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Ive been told that I have POCD bc I was molested as a kid. By two practitioners (therapists who treat ocd/trauma). Im not sure I buy this. What do you think?

Recently i’ve been having a very tough time. I keep getting a physical sensation that i have eyebrow hairs sticking out which causes me to obsessively feel my eyebrows with my hands and to pick out hairs with my hands. I really want to see them in the mirror, but looking in the mirror causes so many compulsions, where i have to do things such as see my eyebrow a certain way, blink at it a certain way, cut/tweeze them very precisely. I don’t know what to do cause when i feel them with my hands i keep feeling small hairs sticking out but i’m not sure if it’s actually like that because idk whether i should look in the mirror or not. Yesterday i pulled out some hairs with my hands and im concerned it also looks as if there’s not much hair in that area, but without seeing it in the mirror, i wouldn’t know. Should i just look at them in the mirror and make the necessary changes even though it could cause more compulsions? Because if i don’t, i go on thinking about them and feeling them with my hands all the time and then if i feel something wrong, it triggers me even more. pls, if anyone has advice, bc i’ve been struggling with this theme of ocd for a long time.

Any mamas or dads out there that have had intrusive thoughts about your children or false memories whether recent or long ago memories that you’ve done horrible things to them? How do you cope with the upsetting intrusive thoughts thoughts and the uncertainty of the false memories?

I’m new here and I’m not sure what to ask, but I feel like I need to ask something. The first thing that come up is a recent experience I had with waking up in the middle of the night just thinking my life isn’t real, like not that nothing matters, but like actually not real. It was terrifying. Other times I’ll wake up in the middle of the night just spiraling thinking that I’m just a terrible person and I’m ruining my children’s lives and my husband would be able to manage things better if I was not here. Anyways, I was wondering if there was anyone else that has experienced things like this. And how you deal with these things. I’m not sure that I even have OCD but it is something that I keep thinking about. I don’t want to assume though so I’m just trying to reach out for some community and outside thoughts. Thanks.

Newly diagnosed with OCD but have struggled with depression, anxiety, ptsd, and night terrors for about 20 years now. Never knew it was OCD! Anyhow, I struggle with existential OCD and perfectionism OCD which has always caused me to dislike “regular” talk therapy because it never worked, there was no point, and I was worried I wasn’t doing it right. Well I’ve started ERP with my therapist, and now every day that I have therapy, I anxiously spiral about how it’s going to be bad, and I’m not going to get better anyway because I’m not doing it right, and what’s the point in getting better anyway. Sorry for the run on sentences. Does anyone have advice for getting motivated for therapy sessions and not fearing them? TL;DR: Does anyone have advice of how to stay motivated for ERP therapy with doubts of failing/anxiety/existential thoughts?

Hi friends. I wanted to share a bit about my story in hopes that someone else may feel less alone or someone else can help me to feel less alone. I recently graduated college (a year ago) and moved to a city to pursue a graduate degree that is extremely accelerated. I moved away from my boyfriend, my family and most of my friends. I hate the city I live in. It’s terrifying, I’m alone 99% of the time and away from all of my support systems. Initially I was super stressed with the work load and constantly upset about my long distance relationship but now I feel numb to it. In the fall I had my first panic attack which then led to several months of extreme health anxiety. After working with a therapist this subsided and I felt at peace for a total of a week. Then ROCD fell into my lap and hit me like a truck. It was sudden, it happened so fast and scared me to death. It’s been going on for months now. I feel like I’m never present, I constantly question my love for my boyfriend. Is it real? Have I fallen out of love, do I find him attractive…etc. I also do mental compulsions. Checking, validating my feelings, looking at photos, googling OCD to make sure it’s an OCD thought and not actually my own, and seeking reassurance by telling other people. I tried to stop engaging in these compulsions but the lack of communication to my boyfriend increases my feelings of guilt which increases my beliefs that this is real and this is how I feel, despite the fact that I get so anxious over this thought. I feel like I’m at a stand still. Still in the long distance, trying to self manage, trying to avoid compulsions but hating my brain for bullying me with this conversation all day that makes me question my authenticity. I can’t determine my core fear…I am at a road block and looking for help.

why did I have a dream where I basically cheated on my boyfriend???? what I can remember of the dream was there was some random guy (No one who I know he was just random) and me and him were "testing things" like hanging out and we were kissing and stuff???? and then I went through a grocery registration line and my mom was there and looked at me a certain way when I kissed the guy as to be like "you know you have a boyfriend what the hell" and then after I told the guy "hey maybe we shoukd stop doing this I don't think it will work out" and then I don't remember anything else I kinda woke up feeling super guilty. I don't even know why I had this dream I have never wanted to cheat on my boyfriend or had a desire to be with another man like that why did this happen. what do I do. I feel like in some way I'm being unfaithful by having that dream. even if im.nkt I'm worried the dream may mean something about me or my relationship. please someone give insighf

