Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I have to visit a place tomorrow which triggers my contamination ocdand false memory ocd really bad, can anyone help me in this panic situation. Tips needed!

Ever since POCD hit, I've come to a point where I've gotten desensitized on what's right and wrong. I think fiction and porn hasn't helped either. The only thing I worry about now is if I'm attracted to someone below 18 or view sexual content of someone below 18. And I think perhaps this has made me numb to situations that are wrong, even in cases for myself. In the past week, I've seen two posts about people just turning 18 and relationships/sexualization of them. The first post was someone on Twitter talking about this person being a predator. It was a screenshot of a Tiktok where a woman who is 23 said the kid she used to babysit at 13 just turned 18 and if she should ask her out. And to be honest, I felt nothing. I didn't regard it as wrong. My thought was "well, they're both adults now so whatever." The next post I saw today, and I feel like this was life trying to tell me something. I'm 18 and just turned 18 a few months ago. At 17 I realized I was become desensitized and justifying morally wrong things as a teen from porn and stuff, and POCD hit so I decided I wasn't going to be attracted to minors or sexualize them even if we're the same age. But I was thinking about the morality of stuff, like people turning 18 and being an adult and everything. And I was just kind of like, well as long as someone is 18 it doesn't matter and it's okay right? Well, today a KPOP Idol, Han Yujin, literally just turned 18. I was checking the Enhypen group out and the members ages now. Specifically Sunoo and Sunghoon because I had crushes on them but I did the rest of the members too. I did know Han Yujin was 17 before, but I checked his age and it said he was 18. And my first thought was, "oh, it's okay to like him now!" And then I saw he literally just turned 18 today. It made me feel weird, but I was thinking, well he's 18. He's an adult. So it's fine, right? Well, I opened Twitter and a Twitter post called for someone to report an account. I saw that the account in question had posted on Han Yujin's birthday. The post was "Han Yujin is 18 now. It's okay to sexualize him!" Or something along those lines. Something I myself had JUST thought about. The post had 24k likes and a few comments, with people saying it was gross, disgusting, predatory, etc. Apparently the person who made the post about Yujin was 18 though, maybe even only a few months older than Han Yujin. But no one cared and said it was disgusting and predatory/pedo either way. And now I'm sitting here, thinking about myself and my own morality. My morals seem to stop at someone being 18 and that's that. But that doesn't seem very moral, does it? Especially with the posts I saw and what just happened. I have this mindset and I'll still have it when I'm older and basically be a groomer and a pedophile. Everyone else seems to see and understand that dating someone or sexualizing them the moment they turn 18 is grooming, pedophilic, weird, gross, etc. but I don't have the same view and see it as okay. There are many more situations similar to this too. Where I've justified real relationships and fictional ones where someone knew someone as a minor, kid, and even in cases where they raised them. My argument every time is "nothing happened before 18, and they're an adult now." For fiction, I justify it so I can enjoy the fictional content, relationship, and sexual content of them. It just seems like I have a predatory and pedophilic mindset, and I don't think it will change with age.

OCD can be an incredibly lonely experience, especially when people around you don’t understand the thoughts and fears you’re facing. But you’re not alone—others have been there too. What’s something about OCD that makes you feel isolated or alone?

Hi all, As of Monday, I received the diagnosis for Pure OCD during an ADHD evaluation. It came as a bit of a shock, despite knowing my grandpa had OCD (according to my parents and extended family, he passed away before I was born). I'm just a little lost on where to go from here. I'm trying to find a therapist who does both OCD and ADHD, but it's surprisingly hard. Do people typically have different therapists for their different needs? I've mentioned it to close friends and family, and when I've tried to discuss what I'm feeling, they said they do it too to a certain extent which is a little invalidating. Anyway, sorry for the ramble. Would anyone be able to give some advice/supportive words for a newly diagnosed college student? Thanks :)

Any therapists able to help with my situation?

I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.

Hello, Yesterday I’ve suddenly had problems with swallowing and my anxiety. like im scared of choking and would have a panic attack every-time i try to swallow food or water. Is there anyway to treat this?

I had this thought of “what if” I touched my son inappropriately last night while I was sleeping and I don’t remember . I’ve been dealing with Pocd and I never thought something like this before. A little back ground my son is 5, nonverbal and sleeps next to me every night. For me, I am not much of a deep sleeper. I am somewhat of a light sleeper. So I’m up at every little movement he makes or unusual sound. Plus thinking about it if I was too say touch him I wouldn’t know how. I hate that now I have to think about him sleeping separately from me because I would love to cuddle with him and he’s the sweetest boy ever and me thinking I did that is soul crushing. Does this fall within intrusive thought or false memory? Has someone been though this if so I could use some help.

I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.

