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Does anyone have magical thinking ocd specifically wishing?

I'm so scared that by thinking about things I can make them happen. I know that's a central thing in OCD but I googled it and a lot of people actually say that if you think about stuff you can make it happen. I've been processing a lot of trauma and having intrusive thoughts about it and I'm so scared that if I think about people who hurt me it will make them contact me and it's making me feel really paranoid and scared and panic and I'm just so scared that I'm somehow conjuring bad people to come into my life and that I'm going to somehow get sucked back into my past or that I am somehow calling people close to me who could hurt me or that something bad is going to happen to me because my thoughts have been so scary and triggering. I'm also feeling really dissociated and I'm worried that these thoughts are actually me starting to have some sort of a psychotic break or something. Please help I'm so scared.

slight tw! my ocd has been the worst it’s ever been for about a week now. and, to me, it all started for no reason. i truly don’t understand where these thoughts came from, or why. last monday my great aunt passed away, the days before that, i got into an argument with my dad and he was really mean, and later that weekend i saw him texting horrible things to my mom about me and her both (i wasn’t supposed to see) then, later that day, i say my ex boyfriend (who lives in another state!!!) at a thrift store. i left very quickly with hopes he didn’t see me but i found out that he saw me and then called my ex best friend to make fun of me. im also sort of homeless in a way (me and mom been staying with friends and family) the house we are trying to buy is in escrow and the fulfillment date was pushed back by a month (to oct 31st), and was recently (yesterday) pushed back again. i also stress over money. i feel like with all of these things going on, im just not affected by them? although i sometimes get anxious over these things, im so used to the family fights, and i wasnt close to my aunt who passed. although i stress about money and also wanting a home to live in again, i just feel like i truly don’t care enough to have such life changing anxiety. i started feeling so nervous out of NOWHERE and my mind was trying to find any reason it could, so of course it went to my gf. now im having rocd (it’s getting slightly better) and my magical thinking ocd is also pretty bad atm. i keep taking almost every song i hear on the radio as a sign (ill never feel love again, im a horrible person, etc) , unless its something good, which i try to acknowledge is ridiculous. is it possible that the things going on in my life made me spiral like this, even though i genuinely, truly and wholeheartedly feel like they didn’t? or could this truly have been brought on for no reason? i just turned 18 + graduated this year idk if that’s relevant. this is what ive been experiencing with the anxiety brought on by my ocd, i haven’t been able to eat at all. once a day at best, and it’s something like cereal or crackers. every morning i wake up early (8 AM) no matter how late i slept, and can’t fall back asleep because of how anxious i feel upon waking up. i almost immediately have to go to the bathroom out of anxiety (tmi sorry) i sometimes throw up and im just overall pretty anxious, it’s sort affecting my relationships and definitely my mental health. i’ve lost 6 pounds this week because of not eating and throwing up. my body feels weak half the time. i’m trying to do what i can to feel better but it’s just hard. also because of the rocd i developed, i feel so anxious and sick, on the verge of throwing up, whenever i talk to my girlfriend on the phone. i’m getting better about not being anxious when she texts me, but it’s still hard. i make myself text her though because i know i wont get over this by avoiding her. yesterday we called for the first time in a few days (long distance relationship, we’ve both been busy) and i was overwhelmed with anxiety and fear. i was trying to take deep breaths and not throw up. after a little bit the anxiety went down, along with the need to puke, but was very well still there. i’m trying my best but everything is so hard. does anybody have any advice for any part of this? anything would be appreciated. ):