I just need to vent. I feel hopeless. When i think about guys i feel anxiety. That’s why im scared that I’m actually experiencing comphet. I dont feel anything for guys. But i also do not want to do anything with girls. But i do get thoughts that im gay. It feels real. It makes me so sad that i feel like this. It feels like i should accept my true identity. I cant anymore. Why does it feel like i know im gay and i just have to come out and admit that I’m gay? 😔 i think no one feels like this. I want to cry. I feel empty.

I get that you can’t fight the thoughts, otherwise they get way worse. No use arguing that, it’s OCD-101. lol. But agreeing with them can be damaging right? Especially with POCD and SO-OCD. I’ve accepted that I’ve had these thoughts and have stopped trying to fight them mostly, but I refuse to accept that the thoughts say anything about me. Is that the correct way of dealing with it? Agreeing with them seems like it truly would damage me and hurt my self-confidence.

Currently really struggling with horrible Harm OCD thoughts, images, and I guess…urges? Like it *feels* like my body actually WANTS me to do the horrible things I’m seeing in my head or that it would be a relief to??? This is where I’m getting stuck on “this is not OCD” because of the absolutely awful content, and the actual urges I feel in my body. It feels like it wants and would be okay with doing things to my loved ones that I would never in 1000 years actually think was okay. It’s scaring the hell out of me. I feel like it’s real and I actually would/will do these things. I get this feeling in my chest, head and arms…what IS this? Does anyone else get it? Does anyone ever act on it? Please help. I feel like it would almost be a relief to do them and it’s making me want to commit myself to an institution.

We keep arguing over small things that involve mistakes I make. Such as being forgetful, “unorganized”, or being not being punctual . My partner knows I have mild symptoms of OCD, anxiety, PTSD ,and depression. However, it’s not in the front of their mind at all times. I feel like they don’t truly understand it and how it can affect our relationship. I know I did nothing wrong standing up for myself but I am beginning to think that we may not be compatible. I love my partner and I know all couples argue. But once we have these arguments I feel this anger inside and start to think “ they don’t love me anymore “ , “ they never loved me “, “ have they always been this heartless?” “ should I leave this person regardless of the pros in this relationship?”. When we argue I find more distance created between us and I fall into old patterns. Such as cleaning more, solitude, increased symptoms of OCD, increased anxiety… then I think “ It’s their fault I’m like this right now” “ am I missing something that I did wrong?” “ will this finally ruin our relationship “ “ It’s going to be like this forever” “ am I k. An abusive relationship and I don’t know?” “ Did I ever love them?” “ and I just repeat and revisit the thoughts frequently. I’m just so angry right now because the words they use hurt me so much because it causes a ripple affect in my mind. “ what were you thinking?” Translates in my head to “ you’re incompetent, why can’t you do things right, you can’t do ANYTHiNg right “. And their silence turns to an endless flow of discouraging thoughts about our relationship and me playing our sceneries in my head of what a “ Perfect” relationship should be and how I’m far from it. I know there’s no such thing as perfect relationships, but I do know there should be mutual respect and communication. There should be a reason we’re together than just looks or convenience. I’m tired of arguing over small things. I am only human and can only keep up with so much. “ Is this going to be the Last straw and we’re just done?” Why do they have to always say things they don’t mean? It just has been happening more often and I’m starting to not care anymore about “ Us”