Can someone please tell me if there are any other similar diagnosis to OCD I am convinced that I was misdiagnosed or that I miss spoke to the extent that I have made the provider who did my psych evaluation misdiagnose me with OCD. I have intrusive thoughts of suicide constantly. I have intrusive thoughts that cause me intense distress and disgust. I am constantly ruminating for hours on different situations and even crying as I type this because I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I feel like I’m not aligned in a prescriptive way with what OCD is. I am extremely frustrated. I just want to know what is wrong with me And there are so many things that I see within the OCD community that align with my experiences, but I feel like from conversations I’m having maybe I’m just anxious or a flawed person and I’m not saying that for reassurance I really feel that way I don’t know what else to do. This is a recent diagnosis so anyone who has felt this way or has similar diagnosis to OCD it would be great to hear from you. Thanks.

so I feel like I’m finally having an academic comeback after years of failing & I’m currently looking at pinterest for that motivation. there are videos that are helpful tools for college students like websites that read chapter books and summarize/create notes & it seems pretty cool. but I somehow deny using those tools bc it feels like I’m cheating. my mind is like, “no, you will study the TRADITIONAL way (which idek what it rlly is)” I don’t know why my brain is doing this to me. I feel like these apps could be beneficial to my learning. what’s ironic is that I literally googled all my assignment answers for one class at the last minute to get some grades in. this is a retake class but because I was so behind on everything, I just looked up the answers. so that really does count as cheating. like bruh 😭 I did it to save myself from a bad class grade. I’m definitely going to study the rest of this semester. I have officially began taking notes and actually doing schoolwork. someone help me!!! these videos look like great resources but my mind is telling me otherwise. another thing is that I’m still lost on what to major in. I keep changing career choices and my head’s gonna explode. there are so many things I wanna say but I don’t want the post to be long. I just want to get good grades and understand the material!!! someone help me >n<

I don’t have an official OCD diagnosis, but I will be asking my doctor tomorrow if I can get referred to a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis. The way I came to the conclusion that what I’m dealing with is OCD is because a month ago I just started having the most horrible disturbing intrusive thoughts that go against all my values and beliefs and attacking the stuff/people I care about the most. Mind you, I have never had anything like this happen in my life. I feel that I have always been someone with a peaceful mind and one of the worst intrusive thoughts I can ever remember having before this happened, was “what happens if I cut my finger right now” while I was cutting fruit. That’s pretty much it. After this whole horrible intrusive thought spiral started happening I was so scared because I have never had such awful intrusive thoughts like this that were the complete opposite of me, it just quite literally started out of NOWHERE, and that’s what was so scary and terrifying. It was like my whole life got turned upside down because of this and I’ve been mainly isolating in my room, feeling so much anxiety and dread and guilt/shame. I get four of the same thoughts and one intrusive image repeating over and over again even if I would not try to think about them, and it caused me so much distress and anxiety that I would be so anxious and cry everyday just thinking how I could ever possibly think such horrible intrusive thoughts like that. It’s caused me insomnia which I’ve never dealt with before and I went three days in a row without being able to sleep no matter how hard I tried (even while taking melatonin). Other days I struggle so much to fall asleep due to the intrusive thoughts being much more present at nighttime, and even when taking melatonin that doesn’t do anything because of my mind being so active and having so much anxiety. Is this what they call an OCD flare up? After constantly looking up all the symptoms of ocd (the more and lesser known ones alike), I noticed there were some symptoms of it that I displayed in childhood when the ocd could’ve been more dormant or mild you could say (skin picking), because once again I have never had such horrible intrusive thoughts like this out of nowhere and constantly repeating in my mind that felt like they were out of my control. I noticed that these intrusive thoughts started on the second day of my menstruation when I was in a lot of pain and was feeling very emotional/stressed. One of the things I’ve heard a lot is that during the menstruation cycle is when ocd flares can happen more often due to the increase in hormones during that time, and I wonder if that’s what happened to me? I’m also overall such a big over thinker and have been for as long as I can remember. I also have had anxiety and depression since middle school as well. Any insight would be very much appreciated 😭

any help is really welcomed and appreciated. I tend to hyper fixate on men outside of my relationship, they feel like crushes but I’m like 60% sure they’re meaningless dopamine rushes that happen with people I find interesting, friendship worthy, or physically appealing in some way. My hyperfixation recently shifted to a supervisor, not even an hour after meeting him :/ that’s fine, whatever, I can’t do much about it. I daydream and create like this drama romance in my head. Like good content for a movie or a book. Comparing it to that makes me feel less disloyal, and more understanding of why this might happen (I am a hopeless romantic, I adore stories). I’m home now and I was thinking of wearing a cuter shirt for work tomorrow because I went in an oversized hoodie today. This is a thought I had this morning before even meeting this man btw. But then my brain went to oh yeah I want to look attractive for this hyper fixation. It felt exciting to think that. I felt excited. Then the huge wave of dread hit me. I wanted to look good for another man? For a specific person? I can’t stop panicking I don’t know if this is normal, disloyal, a distortion, or what it is. I’m so confused. I felt happy when I got that thought. Maybe it was a dopamine hit or something I’m Colombian and we’re really big on looking our best 99.9% of the time. Even if it’s just to go to the gas station. I just feel so scared that I felt excitement over this one person. It’s extremely different for my boyfriend’s culture. Almost the opposite. I feel so disloyal and unworthy of my boyfriend. I doubt this was intrusive, it genuinely felt like me and I’ve had thoughts like that in the past. I just feel like a huge monster right now Please help :(