I’m really struggling and have no idea how to handle this. Can someone help? My main theme is POCD and now its everywhere I look but I feel like I can’t trust myself. I worry a lot about how I feel about younger people (not just minors but also people who are newly adults who are too young for me.) I worry about what I think about them and how I treat them, always worried I’m crossing a line. But I also worry not that I’m doing something inappropriate with someone young but that I’m endangering them in some way. I’m worried I’m a danger just by being on the internet, and that I’ll accidentally come across someone young and the only way to 100% prevent it is stay completely away from social media and stuff and if I don’t then I’m a bad person. I went on a trip and tagged the place I was on my Instagram story. Somebody liked the story and it said in their bio they were 19 (I just turned 24) and I freaked out and blocked them and I felt like the worst person allowing that to happen. And what if what I like is more important in my head than protecting children? Like, what if Instagram is so important to me I keep using it even though I’m doing something wrong? I worry about this a lot with other apps. Another way I worry about this is on tumblr. I’m a huge fangirl and used to be a big part of the fanfiction section of tumblr. I stopped using it because of my POCD. For a while, I’d only read things from people stated their age in their bio and were of a certain age, but then I’d start wondering what if they’re lying? And also, I’d have to try to figure out when something was posted so I could do the math and see if they were too young when they wrote it. And I’d only read things where the person was of a certain age *and* had 18+ on their work because if it didn’t, then it seemed like they were appealing to minors and that’s wrong, of course. But then I started thinking “well 18 is still so young, how can they say you can be 18 and read this?” I know it’s standard if something has sexual content or mature content really it’s 18+ but I was so convinced I was contributing to something awful by reading it and I still do think that. Maybe that’s magical thinking? But I have no idea. Sometimes I think “oh, I could read it as an exposure” but it genuinely feels wrong, I don’t know how I could do that. POCD is at every turn, I constantly feel like I’m doing something wrong and I genuinely can’t tell if some of it is and I’m freaking out. I have a therapist but I’m not sure she understands. She is knowledgeable about OCD so that’s not the problem, I just worry about my specific symptoms. But I don’t know if it’s because she doesn’t get it or because I’m not explaining it well. It’s really hard for me to get my point across so that may be it. I keep saying I feel like I can’t tell the difference between right or wrong and she keeps saying “I think you can” and that terrifies me because I’m so certain I’ve done things wrong which means my OCD makes me a danger and I’m just really struggling and so scared. Can someone please help?

I saw a post saying that thinking about something for a while will bring it to you. Now I’m scared and panicking because I think about illnesses and getting a disease almost everyday. What should I do? Im very scared

Idc if this is seeking reassurance, seeking reassurance helps me sm in trying ERP and that's what I'm asking, reassurance because I want to get better mentally, I want to start ERP but I can't if no one answers me, I'm one of the people that reassurance helps, my paranoias are manifestation and thinking I can predict or influence the future, I'm constantly trying to think of good things so that I don't "curse" things and things that I've already "cursed" I can't use anymore, it's ruining me, can I actually accidentally manifest smth bad ? Can I predict the future ? Can I influence the outer world ? That's all I need to know, cuz if I don't know my brain is convincing me that trying ERP is the universe's way to let my guard down and that's what's stopping me from starting ERP

Hi, I'm Alex. I'm 24 and I've been abused and neglected growing up. Since I was very little, I've been turning to fiction, getting strongly attached to my favorite fictional characters. I don't know if anybody else here is a self-shipper, but I am. That basically means that I have genuine romantic feelings for fictional people. My fav rn is Kinich from Genshin and I take the relationship in my head with him very seriously. The scenarios I come up with are intricate and offer me great comfort, as I am both a digital artist, and a writer. However, for a month and a half now, someone close to an online harasser of mine from the past, a married guy in his 30s claims to love Kini romantically too. And it's genuinely making me panic so much and I feel as if this literal fictional person is in imminent danger I have to save him from. I genuinely feel as if this real-life stranger is trying to take away my own partner from me, and I fear this so much that I'm nauseous every day. I can't stop checking on the guy to make sure that he's finally left Kini alone, but it always turns out... that he hasn't!!! I feel so seriously ill. I lost 95% of my productivity by worrying so much about this. I have nightmares at night, but I also hate that if this guy basically gushes about my partner (who, again, doesn't physically exist, unfortunately), he gets likes, while I myself have been long feeling ostracized from this community. Genshin is a gacha game but I don't spend money on it, really. With two years worth of in-game currency, I managed to get Kini 7 times, basically maxing him out, along with two copies of his weapon, last month. I was genuinely so happy about it but now I also fear being avoidant towards him somehow- Even though he makes me so happy, and again, he isn't real. I can't stop checking on this real-life guy who seems to be having nothing better to do, and who makes me feel that my favorite character is in danger. I don't know what to do, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist scheduled for next week, and I'm hoping I'll be given meds, but those aren't "miracle pills", and my appointment is on Thursday. I genuinely feel that I won't be able to hold on until then. It's too much, the panic attacks are exhausting, the anxiety made me lose my attention span, which used to be lengthy, and I'm genuinely worried. I know that my thoughts are irrational, I know that I shouldn't care about these two real-life strangers I've never talked to before, but whom I hate with my entire heart. I just wish this was all over, I wish it wouldn't hurt, and that I'd be happy and feeling safe again. This isn't the first time something like this happens, I've been possessive of my fictional characters for over a decade now. I don't know how to stop myself from doing this compulsion, and hurting myself emotionally so many times a day. Before you ask, I did block the person. I blocked over 5000 people, those being "supporters" of his. People who like his Tumblr posts and crap, while I'm forced to be lurking. I blocked them all, and I block like 20 every day, on not one, but THREE accounts. I am so tired, and I feel so ill, but nothing seems to be working. I know, in theory, that I shouldn't care about this weird stranger, but I hate him so much and I'm obsessing over him specifically, even though I'm certain that plenty other players like Kini-! But someone, not knowing about the existence of these people means they're "out of sight, out of mind". I do have an official diagnosis, it's OCD, BPD, AVPD, STPD and OCPD, which, I know, is a lot. I just want to somehow snap out of this. Thank you for reading my post, it's so lengthy and I feel so bad about it /gen

