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my parents just made me have a phone call with some psychologist and without going into detail about my POCD, and the psychologist said she doesnt think i have OCD. and im having a breakdown. i dont know what to do.

I want to start by specifying that I am not diagnosed. This feels too real, yesterday I was fine about this, I didn't feel much, I didn't think much and I felt fine, Today I woke up from dreams I had (not explicit) but I really feel like I am this, I don't know how to explain it, I feel like I sexualize everything, I feel like I like it and it makes me uncomfortable, I always feel different from everyone else, but in a bad way. I don't know how to explain it, but I really feel like this is who I am, and what happens to me is that I can't identify with OCD. I avoid everything that reminds me of this And I feel that sometimes I downplay the issue of my "OCD" as if it were not serious and it is

Just met with a therapist on NOCD who was biased against pocd, they didn’t want to treat me. I’m so shaken and disturbed like I feel awful about myself now.

Im starting to have suspicions that im demisexual, its not OCD telling me i am its a genuine thing. Ive just noticed i have many traits of a demisexual person and maybe not being able to feel that attraction ive always expected to random ppl just passing me is the reason POCD has been so hard

I really need help. I am severely dissociated to where I can’t feel joy for anything at all. I’m stuck crying all the time. I have a history of emotional abuse from my father growing up so it’s made it really hard to trust people. He verbally abused me and never made me feel good enough. Then he died when I was 21 and I dont remember him telling me he loved me even then. Or a time when he meant it unless I accimplished something. It always felt empty. I tend to sabotage relationships and don’t mean to and find flaws in everything. I even get jealous of children and never wanted any in fears that I wouldn’t be as loved as much as them. And fear I would bring on the traits to them that my father did to me. I realize everything I do is an OCD compulsion and also I have such deep rooted fears. Fear of the future, but also the past. I loop about my husbands appearance even though I love him dearly and I dont want to think that way and it makes me sick. I think about the past and how he brought up things in confidence after we got married because he trusts me and he felt ashamed, but it still spiraled me out due to my own insecurities and my brain is like “what if you never accept his past and can’t move on from it”. Finding out new info spirals me out even if it’s something I know he legitimately cannot change or control and it was not anything that someone should not have been able to move on from. Even though I have a past myself???? That is 20x worse than his. My brain adds extra meaning. I constantly fear that I’m being cheated on or will be left, or how things can go wrong at any point. I’m afraid of having kids because of what I just mentioned as well as the fear of medical intervention and something going wrong. I’m afraid of people dying. I’m afraid of people hating me and I’m a huge people pleaser. I feel like everything in life I’ve never done for myself, and I have a huge fear of being by myself. I have constant compulsions and have since I was a child. But right now I’m at a breaking point and I’m like what do I want to even live life for if I’m so jealous and afraid of everything. And I never do things for self enjoyment. I have like no self identity at all and I always feel like I have to tell people about my achievements or how I feel in hopes that the little girl inside me will be heard. Am I too far gone with having these thoughts and also complex PTSD with the OCD? I feel like I’m stuck in a perpetual hell. I haven’t had a breakdown this bad since I was 11 years old. I spent 4 months crying and crying not knowing what was happening to me. Then I snapped out of it somehow. But I’m an adult now and it feels like my life is crumbling around me. I’ve been so scared to work because of fear of criticism due to the emotional abuse which I’m just now putting together… and also because of not trusting myself. I always ask for outside opinions. And I fear things going wrong all the time. I quit my last job due to POCD because I was working with children. And now that I’ve reached a point where I feel like there’s just ambiguous questions with no answers I felt a switch flip in my brain. For the worst. All my emotions shut off and it’s just been hell on earth with constant thoughts and dread and self loathing. I’m so tired of feeling afraid and alone. And I know a lot of it is a bunch of inner pain. I’m not even really looking for sympathy I just feel like I’m beyond help because of all I’ve been through. I can’t feel hope right now and it’s really scary. I have had pretty much every OCD theme there is and have lived my whole life in constant fear and anxiety. ROCD (main theme right now), POCD, HOCD, SOOCD, Health OCD (big one right now), existential OCD, religious OCD, fear that my husband and I won’t be together after we pass. Or that I’ll be replaced by another person if I were to die. Or if he dies before me. Plus I feel sad when friends say certain things or anything triggers abandonment. I am so caught up and I know it takes a mindset shift for this to all get better, but how with so much working against me? I’m so terrified. And I’m self hating so bad.