TMI!! Hey everyone, I was coming on here to ask if anyone has experienced this before! Im in an amazing relationship with my boyfriend so in this post I wanted to ask this question because this is how it felt to me! I remembered earlier today I was watching this movie, etc. and there was this spicy scene in it (iykyk) and it got me feeling some sort of way. This has happened before especially if I’ve played a game or watched a show with some content like this. I felt really in the mood and started to imagine my boyfriend and I doing those things together and I sort of decided to (yanno, the m word) hopefully everyone understands because I just don’t like saying the word😭, but I found that every time I do that, that’s when my ocd is at its worst/peak. Every time my mind has tried to convince me I’ve cheated, when I self pleasure. I get in the mood if I think of my boyfriend and I doing those things I see in movies, shows etc, and that’s when I’ll do it, But literally I realized after I’ve done that at times my ocd is at its worst because my mind will attack me constantly asking “Is this cheating? Does this make me a horrible girlfriend?” If I self pleasure, I also want to add that I mentioned it to my boyfriend at one time and he told me it wasn’t at all and that everything is okay, but constantly I feel guilty for it and extremely horrible. Just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this?

Woke up this morning feeling so good, then I had this thought of “what if” I touched my son inappropriately last night while I was sleeping. I’ve been dealing with Pocd and I never thought something like this before. A little back ground my son is 5, nonverbal and sleeps next to me every night. For me, I am not much of a deep sleeper. I am somewhat of a light sleeper. Is there someone who has been though this? In what ways can I manage this? TIA

Sorry guys for not being on 😅 I was in the hospital because I couldn't walk. I've been diagnosed with FND (Functional Neurological Disorder). I'm sorry for any worries I have caused and not being on to help. Please have a wondrous day.

the most debilitating ocd flare-up i’ve been having for the past few months has been about the guy i used to talk to. we weren’t dating per-se, but whatever was going on between us was very confusing and unclear, and it ended up with me being very hurt. he was basically leading me on, and couldn’t commit to me. it’s been months since we’ve stopped talking and i still can’t stop thinking about him. i don’t even care about him that much in an objective sense, but i am genuinely obsessed with him. everything i see reminds me of him, and my mind is constantly running through thoughts about him and our situation — why did it go the way it did, what did i do wrong, does he still think about me, etc. it’s honestly so humiliating and makes me feel pathetic because i know he’s probably moved on by now, and i still can’t handle the thought or sight of him. i just wish i could stop ruminating, because it’s gotten so bad that i can’t focus on school or anything else in life. it’s so constant to the point where, when i bring it up to my friends (which is very often), i’m met with concern and even frustration rather than sympathy. how can i cope with the rumination? it’s genuinely exhausting, and i can’t sleep at night because my brain is just running like a motor. i have dreams about it almost nightly as well. anything helps!

I guess you can say I’ve been maladaptive day dreaming. I never had a good childhood I would go to sleep and pray I never woke up around the age up 10 I found daydreaming as a way to cope with the trauma and I’ve been daydreaming since, I still do it now. I always think im gonna meet the love of my life and they would love me for me and accept my ocd and make me feel beautiful and I’ll be rich ( I didn’t grow up with money). But then I would have to come to a realization that I’m not getting better, I’m still insecure with trauma. No friends or family to know what I’m going through and it’s hard wanting a reality you can’t have.

My NOCD therapist (who has been awesome) and I are both struggling to identify ways in which I can practice exposure therapy while in-session, because the vast majority of my OCD symptoms are mental compulsions. For example: indecision and inability to commit to a choice; seeking reassurance on decisions from friends and family; mental review of things that have just happened / social situations; over-thinking and catastrophizing. I also have some other hallmark symptoms (contamination fears, moral scrupulosity, etc) but those tend to be inconsistent too. It’s hard to really practice these during my sessions because so many are in the moment and fleeting. By the time I join my session they are no longer active. How can we establish exposure responses during my sessions, if most of my OCD involves mental rumination and overthinking patterns/thought loops that only occur “in the moments - rather than specific or consistent compulsions (such as hand washing)?

I have been broken so many times that i dont even know. Every person i was with cheated on me and just been the worst to me which got to one point that i wanted to kill myself but now i have a boyfriend that i have been for one year and a half but he has been acting weird. I check his phone and look for things i dont find nothing. He goes to the park with his cousin that is a baddddd influence on him like really bad and he hasnt been being good with me and i just dont understand what im doing wrong. I tell him stop hanging out with that cousin and that i would hang out with him everyday and we could go out. But right now he is acting weird and is with his cousin and he is ignoring me and now i have no one to talk to until he stops being with his cousin and that is very very bad that he is ignoring me just because he is with him… i cant anymore i dont know what to do. I am a jealous gf and he is a jealous bf and we are both protective and everything but i feel like everything is going wrong… help please someone…