I didn't tell anyone this because I was so ashamed, but when my grandpa was alive, he used to be in and out of hospital a lot because he had many problems, and for some reason I always kept telling myself in my head, "If you don't do this or you're not able to do this then grandpa will die." I did this for a while and felt like I had no control over these thoughts. I actually forgot this even happened because he died in 2019, but when I remembered it triggered me. And after years of still having these thoughts leading up to his death and carrying out these activities, one morning, my dad got a call and I heard him saying "oh no", in a very kind of sad disappointed way and I knew exactly what had happened and I started to cry in bed. When I finally managed to pull myself together, I went downstairs, still sad but played it off with my mum and acted like nothing had happened. A few hours later my dad was speaking with my mum privately and my dad told me and my sister that my grandpa had died. These thoughts made me think I was a really horrible person for ages because I never felt normal, but I didn't seem to think much about how I thought my thoughts made it happen, but days and weeks later, I felt like it was my fault because I didn't do all of these activities right. To this day, I haven't really had any of these, "this person will die if you don't do this" thoughts because I feel like it's only when the person is ill that I think that but I'm not sure how my brain works. Sometimes I feel like I'm making all of this up even though I can tell that I'm genuinely struggling, but a lot of the time It's hard to know how I feel. I used to be able to touch things back then though, and now one of the things I really struggle with sometimes is touching things. It doesn't matter if it looks clean in some cases, I honestly don't understand it half of the time. I sometimes have to roll my sleeves down to touch things, then sometimes I have to rub my sleeves together to make it feel like it's gone away but I know that it hasn't. A lot of the time it's when things look or smell dirty or my mind seems to think it's dirty. It can make me feel really uncomfortable and my chest sinks and feels tingly when it gets triggering. I get told sometimes that I'm being overdramatic, silly or even mental for acting this way.

I'll be watching videos on Instagram and TikTok and then there's one that pops up that relates to my fears of struggles - fear of losing people (being vague because even typing about it is hard) - and it triggers me because i fear that it will cause something to happen. And like, anytime I tell people about these fears, they're just like "focus on present, you can't stop that from happening" and it's like - i know i can't bro 😭 and i don't wanna accept it but i feel guilty for not wanting to accept it because idk, it just makes me feel ashamed and like i'm taking advantage of moments . like i know i can't stop it and i do wanna focus on present moment but it's so hard to when my brain is fixated on these certain triggers that make me obsess over the future, the passing of time, and those fears so i will find mtself fixated on future dates and numbers, counting down, etc.. and i just hate it because I don't wanna be that way. I just wanna be chill and to not focus on this stuff this much. To make the passing of time feel somewhat decent and to stop focusing g on certain things that hurt me

My life has been hell, and I don’t know how to move on. I (15M) did awful things when I started high school, thinking being sexual was the way to connect. I crossed boundaries, overshared, and kept flirting with friends and making sexual jokes, even after they said no (all over text). One friend stopped talking to me and can’t even look at me now. I feel like a monster. Why shouldn’t I be locked up? If I got therapy, I feel like I’d be sent jail. How can I ever move on?Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live.

