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I struggle a lot with ROCD and I'm so worried that I'm burdening my partner with these issues I have. He hasn't told me that or anything but I'm so worried that I'm letting him down by being so scared. Anyone relate?

Hi all, recently became stuck on the idea of my wife and I splitting up, and the impact on our dynamic and our child. We have a very healthy relationship, and have been together over a decade. I love her completely and am typically a golden retriever type partner. She's everything to me and then some, which is why these thoughts are so distressing. I've never done therapy, and recently tried antidepressants which spiked my anxiety through the roof so I stopped. I've been dealing with with this for about 3 months. In my constant googling I came across Pure O and ROCD, and based on all I've read seems to align with my experience. This may be reassurance seeking, but would love to celebrate success stories of others who have been able to overcome the intrusive thoughts and find peace. This feels like such a lonely subtype because I can't fully share with and lean on my best friend who I'm used to telling everything to. I'm also not used to needing support. I'm usually the supporter.

Is it ocd or is it denial I don't get what ifs and I wasn't diagnosed with ocd I went to the pych twice and part me just doesn't want to be tru that I'm might be a p and using ocd just for me not to believe it. Im going to go again and if they say I am a p I'm going to end it because that's a scary thought and I'm also worried about my relationship with my boyfriend he is 6 years younger then me and I'm 27 and he's 21 I met him when he was 19 turning 20 and I was 25 turning 26. I'm tired and I don't want sympathy I just needed to type this out it's been getting on my nerves a lot and I think everyday of breaking up with him fear of judgement. He does act very immature I don't know what do with my life myself and the people around me and making friends is not my cup of tea everytime im around new people I feel like I'm hiding a big secret and I don't want to get close to anyone and just makes me feel bitter because people just be normal and not have these intrusive thoughts pop up and lm like why me why why me. And I just push everyone away I can't stand myself either I'm fat and eating is what really what makes me happy no one knows what I go through and I can't talk about it I'm afraid of getting shunned or that I won't get better and actually seek help that I know I need I've feel like I have no control over my life I'm 27 no job I don't have my own place my sisters are doing better then me I probably sound selfish I want to get better and it if is just ocd it would be a sigh of relief and I can work through my issues. I have more I want to say but this part of my truth

Hello!! does anyone have any tips on how to stop prayer ocd, I have to pray for forgiveness every time a bad thought, or word pops up in my head, and sometimes my ocd tells me I say it but idk if that’s true or not. Ive had this ocd theme for quite a long time and I want to stop it

Since I was 16, I have experienced deep depression and anxiety. I fought through it without understanding it for years. Despite these struggles, I managed to find a career, get married, and have kids. At age 23, the weight of my depression became too much to bear, so I finally decided to see a counselor. Going to counseling really changed my life; I found a counselor I truly connected with and saw regularly for the next five years. Mentally, I was doing well until... I didn’t realize I had OCD until my first Pure OCD experience four years ago. It was one of the scariest moments of my life because I analyzed the situation, and every solution I came up with pointed back to me as the problem. I felt like I was the bad guy, the one who was dangerous to this world. I didn’t understand what was happening until I described the experience to my counselor. She explained how my OCD brain perceived intrusive thoughts and what intrusive thoughts actually are. Understanding OCD and recognizing that the intrusive thoughts I was having were NOT real made a big difference. I ended up trying different types of medications for a couple of years and eventually found two that really helped. Once I felt like I had it under control, I stopped taking the medication. A year ago, I had a really bad OCD experience that led me to develop a daily ritual that has become a burden on my life. I fully understand that the obsession isn’t real, yet I still feed into it. I’m at a strange stage in my life right now. I feel like I understand how OCD works and how I should react to it, but I still have bad days when I let it defeat me. My counselor retired last year, and I’m currently in the process of finding a new one. I feel like I’m back at stage one again, and I’m okay with that. Reading these posts reminds me that I’m not alone and that we can find serenity in all of this. We can live the life we desperately desire. I’m here to help as well and answer any questions.

Tomorrow I started a new treatment with Saxenda, because my gynecologist told me, with the exactly dosis, I was really happy for have better health, but I saw a comment on TikTok there's a possibility of Cancer Thyroid, now I'm thinking what If I'll get cancer, and thinking about don't want to ruin my treatment but if the cancer? But a lot of normal things give you cancer, I so scared but was that comment on TikTok I scared ah, now I'm searching on Google, but nothing is going to happen right ??? If I have the control of my dosis nothing's going to happen right?