Can anyone who has dealt with pocd/harm ocd tell me if it ever gets better? I don’t even trust myself anymore and I’m so tired of it.

i was scrolling through instagram and an ad suddenly appeared to me. they were all female t**nagers soccer players. but what my eyes saw first were thighs and legs and the worst part is not like i simply recognised impersonally an attractive look, i automatically perceived attractiveness and se&uality of the thighs. why did it happen to me? I dont want it. I don't desire it. So why was i able to find the legs attractive? When I saw the faces I knew I wasnt attracted, but what about the legs? I feel utterly defeated. I'm disgusted and traumatised by the fact that i perceived those legs and thighs attractively. i'm starting to feel like a ****.

18+ Don’t view if under 18 People say ocd arousal isn’t actual arousal feeling but it’s groinal response but mine feels like actual arousal is this normal?

I hugged my daughter. While hugging her, my chest brushed against hers. I didn’t repeat the movement, but I panicked right after and backed away. I felt a wave of fear, guilt, and shame. Then I started spiraling with thoughts like, “What if that was intentional?” or “What if I wanted it to happen just a little and didn’t think of the consequences in the moment?” I didn’t feel pleasure, but I felt completely consumed by guilt and anxiety afterward. I’m scared that maybe I had a slight intention or didn't stop fast enough, and now I can’t stop questioning what it meant or what it says about me. I’m trying to figure out if this was just OCD or something worse. I feel terrified and unsure, and I just want to be a good mom.

Why nobody is replying to me? You think what I posted is not serious?

The plan consists of 2 parts. The 1st part is a list of what helps me reduce ocd symptoms. And part 2 is a list of what doesn't help ocd symptoms. So its pretty straight forward. What helps me reduce ocd symptoms ~ 1. Having a comedy character to associate my ocd symptoms with - Karen. Here she goes again. She's back again. 2. Using humour to put ocd thoughts into better perspective and takes their power away. See how ridiculous and outlandish they really are. 3. Acknowledge and accept the ocd symptoms will come and go. Don't fight it or be too upset over it. Makes things easier. Just part of me and my life. 4. Do not engage in any compulsions. View them as being same as nicotine. Bad and harmful for my health. Try to avoid them and reduce them as much as possible. 5. Remember everyone gets intrusive thoughts. Even people without ocd. They are normal and natural and just part of the human experience. Its not just me. Im not alone. There isnt something inherently wrong with me. 6. Remember thoughts are just thoughts. They don't mean anything about me. I dont have to try and work out why I've thought something or had an intrusive image. It means nothing and requires no investigation. 7. Don't spend any time with the thoughts. Spend as little time with them as possible. Allow them to come and go. Say hello and then carry on with your day or go and do something else. 8. Being curious about my ocd instead of scared of it. Learning about it. Welcoming the challenges it brings and realising I can be in control and live alongside the ocd, and no longer the other way around. 9. Having a good routine / schedule for myself. Get enough sleep. Eat well. Get some exercise. Stay sober. Keep my flat clean & tidy and stay organised. 10. Remember I've not got 8 different types of ocd just because I have different themes. Its just ocd. Its just all the same thing, just latched onto different things that are important to me. The content doesn't matter. Its how I engage with it. 11. Accepting uncertainty by saying maybe yes, maybe no. Or saying i dont have to be sure. Not arguing with ocd or letting it get me caught up in a trap of proving or disproving or looking for evidence. 12. Being aware that reassurance feels good in the moment and it will probably always feel tempting for me, but remember its a compulsion thats actually very bad for my health and wellbeing. 13. Likening compulsions to cravings for drugs. And deciding im abstaining from them. No matter how tempting they might be. 14. Having compassion for myself if I slip up or give into a compulsion. Just bringing awareness to it and reflecting on it. Remember it doesn't mean im failing at recovery and these slips will happen occasionally. Its not the end of the world. Just keep trying my best. 15. Thinking about what my personal values are in life. Thinking about what my intentions are in life. What is real about who I am. The truth of me. 16. Taking my time when I do perform the one check of switches / doors / items etc. And checking only once. 17. Taking ocd thoughts and making them even more far fetched and ridiculous. Making them funny. Sometimes agreeing with them in a sarcastic manner. Leaning into it. 18. ERP and ACT therapy and prozac medication. Speaking to a therapist. 19. Viewing ocd as exactly what it is. Not my fault. A mental health / brain issue. Same as diabetes or having the flu. Not a personal flaw or failing. Not a reflection on me. 20. Remember ocd is treatable and manageable. I will be okay. I can get through this. I can live alongside ocd and be happy. And there is always help for me when I need it. Im not dealing alone with this anymore. 21. I can manage ocd symptoms because I managed with a lot worse before being diagnosed. So ocd can bring it on ! This is my mindset now. Ocd is nothing compared to what I've been through in the past. (I spent years thinking i might be a pedophile, so i can survive anything ocd tries to throw at me, now I know its ocd). 22. Being part of the NOCD online community. Looking at all their resources and educational stuff. 23. Becoming aware of sudden big shifts or changes in my mood or body that feel negative to me. And then becoming aware of whatever the intrusive thought was just beforehand. 24. Remember to be flexible in my thinking. Don't have to stick to some rigid perfect plan to recover from ocd and avoid relapse. 25. Ocd is like a dog with a bone. You cant win. You will never be 'sure enough' for ocd. Its impossible. The way to win is to leave the dog alone with its bone. Let it be. Let it have it. 26. Don't look for meaning. There is no meaning. Its a sticky thought. Its a false alarm. (I'll add part 2 separately, dont know how much space you get to type here)