Magical thinking is an absolute curse.. it’s torture.

Hi this is my first post! My biggest thing is that im scared if I don’t do something something bad will happen. The consequences vary depending on the situation. Like for example one of my biggest fears is throw up so when my stomach hurts I have to touch something or do something or step on something in a certain way 4 times and I have to get it perfect. If not I think that I’m going to be sick. Thats just an example but my mind has fully convinced myself that these repetitive acts have actually worked and protected me. I don’t know how to stop or fight against it because I find comfort in thinking I have control over things. But sometimes doing these things can take so much time and it happens all the time. Certain rooms in my house there are certain things I have to do. It’s just becoming really overwhelming as a teenager especially. Does anyone have any advice?

My obsessions vary a lot, but lately I've been struggling with people close to me going into cars/driving. I'm feel like I'm starting to make them feel like I'm morbid or something, and also don't know how to explain them my mental process without sounding crazy,because this doesn't happen always. I'll try to explain: i really feel like i'm a bad omen for anyone close to me, and if they are making me a favour, like driving me somewhere it goes two ways in my head: 1.They are safe while i'm with them because(????) 2.When they are coming back without me they are at more risk because the universe is gonna make me pay for my egoism (being helped). Now, I know what magical thinking is but is really hard to explain to people without OCD, like, sorry but telling someone that i think i'm some kind of chosen one thay will keep us safe but a great force is gonna punish US BOTH for getting help is BONKERS. I'm right now at a good space in my life compared to years ago, but my head keeps popping with new fears randomly, i've been doing quite well with trying not to give into compulsions but this past week it's been so hard, both with this an health rumination. Just so hard. I couldn't help to give into it and i've been: -asking them to call as soon as they get where they were going. -checking the wheather and telling them please try not to drive, go outside or be careful in general if its windy or rainy. -Refusing rides and taking the public transport instead even if it's inconvenient and the other person insist they want to drive me. I just couldn't today my bf forgot to tell me he came to the office bc of reunions etc and i almost lost it, panic attack and multiple calls included. I just needed to let it out, and started reaching help again so i hope at least this makes someone feel understood :)

I was someone who was fat once and yes I’m gonna say fat because that’s what I was. I was overweight and it took a toll on my emotion and mental health. About 3 months ago or so I was 200lbs. I was very chunky and chubby I had side pockets and I just felt overall very heavy and big to point where I even thought it was affecting my physical health…I remember days where I felt tired so quickly and had fatigue or just felt outta breath going upstairs , etcccc. I recall eating so much and impulsively snacking which I think part of it was due to my stress but also just normal eating for me seemed out of control sometimes. I then realized I had to make a change especially when I got the news from doctor I was diagnosed pre diabetic and was close to becoming one very soon. So then I made few changes to my diet and daily activity as well as routine , one day I remember falling into a downward spiral with one of my debilitating episodes with ocd (about 3-4 months ago) it was then that I felt so desperate I even considered taking medication again . Fortunately though it was the best thing I did for me. I have been showing improvement but I still get episodes periodically I just manage it somewhat differently than I did before . I feel little more in control … however this doesn’t change the fact that ocd has still latched itself onto something I value . I lost 52 lbs. during my weight loss journey I couldn’t stop or give up . It was one of my biggest milestones. I never thought I’d ever do it but I did. I haven’t felt this great in so long and everyday I can’t help but be scared to think I’ll be fat again. I compulsively go to the gym , I check mirrors , I check my elbows and face shape and chin, I have fast days , etccccc…. So many compulsions you can think of . So many thoughts surrounding my fear of being fat again like magical thinking ocd and stuff . I need help. This has become constant for me. I’ve been scared of gaining weight again . I have certain thoughts like God punishing me. It’s more than that I just didn’t wanna get into detail. I was wearing a chain with a cross and I was on a hookup app while I had it on and i immediately had racing thoughts that God would take away what I value .