That come and tell me that my fears are not true 💔

I dont know is this is sign of me being a lesbian or what but I feel like i can’t talk with my girl friends about guys. When i was young i used to, it was fun, talking about those things and talking about sex when we were pre-teens. But now I’m 20 and i feel like that im just not that boy crazy as other girls and i feel like im just left out of the conversation. When im alone and i do feel normal and my ocd is not spiraling i notice guys and i do have fantasies. I just feel a bit broken when i talk about guys with my girl friends. But i dont think im a lesbian. Sometimes i just know I’m not. But i’ve read many stories like “I realized I was a lesbian when all my girl friends were talking about guys and i couldnt relate”. 😔😔 Maybe this is all because of HOCD because i have it since 14.

I am super scared that this might not an ocd I was so confident that this was just T-ocd but after remembering some real events, i no longer know who i am 💔 i am super scared I do not want to change my life , i loved my life as a girl ( even if i am a true trans )

Make you feel like you actually do? I’ve always checked my feelings to try and find my “real” ones and now…when I check, my brain runs away with the thought and makes me feel like I’d actually enjoy hurting my dog. Please help.

I had a lot of mental stamina before my OCD got severe and I often compare my current state of being to who I was. I especially do this with the recovery I experienced 2 years into ERP. I thought I'd never have to face that terrible suffering again. A lot happened last year and my OCD blew up in my face. It's been difficult, but in a different way than I experienced when first going through OCD. Rather than being moved by desperation to recover, I became apathetic, which scared me even more. But here's what I've learned for myself about recovery apathy and I hope someone finds this helpful, too, because I haven't heard many people really talking about it. - My apathy was actually overwhelm. I had fought hard to overcome OCD and the thought of having to go through that again triggered feelings of hopelessness. Really, in retrospect, I see that it was rooted in a desire to get out of the spiral immediately because what if this ruined all of my progress? - By expecting myself to feel better quickly, I became fixated on monitoring my internal world. I was checking every feeling and sensation I had, and using them to figure out how to escape. The more I did this, however, the more I lost touch with my actual needs and desires. - I began to feel ashamed of myself for slipping and losing myself. I kept telling myself I'd do xyz to get back on top, but either wouldn't follow through, the goals would be too big, or whatever I was aiming for was a means of neutralizing the noise, as I like to call it. When you try to neutralize OCD noise, it just gets louder. - My repeated "fails" and attempts to fix myself amplified my shame and feelings of apathy. I didn't know how to break free or sit with what I was doing to myself. I didn't even know how I was doing it. I felt like all of my OCD knowledge went out the window. - A year into it, I have started to learn that it's all the same. This is also OCD. The noise tells me that I can't get better unless I do x first, I need to pay attention to how I'm feeling to learn how to take care of myself, I need to analyze my thoughts and sort through all the uncertainty. At the core of all of these fear-statements is a little girl who feels unsafe. - I started a journal on my compulsions, opened up to people I trust, and moved towards discomfort. I feel anxious and don't know why? Huh, guess I'll color for a bit and use that as inspiration. I used to love writing but now it feels like an apathetic gridlock? I'll set a timer for 10 minutes and write creatively without editing. I'm scared of being weird at work and being so uncool I'm not well liked? Unfortunate, that's their loss because I'm pretty cool. - I work on building myself up instead of analyzing thoughts about whether or not I'm worthy or loveable. I reconnect to things I loved as a kid. I invite my body to relax instead of forcing it to because I choose to honor how afraid it is after being through so much stress and turmoil. I hug myself and imagine hugging that little girl, and I remind myself that I never need permission to be loved. I go to my fiance when I feel trapped or alone, and when he isn't around, I utilize empty chair exercises where I have an open discussion between myself and those lonely parts of me. - Essentially, I realize that acceptance comes from befriending and normalizing our experiences. Just because others don't understand or don't like us doesn't mean we must feel that way about ourselves. What we experience is just as valid as what anyone else goes through and we don't always like or understand them, yet they treat themselves well. Shame tells us we can't be kind to ourselves, rather we must fix something that's wrong in us. I've learned that the true exposure is to soothe the shame with as many tears, hugs, and hobbies as it takes.

Does anyone else get memories suddenly from years ago that goes along with your ocd theme at the current moment and you are shocked how you forgot such a bad memory for years?

