned out that my parents had turned the camera off at some point. Seems like they only wanted to capture stupid animals hopping onto our car and watching our own family go into the house. Wonderful. I don’t know what to do. The only thing I could now do is either trust my memories and let it go or check for the logic. Last time I was scared I might’ve hurt my dog, I realised that it wasn’t possible for that to have happened and that all of my memories were false. But to be honest, I’m so tired I don’t want to fill 5 days of my life with checking the logic of my obsession. I’ve had multiple su!cide thoughts by now. I’ve spent almost half my day crying. This is my lowest point. I can’t accept the uncertainty. I’m so far in this rn I actually today decided to lock my room from now on and hide my key, take a picture of it to remember it’s exact position and then close the door of the wardrobe I’m hiding it in and putting tape around the openings of the doors from the wardrobe. I seriously don’t want to keep living if this is the life my brain chose to give me.

I've been thinking about gender for the past 4 hours trying to define things and understand things and it has me going in circles. I'm afraid of being bigoted and hurting people's feelings. I'm afraid of turning into a horrible person just because all this gender stuff is complicated right now. Man and Woman have sort of lost their meaning but they also mean something to every individual and I can't describe it no matter how hard I try. I'd be relieved if we all ditched the binary terms but trans people still use man and woman and it gets really confusing because I don't know what that means to them and what it should mean to me, but I understand that gender is a spectrum and that it all doesn't matter but it does matter and I'm so confused. These two words floating around my head driving me crazy. I just want to understand things the right way. I still call myself a man, but I can't say that I am one. Nor am I a woman. I call myself non-binary because it's the only term that fits, but I'd like to identify as nothing at all. It helps me feel better seeing through my perspective as I am not a man nor a woman or anything. I understand that for other people it isn't a choice. Other people are women, are men, are non-binary, are both. For me I feel like I choose which to be, like a mask maybe. I am not comfortable in my own body and mind yet, so maybe I choose what to be, instead of just being. It's so much. I fully support trans people and who they identify as, but I cannot stop trying to define words that can't be defined without upsetting someone. I can't see the end of this. Does anyone have any insight? Or is this just one big OCD moment?

I know it is Christmas but my anxiety is about NYE. Every year my friends want to celebrate it together and for the last years we have done so. However this year, I have not been much in contact with them and some friends organized a night, excluding other common friends of ours because they are not “party animal” and they want to be arty animals. Now on one side, I am not a party animal at all (even though I have been invited) and the idea of being forced into party animals celebration is horrible to me. However, my OCD is triggered by the fact that there are some girls that I do not know and my brain is already in OCD mode, telling me “You are going to be attracted by one of these girls,cheat on your bf and lose him forever”. Of course, this causes me tons of anxiety even though I know I am in love with my boyfriend and it is OCD talking. On the other side, my family is reunited to celebrate nye at my grandma house (she passed away in May) and they are all celebrating there and I feel like I will be happier there with them. However, I don’t know if I prefer that because I am compulsively avoiding the plan with my friends and feel safe or because I am truly happier with my family. I don’t want to do a compulsion, but at the moment I am so into the OCD cycle that I cannot distinguish anything anymore.

My ocd has been acting up and making me feel really scared. I guess some things I’ve seen have really triggered me and my thoughts are just so loud now. I just want to be able to enjoy Christmas tomorrow without being pestered by intrusive thoughts 😔I wish it would just go away :(

So I’m trying ERP and as a result I’m not able to function eat sleep properly should I back down to my ocd and just do as it wishes Or keep up with this ERP which has been failing for the last 3 months

It’s going to be two weeks since this OCD flare or episode or however you call it started. I miss who I was before this, the one who did ERP and took medicine and got to see a glimpse of what a “normal” life looks like. I am a gift giver and would be so excited about Christmas and wrap gifts for my nieces and nephews, I forgot to buy gifts this year. I’m trying my best to stay present. I stopped going to church, this episode has been so bad it brought me to church again. Seeking comfort. I did so much mental checking that I had no anxiety and started crying that I didn’t have anxiety. Of course mental checking will backfire. I hate that I’m putting my family through this. I’m so thankful for their support, but I feel so incompetent. I just graduated college after struggling 7 years and feel like interacting with society is too much. I’ve done it before but I’m just scared what if this time it’s different? I miss who I was before this OCD episode.