New here and not sure

I’m new here and I’m not sure what to ask, but I feel like I need to ask something. The first thing that come up is a recent experience I had with waking up in the middle of the night just thinking my life isn’t real, like not that nothing matters, but like actually not real. It was terrifying. Other times I’ll wake up in the middle of the night just spiraling thinking that I’m just a terrible person and I’m ruining my children’s lives and my husband would be able to manage things better if I was not here. Anyways, I was wondering if there was anyone else that has experienced things like this. And how you deal with these things. I’m not sure that I even have OCD but it is something that I keep thinking about. I don’t want to assume though so I’m just trying to reach out for some community and outside thoughts. Thanks.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

I will also say that I’ve read about suicidal ocd and believe that I experience this. The thoughts can be so real that I sometimes have to convince myself that I don’t really want this. Sometimes the images that come to mind are so real that I’m scared of even getting in my car and worried that if I get in a wreck that I would be just wanting to do it.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

I also sometimes think about what if the world is imaginary but it doesn't bother me, bc I'm extremely into fiction and imagination anyway. So I guess I can't help you there except to say that personally I don't mind if my life isn't real (bc what is real anyway), I'm just glad I get to live. As for thinking I'm a terrible person, yeah, I do that. I kinda flipflop between thinking I'm awesome and thinking I'm the utter worst. Sometimes I think that my parents will have an easier time of it when I move out. Things that help me with that - - "The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant." - doctor who - order myself to give myself at least as much compassion/kindness/whatever as I would give someone else - be like "yeah I'm a terrible person and I still love me" - recall that the brain can only sustain a given emotion for a limited period of time (or something like that) and so This Too Shall Pass re: suicidal ocd, as I understand it -- with suicidal ocd the person is scared of committing suicide/scared of wanting to commit suicide, whereas with actually being suicidal it's different

Username: glücklichglücklich

Date posted: 23w ago

I have had times where I couldn’t stop thinking about the deaths of my family (they were and are alive and well) and also times where I couldn’t stop thinking about picturing etc killing myself. It wasn’t always in a “I think they’re dead” or in a “I’m gonna do it” way, but the thoughts were persistent and upsetting. Is that kind of what it’s like for you? For me it felt like I couldn’t have a moment of peace and at times it would keep me in bed

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

@glücklich Yes that is what it is like for me. When I can’t get in touch with a friend or family member my first thought is that they are dead and I’m not doing enough to help them. I contemplated suicide a lot when I was in high school and I learned a statistic at some point that people who have done that are more likely to commit suicide or something. So I’m always afraid the desire for suicide will just pop up and be too much to control and I’ll do it. But I don’t want it. If that makes sense. I have not

Username: glücklichglücklich

Date posted: 23w ago

@Anonymous That sounds like ocd to me. The number of times I’ve fully convinced myself my dad was dead cause he didn’t answer his phone (he never does)

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

@glücklich Yes and I’m like “he never answers his phone, but what if this is the one time that I need to check on him…” and I drive all the way there to see everything this fine.

Username: glücklichglücklich

Date posted: 23w ago

@Anonymous Yeah, my favorite that I’ve had was having a sudden thought that he’s dead as I was going to bed and I called him and he didn’t answer but I live 3000 miles away from him :)

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

Honesty, it seems you have a severe depression, not ocd. With ocd besides the rumination that is present in depression what happens is the unracional "intrusive thoughts" , and a compulsion to neutralize it.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

So lets say, you were working and then all of a sudden you would think "my husband hates me" and you would start coutinhg in ur mind to erase the anxiety , call ur husband and ask him if he loved you or tap the table 3 times. And this thought would have to come out of nowhere and happen regulary. Feeling unreal is a symptom of depression or other mental health conditions and self hate or thinking the wrose about urself also.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

@Anonymous Also waking up in midle of night. So which one seems more likelly to you ?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 22w ago

@Anonymous Well I have been diagnosed with depression, but the intrusive thoughts and things you just described…I experience as well. This was more of an experience I had not had before this past year. But intrusive thoughts have been happening for me almost my whole life..

Username: monica<3

Date posted: 25w ago

ocd is controlling my life

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

Username: mnkos

Date posted: 21w ago

is this a concern? or am i not in the right place?

TW for mental health issues, death, ptsd, ED i guess ill just start off by saying that i have struggled since i was young with severe anxiety and panic attacks since i was about five but an onslaught of CPTSD worsened a lot of things for me. i developed an eating disorder in my teens and was hospitalized for it. i’ve been in and out of therapy since i was ten and while i do my best without medication to live my life to the fullest, i often feel like i don’t deserve the successes and support i’ve received in the last few years b/c i feel like i don’t deserve to be happy at all. i saw a video recently of a girl talking about her obsessive hypochondriac thoughts that i resonated with and when i read the comments, a lot of people pointed out that it might be ocd. it hasn’t ever been a thought that crossed my mind and now im wondering if im twisting that video into some sort of self diagnosis for myself. im wondering if it’s just my high anxiety that’s causing these severely intrusive thoughts. for example, i have had a really hard time sleeping recently because the thought that i or my partner might die in my sleep keeps me up. if i have an aneurysm or a heart attack in the middle of the night and die, or worse, if my partner has an aneurysm or heart attack, is it because i don’t deserve to be happy with him? i don’t deserve a wonderful relationship? another thought i have is when i drive with us both in the car, im going to crash and severely injure both of us or kill us both. i have never once crashed my car or gotten into an accident btw, but for some reason i just get this extremely morbid thought that im going to crash and it’ll be the end. i had a weirdly spiritual experience/revelation in 2020/21 about the multiverse and i keep thinking that every night i actually die or that i get into accidents or something morbid happens and im somehow timeline jumping and going to a different multiverse and that’s been my odd way of coping with these thoughts. i guess im just trying to figure out if this is even remotely similar to OCD or if im just over analyzing it bc of my anxiety/hypochondria i guess?? i dont know i just want help. if this isn’t OCD, please tell me and i will delete this post and app and ill sincerely apologize to everyone who actually suffers. 🙏

Username: OCDwontwin12...

Date posted: 18w ago

I just need to know I’m not alone

My ocd convinces me that no one else has the ocd thoughts I have. I am newly PP and had an intrusive thought about my baby that sent me into the worst panic attack imaginable. I went to OBGYN and she said “but you aren’t having thoughts about harming yourself or the baby right?” I had to lie. I obviously didn’t want the thought, it’s my biggest fear. But how can we be honest with our doctors without being locked away. I had visions of them taking my child from me or me being locked away and now I’m just spiraling. I went down the rabbit hole for sure. How do we know what intrusive thoughts we can tell our doctor/therapist??? If I can’t share what’s going on in my head, then how am I supposed to know that I am not alone 😭. I want to find a therapist on here to work with but my ocd convinces me that no one else has struggled with what I have for some reason or that my ocd is “different” and I’ll be reported. This is miserable. Can anyone else relate? It’s like it convinces you that you are the “worst case” & what If it’s not even ocd. This has kept me from getting the therapy I know I need. Hope someone can give me some insight…

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New here and not sure

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