I need some advice folks. Because I’m conflicted as hell and lost in this. Me and my dad went through something stupidly mean. He’s a complete narcissist, and is rly competent in insensitivity. He’s been emotionally draining ever since I was born and gaslights me frequently. He has severe issues, (especially anger issues), and he’s refuses to fix himself. He always seems to snap and go off at me at the smallest things and it’s caused me great despair in my mental health, and gives me loads of anxiety. Now take in hand what happened with us last week. As of now, I’m unemployed and have been looking for work. And it’s been hard bc the job market sucks. With my depression, I tend to have an awful sleep schedule. I either sleep too much in the morning and stay up all night. And I’m really insecure about this fact because I know that my help is needed around the house. My moms patient with me about it thankfully. My dad says nothing, but I know he’s irked about it.. it’s very hard for me to get out of bed and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like that at all. So I recently got a new game I love (which is weird because I hardly play games on a consul lately —— Gaslighting Scenario #1: Dad (sees me playing): I guess that playing a game will make you wake up early, huh? *laughs* Me: Umm? That’s really mean to say Dad: Raises voice: How is that mean? I’m not lying am I right? Me: Maybe stop raising you voice and I’ll tell you Dad : NO I WONT because you say crazy stuff like that. Me: All I’m saying is you sounded nit picky. Dad: That’s how YOU see it Not everyone has your brain Dad: Next time I won’t say anything. I’ll keep quiet —- I was heartbroken. I couldn’t even play my game after. I left the room and cried my eyes out to my my snitting and crying. I was completely triggered and disrespected. For him to dismiss me and call my crazy and act like I was in the wrong for being offended: completely vile. I didn’t talk to him for days and when I did finally talk, he didn’t have much to say. I wrote my parents a letter explaining myself about my mental health status lately, I also mentioned how my dad’s joke was insensitive in the letter. Gaslighting Scenario #2: Dad: hey I read your letter Idk what help writing that letter does for you but I’m glad you got it off you’re chest Me: is that all you have to say….? — And it was useless words of no value after that. And he still seemed irked with Me. I’m really pissed that after all that, he didn’t even attempt to say sorry. He read my email letter, and I explicitly mentioned how his joke offended me, but once again he brushes it off like it’s nothing. Just a few days ago he sneaked a hug from me even though I didn’t want to fucking touch him. this man is honestly been nothing but a plague on my happiness and an interference of my peace. I’m still hurt and wanting to be distant with him I feel like if I move on, I’m smoothing over how he hurt me with such an insensitive joke. After all that, should I really move on from this debacle? Or should I stay true to how he hurt me?

I am super scared that i might be trans please help i feel i relate to their stories 😭😭😭😭

I think i always get some slight attachment for older women. I just always admired them, mostly authorities or i just simply admired them as a older women as a mothers or idk. When i was in high school i had this favorite teacher. She taught me for 7 years. I always felt that we might be somehow connected or that she will help me somehow in the future. When I was in my last year of high school she noticed me that i struggle with mental health, she was always there for me, she even hugged me and reassured me and ive always felt safe in her presence. I was always happy to see her and i think i might make some excuses to just see her and talk with her. So i think i got attached to her. The truth was, that we actually were somehow connected and she also brought be closer to God and she inspired me to become a teacher in the future. Everytime when we had to meet after school i was a bit nervous and sometimes i even wanted to look pretty because i knew that she will give me a compliment. I even said that I love her as my second mother. Sometimes i even thought of her as my mother. When she wasnt responding to my email or a message i strated to panic that i might did something wrong. When i started study my teaching major I even practiced with her at school and i didnt want to disappoint her so i tried to be perfect. Anyway, i have never had sexual or romantic scenerios with her. The only scenarios i had in my mind with her were those that I imagined her as my mother or how she huggs me and comforting me when something bad happens. I used to cry many times when i was thinking about her and I was thanking God that He send me a person like her. I’ve never had butterflies in my stomach around her. I’ve never been aroused in her presence. I’ve never had sexual fantasies with her. But i do get thoughts and doubts that “What if u flirted with her? What if u were secretly into her? What if u have crush on her? What if you love her romantically? What if she is your lesbian awakening?” It bothers me and makes me sad😔 She even kissed me once on my hairs, once on my cheek and I’ve never felt any butterflies or never felt in love and after that happened I wasnt even panicking because i knew it doesnt mean anything and that she only cares for me and nothing else. But im just scared that this is also one of my proofs that I’m a lesbian😔 People told me that this has nothing to do with my sexuality and this actually might mean that im just looking for a mother (i do have a good relationship with my mom so idk why this happens, but i sometimes feel like my mom she is more like a friend and not as a mother who understands my needs and feelings). Anyway, i somehow feel like this doesnt make sense and if i would be in love with this teacher then I would know it. I feel like its bullshit but i cant get over the fact that some lesbians actually had their lesbian awakening when they had a crush on a teacher even though i dont think what i experienced was a crush. 😔