I suffered many many weeks and months from specific thoughts about POCD. Now it's kinda little bit better.. but as soon as I see a child it hits me everytime like a shockwave, is this normal? Still get then so sad about what's going on in my body, like the unnaturally and strange feeling in the groinal area.. and specially when I lost focus on something, it comes everytime automatically back in my mind. I am week 6 of 200mg sertraline. Here reaching out for some sharing :(

I was outside with my child and was about to put her water bottle on the table beside her when an intrusive thought made me hesitate. The thought was "putting the bottle on the table my child was on would make it vibrate and stimulate her". The thought that came to my mind gave me an intense groinal that mimicked arousal very strongly. Despite initial hesitation, I placed the bottle down beside my child to seek a strong, sensation and to stimulate her. Immediately afterward, I experienced panic, guilt, and regret.

Hi all, I have false memory ocd, harm ocd and pure ocd, I also suffer really badly from intrusive thoughts every single day. I was minding my nephew last weekend and I got an intrusive thought that I’m ashamed off, I’m now worried that I acted on that intrusive thought and just can’t remember, there’s also a false memory image in my head of me acting on the thought which I’m scared is actually a memory even though deep down I know I didn’t act on it. I’m worried though that the fact I even had this thought in the first place means I’m inherently a bad person who would act on these thoughts. My stomach is sick with the worry I may have acted on it and can’t Remember, anyone else ever have something like this? I start meds and therapy next week so hoping that helps

i’ve graduated and it just seems terrifying now because my pocd is flaring up again and i’m terrified of myself , i was planning to become a teacher but i just find disgust in even applying and I want to avoid children I have had these recent thing where i have intrusive thoughts and im scared to look at children because im scared i might look at their intimate areas and it’s killing me because i avoid looking at children or even have conversations with them because im scared of what my ocd does. Even when i try to conquer my fear of looking at children and just letting the fear sit, my OCD convinces me that i do look at them in a weird sexual way and I feel like ripping myself into shreds even saying that.