Im so anxious that I can barely function anymore I dont even know why,I was just laying in my bed and randomly I got anxious I think it may be caused by that I havent been stimming in a while but my mind is telling me that its because something bad is going to happen in a moment like a war or something like that

How does one do erp for magical thinking?

Hey, I’ve been doing some research on OCD and think I may have it. I’m not 100% sure, but I have a lot of the symptoms. I want to get myself diagnosed, but my parents won’t let me. They agree that it’s very likely that I have OCD, but they think that if I try hard enough, I can get over it. I don’t know what to do anymore or if what I have even is OCD, and I want to be somewhat sure before a I do anything. Right now, I’m a junior in high school, but freshman year was when my “OCD” was the most severe. I think I had (and still do) the symmetry/order subtype and “just right” subtype. I was obsessed with writing things neatly to a point in which I kept forcing myself to erase and rewrite things until all the letters were straight and all the graphs were neatly drawn (typing wasn’t safe either because I use Notability and felt the need to align every text box and make them all the same length). Handwriting was especially a problem in calculus A, and it got to a point in which I couldn’t keep up with the notes, and the homework was taking hours a night because I was obsessed with making my work perfect. Needless to say, I didn’t get a good grade in calculus A and didn’t build a good foundation for future math classes. This makes me really sad because I was previously really good at math and had a bright future in the subject. Eventually, I just stopped trying in calculus A, but by then, I felt burnt out, couldn’t concentrate on anything, kept putting things off, and lost the ability to properly manage my time. I think it may have escalated to executive dysfunction at that point, and it carried over to all my other classes. As someone who was previously pretty productive and good at planning, this was a huge hit on my self-esteem. I was also obsessed with symmetry. If I touched one side of my body, I had to touch the other side in the exact same place. If I was coding something, I would have to evenly distribute touch across each key on the keyboard. It felt like everything was a heatmap, and the colors had to be kept in balance at all times. I also avoided odd numbers because they were considered “asymmetrical”. I was obsessed with routine and had to complete tasks in a certain way, a certain order, and a certain amount of time. Even something as small as combing my hair for five minutes instead of six caused me extreme distress. Writing one word that “sounded off” on an English paper left me unable to keep writing until I fixed it. I had to keep the sound of my phone at a certain volume (6 normally, 10 when exercising, and 12 when cleaning, divide everything by 2 when using a computer) and had to walk a round number (any number that ends in 0) of steps a day. I kid you not when I say that some days I woke up and didn’t want to live anymore. Sophomore year, my mental health improved and I probably seemed overly perfectionistic but not to a point of concern. However, this year, the handwriting issue relapsed in all its glory during physics, and I’m not able to keep up with notes or homework. I feel the same way that I did in calculus A, and I don’t want history to repeat itself. I want to ask my teacher to let me do my homework on paper rather than the iPad (it’s easier for me to write on paper due to increased friction), but I’m scared to ask because I don’t have a formal diagnosis. I don’t know what causes my behavior. I feel like if I can’t do things perfectly, no one will like me. I’ll lose all my friends, and no boy will ever want to go out with me. I know it’s irrational. Literally no one cares what my notes look like or how long I spend on each step of my morning routine or whatever, but I constantly feel like people are judging me and will hate me the second I mess up. There are two more times in my life that I can think of when I displayed symptoms of OCD, contamination OCD when I was 9 and pure/religious/magical thinking/health concern OCD (they all just kind morphed together) when I was 11. I can go into more detail if you wish. As of now, I just want to know my behavior sounds like OCD, and if so, how to more forward. If not, I would love to know what I do have and how to treat it. Thank you so much.