Hi all! I have posted about this before and still not sure about what to do. I am struggling with the question of whether or not I should tell my partner (getting married this week) about the fact that I have OCD and my past experiences with it. And if so how? On the one hand, I think it would be good for them to know that I have this issue (to know me better, and basically strengthen our bond), but on the other hand, I am not sure about how they would react to hearing some of the past manifestations of OCD that I suffered with (mainly POCD and other sexual OCD - about 10 years ago now). My OCD today is mostly checking things around the house to make sure everything is safe - a more “plain” and “non-threatening” (to people without OCD) kind of OCD that wouldn’t be too challenging to discuss. I guess I want to share my experience but wondering if it makes sense to if I am going to leave out the more challenging (but also what has been for me the most impactful) stuff out. And of course keeping that stuff in the disclosure would carry risks as well. Looking online for expert opinions on this is a bit inconclusive. Expert opinions range from “don’t do it, it’s reassurance and these thoughts are meaningless and don’t define you”, through “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but it can be helpful”, to “you should probably do it, but maybe don’t share everything”. Any thoughts from anyone who has gone through this? Thanks!

I dont have ocd. I really dont. It feels like im actually a lesbian. I dont feel anything for guys. I dont know how to describe my feelings. It feels like i cant escape my body or my mind. I feel stuck. It feels real. It must be real. But i cant imagine that its real. But it feels so real like im actually a lesbian. I dont want to be. Today i had urges to come out. I feel depressed. I dont wanna live. I cant escape. I just have to accept that im a lesbian.

I am typing as I sit on the couch after a mental breakdown due to the frustration and fear I have with my Suicidal OCD intrusive thoughts. I know so much about why this is happening from therapy, research, and self help books that I feel like knowing this much about my condition is almost making it harder to recover. It’s like I feel like since I logically understand my problem, why can’t I change my response to it? I know logically that these thoughts are stuck in a loop because I have assigned meaning to them and am so scared of the concept of harming myself, yet ERP/CBT hasn’t yet helped much with my ability to tolerate the anxiety. I have moments where I feel good but the sense of impending doom and feeling like I “am bound to hurt myself” always comes back. At least for the last 2-3 months since this theme and OCD flare started. I don’t have any physical compulsions that me or my therapist have been able to identify except *maybe* researching too much. But other than that, my compulsions are all mental. However, I can’t pinpoint what exactly they are. It’s also important to note that I don’t avoid anything. I still use knives when I need to, I don’t hide them like others with this theme do. Yes they can trigger anxiety but I don’t actively avoid them or other items that trigger/have potential to harm me. When I do audio exposures (listening to my voice saying I am going to hurt myself), I hold a knife to my wrist to intensify the ERP, per my therapists request… and still the same or similar level of fear behind suicidal and harm OCD thoughts is there. Has anyone dealt with this and can help provide some insight as to what helped you? Anything is helpful here except negativity.

Anxious my husband cheated after ten years with a woman he was engaged to several maybe 15 years before I moved from the big city to a small farm town and they are around one another all the time and everyone told me even in our ten years of marriage he’s never gotten over her and he blames me for the cheating and when I quit my job due to stress and a child I was withdrawn and was crabby and not the most pleasant but I didn’t go out and look for someone to talk to at the bar down the street for 4 months like he did I took care of our family

Does anyone else feel resentment or scared of the holy Spirit after having Intrusive thoughts about him. I'm scared and I'm not sure what to do about it. I've been praying but I feel so insincere about it and I am scared that there is something wrong with me. I can't read the word holy Spirit without feeling angry or nervous or scared of what my mind is gonna say to him. I just want it to stop, but I also feel like I'm addicted to the bad thoughts and I am scared of myself and what to do.