I'm doing ERP to beat my 3.5 long POCD with groinal responses. This implies walking near kids and trying to loosen up my hyperfixation on groinal responses (not caring about what I feel there). Obviously ERP is distressing. In fact, being scared is probably a good sign in this context, because it means I'm doing my exposures correctly. However, what's much more scary is that in all of these years of OCD there were countless times when I experienced actual muscle contractions/retractions in groinal area. And I can't tell if all of those were accidents. Sure, I don't want to do it (except if I'm relaxing muscles in order to avoid groinal sensations), but was it really an accident? And that's what is destroying me. I'm actively having those feelings near poor kids, even though I always believed myself to be a good person. Now there's no turning back. And I'm turning 18 in two weeks. How can I be enthusiastic about anything when I know that my OCD turned me into an actual monster. I want to continue ERP, but I can't imagine myself living on happily even if I somehow cure OCD

i saw a trigger in a instagram reel. i noticed the face immediately, i guess that's because she had a unique beautiful face and that's precisely what ticked me and made me alerted. and my brain started telling me that meant something, the cuteness and so on the potential danger that i felt, it seemed like a cue that something was there. and my brain started testing me with intrusive se&ual images. and im afraid that they weren't completely distasteful to my brain even though i didnt want it and i was freaking out. im afraid there might be of component of truth that makes something in my brain wrong. why did it feel like there was a potential "allure" in those intrusive images? why did it feel like i could like it? was it because the more taboo is something the more it feels "alluring" automatically? something in those se&ual intrusive images felt affine, akin, feasible to maybe my preferences? was it the association between intrusive pretty face + the intrusive image of a private area overlapping in meaning making me think that there could be some likeness? some potential attraction towards it? or is it really true and i have something in my brain that ive been in denial this whole time? maybe i'm a danger. im utterly worried abt this. why was i able to feel like there was some affinity towards those se&ual intrusive association-images? please if somebody knows, tell me, because until then i don't think i can rest in peace. and it's not a matter of uncertainty, this is something untolerable. i cant live like a guilty person and act like im innocent and that is all ocd. it feels perversed.

I was on yt and I saw this kid whom I thought was pretty, but then I got a weird thought, and I got worried, I started physically panicking and runnin around, telling myself it wasn’t really attraction, idk if I’m lying to myself or not, I tried using AI for reassurance, but it didn’t work, this is the first time I spiraled since like 2 months… I can’t stand it I’m scared… idk it feels like I’m lying to myself, idk if it was sexual attraction or not, I thought she was pretty idk if it means something, I keeep rewatching the video to test myself. Please help me please.

i’m a little worried everytime i think like sexual about my girlfriend my thoughts feel replaced by kids and it makes me think that im the thinking on purpose am i?

I needed to get out of bed. I got intrusive thoughts. Anxiety and ocd as soon as as i wake up. I scoooted out of bed. But intrusivr thought was of my friend and their kid then ocd ad sensiromotor ocd i worried about groinals and hip thrusts. As i scooted out of bed i think i felt a pause or hesitation but im not sure. I recall scooting off the bed but ocd hyperfocusing on my goos and groinals and hip thrusts thoughts. I anxiously reacted and said NO repeatedly as compulsions. Now im stuck trying tk figure lut did j slowly scoot off the bed and ocd was just hyperfocused on groinals? Did i involuntary hip thrust or was i checking as a compulsion so hip thrusted intentionally? Thrn ocd said was k intnetionally hip thrusting while scooting off and having intrusive thiughts and arousing over my friend and their kid but thats ego dystonic and causes me anxiety and discomfort and i kept saying NO. Was it just sensirimotr ocd. Was i hesitant and thats ehy i slowly scooted out of bed and OCD just fixates on groinals. Im stuck figuring out whyd my brain fixate on my hips and groins. Did i do anything intentionally to act on the intrusive thiughts? Why was i moving sloe kr did ocd interpret that way because of anxiety? Did i hip thrust or was it just natural movement of scooting out of bed and ocd just worrying false alarms and making me feel guilt and doubt to keep me ruminating. I know i wasnt arousing over my friend and their kid. As i scooted and had intrusivr thoughts and groinals i felt so uncomfortable and said NO repeatedly as a compulsion as i kept scooting out. Of course scooting causes a natural hip thrust motion tk scoot out and groinals occur and my anxious discomfort and cringe face and saying no was me trying tk endure it but ocd thougjts hyperfixate and make me confused snd doubt snd says “was i hip thrusting snd arousing iver intrusive thoughts? “ this is ego dystonic. And i already woke up in an anxiety soup mentally. And i think i was just hesistant and ocd hyperfixates with sensiromotor and i was just trying to get out of bed. I dont want thoughts if my friend and their kid. Indont want groinals. So why woukd i arouse over it thats not rational logical kr who i am. Short answer please advise