Can thoughts actually become true? Worried ever since I read it on google. My OCD has gotten really bad since I’ve had 4 pregnancies in the last 3 years. I had a miscarriage stillborn healthy baby and now pregnant again. My mind has gone crazy.

im Catholic and ever since starting highschool and started being scared of what people are thinking. I’m scared that I’m evil and that I praise evil because my ocd is a fear of talking to it so my compulsion is to focuse on talking to something or someone else. But, I keep imagining evil like under the ground and now it feels like I know its personality. And I can’t imagine it as truly evil and I can’t even imagine God anymore. Please help

I experience a few different sup-types… I would say introspectively the most noticeable is Somatic OCD followed by Harm and Contamination. I have been in therapy for 11/12 years… pretty consistently. I heard about this app through some ads, and some friends and family started suggesting I try it. This is my first time using it. I previously did not realize I had OCD. At some point when I was around 16 I thought OCD could be the thing I was experiencing. The understanding of OCD in my general circle of people was limited. When I introduced the possibility of having OCD to others, I was met with the idea that I could not have OCD because I had always been disorganized and “messy”. Otherwise, I was introduced to the concept of “Pure” OCD- which wasn’t entirely fitting for me. I didn’t know, until today, that Somatic OCD was the word for what I was experiencing… along with a few other subtypes that I learned about today. Within the past couple of years I’ve come to realize that I experience symptoms of OCD. I have also come to realize that there is a strong pattern of a variety of OCD subtypes on the paternal side of my family. On the maternal side there is (sparse, compared to paternal side) history of Hoarding Disorder- which I know the DSM now classifies as its own condition within the OCD spectrum. TW: This is the part where I discuss personal symptoms, memories, and behaviors with some detail. Today while filling out the questions for this app— it really ‘sunk-in’ for me that I have been experiencing Somatic OCD for as long as I remember. I can’t say I can pin-point where it started… but I can say one of my earliest, seemingly-random, memories is being 5 years old- In Kindergarten Music Class. We were watching a movie and I suddenly became aware of my breathing. I felt like I wasn’t breathing, but I was getting oxygen… because I wasn’t feeling out of breath. I was very anxious as a child so I cannot recall if in this moment breathing awareness caused anxiety. I do remember thinking (with the vocabulary I had at the time) that it was maybe a cool thing? To breathe without breathing- is this something everyone can do? I’ve always experienced Magical Thinking as well. I also remember being anxious, as a young child, after I learned that we expel CO2 when we breathe out. I was very anxious to breathe in “stale-air” thinking it could harm me. This interacted with Harm symptoms where I obsessively worried about intentionally suffocating myself although I didn’t desire to. As I think back, I remember some of my earliest memories are of me trying to “even-out” some of my body-feelings. If I was playing with a textured toy for a few seconds in one hand, I’d have to switch it to the other until the feeling was the same in both hands. Many times this lead to me counting seconds while holding things, and continuing the ritual until I was inevitably distracted or re-directed. Other early memories of mine include me thinking I could control the weather with my mind. I was very worried that I would accidentally summon a tornado by wishing for it with a passing thought. I would spend hours staring out the window thinking “I don’t, I don’t, I don’t…” hoping that if I accidentally made the wish it would be preceded by negating it. I’m sharing this to cope with the “sinking-in” of it all. I’m looking back at these experiences with a “neutral” lens in the sense that I’m trying to be mindful of feeling triggered, and allow myself to sit with feelings that come up and observe them without trying to push feelings and thoughts away. Obviously it’s a balancing act because I don’t want sitting with my feelings to turn into sitting “in” my feelings and ruminating. Typing things out is helpful for me- I understand my thoughts and feelings better when I hear or read them back. A lot of feelings have come up for me in a short time since downloading this app and filling out the survey. I feel sad for my current, moreover my former and child-self. I feel bummed in general that our understanding of mental-health is/has been limited— I feel bummed that OCD is sneaky like that… Nearly 12 years of therapy, and the reality of experiencing OCD was just so normal to me that I didn’t notice it enough to share. I feel bummed that I didn’t previously have the vocabulary or the skills to be honest and speak about what I was experiencing with consistent detail. I feel sad for my parents and their parents and siblings who experienced similar things. It’s hard sometimes to allow myself to identify “feelings” (emotions) without thinking I’m over-processing it. Like I said, fine line. I do struggle to identify and sit *with* the feelings so it is something I inevitably have to do. So yeah. It’s just kind of wild to think this has been going in for SO LONG. I feel a relieved, having processed it a bit. So I’ll close out and re-direct myself now as this has been a long reflection moment.