Earlier this year, after 7 years since I first experienced it, my SO OCD returned. When I had previously experienced it, I remember taking all these tests at the time, that said I was most likely experiencing SOOCD but I completely neglected the OCD part, and let the experience of that period of my life haunt me. When it returned this year, after weeks of worsening depression I told my wife and finally reached out to help. It was then I finally realized the OCD aspect, received a diagnosis and became aware of just how my OCD had been tormenting me through the years. I am writing this at a point where I believe I have finally conquered this theme, or at to e very least am close to conquering it. I could very well have a lapse though, but the one thing I am thankful for with this theme is that it helped me finally confront my demons, some that I didn’t even know about, and learn the tools that, hopefully, will prevent me from reaching the pit I have fallen into. As I write this too, I’ll be honest in admitting that a lot of what I have experienced this year feels like a blur. I wish I could recall every thought and feeling that I have had to help whoever takes the time to read this post, but I will do my best in just listing some tips that have helped me, especially in the last few weeks. So hopefully these help at least one person out there - Get off of social media - no Facebook, no Twitter, and especially no Reddit, even these OCD subs. You will see highly triggering things on these sites, and while you may not realize it yet, the reason you are even coming to subs like this one, is for reassurance which is only keeping OCD around more. It’s hard but the more you’re able to resist any of these the better - Stop watching porn - Whether you’re watching gay or straight porn to make sure you’re still turned on by it, or not turned on by it. Doing this will result in you performing a checking compulsion. Even then, are brains are wired to get turned on by anything sexual. If you listen to the podcast Purely OCD, they have a snippet in their episodes covering SO OCD that says it best, it that we are all animals when it comes to sex. - Get therapy - If you can afford it, and if you can’t try to reach out to someone that does OCD peer support like Chrissie Hodges - Your SO OCD may just be a disguise for another theme - Throwing their name out again but Purely OCD, both the therapists mentioned how they see SO OCD as being either moral scrupulosity OCD or existential OCD. For me I found both to play a role. A lot of the “reasons” I was actually the opposite of the orientation I thought I was, had an existential reasoning, i.e. there was some kind of extreme super repressive way my brain was actually keeping me from knowing the truth and the what happens next had a moral scrupulosity basis, I.e I have to leave my wife because it’s not fair to her - Try to be the orientation you fear - you running away from it is keeping you stuck in fear. Now for me when I see a dude. I accept that I’m going to be triggered. I even tell myself, hey, if you’re going to start liking dudes now I’ll have to get over this anxiety so, and guess what happens? Nothing. I don’t suddenly turn gay. I still feel distress sometimes and when I don’t, I’m not even thinking about figuring out what my thoughts could mean towards my sexual orientation. The simple fact that you’re feeling this distress shows that what you’re experiencing is SO OCD, and if you’re not feeling distress you’re not thinking about it and having the response you want to have. - Know that SO OCD is misunderstood - there will be people who say to just try engaging with someone of your feared orientation. These people may mean well because unlike something like harm OCD, engaging in a checking compulsion isn’t as bad, but these people are wrong. This will only lead to more confusion and distress. Trust the therapists that know what SOOCD is. - Watch out for a theme switch - OCD is a tricky beast and will do whatever it can to keep you stuck. For me my SOOCD switched to meta OCD along the way, but still wore the mask of SOOCD. I have spent months now trying to figure out if I really do have OCD and those thoughts only reminded me of my SOOCD and kept me stuck fighting that illusion while I was really fighting a new one - Trust yourself - There is a reason you think this is SOOCD. Your brain is stuck trying to find a new answer, so you can not trust the thoughts and feelings that you currently have. Instead trust the you that got you here today and work towards being a new you that sees these thoughts for what they are, meaningless. - Do not set a time table - much like anything else in life it takes people different times to learn things. Overcoming OCD take time and practice. You will have lapses and you won’t be perfect in resisting compulsions, nor need to capture if you’re doing a new compulsion right away. None of that takes away from the progress you have made and will make fighting this terrible illness. Even everything that I have written will not just “click” right away and that’s okay - OCD can do anything - if you worry if what you’re experiencing is not OCD, just know that it is, and that the answer to whatever question you want to ask as far as, can OCD, has yes as an answer. - You are not alone - that voice inside your head is a liar. You have the 4th most debilitating mental illness in the world and probably have been dealing with it longer than you have even realized. You have plenty of community with people online but know that what I have written and what others will say do not make your fight with OCd effortless. just know that you are not alone in that fight however and that you can do this!

Hey guys, I’ve recently had a relapse in my OCD. I felt like coming on and maybe sharing some of my events so maybe it will help someone feel a little less alone and to get some advice. I have ROCD and Harm OCD. My harm OCD started at 16 years old, I was shown a disturbing video in class one time.. My teacher was supposed to show us the animated version but she showed us the real version. It was truly terrifying. Following that, i started having intrusive thoughts.. of things I would absolutely never want to do. I didn’t know what intrusive thoughts were at the time. I struggled with feeling so alone, crazy.. and so on. I was too afraid to tell anyone because i thought people would think i’m crazy because I thought I did. I finally reached out to my dad about it and he welcomed me with open arms. He told me about his anxiety journey and that he has had anxiety all of his life. Following that I went to the doctor, my doctor started me on Zoloft. I was on that for 2 years and my anxiety improved tremendously. After 2 years I decided to stop taking it due to weight gain, and that I felt better and didn’t struggle with my anxiety or intrusive thoughts anymore. I met my now Fiancé and my OCD transferred into ROCD. I obsessed and worried every single day that he was going to leave me for the past year and a half. Once he proposed, my worries went away, I guess my mind was proven that he wasn’t going to leave. So it went away. A couple of weeks later after we got engaged, I got triggered. I was on a trip with my future in laws and his father brought a g*n. I started having intrusive thoughts about harming them or myself. Had a very bad panic attack. I have been struggling since. I avoid the kitchen, tell my fiancé to put away knives… I feel the need to isolate but at the same time I don’t want to be alone. I have thoughts about the people that are close to me and that I love. Which makes it so much worse. I finally decided to share my story after an extremely rough night last night. I woke up in the middle of the night, had a HUGE panic attack due to my thoughts. Every single time I have a thought I panic, I feel butterflies in my stomach, start to uncontrollably shake..my brain gets so loud and I feel nothing but like straight fear. It’s like my body and brain reacts as if it’s trying to run away from itself but I can’t escape my head. Which in a way makes me feel better because i think “oh well i’m scared as crap of these thoughts which means i don’t want to do them”. It kind of keeps me going because i know real people who have these thoughts enjoy them… but of course my anxiety and ocd goes “well how do you know you don’t enjoy them” and I just go down a rabbit hole. Then if I have a thought, and i don’t get scared over it.. I get scared that I didn’t get scared. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I just pray that they go away, I even get scared that with Zoloft i’m like “what if they don’t go away because it’s really what you want”. My brain is on high alert, everything is a trigger. My fiancé has been an absolute rock star and has helped me through every second of it. He is my biggest supporter and so understanding. Then I’ll have intrusive thoughts about him! I’m just at a place right now where I could use some hope. I want my zoloft to get rid of them completely. This has been so crippling. Im on day 4 of Zoloft, I know it isn’t working yet. If anyone has any advice, suggestions, or literally just anything. I would appreciate so so much.

Im just so confused about the attraction. I feel like i’ve never really felt sexual attraction towards someone, or maybe i did i just dont remember. I personally dont really think im asexual. Maybe this is reassurance seeking but how does real attraction, or sexual attraction feels like? Im scared that my admiration for woman was actually attraction?😔 even though i had no sexual or romantic fantasies or desires with them. I can tell if a woman is pretty or attractive but i’ve never had any desire to date one. And it scares me. Like what if i’ve never been attracted to a guy? I dont even remember how does it feels like. Im so fu*ked up, like im 20 years old, my last crush was when i was 13 on a guy (even that my ocd makes me doubt) and i have these thoughts since 14. It got me in this early age when everyone around me were experiencing crushes and i DID NOT.

I feel like I kept getting bit by something but nothings there! I know this is a symptom of schizophrenia & now I'm freaking out! Plus I deal with delusional like thoughts, so that's a double whammy 😣

Hello everyone, I am new here. I am glad that I can openly share my thoughts with people who will understand and not judge me. I am still not sure if I have OCD or just anxiety. I wasn't a tidy person before but I knew when I was still in school that I did want my schoolwork to be perfect and organized. When I was young I lost my grandpa who was very close to me. Then I started telling my parents "I love you" and "Please don't die" phrases which they find annoying as I say this to them maybe 5x or more per day. 😔 And now that I am married I always say this to my husband too. He got used to hearing it each day. I wanted to stop this. I tried. But I felt like my day was worse. I felt like if I was not saying those phrases, I had the feeling of ignoring them and that I was not concerned for them. I noticed that after giving birth and I talked with my nurse that I should wash my newborn son's bottle and stuff separately, my desire to make everything clean heightened up. I started to think that if I did not follow the advice my son's stuff would be contaminated by other things. That he might catch this and that. I even used a separate sponge and if I think it touches something I will rewash them. This is so time-consuming but it makes me feel that I am doing it right. Before the pandemic started, I already had a habit of washing my hands once I got home. I didn't care about the others if they did. But now, oh man, I want everyone to do the same in our house. My husband and my son are doing the same now. It became a routine in our home. Before when a visitor won't wash their hands, I do not care, but now it irritates me. I can't say it directly because I am afraid of hurting their feelings but I can't function properly. It will be in my head the whole time. And I will think that everything they touch is dirty. If I do not have access to the washroom, I will be using a hand sanitizer. I always carry one. When COVID was new, I thought it was just a normal flu, in Canada it is common in winter. I was not too concerned because I knew it would be cured. But since I watched a lot of news of people dying and unfortunately my dad was one of them, my cleanliness heightened. I do not want anyone to die. I felt like I did not give him enough advice to protect himself. I researched stuff on how to disinfect, and I learnt about making hypochlorous acid as a natural disinfectant without harmful chemicals. I wiped all our groceries. And the worst is once I go out I feel dirty and contaminated already. Everything, like literally everything that we buy, should be sprayed and wiped down. I even used the hypochlorous acid to spray myself before entering the house. Not only that but to my husband and my son too. At first, I do this to my visitors, but I know I am being judged. So I just close my eyes and let it pass. But the concern of bringing anything dirty into our home boils down in me. I can't be in the moment. I am overwhelmed. After every party, I will clean and spray everything to be disinfected. I will steam the floor so I know it's clean so that I do not have to wipe anything that falls on it. It is tiring but it makes me feel like I am living in my safe zone. I feel like I am protecting my family by giving them a clean home. When we travel, I will wipe down everything from the plane to our hotel room. I packed some of my spray and wipes. We will use slippers inside the room because I know a lot of people use their shoes inside the hotel rooms. Everything that falls on the floor is considered dirty. (Btw, I am Asian, and it is normal for us not to bring shoes inside the house) I always tie my hair up so it won't be dirty. I do not bring a bag so I won't quarantine it or wash it after I use it. We only wear our clothes once. I want to be normal. I tried to limit spraying myself and my family and all surfaces. I tried to not wipe the groceries and I do not know if this is just a coincidence but everyone in our family got sick. So I went back wiping everything again. I don't know what to do anymore. 😥 Has anyone experienced this or presently experiencing this?

How can I tell the difference between real urges and ocd screwing with me? I wake up in the morning and the first thing that happens is I start seeing harm images/thoughts. But now it’s starting to feel like I want those things, even though I don’t. Like it just feels like normal thoughts because I’m consciously thinking of them and it feels like my brain or body wants me to do these awful things. I know in my heart and my “normal” brain that this is not something I’d want, but it still is the first thing I see in the morning and I’m really starting to question how I actually feel. And if it will ever leave. Is that normal for this??? How do any of you ever tell the difference between these at this point?

how do I know the difference between having having a low sex drive versus being asexual? I saw a video about how someone found out they were asexual because they were sad or crying after/during sex. I have cried after sex with my boyfriend sometimes and I often do experience sadness/anxiety many times but I believed that maybe aftercare needs to be prioritized more and that maybe my ocd/anxiety/depression puts me in a state of low libido a lot. There are times where I begin to space out during sex or begin to have uncomfortable thoughts, and then there are times where I enjoy it in every way possible. I also believe that because me and my boyfriend are going through the process of healing betrayal and trust in our relationship that that could be a big factor as well. all of these things add up as reasons for just having a low sex drive. I've also always said that i think i could be in a relationship where i didn't have sex often if at all and I think id be okay because it isnt a priority to me. But seeing that video really made me suddenly question it and it scared me a little because I have questioned if I really know sexual attraction vs. aesthetic attraction and now I just feel scared and confused. This could change so much for my relationship and I'm just scared that the answer is something I don't want it to be. could someone please help or leave some insights?

Hi, this is my first post and I just wanted to see how others have approached their OCD with their partners? I am right at the start of my OCD therapy journey. I’ve had CBT in the past for health anxiety but it’s only recently I’ve been honest with myself that this is partly contamination OCD. It got a lot worse after a recent illness. I haven’t had ERP yet but have read up a little and know what’s involved. I absolutely cannot get my boyfriend to understand what I’m experiencing. I’ve tried to explain that when he does stuff like touch the bin then touch other things, it causes genuine distress, but he has said he feels like he can’t relax in his own home. Today he said “this has to stop” and I was trying to explain that it will, but not overnight and in the meantime I really need him to support me, even if it seems illogical. Am I wrong? How on earth can I make him understand what OCD feels like and what I’m trying to do to fix it?

I have no idea if this is just OCD and I’m actually just straight or i was in denial my whole life. Now it feels so scary, i feel like im realizing my true self, that ive always been gay, that im just using SO-OCD as a cover up. IT FEELS SO REAL. I even feel like others with SO-OCD dont experience this feeling and i must experience something different. Its literally a feeling like an urge to admit myself that I’m gay and it even feels like i know im gay and i was using OCD as a cover up for 6 years. I cant even describe that feeling. When i try to imagine myself with a girl in my mind it makes me feel like i like that thought like i want it😔 It feels all very very real. I think you guys with SOOCD have different feelings and you actually have OCD. I dont want these thoughts. I dont want to be gay, i dont want to feel this. But maybe i was my whole life in denial. 😭😭